Two beggars are asking for coins in the street of a small Italian town...

One of them has a big cross necklace and the other one has a big Star of David necklace.

The man with the Star of David necklace has an empty cup while the one with the cross has a cup that’s overflowing with change.

Some nice passerby by stops next to the Jewish man and whispers “sir,...

I hate that ATMs don't dispense coins.

It just doesn't make cents.

A soldier in WWII was shot but coins in his pocket stopped the bullet.

It was his life savings.

Almost all coins look the same

This must be what we call a coincidence

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer "That'll be five dollars", says the bartender, and the guy throws 20 quarters onto the floor. Reluctantly, the bartender picks up the coins and serves the beer.



The next day, the guy comes into the bar, asks for a beer, throws 20 quarters onto the floor, etc.

The next day, again.

On the fourth day, he asks for a beer, and hands the bartender a 10$ bill. The bartender takes advantage of his chance for revenge, throws 20 quarters onto th...

What do you say about the coins you toss into a wishing well?

Money well spent

What happened when it started raining coins?

It started knocking some sense into the world

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the buddhist monk poop coins?

Because change comes from within.

I was digging in our garden when i found a chest full of gold coins

I was about to run inside and tell my wife about it, but then i remembered why i was digging in our garden

I was digging in my yard and I found some old coins

I got so excited i ran inside to tell the hooker then, I remembered what the hole was for.

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A son is choking

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three coins to play with.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face turning blue! The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up two of the ...

Benny swallowed some coins and was taken to the hospital.

When his mother asked how he was, the nurse said "No change yet."

Why should you never listen to coins?

It never makes any cents

Did you hear how there's a national coin shortage?

The U.S. Mint's production of about 1 billion coins per month has been slowed due to COVID-19 safety precautions for the workers.

The good news is that they've overcome the bottlenecks and will be overclocking their machines for increased production. They plan on averaging 1.65 billion coins ...

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The Queen's breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.


Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.


One day Sid revealed his secret desire to ...

hard to find coins, hard to find killer...

A rare coin dealer was found dead in his shop on thursday morning.

Police said he was beaten 'cent-less...'

Why did the boomer have a no coins policy in his store?

He couldn’t tolerate change.

What do you call a pile of coins in the rain?

Climate change

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Once there lived a horny man (NSFW)

There was once a horny man, who always wanted to suck the Queen's tits. He kept fantasizing, but he knew that he could never do it. He got a friend who was in the King's Palace, so he decided to ask him for help. The Friend agreed to help the horny man to fulfill his dream, but the horny man should ...

In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin.

Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.

She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping he...

I said “I love you” to my cake.

It burst into tiers.

Edit: rip my inbox!

Edit 2: so many awards but no gold? I dare you to gild me. Go ahead, make my day!

Edit 3: Guys I was being sarcastic and referencing the movie Sudden Impact (cries in being old). Whoever gilded me just wasted their coins but still, thanks...

A couple had been married for 50 years. The man had a large cardboard box under the bed.

His wife had noticed this box but never thought much of it. One day, however, curiosity got the better of her, and she opened it. She found 2 empty beer cans and a bag with some dollar bills and coins.

That night, she asked her husband what this was about.

"Well," he replied. "If y...

A rabbi, a priest, and an imam were walking down a deserted road when they stumbled upon a pot filled with gold coins

After a few moments they all agreed that being men of God, they can't take all the gold for themselves. They have to give something back to God. The Priest said: i'm going to draw a square on the ground and throw the pot high in the air. Whatever fells inside the square is mine to take, whatever ...

What's the difference between a bunch of babies in a pool and some coins?

The coins are the only thing heads up...

Just remembered a classic from my childhood

When I say childhood, I mean from the playground at primary school.

3 men are out for a walk when a man approaches them.

"Come with me, I have a magic slide. Whatever you shout as you slide down it, you will land in"

The first man climbed into the slide "Gold!" He shouted and la...

A man crosses the border each morning on a donkey...

...and each day, his donkey is loaded with only bags of straw. When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports. Every day, they find nothing. And yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in th...

A joke I thought up while dreaming last night: Why do criminals hate coins?

Because half of them are coppers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar he's never visited before, and settles down to order a drink.

Before long, he notices someone sitting in the corner - a man who appears normal in every regard except that his head is a gigantic orange. Curious, the newcomer asks the bartender "What's up with the guy in the corner? The one with the-" but the bartender interrupts and says "Honestly, your best be...

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A man and an ostrich walk into a bar...

The man asks for a beer and the bartender obliges.

