Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone in the room stopped to listen.

Man: Hello!

Woman: Hi honey, its me. Are you at the club?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Im at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its only $2000: is it OK if I buy it?

Man: Sure, go ahead if you like that much.

Woman: I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and ...

Frank is in the locker room at a gym when his buddy Howard walks in.He begins to undress when suddenly Frank notices he's wearing a girdle.

"How long you been wearing that thing?"Frank asks.

"Ever since my wife found them in the glovebox."Howard smugley replied.

What did the math teacher say when he found his ruler in the boys' locker room?

It smells like a foot.



I'm sorry, LOL. I swear I didn't read this anywhere, it just kinda popped into my head when doing yard work. Haha

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A principal notices a Post-It on a locker.

"Jocks of JFK High! This small change in diet can boost your physique FOREVER! Head to the gym to find out how!"

Puzzled, he pulls it off and continues down the hall. Just a few lockers down, another catches his eye.

"Hey goth girls! Tired of dark eyeliner that just runs all day? One ...

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The wrestling match was about to begin...

...and the Contender's coach was once again lecturing the Contender.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times-don't let the Champion get you in The Pretzel! No one has ever been able to get out of The Pretzel!"

The Contender nodded his head, getting ready for the match. ...

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Last night on live PD

My dad and I were watching two people in a car get an inspection from an officer who deduced that the female had stuck crack cocaine in her personal locker. The cop explains that if she doesn't come clean with it she'll face two charges. She bends over and starts digging in her rectum to try and ret...

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Four women were chatting in the locker room (nsfw)

When one of them mentioned the fact that while there were numerous terms for male masturbation: jerking off, wanking, spanking the monkey, and so on... there weren't any common terms for female masturbation.

"I've always called it 'jilling off'," said one of the women.

"But that's just...

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After a class of P.E, three 3rd graders head towards the locker rooms to shower.

One is black and the other two are white.
They get naked, when the black boy notices that his penis is larger than those of his peers. He says nothing.

As soon as he gets home from school, he goes to his mom and says:
"Mom, I think I have the biggest willy in my class. Is it because I...

I went to the Atlanta Falcons locker room to get some change for a dollar...

But they only gave me 3 quarters.

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club

After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.

One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: (H – Husband, W – Wife)

H – “Hello?”

W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
...

In Celebration of my Cake Day, here's a terrible joke: the Olympic Swimmer and his Son

Michael was a famous Olympic Swimmer. Recently retired, it was his dream to continue his legacy by teaching his son the art of swimming. They had practiced for years, and when Michael's son was ready, he was entered into his first ever tournament.

The first round was easy. After all, t...

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Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass.

He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?"

The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out. He said, 'I am Tonto, Indian Genie. I can grant you one wish."

And I said, "No shit."

Three women are getting dressed in the locker room of a country club when a man runs in naked with a bag over his head...

He waves his erection around and streaks out again.

"Well, that's certainly not MY husband!" the first woman huffs to the others.

"No. That's definitely not your husband," the second woman answers.

"He's not even a member of this club!" says the third woman.

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I need new pals. So I was at my locker before class with all the stuff I like in front of me, attached to yarn. "What're you doing?" asks the Principal. "Fishing for a new friend group. This is stuff Im into they may like." I said. "You cant leave this stuff laying here." He says. So I say "Why..."

It's just clique bate.

Naked old men in locker rooms...

I was going to make a joke about this, but it's such low hanging fruit.

A man woke up to find his car missing

The man and his wife rushed to the nearest police station to file the complaint. They went back with their sad faces and continued their routine work. But the life is full of surprises when the man got up the next morning he saw his car in his own garage completely washed and polished.

He saw...

In the locker room after the game...

The guys have finished playing, have showered, and are getting dressed. Dennis pulls out a black lace bra and panties and starts to put them on.

His team mates begin laughing, and making fun of him. The coach asks, "Hey, Dennis! Since when did you start wearing women's underwear?"

...

A man in is a golf course locker room when...

He hears a cell phone ringing and picks it up

"Hi Honey how was golfing?"

"Good. How is your day going?"

"Good. I was wondering if I could buy this necklace for $250 is that okay?"

"Of course! Put it on my card."

"Since you're in such a good mood, can we get the ne...

A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a giant orange head. Sensing the weird looks he was getting, the 2nd guy says "I'm guessing you are wondering what happened? Well, it's a long story..."

"But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie who said he would grant me three wishes..."
"That's amazing! What happened?“
“Well for my first wish I asked for an end to world hunger.“
"Wow! That's really generous of you! What else did you wish for?"...

Gym Shoes (Based on a Real Story)

I’m in the locker room and after I put on my gym clothes I realize I don’t have my shoes in my gym bag. Go back to my car, not there.

