I don't know why the barista got so angry when I knocked over her container of cash and coins...

The sign said "tip jar"...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I really hate it when beggars shake their coin jar at me

I know you have more money than me, you don’t have to be a dick about it!

I was digging up our garden when I found a box full of old rare coins. I was really excited so I ran inside to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I was digging up our garden.

A small boy swallows some coins and is taken to a hospital.

When his grandmother telephones to ask how he is, the nurse tells her, “No change yet.”

[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can't see the bottom of this hole. "I wonder how deep it is.", the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen....

....nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen....still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try...

If Trump gets a coin every time he gets criticized

He would have built the wall using his own money.

If somebody offered me a coin flip to either get 10 million dollars or instantly die, I'd accept in a heartbeat. A 50 percent chance to solve all my problems would be amazing!

And even if I lost the flip, I'd still get some money.

Every time I toss five coins, they would come up on the same face.

Must be a coin-cidence.

How come coins are different from dollars?

Dollars don't make cents.

Why did the Bhuddist cashier pull coins out his ass?

Because change comes from within

My cashier called my coins handsome when I was buying a soda today..

She said "Handsome coins, over"

Imagine you're a slug of metal rolling down a conveyor belt. A massive die drops on you and you're stamped into a shiny, perfect coin...

Are you moved and impressed?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I shoved a 12th century coin up my ass and I couldn't help but laugh

Old butt gold.

Heard they are getting rid of the 1p coin. Not sure how I feel about this...

On one hand I'm opposed to change but on the other I'm opposed to change.

Did you hear about the Scotsman who dropped a £1 coin?

When he went to pick it up, it hit him on the back of his head.

My friend bought a used coin making machine

Him: "It doesn't work anymore, but I bought it anyway."
Me: "Why would you do that?? It doesn't make cents!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well..." he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it."

"And he won?" I asked.

"Well, no." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder. The bastard!"

I finally learned how coin minting machines work

It all makes cents now.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Boss wants to have sex with his secretary

A boss said to his secretary "I want to have sex with you. I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor; by the time you pick it up, I'll be done." She thought for a moment, then called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend then said "Ask him for $2000, and pick up th...

Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.

One prefers to use its head, while the other relies on tales.
(Joke Originally from The Joke Cafe - https://thejokecafe.com )

A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad...

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?

The Australian government recently unveiled their plans for a 1 dollar coin.

While some critics questioned the economic viability, the kangaroonie will start circulation next year, according to a government spokesperson.

Why did the man buy a coin printing machine?

It just made cents

Two friends were walking down the street when it started raining coins

One of them told the other, "It's climate change".

A priest goes to the barbershop and asks how much a trim would cost.

The barber answers, "oh, you're a holy man, I can't charge anything." He gives the priest a trim, the priest thanks him, and leaves. The next day, the barber finds some gold coins on his doorstep.

After a few weeks, an imam comes to the shop. He asks the barber how much it would cost for a be...

Charlie Sheen just received an AA coin in relation to maintaining sobriety for a year

Next to his HIV diagnosis, this may be the second most positive experience of his life.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins.

They start arguing what they should take and what they should give to God.

The Christian draws a circle and says, “We throw the coins into he air, and whatever lands in the circle, we keep.”

The Muslim says, “No no no. Whate...

I have a special trick for getting the result I want in a coin flip

It's not perfect, but it works about 50% of the time.

How can you tell if a coin is fresh?

You can still smell the mint

I never realized British coins were so heavy

They can really add up to pounds.

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

Did you guys hear that Nicolas Cage robbed all the coins from a bank recently? Luckily he got caught and went to jail, plus all of the money got returned!

He’s currently in a Nickleless Nicolas Cage Cage

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.

After having the beer, he asks the bartender for the bill.

"$3", says the bartender.

The man just for fun goes on and places a $1 coin on the three ends of the table. The bartender gives him a bad look but has no other option but to pick them up.

This happened for 3-4 days and e...

