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Coins Jokes

When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them

In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back

Reddit Coins.

That’s it, that was the whole joke…

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Buddha start pulling coins out of his butt?

Because change comes from within.

A stranger find two French men throwing coins in a park.

When the stranger asks why the French men are doing that, one of them replies,

"We are trying to see who can throw these coins the highest! Whoever wins owes the other a hot dog!"

But suddenly the other French man interjects,

"Wait! I thought we were going off distance, not heig...

Almost all coins look the same

This must be what we call a coincidence

A soldier in WWII was shot but coins in his pocket stopped the bullet.

It was his life savings.

My son swallowed several coins the other day.

I've definitely seen some change in him.

I think Reddit used a scheme when selling coins,

And I believe it was a shilling technique.

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A man goes to ask the great guru, "Which is better, large breasts or small breasts?"

The great guru asks him "How much money do you have in bills in your wallet?"

The man quickly counts the money. "Thirty dollars."

"And if you had thirty dollars in coins," said the guru, "which would have the greater mass- the coins or the bills?"

"The coins of course."

"...

I hate it when homeless people shake their cups of coins at me

I get that you have more money than me, no need to rub it in

A man tries to pay for lunch with coins made of flatbread

Waiter tells him they won't take his naan cents

I’m not a fan of the new coins released with King Charles’ head on them.

But then again, I’ve never liked change.

I was digging in the woods and found a chest filled with gold coins

I ran back home excitedly to tell my wife the good news.

Then I remembered why I was digging in the woods.

A guy was sitting on a park bench when he suddenly produced a loud long fart. When he got up there was a pile of coins.

It was the wind of change.

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A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer

"That'll be five dollars", says the bartender, and the guy throws 20 quarters onto the floor. Reluctantly, the bartender picks up the coins and serves the beer.

The next day, the guy comes into the bar, asks for a beer, throws 20 quarters onto the floor, etc.

The next day, again.
...

Imagine a Coin Machine, that doesn't make coins.

It doesn't make any cents!

The missus keeps sorting coins into neat, separate denomination piles

I'm not sure if she has OCD or if she's just going through the change

I can't stand homeless people

Every time I leave work, one of them approaches me and shakes his can full of coins just to show off how he has more money than me.

Where do coins get committed after a crime?

The pennytentiary

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.

After having the beer, he asks the bartender for the bill.

"$3", says the bartender.

The man just for fun goes on and places a $1 coin on the three ends of the table. The bartender gives him a bad look but has no other option but to pick them up.

This happened for 3-4 days an...

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I was digging in my garden this morning and found some gold coins.

I was really excited and rushed inside to tell the prostitute about it but then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.

I just bought a belt made from coins.

Cost me 2 grand... it is a waste of money.

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A nun goes for a bath

Ten minutes in there's a knock on the door. She looks around to grab her towel but must have left it in the bedroom. She peeps out the window to see who has called.


''Who's there'' she yells
" Hi Sister Kathleen, it's the blind man " is the response


" He's probably loo...

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The Queen's breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.


Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.


One day Sid revealed his secret desire to ...

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"So, I guess you've never been with a prostitute before then." She said.

I replied "Well, No, but how can you tell?"

She said "Look, don't worry about it, just take the pound coins out my vagina and we'll start again."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who hoards old English coins?

A guinea pig

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A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast.

I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress hi...

I made little coins out of some Indian flatbread

I thought they were cool, but my mom said it was nothing but naan cents.

I really hate the fact that after the Queen’s death the Australian coins are being updated..

But then again, I don’t like change.

I said “I love you” to my cake.

It burst into tiers.

Edit: rip my inbox!

Edit 2: so many awards but no gold? I dare you to gild me. Go ahead, make my day!

Edit 3: Guys I was being sarcastic and referencing the movie Sudden Impact (cries in being old). Whoever gilded me just wasted their coins but still, thanks...

Why should you never listen to coins?

It never makes any cents

A LADY lost her handbag..

It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.

Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmm, that’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 note in it. Now there are 20 $1 coins.”

The boy replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any ...

Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor!

>!Everybody!<

Edit 1: Wow, this blew up. is this where you post your soundcloud?

Edit 2: My inbox is ruined, I should start charging reddit coins for formatting questions.

An old man walks into a bar and slams a bag of gold coins down,

addresses the customers by saying, "I'll give this entire bag of coins to any man here able to drink 10 pints in 2 minutes'"

Nobody takes him up on the offer but he notices an Irishman getting up and leaving.

A few minutes later the Irishman is back and says to him, "Is yer wager stil...

My son grabbed some coins from his mother's purse and swallowed them.

