UPJOKE
speakarticulatenasalizevocalizesayvocaliseenouncemispronouncedeclareenunciatejudgeverbalizerecitenasalisesibilate

Pronounce Jokes

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"



I hope that blew your minds
upvote downvote report

Why do british people pronounce it as bri'ish

They drank the T
upvote downvote report

Is it pronounced “ee-ther” or “I-ther”?

Either
upvote downvote report

Is the capital of Kentucky pronounced Loo-iss-ville or Loo-ee-ville?

Wrong. It's pronounced Frank-fort.
upvote downvote report

Why do British people pronounce the word “Bri’ish” like they do?

Because they drank all the T.

(Told to me by my 11yo)
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you pronounce "fuck off" backwards.

you say it in a British accent.

Why do the British pronounce it "Bri'ish"?

Because the Americans dumped the T in Boston Harbor.
upvote downvote report

a teacher is doing attendance. she comes across the name “hijkm” she says “i’m sorry, i’m not sure how to pronounce this name,” then spells it out. a girl raises her hand and says this:

“that’s me, and it’s pronounced noelle”
upvote downvote report

If 'womb' is pronounced as 'woom' and 'tomb, as' 'toom'

Shouldn't 'bomb' be pronounced 'boom'?
upvote downvote report

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.
upvote downvote report

"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."

The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.

"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.
upvote downvote report

A man and his wife are travelling through the United States, when they notice a sign telling them that the town they are entering is called Kissimee.

They quickly start arguing about the correct way to pronounce it. "KISS-a-me," says the husband. "That's wrong," says the wife, "The right way to say it is kis-A-me." "Not necessarily," says the husband, "It could also be kis-a-ME."

Their argument continues as they enter town, and decide t...
upvote downvote report

My annual cake day joke repost - how can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce unionized
upvote downvote report

"Cell" and its derivatives (Cellular, Cellulose, Cellulite, etc.) are the only English words where the C is pronounced like an S.

At least, I'm pretty certain.
upvote downvote report

I still remember the day they pronounced my dad dead!

I couldn't believe I'd been saying dad wrong all those years..
upvote downvote report

What's the correct way to pronounce nihilism?

Doesn't matter.
upvote downvote report

I'm friends with a Chess grandmaster from Prague, but I can't pronounce his name

Is it OK if I just call him a Czech mate?
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In my thesis, I was gonna prove that Brits often pronounce "th-" sounds as "f"

Turns out it was a shitty idea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Based on a true story): My 6 year old son walked into the family room while I was watching a movie. He points at me and proclaims "You licked a puss!"...

I muted the TV and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'm sorry? What did you say?"

He pointed again and proclaimed "YOU LICKED A PUSS!"

My mind stared racing... "Did we leave the door opened on date night last Saturday?" I then looked behind me and saw a candle burning.

"Son...

Two students are arguing about how to pronounce the word "either"

One student insists it's pronounced ee-ther while the other insists it's pronounced eye-ther. They go back and forth until they decide to ask the teacher. "Teacher, what's the right way to say it? Is it ee-ther or eye-ther?" The teacher blinks and says, "oy-ther will do."
upvote downvote report

Why do Brits pronounce Tuesday as chooseday ?

Because they drank the T
upvote downvote report

My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients

I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.
upvote downvote report

Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii".

They ask a passerby, who answers "HaVaii".

"Thank you", says the satisfied first man.

"You're velcome", replies the passerby.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's pronounced like "jif."

Yeah, well I don't gif a fuck.

Pronounce it please!

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.


As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the "blonde" employee: "Before we order...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you pronounce XXXTentacion?

Dead.

How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky: Louis-ville or Lou-ee-ville?

Frankfort
upvote downvote report

FYI: The .gif file format is pronounced "jiff"

I know because I joogled it.
upvote downvote report

Whats it called when you barely pronounce a T?

Subtlety.
upvote downvote report

Did you know the GIF is pronounced 'jiff', not giff?

