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Inn Jokes

A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn

A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn when I started to feel ill. Needing a doctor, I rang reception who said they'd get the hotel doctor to visit. I was rather surprised that such a small place would have a house doctor, and was just telling the manager this when my room door b...

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A man is staying at an old fashioned pub/inn

Downstairs in the tavern he is drinking before retiring to his room. The innkeep approaches him and proposes a challenge. He has a magical chicken that will grant him one wish if he can beat her in a trivia contest. The man is bemused but accepts the challenge, figuring there’s no harm in indulging ...

Jesus walks into an inn carrying three nails.

He says to the innkeeper "Can you put me up for the night?"

"im telling you im not a ghost, there are no such things" said the old owner of the inn

but i saw right through her

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A party of adventurers walks into an inn.

They start ordering rounds of ales one after another, and quickly end up very drunk.

Soon the fighter gets a bit rowdy, spills a guy's drink, and the two get into a drunken brawl. The landlord comes over and separates them, then throws the fighter out of the inn.

Not long after that, t...

I hear that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, absolutely loves to take part in Nativity plays. He's played a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...

But he never made it as a wise man

An SEO expert walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, cafe, beer parlour

Please disable adblocker to view joke.

Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph get a room at the inn?

Well it was Christmas....they should have booked ahead

Spanish inn owner

A nice young man by the name of Pablo was a physician. As just a little side job he also ran an inn/motel. Sadly one night the entire place burnt to the ground, and Pablo had just taken out a large insurance policy. So after suspicion of insurance fraud and arsony Pablo is taken to court. In front o...

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A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist’s office. The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”

The man said, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?” The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.


When the couple finished, the doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse,” and charged them $80. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appo...

a man had travelled all day , and stoped at an inn to rest for a few days

man: "what are the rates for a room with 1 bed ? "
Innkeeper: "The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed."
man: "I'll make my own bed."
Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood

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The dark presence of the knight in black armor terrified the patrons of the inn. And he was sulking at the bar, clearly worried as he down the pint of ale.

He towered over the others who were also in the inn's bar, his armor covered in jagged spikes that were as lethal as the man-sized swords that hung from his back. His eyes glowed blood-red and a sickening black miasma poured through the small cracks in the plate armor. He even had a large pair of ho...

The workers at the inn aren't very friendly...

they create a hostel environment.

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A naval officer and a pirate meet in an inn...

The naval officer notices that the pirate has a wooden leg, hook hand, and eyepatch. They begin chatting over drinks, and the officer asks, "So, how did you get the wooden leg?"

The pirate replies, "We were caught in a big storm at sea and I got swept overboard into shark-infested waters. And...

Why was there no room at the inn

Because it was Christmas

Arthur and Lancelot went to the inn and rented a room for 2 knights.

Arthur slept in a king sized bed, Lancelot took the queen.

I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid.

Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.

"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"

The doctor strolled i...

No Room at the Inn

"I'm desperate for a room," pleaded John. "Everywhere else is fully booked!"

"I'm really sorry," replied the motel receptionist, "but we're booked up too. It's because of the convention."

"Nothing at all? Not even a bed?"

"Well, I do have a double room with only one occupant,"...

My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain

He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.

Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician

A cheating husband decided to write a letter to his wife.

"My Dear Wife,



You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the...

A tramp, seeking shelter on a freezing night, knocks on George and the Dragon Inn. A hefty lady answers the door and her expletives send him scampering. Desperate, he tries again minutes later.

"May... may I speak to George, please?"

A lone traveller, weary and famished from days on the road, stumbles across an old inn on a desolate mountain trail.

His eyes light up as he sees light coming from the windows, realizing he is about to enjoy his first hot meal in weeks.

He bursts through the doors of the inn and finds it bustling with activity. Every table is packed with patrons merrily drinking and feasting.

The traveller searches ...

The inn that turned away Joseph and Mary got a horrible Yelp review.

Only one star.

Q: You are in Spanish Inn and hear a knock on the door, who do you expect?

