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Hannibal Jokes

Why didn't Hannibal Lecter have any friends as a kid?

He was told not to play with his food.

What do KFC customers and Hannibal Lecter have in common?

Both love fingers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was Hannibal Lecter's favorite Japanese food?

Rawmen

What's Hannibal Lecter's favourite dessert?

A Danish

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Hannibal Lecter escapes his prison, and begins a cannibalistic killing spree.

Bodies turn up all over the city, mutilated and butchered like livestock. The livers are missing from the bodies, as is muscle from the shoulders, legs and back, the tongues, a variety of human flesh all carved out and eaten by Lecter after killing his victims.

Not only that, but he escapes t...

What did Hannibal Lector have for breakfast?

Kevin Bacon.

...

And Jon Hamm.

^^I'll ^^show ^^myself ^^out.

If Hannibal Lecter ran a 4.3 40

The NFL would just say he has an eating disorder

I heard Miley Cyrus is in the new Silence of the Lambs reboot

She plays Hannibal Montannibal.

What’s Hannibal’s favourite game?

Cooking Mama

Hannibal Lecter was late to dinner...

So he was given the cold shoulder.

What path do Hannibal Lecter, Norman Bates, and Freddy Krueger take walks on?

Psycho Path.

When Hannibal gets fast food, what does he order?

A kids meal, with extra kids.

If Hannibal Lecter taught a class about eating people...

He’d give a cannibal lecture

Hannibal Lecter lived a long and healthy life

Eating organic really has its perks

What is Hannibal’s favourite part about working for UPS?

Getting to de-liver

Where does Hannibal Lecter take women on dates?

Chick Filet

What does Hannibal Lecter call the girl from The Ring?

a TV dinner

What do you name a pulpit that eats other pulpits?

Hannibal Lectern.

Why did Hannibal Lecter try DiGiorno's Pizza?

He heard it had de*liver*y flavor.

Hannibal Lector was caught in a hospitals ICU, munching on a comatose patient

"Dr. Lector", Clarise Starling asked him when they were re-united, "why did you take such a risk to go into a busy ICU unit?"

"Simple, my dear Clarise...I've gone vegetarian."

What's the difference between Spartacus and Hannibal Lector

One of them's a gladiator, and the other is glad he ate her!

In 218 BC Hannibal crossed the Alps with elephants.

He got a mountain range that never forgets.

Hannibal Lector crashed my dinner party and rudely demanded that I feed him!

I gave him a piece of my mind.

Why does Hannibal take paralysed patients to the sauna?

He's just steaming vegetables!

Imagine if Hannibal was a university professor

I'd love to go to a Hannibal Lecture!

I took a class on 'The Silence of the Lambs'

It was a Hannibal lecture.

If Hannibal Lector is not a vegetarian, what is he?

A humanitarian.

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Hannibal Lecter tells his first victim what he is going to do to him...

Victim- "You are shitting me..."
Hannibal- "Not yet"

What did Hannibal Lecter say to the philosophy professor after the lecture?

I can smell your Kant.

What do you call a Bee that eats other Bees?

Hannibal Nectar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the chef say when Hannibal Lecter sent his breast meat back, complaining it was overcooked?

"TOUGH TITTIES!"

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A cow named bella was moved to a new pasture.

Grazing in the field next to her was a bull named Hannibal, an absolute unit of a specimen. Bella desired the big Hannibal greatly, but a barbed wire fence separated them.

" please Hannibal, mighty bull, leap across the fence to me!" Cried Bella
" I cannot!" Replied Hannibal sadly, " thi...

In today's Criminology class we will learn about cannibalism.

It's my Hannibal Lecture.

There once was a big, strong bull...

There once was this big, strong bull. Had a ring in his nose, big horns and he went by the name of Hannibal. He had a field to himself with green grass, small dandelions and a fence. One day, the farmer brings some pretty cute cows and puts them in the field next to Hannibal.

So the bull wal...

What's the difference between Antony Hopkins' character in Silence of the Lambs and someone who taunted Jeffery Dahmer as he ate?

One's Hannibal Lechter and the other's a cannibal heckler.

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Going home from the pub

Joseph and Diarmid are drinking in a pub having a fine old time when the proprietor calls for last round.

Joseph looks up and says. "Well, I'll be havin a last Guiness and then I'll sneak home."

"Sneak home?" Asks Diarmid. "What are you on about?"

"Well, you know how it go...

What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

One's a slimy, scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is delicious dipped in batter and deep-fried.

*-Hannibal Lecter*

This came to me randomly today; not sure if old, or OC...

How does Hannibal Lecter like his eggs?


Ovaries-y

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