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Mint Jokes

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3 Southern sisters are sitting on a big porch sipping Mint Juleps.

Martha says, “My husband loves me so much, he built me this amazing porch.”
Mary says, “Well isn’t that nice?”
Mildred says, “Bless your heart”

Mary says, “My husband loves me so much, he bought me a beautiful new Cadillac.”
Martha says, “Well isn’t that nice?”
Mildred says, “Bles...

Working at the US Mint..

... is the only kind of job that truly makes cents.

Mints

My third favourite type of mint is spearmint.
My second favourite type is peppermint.
However, my absolute favourite type is a compliment.
Merry Christmas!

My toenails turned green, shrank, and started smelling like mint.

My doctor says I have a rare condition called Tic Tac Toes.

The US has been forced to stop using their mint. It does not work and they can't understand why

It makes no cents.

What brand of mint do they have at Mental Health Clinics?

Dementos

The workers at the US (or any) Mint

Make more money than you do. Guaranteed.

A lime and fresh mint are being muddled in a glass

when the lime says to the mint "Im freezing we need to melt this ice!" The mint agreed so they shimmy the glass over to a ray of sunlight and the lime says "Do you think this is enough light to melt the ice?" And the mint says "Not bad." We need "Mo heat though."

A visit to the mint

A guy goes to visit the US mint to see how currency is created. During the tour he notices half the machines are not running. He decides to ask the tour guide what’s going on. The tour guide shakes his head and says, “Yesterday everything was working just fine, today it’s only printing bills, it jus...

I have a shirt with 120 tiny pockets that fit exactly one mint each....

It's my Tic Tactical vest.

Thin Mints are very inappropriately named.

No matter how many I eat, I never get thin.

Help! I accidentally swallowed a mint!

Never mind, I'm cool now.

A Redditor became a chemist and decided to seek his fortune making breath mints.

He made one set of mints that were saturated in caffeine. It made him a significant amount of money but people complained about being a little too agitated by them.

He followed up with a heavily alcoholic variety, which was very well received and made him millions, but which had the unfortuna...

What do you get if you paint a pink pig mint-green?

A pigmint of your imagination.

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A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception.

She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said,”Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these.”
The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.
“I’ll give you a hint,” said t...

I was thinking of getting a job at the U.S. Mint

Can you imagine the amount of money I would make?

Food scientists have finally managed to remove the mint flavor from gum

The ex-spearmint was a complete success

Have you heard about the new mints?

They’re real ICE BREAKERS

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

TIL the only year the "Buffalo Nickel" was minted was in 1976 for America's...

...bison-tennial

What do you call a thoughtful Spanish mint?

A pensa mentos.

The U.S mint stopped making pennies.

I don't know why, it doesn't make any cents.

I worked at the U.S.Mint because it was the only job close by

I didn't have a car, it was just the only thing that made cents at the time.

D’y’ know why Batman has all those cool doodads in his utility belt: smoke bombs, grease slicks, nose plugs/filters for poison gas, breath mints?

Because he doesn’t have pockets.

The US mint seems to be broken

The penny marking machine at the US mint just stopped working for no reason.

It just doesn't make any cents!

A new jokes store opens up in town.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar...

A friend of mine lost his job in the mint factory

His wife went absolutely menthol

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The Mint Contest

John runs a candy shop, selling mints of all kinds. Business was good, until Covid hit.

John realized he’ll have to shut down the store and risk losing his business, unless he could figure out a way to advertise and sell his confections on the Internet. His nephew suggested running a contest ...

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After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.
As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.
The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide....

I once amputated a man's toe and replaced it with a prosthetic made from a breath mint.

I gave him a Tic Tac toe.

A freshly minted U.S Army lieutenant is assigned to a base in Afghanistan

A freshly minted U.S. Army lieutenant is assigned to a base in Afghanistan. He walks around the base and sees everything is regulation except there’s a camel tied to a tree on the edge of the camp.

The lieutenant asks one of the men who has been there awhile why there’s a camel. The soldier e...

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50....

Workers at the Mint are going on strike.

They're sick and tired of making so much money!

What sort of mint do anarchists hate?

Governmint

What do you call someone with mints on their feet?

Tic tac toes

Alex was being interviewed for a job at the US Mint

Alex was being interviewed for a job at the US mint. The interviewer looks over his resume, and notices something strange. “Alex, you have 3 PhDs and you had an internship at the White House. Why do you want to work at the US mint?”

“Well sir, i would make a lot of money here”

Did you guys hear they’re thinking about closing the Philadelphia mint?

Im not opposed, it just makes cents

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A new mint flavored contraceptive taken before sex...

called Predickamints.

