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Mint Jokes

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3 Southern sisters are sitting on a big porch sipping Mint Juleps.

Martha says, “My husband loves me so much, he built me this amazing porch.”
Mary says, “Well isn’t that nice?”
Mildred says, “Bless your heart”

Mary says, “My husband loves me so much, he bought me a beautiful new Cadillac.”
Martha says, “Well isn’t that nice?”
Mildred says, “Bles...

A lime and fresh mint are being muddled in a glass

when the lime says to the mint "Im freezing we need to melt this ice!" The mint agreed so they shimmy the glass over to a ray of sunlight and the lime says "Do you think this is enough light to melt the ice?" And the mint says "Not bad." We need "Mo heat though."

The workers at the US (or any) Mint

Make more money than you do. Guaranteed.

What brand of mint do they have at Mental Health Clinics?

Dementos

On the bus

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the ...

Mints

My third favourite type of mint is spearmint.
My second favourite type is peppermint.
However, my absolute favourite type is a compliment.
Merry Christmas!

TIL the only year the "Buffalo Nickel" was minted was in 1976 for America's...

...bison-tennial

Manufacturing of the first coin to enter circulation carrying the image of King Charles is underway at the Royal Mint. As is tradition, Charles faces left on the new 50p

As when it comes to things involving her children, the Queen always looked the other way.

A Redditor became a chemist and decided to seek his fortune making breath mints.

He made one set of mints that were saturated in caffeine. It made him a significant amount of money but people complained about being a little too agitated by them.

He followed up with a heavily alcoholic variety, which was very well received and made him millions, but which had the unfortuna...

What do you get if you paint a pink pig mint-green?

A pigmint of your imagination.

A visit to the mint

A guy goes to visit the US mint to see how currency is created. During the tour he notices half the machines are not running. He decides to ask the tour guide what’s going on. The tour guide shakes his head and says, “Yesterday everything was working just fine, today it’s only printing bills, it jus...

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What do you call putting an Altoid in her butt?

Her-ass-mint

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A young vaccum cleaner salesman on the first day of the job knocked the door of a house. The moment they opened, he poured a bottle of dried dog poo on their carpet.

"If I cannot remove all the poo from the floor within the next 10 minutes, I will lick them off myself " He said in a confident tone.

The owner gave him a packet of mints and said

"Here is for your mouth after you complete, my electricity got cut off only today today morning due to lat...

Thin Mints are very inappropriately named.

No matter how many I eat, I never get thin.

Food scientists have finally managed to remove the mint flavor from gum

The ex-spearmint was a complete success

Help! I accidentally swallowed a mint!

Never mind, I'm cool now.

I once amputated a man's toe and replaced it with a prosthetic made from a breath mint.

I gave him a Tic Tac toe.

I have a shirt with 120 tiny pockets that fit exactly one mint each....

It's my Tic Tactical vest.

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers and got rich?

He made a mint

David Byrne gets elected as U.S. president.

His first act is to issue an executive order to the U.S. Mint.

To stop making cents.

I was thinking of getting a job at the U.S. Mint

Can you imagine the amount of money I would make?

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I stayed in an English Hotel that was so quaint that when I we first arrived, rather than a mint, there were a couple of cricket balls and a bat on the bed.

Though the bat did fly out of the window after only a few minutes, and I never did find the rest of the cricket.

I worked at the U.S.Mint because it was the only job close by

I didn't have a car, it was just the only thing that made cents at the time.

A friend of mine lost his job in the mint factory

His wife went absolutely menthol

A freshly minted U.S Army lieutenant is assigned to a base in Afghanistan

A freshly minted U.S. Army lieutenant is assigned to a base in Afghanistan. He walks around the base and sees everything is regulation except there’s a camel tied to a tree on the edge of the camp.

The lieutenant asks one of the men who has been there awhile why there’s a camel. The soldier e...

[Long] I was working the register of a pharmacy when a woman came up to me asking for breath mints.

I pointed her to the candy aisle and told her they were about halfway down on the left.

She said that she'd been down there already, and that all of the mints had loads of sugar in them, and if she them they'd make her hyper and overly excited.

I had never heard of anyone getting too e...

Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross, but they were actually pretty good. Turns out...

That in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s...

The US mint seems to be broken

The penny marking machine at the US mint just stopped working for no reason.

It just doesn't make any cents!

What kind of breath mints do dyslexic military officers use?

Tac-tics

What do you call someone with mints on their feet?

Tic tac toes

Did you guys hear they’re thinking about closing the Philadelphia mint?

Im not opposed, it just makes cents

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The Mint Contest

John runs a candy shop, selling mints of all kinds. Business was good, until Covid hit.

John realized he’ll have to shut down the store and risk losing his business, unless he could figure out a way to advertise and sell his confections on the Internet. His nephew suggested running a contest ...

Two mints are having an argument in a bar

Both arguing with each other about who's the hardest, would win in a fight between them, general bragging and macho bs etc.

All of a sudden an Extra Strong Mint walks in and they both hide under the table until he finishes his drink and leaves.

The barman comes up to them and laughs "I...

Guy is standing in front of the freezer, looking for something to make for dinner.

His wife calls over to him "Hey Honey, is there any ice cream left in there?"

He replies, "Yes, there's about half a pint of mint chocolate chip, do you want it?"

His wife says "How hard is it?"

The guy replies "As hard as I was last night."

Wife says "Ok, can you pour me...

A Chinese-owned social media platform has been poisoning breath mints to accomplish their goals.

