UPJOKE
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If a recipe calls for you to turn off the heat and begin mincing your herbs to add to the dish, that step would be called:

Stop. Hammer thyme.

Two priests die and go up to Heaven...

.. but when they get there they find there's a HUGE lineup at the Pearly Gates. Hours and hours go by and they are barely inching closer to their destination. Finally they see St. Peter lean over and stare down the line at someone behind them. He makes a "come here" gesture and this pretty blonde...

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