Two mints are having an argument in a bar

Both arguing with each other about who's the hardest, would win in a fight between them, general bragging and macho bs etc.

All of a sudden an Extra Strong Mint walks in and they both hide under the table until he finishes his drink and leaves.

The barman comes up to them and laughs "I...

I have a job at the mint making paper currency.

That’s right, my job isn’t making cents.

My friend kept trying to balance mints on his foot

Turns out he was playing tic tac toe

I'm selling my parachute. Mint condition.

Never opened, only used once

Manufacturing of the first coin to enter circulation carrying the image of King Charles is underway at the Royal Mint. As is tradition, Charles faces left on the new 50p

As when it comes to things involving her children, the Queen always looked the other way.

Why did Karl Marx drink mint tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

I used to work at a start up mint

It was sort of confusing to me.
But now it makes all the cents in the world.

I finally learned how coin minting machines work

It all makes cents now.

Why were people confused when the coin mint broke?

It didn’t make any cents!

Have you guys heard about these mints that improve your strategic thinking abilities?

They're called Tac Tics.

Did you hear that everyone at the mint went on strike?

They wanted to make less money.

What you call toes that taste like mint?

Tic-tac-toe!

My 8 year old daughter made this one up.

[Long] I was working the register of a pharmacy when a woman came up to me asking for breath mints.

I pointed her to the candy aisle and told her they were about halfway down on the left.

She said that she'd been down there already, and that all of the mints had loads of sugar in them, and if she them they'd make her hyper and overly excited.

I had never heard of anyone getting too e...

I bought a mint condition vintage HiFi system

My wife said it's a waste of money, but I think it's a sound investment.

On the bus

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the ...

Without anyone's help, I created mints that each weigh 1/16 of a pound...

I make my own announcemints now.

A Chinese-owned social media platform has been poisoning breath mints to accomplish their goals.

It's the TikTok tic tac tactic.

What kind of mint is the hardest to swallow?

Abandonment.

it must be confusing working at a mint when a power outage happens.

because when it happens, everything stops making cents.

What do you call a mint that’s made out of peppers?

A chilly chili.

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Joe wanted to buy a motorbike

but he doesn't have much luck until one day, he comes across a Honda road bike with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in...

A reporter asked the president why the National Mint had been shut down

The president paused for a moment, then shrugged and said, “It just made cents.”

I made an abacus by threading string through polo mints....

....it has improved my menthol arithmetic

Four men tried out for a local play

and got the parts of mints who were all down on their luck and had no money. The critics hated it and said it was a really bad poor four mints.

If the US stops minting pennies, 99¢ deals will disappear

because they won't make cents any more.

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A man was fired from the mint for masturbating near the coins.

He said it wasn't fair; there was no common sense.

My Dad was killed at an explosion at the US Mint.

He was nickel-and-dimed to death.

Did you hear about the new minting machine that produces coins only if you focus intently on it?

It makes cents if you think about it.

Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross, but they were actually pretty good. Turns out...

That in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!

Why would anyone buy a broken penny minting machine?

It makes no cents!

The penny making machine at the US mint stopped working the other day....

The director of the mint himself came to the machines engineer to ask him what the problem was.

"I can't figure it out!" exclaimed the puzzled engineer. "It doesn't make cents!!"


(Best told in person)

What do you use to kick a canister of mints?

your tic-tac toe

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers and got rich?

He made a mint

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I stayed in an English Hotel that was so quaint that when I we first arrived, rather than a mint, there were a couple of cricket balls and a bat on the bed.

Though the bat did fly out of the window after only a few minutes, and I never did find the rest of the cricket.

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What do you call putting an Altoid in her butt?

Her-ass-mint

What do you call mints you can spread through social media?

Memementos

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Q. Have you heard about the new mint-flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?

A. They’re called “Predick-a-mints.”

What would you call a store that sold only mints and gum?

Bad Breath and Beyond.

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The joke store

A guy gets a job at a practical joke store.

To help him learn the ropes, the proprietor has him spend the first week just sorting through all the different practical jokes they sell, learning what they do and making sure everything's correctly labelled and organised. And what a variety! They'...

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Harley Davidson for sale, mint condition, not a single scratch on it, used as my weekend bike. Very low mileage and I am very flexible on the price...

I originally bought this without consulting my wife.

Apparently “Do whatever the fuck you want” doesn’t mean what I thought it did.

In the past I could get into a store with a penny and came out with 2 coke cans, 1 bag of chips and some mints, but not anymore...

...the store put cameras today.

My boy asked me how to get a kiss on the first date. I told him to plan ahead and get some breath mints.