You: The Spanish Inquisition?

A: It’s Room Service. How could you get that wrong, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition.

I stayed the night at this place called The Shove't Inn,

Not what I expected..

A couple checked into the Haunted Inn for a fun Halloween weekend.

At the front desk, they told the clerk that zombies and skeletons were fine, but they refused to share accommodations with ghosts. Whereupon the manager returned their money and asked them to leave, because he refused to do business with wraithists.

The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.

It was a vile inn.

I rely on hotels so much I’ve actually become quite

Inn-dependent

What could we call an international chain of hotels catering to vampires?

Hema Globe Inns

(Thoughts on this OC?)

Our Christmas pageant moved online at the last minute due to COVID

So my wife is now barking orders: “I need a bathrobe for my Joseph!”

“No problem!” I replied, digging one out of the closet.

“I need a doll for my Jesus!”

“I’ll get one from the kids’ room!” I call over my shoulder, already on my way.

“I need a rustic backdrop for my in...

While on vacation in Spain with my wife..

I I started to feel funny. I had some pain in my chest and felt short of breath. I chalked it up to the long day we had just had, but I continued to feel worse. As we got out of the taxi and walked into the hotel, I collapsed.

It became apparent to my wife and I that I was having a heart atta...

There’s a new hotel in town that features glory holes but you’d never know from the name.

The Walnut Inn

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No one expects it!

A guy was traveling in the Spanish countryside, and after driving all day he stopped for the night at a tiny inn. The innkeeper, upon giving him his key, asked him if he would like to participate in a battle of wits with his special chicken. "If you stump him, you get a wish, any wish you like!" he ...

Why did Joseph have to sweep the stable floor?

Because there was no Roomba at the inn.

Christmas Eve

It was December 24, Joseph and Mary had been travelling all day, in the evening they arrived at the town of Bethlehem. They stopped at the first inn, and Joseph went inside to get a room for the night. The innkeeper told him they were all full. So they went to the next inn down the road. It was ...

What did the German say after leaving the brothel?

Later Hoes Inn

A man is on vacation in Spain.

He stops at a local inn to stay and is having a drink down in the bar.

Once there he was challenged by the bartender to win a free meal and a drink. He needs only score higher on a trivia quiz against a very smart chicken.

Amused and figuring he couldn’t lose to a bird he accepts. Th...

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A priest and a nun are driving home from a seminary...

... when their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. It's getting late and so they have to spend the night at an inn. The priest says "I don't think the Lord will mind us sharing a room Sister, I'll take the couch, you can have the bed." She agrees and they go to bed. Later in the middle of the ...

What is the highest tavern in Estonia?

Tall Inn

Three guys were traveling for a ski trip to the mountains and had to stop in a small town to rent a room for the night.

The small mountain inn only had one room left, and it only had a single queen size bed. Being a drafty old inn, the men decided to sleep together in the same bed to conserve space and warmth.

The next morning the guy who slept on the left side of the bed said, "Oh my god, you guys, I had the ...

Tramp

A tramp knocks on the door of an inn known as St. George and the Dragon. The landlady answers. “Could you give a poor man something to eat?” asks the tramp.

“No!” yells the woman, slamming the door in his face. A few minutes later, he knocks again. “Now what do you want?” the woman asks.
<...

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An english man visits Scotland

The English man checks into his room at the inn and fancies a drink after the travel. He decides to go the pub.

At the pub he goes and sits at the bar next to an old Scot and orders a pint.

The old man looks at him and says, 'ye see that road over there? Build it with me own hands but...

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A traveler notices an old man pounding drinks in an Irish pub...

He walks over and asks if the man is ok. He replies, "You know, I built the bridge that spans the stream in the middle of this village. But do you think they call me MacInnis the bridge builder?"
"No?" Responded the traveler.
"You're damn right they don't. I fought for the Allies against the ...

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Scale of Justice

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover ...

I was staying the night in a haunted pub

Just as the clock struck midnight a ghostly police officer walked in through the wall and across my room and out through the other wall.