We weren't sure how much he actually swallowed at first, but we finally figured it out using the process of elimination.

U.S. singles may be bills, and Canadian singles may be coins...

...but Asian singles are in my area.

hard to find coins, hard to find killer...

A rare coin dealer was found dead in his shop on thursday morning.

Police said he was beaten 'cent-less...'

Why did the boomer have a no coins policy in his store?

He couldn’t tolerate change.

Benny swallowed some coins and was taken to the hospital.

When his mother asked how he was, the nurse said "No change yet."

*coins falling from the sky*

Me: what is this?
Climate: change

John the archaeologist is digging under a theatre and discovers 5 pots of gold coins...

Ecstatic, he tells his lead archaeologist

"Graham, I've found 3 pots of gold coins!"

"What's that John? You've found 2 pots of gold coins?"

"That's what I said, a whole pot of gold coins!"

A grade school teacher was instructing her students on the value of coins.

She took a half-dollar and laid it on her desk. "Can any of you tell me what it is?" she asked.

From the back of the room came the answer: "Tails!"

A priest goes to the barbershop and asks how much a trim would cost.

The barber answers, "oh, you're a holy man, I can't charge anything." He gives the priest a trim, the priest thanks him, and leaves. The next day, the barber finds some gold coins on his doorstep.

After a few weeks, an imam comes to the shop. He asks the barber how much it would cost for a be...

I heard the Mint stopped making coins...

It just doesn’t make cents

What do you say about the coins you toss into a wishing well?

Money well spent

A joke I thought up while dreaming last night: Why do criminals hate coins?

Because half of them are coppers.

I never realized British coins were so heavy

They can really add up to pounds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once there lived a horny man (NSFW)

There was once a horny man, who always wanted to suck the Queen's tits. He kept fantasizing, but he knew that he could never do it. He got a friend who was in the King's Palace, so he decided to ask him for help. The Friend agreed to help the horny man to fulfill his dream, but the horny man should ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day the boss of a company approached his Secretary

He said that he wanted to have sex with her. Naturally she said no but the boss responded that he would make it very quick.

“I’ll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down and pick it up I’ll be done”

She thought for a moment, then decided to call her boyfriend and tell him...

Did you hear how there's a national coin shortage?

The U.S. Mint's production of about 1 billion coins per month has been slowed due to COVID-19 safety precautions for the workers.

The good news is that they've overcome the bottlenecks and will be overclocking their machines for increased production. They plan on averaging 1.65 billion coins ...

I don't know why I've always been addicted to coins...

...I just can't make heads or tails of it.

A man inherits a priceless coin collection...

from his deceased grandfather. One day a friend of the grandfather sees the grandson and asks him about the collection.

"Oh that? None of those coins worked in the laundromat, so I swapped each one of them for a shiny new coin at the bank." The grandson replies.

"You did what?!" The ol...

A small boy swallows some coins and is taken to a hospital.

When his grandmother telephones to ask how he is, the nurse tells her, “No change yet.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cinderella, now 90 years old, and Prince Charming being long dead, sat on the balcony of her castle with her cat resting in her lap.

Suddenly, the Fairy Godmother appeared out of nowhere. Cinderella was completely stunned.

\- Wh... what are you doing here after all these years? asked Cinderella.

\- Cinderella, you have lived a perfect life. You have never done anything out of malice, and you have been a wonderful wi...

I think my coins are rigged...

I'm never gettin' any head

Why were Gandhi's remains compressed to make piles of 50 rupee coins?

he said "be the change you wish to see in the world".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the Buddhist cashier put coins in his butt?

Because change comes from within.

Credits: From south park game. Just spreading the word!

Just discovered there is an award you can give that doesn't require buying any coins!

I've been handing out orange and blue arrows ever since.

I should write small jokes on a handful of coins

I will call them "cents of humor"

The penny is the most common among coins in circulation.

It's common cents.

A rabbi, a priest, and an imam were walking down a deserted road when they stumbled upon a pot filled with gold coins

After a few moments they all agreed that being men of God, they can't take all the gold for themselves. They have to give something back to God. The Priest said: i'm going to draw a square on the ground and throw the pot high in the air. Whatever fells inside the square is mine to take, whatever ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father walks into a bar with his son and gives him three pennies to play with.

Suddenly the boy starts choking. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up two of the pennies but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father panics and shouts to the bar's patrons for help.

A well-dressed, attractive and seri...

Fact, when you find diamonds, old coins or anything of value on your property, it belongs to the government.

But, if the police find drugs, they belong to you.

Do you know the company that makes double sided coins?

You should see the headquarters

Did you hear about the new minting machine that produces coins only if you focus intently on it?

It makes cents if you think about it.

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