I saw a homeless man aggressively shaking a cup of coins at me this morning

I get it. You have more money than me. No need to rub it in

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An unhappy wife says to her mother "My asshole used to look like a 5 pence coin. Now it's so blown out it looks like a 50p!"

Her mother told her "Sweetheart, you have an estate in the countryside, a villa in Italy, luxury cars and vacation for months at a time! Do you really want to give all that up for £0.45?"

A korean couldn't find his coin, so basically ...

a korean lost a korean won

So a man one day gains the ability to make a car made of coins.

It's acceleration was a quarter faster than a dragster, the frame costed mere pennies, and the interior was full nickel, but people didn't think it made cents.

A news reporter rushes to the man in awe, asking, but does it even have brakes? The man simply looked back and said "Of course. It st...

If you have a problem eating coins, perhaps you should consult a life coach...

It'll inspire change within yourself

Why wont America ever switch to using coins like in the EU?

Because conservatives don't like change.

A friend and I wanted to get a hooker, but we could only afford one hand job so we had to flip a coin...

Luckily I won the toss...

I bought a coin press last week,

...but the manual is in another language. I hope it still makes cents

I used to put coins on my patients' heads, but my boss thought it was unethical.

When he gave me his two cents on the subject, I changed my mind.

New coin is coming out that is worth 8 times more than bitcoin!

It’s name is bytecoin!

For blind people, there are always two sides to a coin

The one they can't see and the one they can't see either

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lady and her little boy is eating in a restaurant. In an oversight, the kid swallows a coin and starts choking.

The mother tried hitting his back, slapping on the neck, shaking him hard without any success to make him spit the coin.



A man gets up from a nearby table, he lowers boy's pants, and squeezes his testicles. Voila! The boy spits out the coin.

The mother thanked the gentleman...

Can we start a national walkout for old people who try to pay for things with the exact amount of coins?

I've been waiting for change for too long.

My bit coin game is as good as my pull out game...

5 kids later

My son swallowed several coins the other day.

I've definitely seen some change in him.

My crush is like a coin

Lots of tail, and 50% chance of getting head

I don't know why I've always been addicted to coins...

...I just can't make heads or tails of it.

The penny is the most common among coins in circulation.

It's common cents.

Some German kids handed me a bunch of coins I'd never seen before.

Thanks for the strange gold, kinder!

Why were people confused when the coin mint broke?

It didn’t make any cents!

Coin flip

One day, Bob came home from school and proudly told his father, “My teacher taught us about the probability of a coin flip today! A coin will land on heads 50% of the time all the time!”

Bob’s father: That’s... not quite how it works.

Bob: Nuh-uh! My teacher said so!

Bob’s fat...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the Buddhist cashier put coins in his butt?

Because change comes from within.

Credits: From south park game. Just spreading the word!

I had surgery to become a 50p coin.

My father always said 'Be the change you want to see in the world.'

My little brother swallowed a coin and was to taken to the hospital

When I asked how he is doing, the nurse said "No change yet!"

Another blonde joke

A blonde reports for her university final exam. The exam consists mainly of true or false questions. 

She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin. Sh...

A man throws a dollar coin into a wishing well...

and a genie pops out. The genie tells him "You have thrown the largest money value into this well since it has been built. You may have one wish."

"I want a dragon."

"Are you sure? That's... pretty big, and would probably give me away. Anything else?"

"I want to learn how to fol...

Did you hear about the new minting machine that produces coins only if you focus intently on it?

It makes cents if you think about it.

After Jesus was executed, the Romans placed coins over his eyes...

Today we refer to them as J.C. Pennies

Why were Gandhi's remains compressed to make piles of 50 rupee coins?

he said "be the change you wish to see in the world".

Why won't Americans switch to a dollar coin?

They're afraid of change.

My friend and I were betting on a coin.

I asked my friend to give me a heads-up before he flipped it.

Do you know the company that makes double sided coins?

