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Pronounce Jokes

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"



I hope that blew your minds

Why do british people pronounce it as bri'ish

They drank the T

Is it pronounced “ee-ther” or “I-ther”?

Either

Is the capital of Kentucky pronounced Loo-iss-ville or Loo-ee-ville?

Wrong. It's pronounced Frank-fort.

Why do British people pronounce the word “Bri’ish” like they do?

Because they drank all the T.

(Told to me by my 11yo)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you pronounce "fuck off" backwards.

you say it in a British accent.

Why do the British pronounce it "Bri'ish"?

Because the Americans dumped the T in Boston Harbor.

a teacher is doing attendance. she comes across the name “hijkm” she says “i’m sorry, i’m not sure how to pronounce this name,” then spells it out. a girl raises her hand and says this:

“that’s me, and it’s pronounced noelle”

If 'womb' is pronounced as 'woom' and 'tomb, as' 'toom'

Shouldn't 'bomb' be pronounced 'boom'?

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."

The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.

"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

A man and his wife are travelling through the United States, when they notice a sign telling them that the town they are entering is called Kissimee.

They quickly start arguing about the correct way to pronounce it. "KISS-a-me," says the husband. "That's wrong," says the wife, "The right way to say it is kis-A-me." "Not necessarily," says the husband, "It could also be kis-a-ME."

Their argument continues as they enter town, and decide t...

My annual cake day joke repost - how can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce unionized

"Cell" and its derivatives (Cellular, Cellulose, Cellulite, etc.) are the only English words where the C is pronounced like an S.

At least, I'm pretty certain.

I still remember the day they pronounced my dad dead!

I couldn't believe I'd been saying dad wrong all those years..

What's the correct way to pronounce nihilism?

Doesn't matter.

I'm friends with a Chess grandmaster from Prague, but I can't pronounce his name

Is it OK if I just call him a Czech mate?

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In my thesis, I was gonna prove that Brits often pronounce "th-" sounds as "f"

Turns out it was a shitty idea.

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(Based on a true story): My 6 year old son walked into the family room while I was watching a movie. He points at me and proclaims "You licked a puss!"...

I muted the TV and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'm sorry? What did you say?"

He pointed again and proclaimed "YOU LICKED A PUSS!"

My mind stared racing... "Did we leave the door opened on date night last Saturday?" I then looked behind me and saw a candle burning.

"Son...

Two students are arguing about how to pronounce the word "either"

One student insists it's pronounced ee-ther while the other insists it's pronounced eye-ther. They go back and forth until they decide to ask the teacher. "Teacher, what's the right way to say it? Is it ee-ther or eye-ther?" The teacher blinks and says, "oy-ther will do."

Why do Brits pronounce Tuesday as chooseday ?

Because they drank the T

My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients

I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.

Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii".

They ask a passerby, who answers "HaVaii".

"Thank you", says the satisfied first man.

"You're velcome", replies the passerby.

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It's pronounced like "jif."

Yeah, well I don't gif a fuck.

Pronounce it please!

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.


As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the "blonde" employee: "Before we order...

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How do you pronounce XXXTentacion?

Dead.

How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky: Louis-ville or Lou-ee-ville?

Frankfort

FYI: The .gif file format is pronounced "jiff"

I know because I joogled it.

Whats it called when you barely pronounce a T?

Subtlety.

Did you know the GIF is pronounced 'jiff', not giff?

That's because GIF actually stands for ' jraphics interchange format'.

If you don't know how to pronounce the "g" in "gif"...

it's pronounced just like the "g" in "gigantic"

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Looking for good president jokes.

Please post jokes that can't be just copy-pasted from one administration to another.

Here, I'll start.

George Bush and Dick Cheney stopped in to a small diner for breakfast while touring through the country.

The waitress comes to take their orders. Cheney orders an omelette. Sh...

How do you pronounce "banana split"?

