I was thinking of getting a job at the U.S. Mint

Can you imagine the amount of money I would make?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I stayed in an English Hotel that was so quaint that when I we first arrived, rather than a mint, there were a couple of cricket balls and a bat on the bed.

Though the bat did fly out of the window after only a few minutes, and I never did find the rest of the cricket.

Thin Mints are very inappropriately named.

No matter how many I eat, I never get thin.

Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross, but they were actually pretty good. Turns out...

That in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!

A freshly minted U.S Army lieutenant is assigned to a base in Afghanistan

A freshly minted U.S. Army lieutenant is assigned to a base in Afghanistan. He walks around the base and sees everything is regulation except there’s a camel tied to a tree on the edge of the camp.

The lieutenant asks one of the men who has been there awhile why there’s a camel. The soldier e...

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Joe wanted to buy a motorbike

but he doesn't have much luck until one day, he comes across a Honda road bike with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in...

A friend of mine lost his job in the mint factory

His wife went absolutely menthol

The US mint seems to be broken

The penny marking machine at the US mint just stopped working for no reason.

It just doesn't make any cents!

Did you guys hear they’re thinking about closing the Philadelphia mint?

Im not opposed, it just makes cents

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception.

She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said,”Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these.”
The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.
“I’ll give you a hint,” said t...

Two mints are having an argument in a bar

Both arguing with each other about who's the hardest, would win in a fight between them, general bragging and macho bs etc.

All of a sudden an Extra Strong Mint walks in and they both hide under the table until he finishes his drink and leaves.

The barman comes up to them and laughs "I...

What kind of breath mints do dyslexic military officers use?

Tac-tics

What do you call someone with mints on their feet?

Tic tac toes

Alex was being interviewed for a job at the US Mint

Alex was being interviewed for a job at the US mint. The interviewer looks over his resume, and notices something strange. “Alex, you have 3 PhDs and you had an internship at the White House. Why do you want to work at the US mint?”

“Well sir, i would make a lot of money here”

What is an old person's favorite flavor of gum?

Retire-Mint


^Thank ^you, ^goodnight

Food scientists have finally managed to remove the mint flavor from gum

The ex-spearmint was a complete success

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Mark remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide.The dentist ...

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A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I’m exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and ...

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle....

Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping around, answering ads in the newspaper, and not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a "For sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquiries about it with the owner "Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I 69ed with my girlfriend before a dentist appointment...

This morning I had the amazing opportunity to 69 with my girlfriend, so I did, but afterwards I was concerned because I remembered that I had a dentist appointment.

So I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth 5 times, mouth washed twice, and on my way to the dentist I popped in 5 mints. ...

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime.

My coworker makes pennies.

We work at a mint.

I worked at the U.S.Mint because it was the only job close by

I didn't have a car, it was just the only thing that made cents at the time.

Have you heard about the new mints?

They’re real ICE BREAKERS

I have a job at the mint making paper currency.

That’s right, my job isn’t making cents.

Workers at the Mint are going on strike.

They're sick and tired of making so much money!

A Chinese-owned social media platform has been poisoning breath mints to accomplish their goals.

It's the TikTok tic tac tactic.

What's the most logical building in the USA?

The US Mint.. it makes a lot of cents.

The best job is working for the US Mint.

You make millions of dollars every single day.

Without anyone's help, I created mints that each weigh 1/16 of a pound...

I make my own announcemints now.

Two Newfoundlanders Travel to Toronto

Two Newfoundlanders, Jimmy and Dave, are out of work, so they decide to move to Toronto to find jobs. They scrounge up every last cent they have for the trip and find they have $1000 between them to get started.

As soon as they get to Toronto, they see a sign in a shop window that says "Suits...

What sort of mint do anarchists hate?

Governmint

Help! I accidentally swallowed a mint!

Never mind, I'm cool now.

Have you guys heard about these mints that improve your strategic thinking abilities?

They're called Tac Tics.

A reporter asked the president why the National Mint had been shut down

The president paused for a moment, then shrugged and said, “It just made cents.”

What are Karen’s favorite candy?

Entitle-mints

My friend kept trying to balance mints on his foot

Turns out he was playing tic tac toe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harley Davidson for sale, mint condition, not a single scratch on it, used as my weekend bike. Very low mileage and I am very flexible on the price...

I originally bought this without consulting my wife.

Apparently “Do whatever the fuck you want” doesn’t mean what I thought it did.

In the past I could get into a store with a penny and came out with 2 coke cans, 1 bag of chips and some mints, but not anymore...

...the store put cameras today.

One Sunday morning, an old lady headed to church late..

... because she couldn’t find her hearing aid.
As she was late and did not want to be noticed, she sat in the back, next to a teenager.

The pastor began his preach. To have an example for what he was preaching, he asked, “Everyone who has committed the sin of adultery, stand up.” The old ...

