Why did Ebenezer shove mints up a sheeps ass?

baa! humbug

A joke about a broken mint:

Nevermind, it doesn't make any cents

I bought a mint condition vintage HiFi system

My wife said it's a waste of money, but I think it's a sound investment.

What do you call a mint that’s made out of peppers?

A chilly chili.

What is Donald Trump’s least favorite flavor of ice cream?

Peach Mint.

The British mint is very odd.

It makes no cents.

Why did Karl Marx drink mint tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Q. Have you heard about the new mint-flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?

A. They’re called “Predick-a-mints.”

I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee:

Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.

My boy asked me how to get a kiss on the first date. I told him to plan ahead and get some breath mints.

Tac Tics my son, Tac Tics

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Redditor became a chemist

And decided to seek his fortune making breath mints.




He made one set of mints that were saturated in caffeine. It made him a significant amount of money but people complained about being a little too agitated by them.




He followed up with a heavily alcoholic var...

How can you tell if a coin is fresh?

You can still smell the mint

I just don't understand Canadian mints...

They don't make any cents...

TIL the mint in San Francisco does not produce any circulating coins

It doesn‘t make cents!

The U.S mint stopped making pennies.

I don't know why, it doesn't make any cents.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How old am I? I need to feel your breast..

A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends £15,000 and looks sensational.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

‘About 32,’ ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two southern belles were sitting on the veranda, drinking mint juleps...

Anna Beth has just returned from a trip to the Big Apple.

Anna Beth says to Ina Jean, *"In New York City, they have MEN who kiss other MEN on their private parts!"*

*"Oh, heavens!"*, says Ina Jean. *"Whatever do you call such a creature?"*

"Homosexuals" replies Anna Beth....

Help! I accidentally swallowed a mint!

Never mind, I'm cool now.

Why were people confused when the coin mint broke?

It didn’t make any cents!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was fired from the mint for masturbating near the coins.

He said it wasn't fair; there was no common sense.

A large wagon contaning menthol mints has crashed and shed it's load over the highway.

Police say there will be no congestion for at least the next 4 miles.

The penny making machine at the US mint stopped working the other day....

The director of the mint himself came to the machines engineer to ask him what the problem was.

"I can't figure it out!" exclaimed the puzzled engineer. "It doesn't make cents!!"


(Best told in person)

What you call toes that taste like mint?

Tic-tac-toe!

My 8 year old daughter made this one up.

I'm selling my parachute. Mint condition.

Never opened, only used once

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike.

He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a "for sale" sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A new mint flavored contraceptive taken before sex...

called Predickamints.

What do you use to kick a canister of mints?

your tic-tac toe

What kind of mint is the hardest to swallow?

Abandonment.

What do you call mints you can spread through social media?

Memementos

"Why do you always exchange your Canadian dollars to USD? It makes no sense!"

"Well neither does the Canadian Mint!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

TIL: The Royal Canadian Mint has just announced they are going to remove the polar bear from the $2 coin in view of its demise due to global warming.

At the height of political correctness, they will replace it with two gay deer.

The coin will be called "two fuckin' bucks."

...sorry

A dog walks into a bar...

....and sits down on the barstool.

He says, "I'll have two beers, and mint if you've got one."

The bartender says "Wow! You should join the circus!"

And the dog says, "Why, do they need electricians?"

What would you call a store that sold only mints and gum?

Bad Breath and Beyond.

it must be confusing working at a mint when a power outage happens.

because when it happens, everything stops making cents.

I have a York Patty Wrapper from 1941

Its in mint condition

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.

As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.

The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth w...

I found a vintage Altoids box from the 60s in my attic,

it was in mint condition

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus...

...She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
<...

I just bought some collectors edition candy canes from Santa himself

They're in mint condition

Three men die and go to Heaven

They meet Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, who greets them and says "So Heaven is a vastly large place for everyone to spend the rest of eternity, and God has decided to grant vehicles to everyone upon admission, and he asks only one question, the answer to which determines what vehicle you are gran...

Dave and Joe were best friends...

Joe and his family went on vacation for about a week, but when he came back, Dave noticed that he was very different, his mood and tendencies had completely changed.

This was not the same Joe.

The smoking gun was that Joe's eyes were not his usual green, but blue.

He flew to J...

What type of sweet does a banker keep in his wastecoat?

InvestMints

A new jokes store opens up in town.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception.

She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these."

The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.

I'll give you a hint,...

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

I heard he made a mint.

What can you say about a man who pops a couple tic tacs before beginning speaking?

