[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can't see the bottom of this hole. "I wonder how deep it is.", the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen....

....nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen....still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try...

coin joke

I bet you a quarter that you're stupid.

heads i win, tails you lose

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins

I was about to run straight inside to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden

Midas was greedy but, there's another Greek figure that's obsessed with collecting coins.

Purseus

There’s gonna be a 50p coin commemorating Brexit

It’s nearly done. They just can’t decide what to do with the border

A small boy swallows some coins and is taken to a hospital.

When his grandmother telephones to ask how he is, the nurse tells her, “No change yet.”

I don't know why the barista got so angry when I knocked over her container of cash and coins...

The sign said "tip jar"...

I just flipped a coin.

On one side, it landed.
On the other.. it did not.

If I had a nickel for each time somebody mixed up a coin...

I would be like, why you giving me all these dimes.

U.S. singles may be bills, and Canadian singles may be coins...

...but Asian singles are in my area.

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Why did Buddha start pulling coins out of his butt?

Because change comes from within.

If somebody offered me a coin flip to either get 10 million dollars or instantly die, I'd accept in a heartbeat. A 50 percent chance to solve all my problems would be amazing!

And even if I lost the flip, I'd still get some money.

How do you describe a person's breath that smells like metal coins?

Minted fresh

An old man walks into a bar and slams a bag of gold coins down,

addresses the customers by saying, "I'll give this entire bag of coins to any man here able to drink 10 pints in 2 minutes'"

Nobody takes him up on the offer but he notices an Irishman getting up and leaving.

A few minutes later the Irishman is back and says to him, "Is yer wager stil...

If Trump gets a coin every time he gets criticized

He would have built the wall using his own money.

I recently went to a coin factory...

I was in awe at all of the machines and moving parts that filled the factory. At first, I didn't understand what was happening, but then it dawned on me. It all makes cents.

What did the person with horrible music taste say to the person who stole their coin?

Hey can I have my nickelback?

Heard they are getting rid of the 1p coin. Not sure how I feel about this...

On one hand I'm opposed to change but on the other I'm opposed to change.

My wife and I toss a coin to settle our arguments. If the coin comes down, she wins.

if it stays suspended in air forever, I win.

Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.

One prefers to use its head, while the other relies on tales.
(Joke Originally from The Joke Cafe - https://thejokecafe.com )

What did the homeless redditors say to the man who gave him a 50 dollar Canadian coin?

Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad...

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?

A coin manufacturer was fired the other day because he made no cents.

I tried to help, but he wouldn’t change.

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I really hate it when beggars shake their coin jar at me

I know you have more money than me, you don’t have to be a dick about it!

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A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins.

They start arguing what they should take and what they should give to God.

The Christian draws a circle and says, “We throw the coins into he air, and whatever lands in the circle, we keep.”

The Muslim says, “No no no. Whate...

A priest goes to the barbershop and asks how much a trim would cost.

The barber answers, "oh, you're a holy man, I can't charge anything." He gives the priest a trim, the priest thanks him, and leaves. The next day, the barber finds some gold coins on his doorstep.

After a few weeks, an imam comes to the shop. He asks the barber how much it would cost for a be...

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Boss wants to have sex with his secretary

A boss said to his secretary "I want to have sex with you. I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor; by the time you pick it up, I'll be done." She thought for a moment, then called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend then said "Ask him for $2000, and pick up th...

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I shoved a 12th century coin up my ass and I couldn't help but laugh

Old butt gold.

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I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well..." he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it."

"And he won?" I asked.

"Well, no." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder. The bastard!"

Did you hear about the Scotsman who dropped a £1 coin?

When he went to pick it up, it hit him on the back of his head.

Imagine you're a slug of metal rolling down a conveyor belt. A massive die drops on you and you're stamped into a shiny, perfect coin...

Are you moved and impressed?

My cashier called my coins handsome when I was buying a soda today..

She said "Handsome coins, over"

Why should you own a coin factory?

It just makes cents.

My friend bought a used coin making machine

Him: "It doesn't work anymore, but I bought it anyway."
Me: "Why would you do that?? It doesn't make cents!"

Every time I toss five coins, they would come up on the same face.

Must be a coin-cidence.

The Australian government recently unveiled their plans for a 1 dollar coin.

