My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

Have you guys heard about these mints that improve your strategic thinking abilities?

They're called Tac Tics.

I used to work at a start up mint

It was sort of confusing to me.
But now it makes all the cents in the world.

I made an abacus by threading string through polo mints....

....it has improved my menthol arithmetic

What do you call a mint that’s made out of peppers?

A chilly chili.

Have you heard about the new mints?

They’re real ICE BREAKERS

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Redditor became a chemist

And decided to seek his fortune making breath mints.




He made one set of mints that were saturated in caffeine. It made him a significant amount of money but people complained about being a little too agitated by them.




He followed up with a heavily alcoholic var...

Why did Ebenezer shove mints up a sheeps ass?

baa! humbug

Did you hear that everyone at the mint went on strike?

They wanted to make less money.

Last night in Jail they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross but they were actually pretty good.

Turns out that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected.

A joke about a broken mint:

Nevermind, it doesn't make any cents

Help! I accidentally swallowed a mint!

Never mind, I'm cool now.

How can you tell if a coin is fresh?

You can still smell the mint

Why did Karl Marx drink mint tea?

Because proper tea is theft.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Q. Have you heard about the new mint-flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?

A. They’re called “Predick-a-mints.”

I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee:

Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.

My boy asked me how to get a kiss on the first date. I told him to plan ahead and get some breath mints.

Tac Tics my son, Tac Tics

I just don't understand Canadian mints...

They don't make any cents...

A large wagon contaning menthol mints has crashed and shed it's load over the highway.

Police say there will be no congestion for at least the next 4 miles.

What is Donald Trump’s least favorite flavor of ice cream?

Peach Mint.

I bought a mint condition vintage HiFi system

My wife said it's a waste of money, but I think it's a sound investment.

My Dad was killed at an explosion at the US Mint.

He was nickel-and-dimed to death.

The U.S mint stopped making pennies.

I don't know why, it doesn't make any cents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s...

Why were people confused when the coin mint broke?

It didn’t make any cents!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was fired from the mint for masturbating near the coins.

He said it wasn't fair; there was no common sense.

What do you use to kick a canister of mints?

your tic-tac toe

The penny making machine at the US mint stopped working the other day....

The director of the mint himself came to the machines engineer to ask him what the problem was.

"I can't figure it out!" exclaimed the puzzled engineer. "It doesn't make cents!!"


(Best told in person)

I'm selling my parachute. Mint condition.

Never opened, only used once

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new mint flavored contraceptive taken before sex...

called Predickamints.

it must be confusing working at a mint when a power outage happens.

because when it happens, everything stops making cents.

What kind of mint is the hardest to swallow?

Abandonment.

What you call toes that taste like mint?

Tic-tac-toe!

My 8 year old daughter made this one up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe is looking to buy a motorcycle.

After several days he finally comes across a ten year old Harley. It is in mint condition,shines more then a new one. He asks the seller how he keeps it so nice.

"Simple, every time I go out of the garage, I put Vaseline on the chrome before it rains."

Joe buys the bike and the man ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Harley, Vaseline, and The Dishes

Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle.  He doesn't have much luck, until one
day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. 

The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. 

It's shiny and in mint condition. He buys it and asks the seller how he  ...

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.The man replied..."Well your Honor, it was like this: When the l...

What color is a US dollar?

Mint green

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) So my girlfriend is crazy horny

And we went out to a restaurant. They brought mints with the check. That gave her the idea that I should have mints instead of pineapple juice, so my cum would taste minty, and my cum would be her end of a meal mints. So I started eating all sorts of mints for a few weeks.

One day we're ge...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“God bless you.”

3 sisters were sitting in the porch drinking mint juleps.
Mary says, “My husband loves me so much, he built me a beautiful house with a wrap-around porch! Mable says, “That’s nice.” Irma says, “Bless your heart.”
Mable says, “My husband loves me so much, he bought me a brand new Cadilla...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife doing 69 and when they finish up he realises he still has to go to the dentist.

He then dashes to the bathroom to go and brush his teeth, constantly smelling his breath to make sure his breath doesn’t smell like his wife’s pussy. He eats some chewing gum and even takes mints with him. He arrives at the dentist and eats some more mints just to make sure.

He’s finally call...

A little boy excitedly rushes into a candy store that sold some unusual goods...

Inside he meets the owner who takes him around the store and shows him all of the products. There were lots of different ones, candy shaped like a dog biscuit, the grass a cow would eat, the worms a bird would eat and even one that looked like a T-bone steak!

The boy is awe-struck and can’t ...

What did Congress say to George Washington with bad breath after he said: "I need some money"?

You need a mint

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.

As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.

The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth w...

A man goes to the dentist for his six-month exam.