It's the TikTok tic tac tactic.

Without anyone's help, I created mints that each weigh 1/16 of a pound...

I make my own announcemints now.

Workers at the Mint are going on strike.

They're sick and tired of making so much money!

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A pharmaceutical company began clinical trials for a new sedative.

The goal was to develop a non-prescription drug that provided perfectly smooth, calming relaxation with just one pill. On the first day of trials, the lab assistant realized they had forgotten to pick up the sugar pills that were needed for the placebo. The lead researcher was furious! Most stores i...

I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee:

Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.

Have you guys heard about these mints that improve your strategic thinking abilities?

They're called Tac Tics.

I have a job at the mint making paper currency.

That’s right, my job isn’t making cents.

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A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception.

She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said,”Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these.”
The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.
“I’ll give you a hint,” said t...

What sort of mint do anarchists hate?

Governmint

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Harley Davidson for sale, mint condition, not a single scratch on it, used as my weekend bike. Very low mileage and I am very flexible on the price...

I originally bought this without consulting my wife.

Apparently “Do whatever the fuck you want” doesn’t mean what I thought it did.

My friend kept trying to balance mints on his foot

Turns out he was playing tic tac toe

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The joke store

A guy gets a job at a practical joke store.

To help him learn the ropes, the proprietor has him spend the first week just sorting through all the different practical jokes they sell, learning what they do and making sure everything's correctly labelled and organised. And what a variety! They'...

Did you hear about the new minting machine that produces coins only if you focus intently on it?

It makes cents if you think about it.

What do you call a mint that’s made out of peppers?

A chilly chili.

Have you heard about the new mints?

They’re real ICE BREAKERS

A reporter asked the president why the National Mint had been shut down

The president paused for a moment, then shrugged and said, “It just made cents.”

Did you hear that everyone at the mint went on strike?

They wanted to make less money.

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Dinner etiquette

Chad wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a "for sale" sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kep...

AK-74 rifle for sale

Near mint condition. Never fired dropped once near Izium.

it must be confusing working at a mint when a power outage happens.

because when it happens, everything stops making cents.

In the past I could get into a store with a penny and came out with 2 coke cans, 1 bag of chips and some mints, but not anymore...

...the store put cameras today.

Why was the mint jelly so nervous?

Because it was always on the lamb.

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A new mint flavored contraceptive taken before sex...

called Predickamints.

I used to work at a start up mint

It was sort of confusing to me.
But now it makes all the cents in the world.

What you call toes that taste like mint?

Tic-tac-toe!

My 8 year old daughter made this one up.

How do scientists freshen their breath?

With *experi-mints* !

I'm selling my parachute. Mint condition.

Never opened, only used once

What kind of mint is the hardest to swallow?

Abandonment.

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A man was fired from the mint for masturbating near the coins.

He said it wasn't fair; there was no common sense.

The penny making machine at the US mint stopped working the other day....

The director of the mint himself came to the machines engineer to ask him what the problem was.

"I can't figure it out!" exclaimed the puzzled engineer. "It doesn't make cents!!"


(Best told in person)

I bought a mint condition vintage HiFi system

My wife said it's a waste of money, but I think it's a sound investment.

Why did Karl Marx drink mint tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

If the US stops minting pennies, 99¢ deals will disappear

because they won't make cents any more.

Why were people confused when the coin mint broke?

It didn’t make any cents!

I made an abacus by threading string through polo mints....

....it has improved my menthol arithmetic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Q. Have you heard about the new mint-flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?

A. They’re called “Predick-a-mints.”

I finally learned how coin minting machines work

It all makes cents now.

My Dad was killed at an explosion at the US Mint.

He was nickel-and-dimed to death.

My boy asked me how to get a kiss on the first date. I told him to plan ahead and get some breath mints.

Tac Tics my son, Tac Tics

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

Why did Ebenezer shove mints up a sheeps ass?

baa! humbug

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After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.
As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.
The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide....

3 nuns and a Parrot

This was a joke I heard decades ago, sorry if someone beat me to this one. Here goes:

3 nuns were passing by a big house. It was a modest house with a beautiful yard and in it, a caged Parrot. It’s not very talkative but everytime the three nuns pass, the parrot would utter random colors…
...

It's my cake day and I don't know any new jokes so. Here are some old jokes I use to love as a kid

1. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
Answer = A stick.

2. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Answer = Thunderwear.

3. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Answer = Dill with it.

4. What time is it when the...

What do you use to kick a canister of mints?

your tic-tac toe

Why would anyone buy a broken penny minting machine?

It makes no cents!

How can you tell if a coin is fresh?

You can still smell the mint

What would you call a store that sold only mints and gum?

Bad Breath and Beyond.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If there's a girl sitting in front of you with her ass crack showing and you drop Tic Tacs down there, what you call it?

Her-ass-mint

A new jokes store opens up in town.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar...

A man finds some copper and zinc

A man is out walking one day when he finds some copper and zinc, knowing these are used to make coins he takes them to the government to see what he can get.

There he sits down with a representative of the US mint and says I have here half a grain of copper and 30 grains of zinc, how many ...

Why did the Albino pig have bad breath?

He has no Pig mints.

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime.

My coworker makes pennies.

We work at a mint.

What is Donald Trump’s least favorite flavor of ice cream?

Peach Mint.

I had a dream about a breath freshener left on my pillow.

I ate it and it tasted like a fig. Then I woke up. Guess it was just a fig mint of my imagination.

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