While some critics questioned the economic viability, the kangaroonie will start circulation next year, according to a government spokesperson.

Did you guys hear that Nicolas Cage robbed all the coins from a bank recently? Luckily he got caught and went to jail, plus all of the money got returned!

He’s currently in a Nickleless Nicolas Cage Cage

Two friends were walking down the street when it started raining coins

One of them told the other, "It's climate change".

How can you tell if a coin is fresh?

You can still smell the mint

I have a special trick for getting the result I want in a coin flip

It's not perfect, but it works about 50% of the time.

*coins falling from the sky*

Me: what is this?
Climate: change

Charlie Sheen just received an AA coin in relation to maintaining sobriety for a year

Next to his HIV diagnosis, this may be the second most positive experience of his life.

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.

After having the beer, he asks the bartender for the bill.

"$3", says the bartender.

The man just for fun goes on and places a $1 coin on the three ends of the table. The bartender gives him a bad look but has no other option but to pick them up.

This happened for 3-4 days and e...

I hate it when homeless people shake their cups of coins at me

I get that you have more money than me, no need to rub it in

The other day I asked someone what makes pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters. They replied "A coin machine".

I said "That makes cents."

I never realized British coins were so heavy

They can really add up to pounds.

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An unhappy wife says to her mother "My asshole used to look like a 5 pence coin. Now it's so blown out it looks like a 50p!"

Her mother told her "Sweetheart, you have an estate in the countryside, a villa in Italy, luxury cars and vacation for months at a time! Do you really want to give all that up for £0.45?"

A korean couldn't find his coin, so basically ...

a korean lost a korean won

So a man one day gains the ability to make a car made of coins.

It's acceleration was a quarter faster than a dragster, the frame costed mere pennies, and the interior was full nickel, but people didn't think it made cents.

A news reporter rushes to the man in awe, asking, but does it even have brakes? The man simply looked back and said "Of course. It st...

I bought a coin press last week,

...but the manual is in another language. I hope it still makes cents

If you have a problem eating coins, perhaps you should consult a life coach...

It'll inspire change within yourself

Why wont America ever switch to using coins like in the EU?

Because conservatives don't like change.

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A lady and her little boy is eating in a restaurant. In an oversight, the kid swallows a coin and starts choking.

The mother tried hitting his back, slapping on the neck, shaking him hard without any success to make him spit the coin.



A man gets up from a nearby table, he lowers boy's pants, and squeezes his testicles. Voila! The boy spits out the coin.

The mother thanked the gentleman...

My son swallowed several coins the other day.

I've definitely seen some change in him.

A friend and I wanted to get a hooker, but we could only afford one hand job so we had to flip a coin...

Luckily I won the toss...

Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor!

>!Everybody!<

Edit 1: Wow, this blew up. is this where you post your soundcloud?

Edit 2: My inbox is ruined, I should start charging reddit coins for formatting questions.

A man takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game

A man takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over he asks if she had a good time. She replied “yes that was fun, but I don’t understand why they do all of that for 25 cents”. The man, puzzled, asks “what do you mean?” To which the blonde replied “well the game started with...

For blind people, there are always two sides to a coin

The one they can't see and the one they can't see either

A Man's Logic

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine mont...

I don't know why I've always been addicted to coins...

...I just can't make heads or tails of it.

Can we start a national walkout for old people who try to pay for things with the exact amount of coins?

I've been waiting for change for too long.

My crush is like a coin

Lots of tail, and 50% chance of getting head

Did you hear about the new minting machine that produces coins only if you focus intently on it?

It makes cents if you think about it.

I used to put coins on my patients' heads, but my boss thought it was unethical.

When he gave me his two cents on the subject, I changed my mind.

A man throws a dollar coin into a wishing well...

and a genie pops out. The genie tells him "You have thrown the largest money value into this well since it has been built. You may have one wish."

"I want a dragon."

"Are you sure? That's... pretty big, and would probably give me away. Anything else?"

"I want to learn how to fol...

The penny is the most common among coins in circulation.

It's common cents.

Coin flip

One day, Bob came home from school and proudly told his father, “My teacher taught us about the probability of a coin flip today! A coin will land on heads 50% of the time all the time!”

Bob’s father: That’s... not quite how it works.

Bob: Nuh-uh! My teacher said so!