The man tells the dentist, “My teeth are great. I never use mouthwash, rarely brush my teeth, never floss, never use a breath mint, and eat onions and garlic with just about every meal. I also never have bad breath.” The dentist agrees his teeth are decent, but he will need an operation.


...

My dad literally told me this one last week: 'Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

## They say he made a mint.

Three men die and go to Heaven

They meet Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, who greets them and says "So Heaven is a vastly large place for everyone to spend the rest of eternity, and God has decided to grant vehicles to everyone upon admission, and he asks only one question, the answer to which determines what vehicle you are gran...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where the hell do you get the balls to tell your wife she needs therapy?

I can't even tell mine she needs a breath mint.

What type of sweet does a banker keep in his wastecoat?

InvestMints

A new jokes store opens up in town.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar...

Dave and Joe were best friends...

Joe and his family went on vacation for about a week, but when he came back, Dave noticed that he was very different, his mood and tendencies had completely changed.

This was not the same Joe.

The smoking gun was that Joe's eyes were not his usual green, but blue.

He flew to J...

I just bought some collectors edition candy canes from Santa himself

They're in mint condition

I have a York Patty Wrapper from 1941

Its in mint condition

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception.

She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these."

The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.

I'll give you a hint,...

My grandfather was a prison guard.

He told me a story one day about an inmate he knew back years ago. He said

“On my first day of work I spotted this guy who had the nicest cell in the joint. TV, silk sheets, food whenever he wanted it. I had no clue why.

I eventually found out that everyone there - the other guards, t...

I found a vintage Altoids box from the 60s in my attic,

it was in mint condition

What can you say about a man who pops a couple tic tacs before beginning speaking?

He mints his words.

Timmy Got a Job!

Timmy boy, a young hobo who left home in search for wealth, got his 14th job in the 3 months he has been traveling. His first shift at Bob’s Animal Candies Inc. started at 9 am, Tuesday. After working for hours at the breath fresheners’ line, he began to get bored, so Timmy decided to take a break t...

I recently came into a HUGE amount of money.

Unfortunately, though, I'm barred from future tours of the Mint.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny is sitting in class.

When the teacher says I've got a supprise for the students who got the best grades on the last test. She calls up three students and blind folds each of them, she says I've got a full bag of candy for each of you, if you can guess what kind of candy it is.Johnny sitting in the back just watching kno...

All he wanted was a coke

Larry was a lonely wanderer, traveling the vast country of the United States.

One evening, after a long day on the road he came across a small town named Healdsburg, after the founder Harmon Heald. Larry decided to stop in for a meal and a good nights rest. For his supper he had a wonderful ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and asks for a

lager and lime, the barman hands him an apple.
What is this the man says?
taste it, the barman says.
The man bit into the apple and says " Wow, lager " now turn it around says the barman. " wow Lime says the man. After 5 apples the man goes home drunk.

NEXT DAY.
The man after wor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do they serve at the sex restaurant after dinner?

Condom-mints

It was my very first day...

Fresh out of college and excited to begin my new career. My name plate, golden, shiny, and positioned perfectly on new desk, "Patricia Mack, Loan Officer"

As I sat at my desk waiting for my first-ever customer, an old man walked in with a Labrador Retriever by his side. The man sauntered up t...

Life Rules For My Son

1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.

2. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs ain’t one.

3. The man at the grill is the closest thing we have to a king.

4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.

5. Act like you’ve been there before. Especially i...

How do Hogwarts students keep their breathe fresh?

enchant mints

What do you give an apprehensive person with bad breath?

An encourage mint.

One of them Deevorces

A backwoods country bumpkin goes to his lawyer and says, "Sir, I wanna git mahself one uh them thar deevorces."

The lawyer says, "Ok, well, you need grounds for a divorce."

The farmer says, "I has grounds sir, a hunderd an fitty acres of it."

The lawyer says, "No, I mean, you ne...

I think retirement can lead to senility.

Because after my Grandpa quit working at the Federal Mint, he just stopped making cents.

My 5 year old came up with this one...

"Eating mints? *(long dramatic pause)* That's cool!"

And he then proceeds to ROFL like it's best damn joke known to mankind.

I sold my foot that had the Tic-Tac toe today...

I heard collectors pay more for items in mint condition.

Two men are lost in the desert

Two men are lost in the desert. They are both severely dehydrated and extremely hungry. While stumbling over a particularly large sand dune, one man spots a tin of fig-flavored altoids.
Desperate for any sustenance, he stumbles ahead and grabs the tin, but realizes it was only a mirage.

He...

How does a zombie freshen their breath?

They eat a liga**mint**.

What do you call a wise plant?

Enlighten Mint!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.