Tac Tics my son, Tac Tics

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If there's a girl sitting in front of you with her ass crack showing and you drop Tic Tacs down there, what you call it?

Her-ass-mint

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A pharmaceutical company began clinical trials for a new sedative.

The goal was to develop a non-prescription drug that provided perfectly smooth, calming relaxation with just one pill. On the first day of trials, the lab assistant realized they had forgotten to pick up the sugar pills that were needed for the placebo. The lead researcher was furious! Most stores i...

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A young vaccum cleaner salesman on the first day of the job knocked the door of a house. The moment they opened, he poured a bottle of dried dog poo on their carpet.

"If I cannot remove all the poo from the floor within the next 10 minutes, I will lick them off myself " He said in a confident tone.

The owner gave him a packet of mints and said

"Here is for your mouth after you complete, my electricity got cut off only today today morning due to lat...

Why did the Albino pig have bad breath?

He has no Pig mints.

3 nuns and a Parrot

This was a joke I heard decades ago, sorry if someone beat me to this one. Here goes:

3 nuns were passing by a big house. It was a modest house with a beautiful yard and in it, a caged Parrot. It’s not very talkative but everytime the three nuns pass, the parrot would utter random colors…
...

AK-74 rifle for sale

Near mint condition. Never fired dropped once near Izium.

How do scientists freshen their breath?

With *experi-mints* !

Guy is standing in front of the freezer, looking for something to make for dinner.

His wife calls over to him "Hey Honey, is there any ice cream left in there?"

He replies, "Yes, there's about half a pint of mint chocolate chip, do you want it?"

His wife says "How hard is it?"

The guy replies "As hard as I was last night."

Wife says "Ok, can you pour me...

How can you tell if a coin is fresh?

You can still smell the mint

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(NSFW) So my girlfriend is crazy horny

And we went out to a restaurant. They brought mints with the check. That gave her the idea that I should have mints instead of pineapple juice, so my cum would taste minty, and my cum would be her end of a meal mints. So I started eating all sorts of mints for a few weeks.

One day we're ge...

What are Karen’s favorite candy?

Entitle-mints

I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee:

Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.

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What do you call cum flavoured candy?

A condom-mint

What do you call a candy cane with graduated markings?

A measure-mint device.

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime.

My coworker makes pennies.

We work at a mint.

Dave and Joe were best friends

Joe and his family went on vacation for about a week, but when he came back, Dave noticed that he was very different, his mood and tendencies had completely changed.

This was not the same Joe.

The smoking gun was that Joe's eyes were not his usual green, but blue.

He flew to J...

Two men are lost in the desert

Two men are lost in the desert. They are both severely dehydrated and extremely hungry. While stumbling over a particularly large sand dune, one man spots a tin of fig-flavored altoids.
Desperate for any sustenance, he stumbles ahead and grabs the tin, but realizes it was only a mirage.

He...

Timmy Got a Job!

Timmy boy, a young hobo who left home in search for wealth, got his 14th job in the 3 months he has been traveling. His first shift at Bob’s Animal Candies Inc. started at 9 am, Tuesday. After working for hours at the breath fresheners’ line, he began to get bored, so Timmy decided to take a break t...

What is an old person's favorite flavor of gum?

Retire-Mint


^Thank ^you, ^goodnight

I had a dream about a breath freshener left on my pillow.

I ate it and it tasted like a fig. Then I woke up. Guess it was just a fig mint of my imagination.

What's the most logical building in the USA?

The US Mint.. it makes a lot of cents.

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This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

The Altoids Corporation teamed up with the makers of Tic-Tacs and Listerene Breath Strips and made this virus in a lab in Wu-Tang so that all the rest of us would be forced to smell our own stank-ass breath and buy millions of dollars worth of mints.
...

What is the #1 drink in Washington, DC this week?

A Peach Mint Julep

So a couple of farmers are standing around talking. One goes you know, "I had a bull who just wouldn't breed anything, so I took him to the vet and she gave me some pills to give to him. Well he bred all of my cows and jumped the fence and bred all of the neighbors cows!"

The other farmer looked at him and asked what kind of pills they were and the first one responds, "I don't know, but they kinda taste like mint."

I recently came into a HUGE amount of money.

Unfortunately, though, I'm barred from future tours of the Mint.

What is Donald Trump’s least favorite flavor of ice cream?

Peach Mint.

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A man and his wife doing 69 and when they finish up he realises he still has to go to the dentist.

He then dashes to the bathroom to go and brush his teeth, constantly smelling his breath to make sure his breath doesn’t smell like his wife’s pussy. He eats some chewing gum and even takes mints with him. He arrives at the dentist and eats some more mints just to make sure.

He’s finally call...

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