"Ahem," says the ostrich. The bartender looks up at it. It nods its head at the beer in front of the man and says, "I'll have the same." Bartender shrugs and gets a second beer for the bird.

After a few hours of drinking in silence, th...

Fact, when you find diamonds, old coins or anything of value on your property, it belongs to the government.

But, if the police find drugs, they belong to you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with boss

A boss said to his secretary I want to have sex with you and I’ll make it very fast. I’ll throw $1000 dollars on the floor and by time you bend down to pick it up I’ll be done.

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said to her “but ask him f...

Just discovered there is an award you can give that doesn't require buying any coins!

I've been handing out orange and blue arrows ever since.

An old man walks into a bar and slams a bag of gold coins down,

addresses the customers by saying, "I'll give this entire bag of coins to any man here able to drink 10 pints in 2 minutes'"

Nobody takes him up on the offer but he notices an Irishman getting up and leaving.

A few minutes later the Irishman is back and says to him, "Is yer wager stil...

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A man walks into a bar with a donkey and an ostrich.

He sits down at the counter and asks for a beer.

“That will be 5.98$, sir.”, the bartender says.

The man, puts his hand into his pocket and pulls out 5 dollars and 98 cents in exact change.

“How much will it cost to buy everyone here a round of drinks?”, the man asks, taking a s...

A small boy swallows some coins and is taken to a hospital.

When his grandmother telephones to ask how he is, the nurse tells her, “No change yet.”

U.S. singles may be bills, and Canadian singles may be coins...

...but Asian singles are in my area.

A robot walks into a barber shop.

The barber is shaving customer's beard when the robot enters and waves at him. The barber smiles and asks the customer: "See this robot? Guy thinks he's so smart, but lemme show you something. You'll be surprised how dumb these machines actually are."

"Hey, robot, look at me!" the barber says...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office

But she belonged to someone else... One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a £100 if you let me have sex with you. But the girl said NO. Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a guy with a miro penis(nsfw)

There was a guy with a penis so small, he was so dejected whenever he saw it. He went to a lot of doctors in order to get a larger penis,but in vain. After enquiring a lot, he came to know that there was a sage who lived upon a mountain who helped in increasing penis sizes.


He agreed to g...

Vending machine

A guy from the past travel to the future and sees a vending machine. He's confused so he asks a person how does it work. The person says "You first put a coin, then you click here and there you go" a can of Cola falls and the person takes it. The guy from the past gets exited so he brings out all hi...

People say mario is "unrealistic"

but if an Italian man jumped on my head I would die and he would be entitled to any coins I have

I hate it when homeless people shake their cups of coins at me

I get that you have more money than me, no need to rub it in

My cashier called my coins handsome when I was buying a soda today..

She said "Handsome coins, over"

I heard the Mint stopped making coins...

It just doesn’t make cents

Did you guys hear that Nicolas Cage robbed all the coins from a bank recently? Luckily he got caught and went to jail, plus all of the money got returned!

He’s currently in a Nickleless Nicolas Cage Cage

My son swallowed several coins the other day.

I've definitely seen some change in him.

I don't know why the barista got so angry when I knocked over her container of cash and coins...

The sign said "tip jar"...

Prostate exam

A man goes to his doctor for his prostate exam. The doctor gets his glove and starts doing his thing, when suddenly, he finds a £50 note! The doctor keeps searching and finds a large amount of notes and coins at different amounts. After he's sure he got everything out, he counts it all up.

...

A priest goes to the barber and has his hair cut.

He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next morning the barber finds 5 silver coins in front of his door.

A buddhist goes to the barber and has his head shaved. He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next mor...

I made a risky move to get more bit coins but it backfired on me

My teeth cracked and now I'm on my way to the dentist

Frank is relaxing in a bar.

The bartender comes up to him and asks, "Why do you have such big coins?" for in Frank's pocket, there are some pretty big-sized coins.

"Well these are 10-inch pennies," he replies.

A woman nearby asks, "how did you get them?"

Frank then proceeds to tell the story of how he was ...

Two friends were walking down the street when it started raining coins

One of them told the other, "It's climate change".

Every time I toss five coins, they would come up on the same face.

Must be a coin-cidence.

A Man...

A Man is stopped by an Old Woman who was holding out seeds and says "take these seeds and you will be on your way to success."
The man takes the seeds and plants them, going to sleep and waking up the next day to find the seeds have sprouted into a gigantic tree. A booking voice rings out from ab...

I never realized British coins were so heavy

They can really add up to pounds.

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