You should see the headquarters

I should write small jokes on a handful of coins

I will call them "cents of humor"

A new £1 coin is being released in the UK today...

...I don't like change.

Whenever I'm out drinking I flip a coin

If it lands on heads, I get another drink, if it lands on tails, I flip the coin again

People who work in coin factories sure are lucky.

They make a lot of money.

A man inherits a priceless coin collection...

from his deceased grandfather. One day a friend of the grandfather sees the grandson and asks him about the collection.

"Oh that? None of those coins worked in the laundromat, so I swapped each one of them for a shiny new coin at the bank." The grandson replies.

"You did what?!" The ol...

Coin flipping contests are rigged!

Just a heads up.

When Mario collects coins with his cap in Super Mario Odissey,...

you for sure know he is very _cappytalistic._

A man accidentally swallows a coin

He is then admitted to the hospital, when his friend comes to check on him he asks the nurse on any updates.

The nurse says: "No change yet."

I asked my friend why he always has coins laying around

He said told me he works at a mint, I said to him "that makes cents".

I think my coins are rigged...

I'm never gettin' any head

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was fired from the mint for masturbating near the coins.

He said it wasn't fair; there was no common sense.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman walks into the bank with a giant glass jar filled with coins.

Impressed, the teller exclaims "Oh, my! Did your horde all this yourself?"

The woman replied and said, no my sister whored for half of it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Once upon a time there lived a ravishing Queen with huge tits..

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.Horatio thought about...

I saw someone robbing a store and went to stop him. He hit me with a bag of golden coins.

I guess you could say I had some cents knocked into me.

Why was Harry Potter scratching himself with a pound coin?

He had quid-itch.

A musician walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender asks "Why the long face?"

"I play flute in a travelling orchestra" he said. "Last month, we played for the Ottoman sultan. He liked our performance and ordered to fill our instruments with sapphires. The cello got 1000 sapphires in, the drum got 2000 sapphires in, this piece of ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The eel shop

A Japanese laborer was so poor he couldn’t afford any side dishes and ate only rice. At lunch he would take his bento box and sit behind an unagi restaurant. Before each bite he would inhale the delicious smell coming from the restaurant and then put the plain rice into his mouth.

After a co...

A hot dog vendor brings a homeless man to court for standing near the stand and enjoying the smell of the meat as he ate his bread. The judge is quite exasperated.

Judge: [to the homeless man] Do you deny this?

Homeless man: No, your honor.

Judge: Do you have any coins?

Homeless man: Just a few quarters, your Honor.

Judge: Give them here.

Homeless man: Your Honor, they're all I have!

Judge: That may be so, but pl...

Everyone seems to love the new pound coin...

Personally I hate change.


Love,

Dad

Why didn't the American like the British coin factory?

It made no cents.

Obama gave me a coin with Jesus on it.

It was change I could believe in.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lady and her 7 year old son..

A lady and her 7-year-old son are eating in a restaurant.

In a moment of playfulness, the boy swallows a coin and chokes. The mother tries slapping his back, rubbing his neck, shaking him hard and everything she could think of, without success.

The boy begins to turn blue. The desper...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Don’t be racist; be like mario

He’s an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like Mexican, and grabs coins like a Jew.

Girlfriend's first football game.

A guy took his blond girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied. “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles. But I just couldn’t un...

A dude walks into his assistant's office

He really likes the woman and has been wanting to sleep with her for ages, but the assistant has a boyfriend. One day though, he walks into her office and says:

'I'll give you $500 if you sleep with me!'

'Heck, no. Besides, I have a boyfriend!'

'But I'll be really quick! I'll ju...

A Priest, a thief, a Jewish schoolboy and Irishman die in a car crash...

They stand before Saint Peter at the gates of heaven. Saint Peter looks at them and appears confused.
"My children" he says "There has been a mistake, you were not supposed to die today. I will allow you one more chance at life as long as you promise to love out the rest of your existence free o...