He mints his words.

Two people are on death row.

One says to the other, "Hey man, what did you do that people thought was bad enough to be executed?"

The other man responds, "killed and raped 7 young girls at a slumber party. What did you do?"

The first guy responds, "Its a long story,"

The second man says "well, I have time"<...

I recently came into a HUGE amount of money.

Unfortunately, though, I'm barred from future tours of the Mint.

My grandfather was a prison guard.

He told me a story one day about an inmate he knew back years ago. He said

“On my first day of work I spotted this guy who had the nicest cell in the joint. TV, silk sheets, food whenever he wanted it. I had no clue why.

I eventually found out that everyone there - the other guards, t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Johnny is sitting in class.

When the teacher says I've got a supprise for the students who got the best grades on the last test. She calls up three students and blind folds each of them, she says I've got a full bag of candy for each of you, if you can guess what kind of candy it is.Johnny sitting in the back just watching kno...

Timmy Got a Job!

Timmy boy, a young hobo who left home in search for wealth, got his 14th job in the 3 months he has been traveling. His first shift at Bob’s Animal Candies Inc. started at 9 am, Tuesday. After working for hours at the breath fresheners’ line, he began to get bored, so Timmy decided to take a break t...

All he wanted was a coke

Larry was a lonely wanderer, traveling the vast country of the United States.

One evening, after a long day on the road he came across a small town named Healdsburg, after the founder Harmon Heald. Larry decided to stop in for a meal and a good nights rest. For his supper he had a wonderful ...

It was my very first day...

Fresh out of college and excited to begin my new career. My name plate, golden, shiny, and positioned perfectly on new desk, "Patricia Mack, Loan Officer"

As I sat at my desk waiting for my first-ever customer, an old man walked in with a Labrador Retriever by his side. The man sauntered up t...

One of them Deevorces

A backwoods country bumpkin goes to his lawyer and says, "Sir, I wanna git mahself one uh them thar deevorces."

The lawyer says, "Ok, well, you need grounds for a divorce."

The farmer says, "I has grounds sir, a hunderd an fitty acres of it."

The lawyer says, "No, I mean, you ne...

How do Hogwarts students keep their breathe fresh?

enchant mints

I think retirement can lead to senility.

Because after my Grandpa quit working at the Federal Mint, he just stopped making cents.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do they serve at the sex restaurant after dinner?

Condom-mints

My 5 year old came up with this one...

"Eating mints? *(long dramatic pause)* That's cool!"

And he then proceeds to ROFL like it's best damn joke known to mankind.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and asks for a

lager and lime, the barman hands him an apple.
What is this the man says?
taste it, the barman says.
The man bit into the apple and says " Wow, lager " now turn it around says the barman. " wow Lime says the man. After 5 apples the man goes home drunk.

NEXT DAY.
The man after wor...

What do you give an apprehensive person with bad breath?

An encourage mint.

I sold my foot that had the Tic-Tac toe today...

I heard collectors pay more for items in mint condition.

Life Rules For My Son

1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.

2. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs ain’t one.

3. The man at the grill is the closest thing we have to a king.

4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.

5. Act like you’ve been there before. Especially i...

How does a zombie freshen their breath?

They eat a liga**mint**.

Did you know that buying really old candy cost a lot of money?

Especially when they are in mint condition

Corny joke

So a local state corn production and manufacturing company had an open house complete with free samples of their in house sweets and confectionery made from their finest corn.

The reception was fantastic and everything was going great, until one of the over zealous freeloaders (you know the ...

What's a banker's favourite flavor of icecream?

Mint

Two men are lost in the desert

Two men are lost in the desert. They are both severely dehydrated and extremely hungry. While stumbling over a particularly large sand dune, one man spots a tin of fig-flavored altoids.
Desperate for any sustenance, he stumbles ahead and grabs the tin, but realizes it was only a mirage.

He...

What do you call research involving Eggs, Strawberries and Altoids?

An Eggs-Berry-Mint

I found some leftover candy canes from last year that were still in their packaging.

They were in mint condition.

I used to think there were fig-flavoured mentos

but they were fig mints of my imagination.

I have an unopened pack of gum from 1993

You could even say it's in...

..mint condition

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who turned his sperm into candy?

He said the real joke is always in the cum mints.

I make more money than Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerburg combined

And all I do is work at the U.S. Mint

I asked my friend why he always has coins laying around

He said told me he works at a mint, I said to him "that makes cents".

What does Altoid mean?

I've always wondered what that word mint