Ban-ana

A man spends his whole life thinking GIF is pronounced "giff"

Some of his friends still insist that it's "jiff". When he finally dies and goes to heaven he asks God "is GIF pronounced "giff" or "jiff"? God says "it's "jiff"". He responds with "ok, JOD."

I asked my friend how nihilism is pronounced.

Neelishm or nylisim.

He said “it doesn’t matter.”

Why don't British people pronounce the letter 't'?

Because the Americans threw it in the ocean.

ALTERNATE PUNCHLINE: Because they drank it all.

Historical Context on How to Pronounce the Sauce

Since we are talking about how to pronounce the sauce. I though I would give some historical context I was talk when I was younger.

In the 19th Century, 2 men in England created a new sauce. It was savory, and went well with potatoes and meats. The 2 men didn't know what to call this sauce, s...

To pronounce the word,”Queue”,you only have to pronounce the letter Q because....

...All the other letters are waiting in line

Q: How do you pronounce e-s-c-h-e-w?

Q: How do you pronounce e-s-c-h-e-w?

A: Eschew

Q: Gesundheit

How do you pronounce that word?

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.


A particularly beautiful waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit, came to his table and asked if he was ready to order,


"What would you like, sir?


"He looks at...

How do you pronounce a Welsh town?

Caerphilly

There's a reason Bri ish people don' pronounce their T's

We drank them all.

Have you heard the people who pronounce 'Pangea' with a hard 'g' instead of the soft one?

For the confused, I'm talking about consonantal drift.

Two computer nerds start arguing about if they have to pronounce it gif or jif.

The argument gets extremely heated and it goes on for hours.

In the end they just decide to have the sandwich with just the jelly.

How can you tell the difference between an influencer and a computer scientist?

By checking how they pronounce the word “bios”

How do you pronounce "Aunt"?

"Ont", "Ant", or "Goldnt"?

Incorrectly pronounced French jokes?

Oh please, so quiche

My wife says I can't pronounce Frederick properly.

**DOCTOR:** What? Can you say it again?

**ME:** Frederick

**DOCTOR:** Your pronunciation is perfect, tell your wife that you don't have any problem with that.

**MY WIFE:** What did the doctor said?

**ME:** The doctor said that there is nothing wrong with my pronunciation ...

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My friend tried to tell me Uranus is pronounced 'Your Anus'. I scoffed at him and simply said....

M'ars

TIL That Elbillug is the only word that is pronounced the same forward and backward.

Well, that and Rekcus.

You can't pronounce 'O' while biting your lower lip.

Again, louder baby

Its pronounced Ewww

I hate to Brexit to you.

I wasnt aware that the name Niamh was pronounced Neve

Until my mate Stiamh told me

It’s pronounced school

Not shooting range

Some pronounce it as gif, others say gif but the correct way is actually

gif

Her: I'm sorry sir, your dad was pronounced dead.

Me: I can't believe I've been pronouncing it wrong all this time!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mom pronounces “boil” like “bull”

Needless to say, that southern twang is boilcrap

English is weird. Sometimes the letter 'c' is pronounced like 's', but other times not.

Source: course

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I taught my nephew to skip the first "H" whenever he reads/pronounce English words

E.g honest, hour, honour. Later that day i told him to *heat* my food in the microwave. I almost killed that bastard.

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I was trying to figure out how to pronounce Peter Buttigieg’s name.

Then I was told it rhymes with “Heater.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son adorably can't pronounce Ks and they always come out as Ts...

... it was all cute until he asked my neighbour if he could "stroke her titties".

Why don’t we pronounce k in knowledge

We haven’t acknowledged it yet

I’ll walk myself out

Breaking: Spelling Bee Official Pronounced Dead.

He then used it in a sentence.

Gin and jinn are pronounced the same way.

Both are spirits in a bottle.

Be wary about dating a female that pronounces the letter H silent

Especially when she tells you that all she wants is happiness.

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