Next morning I told the landlord what I'd seen.

"Oh yes," he said, "that's the inn spectre".

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What do you call a hotel for people with small dicks

The bear-lee inn

A couple of years ago Barry went hiking across Europe

But as time passed by he never returned home. His many friends tried contacting him in any way they could imagine, but his phone was disconnected, he wasn't active on his social media accounts anymore - it was like he disappeared off the face of the Earth.

Ultimately, everyone had forgotten a...

What’s black and white and red all over?

A bloody newspaper inn’it.

A man is on vacation in Spain.

He goes off the beaten path and decides to spend the night in a small local inn rather than pay extra at a tourist trap. He’s down in the inn’s lounge drinking and he sees a chicken sitting at the bar. He asks the bartender why there’s a chicken inside. She says that the chicken is actually a genius...

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The Holy Family were unable to participate....

...in the conference call.

There was no Zoom at the inn.

Mama, how did I get my name?

(USA-centric)

"Mama, how did I get my name?"

"Why do you need to know, Loquinda?"

"It's for my homework."

"Well, I was staying at a LaQuinta Inn the night you were conceived. So I just rearranged the letters a bit to make a pretty name."

"Oh. That's cool. How did m...

The last supper

Jesus goes for supper with his 12 disciples and asks the inn keeper, "Would like a table for 26, please."
The confused inn keeper replies "But I see only 13 of you here. Are we expecting more?"
Jesus replies "No. We are all going to sit on the same side of the table."

An Arab is crawling along the desert,

burning up, yelling "Water, water, water." He comes up to a Jewish tie-salesman and says, "Water!"
Jewish tie-salesman says, "I don't have any water, I got a tie. You want to buy a tie?"
Arab says, "No! Water!"
Jewish tie-salesman say, " Forty miles west, there's an inn, you can get water."...

A young man is vacationing in Spain…

… when he happens to wander into a pub populated entirely by tourists, most of whom are in the midst of playing some kind of trivia game.

The young man sits down at a vacant table and listens for a while, slowly realizing that the game is focused entirely on the many hotels, motels, and hoste...

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There was a string of murders recently in Madrid

Every week, on a Sunday, a body of a prostitute would be found disemboweled in an alley way. After a few weeks, the local investigators determined it was indeed a serial murder. Further investigation showed that each murder occurred exactly a kilometer away from a seedy inn, known for having an abra...

Motel insurance scam (x-post /r/Unexpected)

A few years ago, I lived in a small rural town in southwestern Texas, near the border with Mexico. My town had a few rich people living in it, and among these was my neighbor. He was a doctor, and also owned a little motel called the Spanish Inn. It was a nice place, and the doctor enjoyed keeping u...

Backpacker

A backpacker walks into a Red Roof Inn and put a lightweight hammock on the counter and says, “ Can you put me up for the night?”
And the clerk says, “Sure, the two light posts in the parking lot should work, no charge!”

Pub Landlord Required....

Must Have Own Pub...

Apply with Inn.

A year ago I left home and since, I've only been living at guesthouses and motels.

Today I celebrated my inn dependence.

Where do antarctic birds spend their nights?

In pengu-inns

A Chinese pan, an establishment for accommodation and drinks, a number, and Abraham Rockefeller...

Wok inn two Abe R.

Host

In a small town there was a guy named Jack. Jack was running the local inn, a popular place among the town people to come and hang out. The inn was so popular that Jack was known by all, and the people on the small town loved him and appreciated his company. Most people just called him "Host", and m...

I got sick in a small hotel in Madrid.

I called to the front desk and they said they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said: "No one expects te spanish inn physician. "

A hotel business owner tried to buy a building from another company.

But they wouldn't give inn.

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An English couple went to New York and hired a cab

The cab driver had a broad Southern accent

Cabbie: "whhhherre are Yaaah
Frumm?"

Wife: "what is he sayin?"
Husband: "asking where we from"

Husband to cabbie: "London"

Cabbie:" whereeee inn Londonn?"