Now I don’t work out much, which means getting myself to the gym is actually harder than the workout and I can’t waste an opportunity like this. So I notice ...

A dozen guys are changing in the golf club's locker room

Suddenly, a cell phone starts ringing. One of the guys answers it.

'Hi!'

'Hi honey, it's me,' says a female voice. 'Are you still at the golf club?'

'Yeah.'

'Wonderful! I'm two streets away. I just saw this amazing Persian fur coat. It's truly marvelous. Can I buy it?'...

The invisible man heads to the ladies locker room...

they didn't see him coming.

When I was a kid, I used to hate gym class.

I hated the whole locker room; I was never comfortable taking off my clothes in front of other young boys.

Now that I'm a priest, I don't mind so much.

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Apparently, an NFL football player sat his team down, in a locker room, and told them he was gay.. and they didn't tell anyone.

When I was in high school, the football team sat ME down and told ME I was gay, and then told everyone.

Who deodorizes the Saints locker room after a game?

Drew Fe-Brees...

Darth Vader was inspecting his security teams weapons locker.

He asked the Chief of Security "Do your men carry pepper spray?" When the Chief replied "No, sir" Darth Vader force choked him and said "I find you lack of mace disturbing."

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One day, an excited young boy is visiting the docks when he meets an ACTUAL pirate!

This pirate is the real deal: parrot on the shoulder, peg leg, eyepatch, hook hand, sword on the hip. You could not imagine a more stereotypical looking pirate.

The boy runs up to him, squealing with delight. “Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh! You’re a real pirate!”

“Aye, laddie,” the ...

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Two ladies are in the gym locker room ....

changing into their running outfits. One lady notices her friend's tummy and asks: "Sara, why is there wax in your belly button?" Sara says, "Oh, you'll never believe how romantic my boyfriend can be. He just loves to eat by candlelight."

Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym.

After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.

One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"

The other said, "What for?"

Courtesy of The Legendary Ken M; The ideal superpower is invisibility...

Because it allows you to keep an unseen lookout for perverts in the women's locker room.

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Two men are changing in a locker room . . .

When one of the men notices that the other has a cork up his butt. He politely asks why it is that the man has a cork stuck in his butt. The other man explains that one day as he was walking along the beach, he noticed a lamp resting in the sand. He rubbed it three times, not really expecting anythi...

I walked into a locker room today, and saw a bunch of members of Donald Trump's new administration standing around completely nude…

… I've never seen so many Goldman sacks!

They found a hole in the wall at the University's girl's locker room.

The police are looking into it.

Instead of calling it them locker combinations....

We should call the locker permutations.

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A man is showering up in a locker room

with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed.

"Damn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims.

"I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it."

"What do you mean?" Jim asked.

"Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it ...

You've probably heard of Davy Jones' locker, but do you know who Davy Jones is?

He's a Sea-Monkee.

When I go to the pool

When I go to the pool, I set my phone to update while it sits in my locker. That way I can sync and swim at the same time.

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Porn Parody Movie Titles

My friends and I play this game when we drink or when we wanna pass the time while at work. Looking for some more to use.
Pornoize movie titles, examples

Pacific Rim Job

Squirt Locker

Lord of the Cock Rings

Ect

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The nudest colony. NSFW. Long.

A man retired after over 30 years working for the Postal Service.

He decided that he was going to fulfill his lifelong desire to join a nudist colony.

After some research he found a nude beach that fit all of his criteria. On one beautiful Saturday he decided to go and visit. He arrive...

Everyone needs a little relaxation time once in a while [Long]

So my friend and I decided to unwind and visit this Day Spa that she highly recommended.

I had never heard of it before and asked her what was so great about it. However she refused to tell me why it was so good.

So we scheduled a visit for the following Sunday and when we arrived I r...

[Long] A Generous Husband

A man was in the guy’s locker room when a phone rang.

“Hi honey! Are you at the gym right now?” A female voice said from the phone.

The man picked up the phone and replied, “Yes baby, what about you?”

“I’m at the mall right now, and I saw this coat for $1000. Can I please get it...

Today I was asked out by about 30 women.

It was in the women's locker room, but that's still pretty impressive.

How long, Tim?

Tim turns around in the locker room, pants around his ankles, "How long what?"


"Have you been wearing women's underwear?"


"Ever since my wife found a pair in the glove box."

Another married couple was on vacation in Jamaica

Richard and Wendy were newlyweds, on their honeymoon in Jamaica. They were sitting on the beach in front of their small bungalow near Kingston.

"I barely remember last night, Wendy," said Richard, sipping his dark and stormy, "It was all a blur. What did I... and why does my..."

"Well,...

Back when Stormy Daniels was in high school, none of her fellow classmen realized she would go down in history.