Why was the mint jelly so nervous?

Because it was always on the lamb.

I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee:

Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.

What do you call a mint that’s made out of peppers?

A chilly chili.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call cum flavoured candy?

A condom-mint

Did you hear that everyone at the mint went on strike?

They wanted to make less money.

How does a scientist freshen her breath?

With experi-mints.

I used to work at a start up mint

It was sort of confusing to me.
But now it makes all the cents in the world.

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

A little old lady is late for work

And settles into a pew at the back just as the priest is saying "And anyone who has recently committed adultery should stand up." Being somewhat hard of hearing, she asks the boy next to her to repeat what the priest just said. "He asked everyone who wants a mint to stand up." The boy replied mischi...

I bought a mint condition vintage HiFi system

My wife said it's a waste of money, but I think it's a sound investment.

I made an abacus by threading string through polo mints....

....it has improved my menthol arithmetic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

The Altoids Corporation teamed up with the makers of Tic-Tacs and Listerene Breath Strips and made this virus in a lab in Wu-Tang so that all the rest of us would be forced to smell our own stank-ass breath and buy millions of dollars worth of mints.
...

I was growing a Mentha plant and it suddenly died on me...

I guess it wasn't mint to be...

Did you hear about the new minting machine that produces coins only if you focus intently on it?

It makes cents if you think about it.

I finally learned how coin minting machines work

It all makes cents now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If there's a girl sitting in front of you with her ass crack showing and you drop Tic Tacs down there, what you call it?

Her-ass-mint

Why were people confused when the coin mint broke?

It didn’t make any cents!

Why did Ebenezer shove mints up a sheeps ass?

baa! humbug

Why did Karl Marx drink mint tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Q. Have you heard about the new mint-flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?

A. They’re called “Predick-a-mints.”

Did you hear about the candy cane who could talk?

He said what he mint.

My boy asked me how to get a kiss on the first date. I told him to plan ahead and get some breath mints.

Tac Tics my son, Tac Tics

If the US stops minting pennies, 99¢ deals will disappear

because they won't make cents any more.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was fired from the mint for masturbating near the coins.

He said it wasn't fair; there was no common sense.

The penny making machine at the US mint stopped working the other day....

The director of the mint himself came to the machines engineer to ask him what the problem was.

"I can't figure it out!" exclaimed the puzzled engineer. "It doesn't make cents!!"


(Best told in person)

A large wagon contaning menthol mints has crashed and shed it's load over the highway.

Police say there will be no congestion for at least the next 4 miles.

What you call toes that taste like mint?

Tic-tac-toe!

My 8 year old daughter made this one up.

I'm selling my parachute. Mint condition.

Never opened, only used once

it must be confusing working at a mint when a power outage happens.

because when it happens, everything stops making cents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new mint flavored contraceptive taken before sex...

called Predickamints.

What kind of mint is the hardest to swallow?

Abandonment.

Did you hear how there's a national coin shortage?

The U.S. Mint's production of about 1 billion coins per month has been slowed due to COVID-19 safety precautions for the workers.

The good news is that they've overcome the bottlenecks and will be overclocking their machines for increased production. They plan on averaging 1.65 billion coins ...

What do you use to kick a canister of mints?

your tic-tac toe

Why would anyone buy a broken penny minting machine?

It makes no cents!

The Pregnant Woman On The Bus (not mine)

Another classic...

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughi...

For sale: Pack of Mentos

Mint condition, original packaging.

So a couple of farmers are standing around talking. One goes you know, "I had a bull who just wouldn't breed anything, so I took him to the vet and she gave me some pills to give to him. Well he bred all of my cows and jumped the fence and bred all of the neighbors cows!"

The other farmer looked at him and asked what kind of pills they were and the first one responds, "I don't know, but they kinda taste like mint."

A new jokes store opens up in town.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar...

Whats the difference between congress and a US mint?

One of them makes sense!

What would you call a store that sold only mints and gum?

Bad Breath and Beyond.

I'm selling Amazon gift codes on eBay.

If anyone's interested, they are in a mint condition and only used once.

Did you hear about Ben & Jerry’s new limited edition Ice Cream flavor?

Peach Mint.

The Democratic Caucus has released a new gum flavor

Orange n’ Peach Mint

The Police put crime tape around the York Peppermint Patty plant

Now it's factory sealed and in mint condition

What were the British man’s final words as he was about to be executed in China?

“Is it really THAT bloody hard to ask for tea and a mint square?”

How can you tell if a coin is fresh?

You can still smell the mint

A very smooth talking cow

Grazed in a pasture near the chicken coop. The most delicious plants, the spearmint leaves, sat at the edge of the fence where the chickens perched. Whenever the cow would come by she'd eat the leaves, and then smooth talk the chickens with her minty fresh breath. The chickens would eventually ge...

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