What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m sexually attracted to mashed chickpeas

I’m a hummussexual

My 6 year old Niece told me this: What do you call a tooth that has been mashed?

Toothpaste

I Want to Make a Band called Mashed Potatoes

Then go on an Ultimate Tour with Meatloaf, Korn, Bread, Red hot Chilie Peppers, Salt-N-Pepa, The Cranberries, The Black Eyed Peas, Orange Juice, Ice Cube and Cake!

*I know a few are dead and some of them suck but I tried damn it, lol

What does The Hulk say when someone tries to steal his mashed potatoes?

HULKS MASH!!

A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies "$1".

The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?"

The Bartender reply's "$5". The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] Two brothers, a vegan and a carnivore, sit down to Thanksgiving dinner together with their family...

The father intones, "on this day of thanks, let us give thanks to God..."

The vegan brother interrupts..."I'm not eating the turkey..."

The carnivore brother replies, " that's fine, there's plenty of other food on the table."

The vegan then says " I'm not eating any of the stuff...

(long) a blind joke.

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, ...

Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries...

And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides…

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call bossy mashed potatoes?

Dicktaters.

A new law in Korea stating all dogs must be chipped is causing mayhem.

Most people prefer them mashed.

I like to keep my Thanksgiving dinner simple: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and veggies

Everything else is just gravy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend decided to have a testicle removed after he found a lump.

He is really hardcore about his mashed potatoes.

Twenty-five years.

Twenty-five years, and I never killed a single person until a few months ago. Now I'm on death row for multiple charges: manslaughter, murder, negligence.

After the first, I thought it was over. I thought nothing of the fact that the Sheriff warned me I would be sentenced to death if it happe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A trucker is driving down a random stretch of highway

He happens upon a billboard while driving that reads...

Peaches, engineered for your taste!
Only 10 miles!

Mildly intrigued, the driver decides to check out what this means. "Engineered for my tastes, what bullshit!", he says.

Driving for the next couple miles, he final...

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

You can mash potatoes,
but you can't pee soup.


(sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny was sitting by an ant hill squashing every ant he could

A priest and a nun came upon Johnny doing this and asked Johnny to stop. Then asked why Johnny would do such a thing.

Johnny: These ants are useless, and I'm mashing them.

The nun and priest were appalled at his reply, "No, no! Nothing in God's beautiful creation is useless!"

Jo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A truck driver was driving down the road

He read a small sign nailed to a light pole that said “peaches that taste like everything and anything.” Curious, the truck driver drove down the road that the sign was nailed to and came across and old man with a little setup in front of a farm. The truck driver parked his truck and went over to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don’t know if this ones on here yet

John went to the store to pick up a ham for his family’s Christmas dinner. He goes to the meat counter and asks for a ham, “Try this damn ham” the man at the counter said. “Excuse me”
John said, “no that’s what they’re called, damn hams” the man said and handed John a damn ham. He pays for the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paddy is plowing his field with a steamroller.

Seamus comes up to him and says "Paddy, you don't plow a field with a steamroller you stupid bastard".

Paddy stops mid-field, looking at Seamus in disbelief.

Finally, Paddy says: "I'm growing mashed potatoes, you thick cunt".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A society of Froot Loops

So there's a society of Froot Loops in every box. There's the bottom, filled with all the broken, mashed up Loops, the middle class, which are a mix of good and bad Loops, and then there's the upper class, the 1 per cent of Froot Loops.



One day, two Loops from the bottom class decide ...

If Memory serves me right this time...

I'll have an extra side of mashed potatoes!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys die in a drunk driving accident...

...and their three souls float up to heaven. They arrive at the gates of heaven, and after a minute, Saint Peter appears before them. Saint Peter says, "Boys, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have died in a horrible car accident. We would love to welcome you into heaven, but you first must pass o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A christian mother thought to herself since my husband has been working so hard preaching maybe i should cook him a nice dinner...

He loves ham so i'll get him some ham. She went to the grocery store and asked mr. Brown the deli manager "Do you have some fresh ham?" He said "no all I have is some damham" She said "I'm a christian how dare you say that to me?" He said "No thats the brand see?" "Oh!" she said, it has a beaver and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady goes to the doctor.

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, wh...

My Socials Teacher just posted this long Potato Pun

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,

And finally they got married, and had a little sweet Potato, which they Called 'Yam.'

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and ge...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pick Up

A guy picks up a girl at the local bar and takes her to a motel. He decides to go down on her first and he is licking her she suddenly moans and a mix of peas, carrots, and mashed potatoes oozes out of her vagina. He looks up and says "Lady, you're sick!" She replies, "I'm not sick, but I think t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's only one thing I love more than bacon

...and I can't put pussy in my mashed potatoes.

What do you get when a short bus gets in a wreck?

Mashed potatoes.

THAT DAMN HAM

A preacher's wife goes to the butcher.
The butcher asks if she'd like to try some damn ham.
The preacher's wife is shocked. The butcher explains that "Dam Ham" is the brand name of the meat and shows her the packaging with the beaver and dam logo.
That night, the preacher asks, "What's for ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother wanted to kill her three boys...

A mother wanted to kill her three boys. She grabbed the first thing she could and put BBs in the kids mashed potatoes in hopes of choking or poisoning.

The next day, the first boy came to his mother and said "Mommy Mommy! I got a BB stuck in my weenie and I can't go pee" ... She replied "Ok ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.