Guys were usually getting it in the gym locker room or behind the teacher's parking lot.

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So Trump is working with Putin on cybersecurity...

In other news, the principal at my school is working with the boys to install a surveillance system to insure privacy in the girls' locker room.

I guess the reason they could never find Matt Lauer is because...

there are no cameras in the girls locker rooms.

A wife on her deathbed.

An old man is at his wife's deathbed in their home.

The old woman whispers to her husband.

"My husband, I want to show you something before I pass."

The husband replies "what is it my dear? I'll do anything you ask.."

"I want you to open the chest locker at the foot of th...

What do you call a shoe shop at the bottom of the sea?

Davy Jones's foot locker.

Why did the fish get suspended from his school

He had seaweed in his locker

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A joke my father taught me. NSFW

Johnny was in high school. He was a star athlete, made high honor roll, and had a full ride scholarship to go to an ivy league university. He was handsome except for a small abnormality. He had lost an eye in an accident while he was a toddler. His parents were unable to afford a glass eye and opted...

We came, we saw...

And we were told to get out of the girls' locker room.

[Long] my uncle told me this joke yesterday;

A guy is at the gym, walks into the locker room and the phone rings. He answers and puts it on speaker , "hey babe, I'm at the jewelry store, that ring I wanted is on sale for $25,000." "Okay babe, we'll go ahead and get it if that's what you want." "Well that Lexus I wanted is on sale for $98,000."...

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At a country club tennis court, a man clutches his elbow in pain...

He says to his friend, "Geez, my elbow aches. I think I should see a doctor about this".

The friend says, "Well before you do, why don't you try that machine in the locker room. You pee in a cup, and it writes you a prescription!"

Although skeptical, the man agrees to try out the machi...

A teacher walks into class...

And he says, "Everyone, turn in your homework."

The first student says, "I left mine in my locker."

The teacher says, "Theres no one in the hallway, so you go get it!"

The second student says, "I left mine in the library."

The teacher says, "Be very quiet, but you go get ...

Police Officer's Comeback

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility.
..

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'...

Streaker in a Gym!!!

Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

He passes the first woman, who looks down at his privates.

"Thank goodness!!! He's not my husband," she says.

He passes by the ...

Hahaha the football team

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the ...

Rich guy showing off.

In a locker room, a phone rings and Kenny picks it up and puts it on speaker.

Kenny- "Hello?".

Woman- "Hi honey!".

Kenny- "Whos this?".

Woman- "Its amanda. Your wife?".

Kenny- "Oh! Sorry honey, I just picked
up the phone and didnt see who was calling. What ...

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A member at a golf club

Joe is a member of his local golf club. He walks into the locker room after finishing his round and sees his friend Tim with an annoyed look on his face.

"Hey Tim, were you playing today?" Asks Joe

"Yeah, wasn't very good though, had a Princess Diana round" replied Tim

"A Prince...

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You guys ever hear the one about little tyrome?

so little tyrome is in the locker room getting changed for gym class. He notices that he has the biggest penis in his class and from the looks of it the whole third grade. He goes home that day and asks his dad, "hey dad, ive got the biggest penis in the third grade. is it because im black?" His dad...

Two Men in a Country Club...

Two men in a country club are in the locker room getting undressed. Bob, asks Mike, "How long have you been wearing women's underwear?". Mike answers, "Since my wive found a pair in my car."

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Top 10 Tips for Guys at Gym

1. Always throw your water bottle on the floor, never place it gently (keys, sometimes throw)
2. Always drop weights from as high as possible, so we know how much you're lifting
3. Every remark to another guy must include use of "bro" or "dude" to establish heterosexuality
4. Prope...

I'm very popular at the gym.

Girls always approach saying things like, "Hey, this is the women's locker room."

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Captain Loony Doubloon

At the last port-of-call before a long voyage, lonely Captain Loony Doubloon decides it's time he needs another parrot. He heads to the port's birdkeep, and finds the perfect talkative parrot perched on its swing within. The keeper discloses, however, that the bird was born with no legs, among anoth...

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Two Redneck

Two rednecks, Jake and Bubba, were sitting in a bar one night watching
rasslin' on the tube. At the end of the match was an advertisement.
A loud, obnoxious character came on screaming about $10,000 dollars in
prize money for anyone who could defeat "The Killer".

Jake looked at Bubb...

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Why Pro Athletes Can't Have Regular Jobs... (long but good)

1 Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the
kids to copulate me."


2 New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:

"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, which...

animal football

The animals were bored.

Finally, the lion had an idea. "I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I've seen it on T.V."

He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field...

Penn State Prefers to be losing at half time..

Because at Penn State they like when you are a little behind in the locker room. - South Park

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