Wife:"what is he sayin?"
Husband to wife: "asking where f...

In ancient times, an mighty warrior of the Germanic tribes cut a swathe through the Roman Legions.

His name was Dolf, but he was more commonly called by another name, whispered by mothers to their children as a warning - "The Red", owing to the spatters of Roman blood that covered his wolfskin armour after battles.

It was a week before Christmas night that Dolf strode into a small inn, own...

A MATH PROFESSOR'S MISTAKE

A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old. One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband that says My dear now that you are 60 years old there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up f...

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A world champion in grizzly bear hunting wanted to shoot a polar one

He's got yet another prize in USA for hunting grizzlies, proving he's the best there is. Doesn't matter how hard it would be to hunt one, he would track them and hunt them.

One day he wanted the challenge, and thought he would step up his game and hunt for polar bears. He's no expert in polar...

My uncle got a severe allergic reaction while staying in a remotely located hotel near Barcelona...

he would have died certainly as there were no hospitals close by. Suddenly we heard someone knocking on the hotel's door. Miraculously it was the hotel's in-house doctor.

We were quite amused by how the doctor showed up at the exact time he was needed.

Nobody expected the Spanish...

I was at a small hotel in Madrid, feeling a bit sick, they surprisingly had a doctor there who had some over the counter medicine handy, I asked how a hotel this small had a doctor available

He said “quite a shame, nobody expects the Spanish inn physician”

Doctor twin visits pastor twin

A couple has identical twin sons.

After they finish school, they go to separate cities for university: one studies medicine and eventually gets his MD degree; the other decides to become a man of the cloth and gets his DD (Doctor of Divinity).

The doctor settles down near the city wher...

I am a builder from Sioux Falls, and I was recently in Madrid at a local tavern, and couldn’t believe the amount of code violations in their building practices. This led me to accept that they are their own culture and....

Nobody inspects the Spanish inn condition.

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In the sleepy village of Erbum

In the sleepy village of Erbum, in the town of Tillet, Hertsfordshire lives a lady by the name of Linda Lykes. She owns the local pub named "The Cock Inn". Her mail is addressed:




Linda Lykes

The Cock Inn

Erbum

Tillet, Hérts.

Cracks the mailman up wi...

I once went to a small hotel in Barcelona

Within three weeks I had caught some kind of bug from their food, I went to the front desk and asked if they had a doctor on site. Shockingly, they did. Within an hour he had healed me back to full health. I expressed my shock at such a small hotel having a doctor on hand. He responded:

NOBOD...

mother in-laws accident

\- I finally got to visit my mother inn-law after her accident.

\- Oh, how is she?

\- Pretty ugly

\- Yes, I know, but how is she feeling?

What do you call hip people that go to bed and breakfasts?

The Inn Crowd

A corrupt politician manages to sneak a number of loopholes in to a new law that gave him ownership of several hotels in Seville and Valencia

Nobody inspects the Spanish inn decision

So I rang the tourist office and asked:-

'What's the quickest way from the Holiday Inn to the museum?'
'Are you walking or driving?'
'Driving.'
'Well, that would be the quickest way.'

Two german solders at the end of WW2...

...got stranded in Italy. They were tired and thirsty so they went to the closest inn. Since they didn't want to be recognised as germans they agreed to order martinis. While ordering they ask waither for martinis and he asks them: "Dry martini?".

Nein zwei

What's green and sings and dances fantastic?

Fred Asparagus. (I'm sorry, Holiday Inn was on TCM tonight.)

A Search Engine Optimization expert walks into a bar...

pub, tavern, inn, taproom, drinkery, public house, beer garden, beer, alcohol.

Two travelers are walking through a forest, talking about how excited they are to sleep in a soft bed again.

Suddenly, they come across a man sleeping in their path. They aren’t too far from the next town so one of them gets excited, saying, “This man can tell us which inns have the nicest beds!”
The other looks less enthused. “I don’t know,” he replies, eyeing the man warily. “I don’t think we can tr...

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