Bob’s fat...

Some German kids handed me a bunch of coins I'd never seen before.

Thanks for the strange gold, kinder!

I had surgery to become a 50p coin.

My father always said 'Be the change you want to see in the world.'

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind her teams bench on the 50 yard line.

After the game he asked her how she liked it.

She replied "oh, I really like it especially all the tight pants and big muscles, but I just don't understand why they were fighting each other over 25 cents."

T...

People who work in coin factories sure are lucky.

They make a lot of money.

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Why did the Buddhist cashier put coins in his butt?

Because change comes from within.

Credits: From south park game. Just spreading the word!

My little brother swallowed a coin and was to taken to the hospital

When I asked how he is doing, the nurse said "No change yet!"

Why won't Americans switch to a dollar coin?

They're afraid of change.

Why were people confused when the coin mint broke?

It didn’t make any cents!

My friend and I were betting on a coin.

I asked my friend to give me a heads-up before he flipped it.

Why were Gandhi's remains compressed to make piles of 50 rupee coins?

he said "be the change you wish to see in the world".

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The Queens Breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.



Nick, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.



One day Nick revealed his secret ...

After Jesus was executed, the Romans placed coins over his eyes...

Today we refer to them as J.C. Pennies

A new £1 coin is being released in the UK today...

...I don't like change.

Do you know the company that makes double sided coins?

You should see the headquarters

A man inherits a priceless coin collection...

from his deceased grandfather. One day a friend of the grandfather sees the grandson and asks him about the collection.

"Oh that? None of those coins worked in the laundromat, so I swapped each one of them for a shiny new coin at the bank." The grandson replies.

"You did what?!" The ol...

A blonde in Las Vegas

Last weekend, a blonde went to Las Vegas. When she returned home, her friend asked:

\- Hey! How was your trip?

\- It was awesome! I saw a slot machine and tried luck. I won! Then I put another coin in and I got a prize again! And again! I had to stop there beczause I could only drink s...

I should write small jokes on a handful of coins

I will call them "cents of humor"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was fired from the mint for masturbating near the coins.

He said it wasn't fair; there was no common sense.

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Robin Hood goes out on another mission

Same old same old, steal from the rich, give to the poor.

On this particular run he decides to go to a new town and find the wealthiest man to rob.

Being that he didn’t know anybody, he asked a bum he met on the road who the richest man in town was.

After learning this, Robin Ho...

I think my coins are rigged...

I'm never gettin' any head

Coin flipping contests are rigged!

Just a heads up.

When Mario collects coins with his cap in Super Mario Odissey,...

you for sure know he is very _cappytalistic._

I went to a barbeque food truck with a silver dollar.

I handed it to the lady and said, "Could I get some fries for this?"

"Sure, but what else do you want?" Confused, I said "Well, just the fries. This is all I have." She seemed slightly annoyed, "Ok, sir... But would you prefer a baked potato, green beans, cornbread or mac and cheese to go alo...

A man accidentally swallows a coin

He is then admitted to the hospital, when his friend comes to check on him he asks the nurse on any updates.

The nurse says: "No change yet."

Whenever I'm out drinking I flip a coin

If it lands on heads, I get another drink, if it lands on tails, I flip the coin again

I asked my friend why he always has coins laying around

He said told me he works at a mint, I said to him "that makes cents".

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

A little boy was selling Mangoes in a small village

"3 coins for one, 10 for three!", he said.

A dirty businessman, seeing that it was a boy, thought this to be a perfect opportunity to cheat and gain some profit. He approached the boy and asked, "What is the cost for one, little man?"

"3 for one, 10 for three!", the boy said innocentl...

A musician walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender asks "Why the long face?"

"I play flute in a travelling orchestra" he said. "Last month, we played for the Ottoman sultan. He liked our performance and ordered to fill our instruments with sapphires. The cello got 1000 sapphires in, the drum got 2000 sapphires in, this piece of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys walk into a genie next to a pool.

The genie tells them that the pool will fill up with whatever they yell as they jump in.

The first guy jumps and yells “money!” the pool fills with gold coins and bills.

The second one jumps in and screams “women!” And a bunch of women appear in the pool and eat his ass.

The thi...

Why was Harry Potter scratching himself with a pound coin?

He had quid-itch.

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