That's because GIF actually stands for ' jraphics interchange format'.
upvote downvote report

If you don't know how to pronounce the "g" in "gif"...

it's pronounced just like the "g" in "gigantic"
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Looking for good president jokes.

Please post jokes that can't be just copy-pasted from one administration to another.

Here, I'll start.

George Bush and Dick Cheney stopped in to a small diner for breakfast while touring through the country.

The waitress comes to take their orders. Cheney orders an omelette. Sh...

How do you pronounce "banana split"?

Ban-ana
upvote downvote report

A man spends his whole life thinking GIF is pronounced "giff"

Some of his friends still insist that it's "jiff". When he finally dies and goes to heaven he asks God "is GIF pronounced "giff" or "jiff"? God says "it's "jiff"". He responds with "ok, JOD."
upvote downvote report

I asked my friend how nihilism is pronounced.

Neelishm or nylisim.

He said “it doesn’t matter.”
upvote downvote report

Why don't British people pronounce the letter 't'?

Because the Americans threw it in the ocean.

ALTERNATE PUNCHLINE: Because they drank it all.
upvote downvote report

Historical Context on How to Pronounce the Sauce

Since we are talking about how to pronounce the sauce. I though I would give some historical context I was talk when I was younger.

In the 19th Century, 2 men in England created a new sauce. It was savory, and went well with potatoes and meats. The 2 men didn't know what to call this sauce, s...
upvote downvote report

To pronounce the word,”Queue”,you only have to pronounce the letter Q because....

...All the other letters are waiting in line
upvote downvote report

Q: How do you pronounce e-s-c-h-e-w?

Q: How do you pronounce e-s-c-h-e-w?

A: Eschew

Q: Gesundheit
upvote downvote report

How do you pronounce that word?

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.


A particularly beautiful waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit, came to his table and asked if he was ready to order,


"What would you like, sir?


"He looks at...
upvote downvote report

How do you pronounce a Welsh town?

Caerphilly
upvote downvote report

There's a reason Bri ish people don' pronounce their T's

We drank them all.
upvote downvote report

Have you heard the people who pronounce 'Pangea' with a hard 'g' instead of the soft one?

For the confused, I'm talking about consonantal drift.
upvote downvote report

Two computer nerds start arguing about if they have to pronounce it gif or jif.

The argument gets extremely heated and it goes on for hours.

In the end they just decide to have the sandwich with just the jelly.
upvote downvote report

How can you tell the difference between an influencer and a computer scientist?

By checking how they pronounce the word “bios”
upvote downvote report

How do you pronounce "Aunt"?

"Ont", "Ant", or "Goldnt"?
upvote downvote report

Incorrectly pronounced French jokes?

Oh please, so quiche
upvote downvote report

My wife says I can't pronounce Frederick properly.

**DOCTOR:** What? Can you say it again?

**ME:** Frederick

**DOCTOR:** Your pronunciation is perfect, tell your wife that you don't have any problem with that.

**MY WIFE:** What did the doctor said?

**ME:** The doctor said that there is nothing wrong with my pronunciation ...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend tried to tell me Uranus is pronounced 'Your Anus'. I scoffed at him and simply said....

M'ars

TIL That Elbillug is the only word that is pronounced the same forward and backward.

Well, that and Rekcus.
upvote downvote report

You can't pronounce 'O' while biting your lower lip.

Again, louder baby
upvote downvote report

Its pronounced Ewww

I hate to Brexit to you.
upvote downvote report

I wasnt aware that the name Niamh was pronounced Neve

Until my mate Stiamh told me
upvote downvote report

It’s pronounced school

Not shooting range
upvote downvote report

Some pronounce it as gif, others say gif but the correct way is actually

gif
upvote downvote report

Her: I'm sorry sir, your dad was pronounced dead.

Me: I can't believe I've been pronouncing it wrong all this time!
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mom pronounces “boil” like “bull”

Needless to say, that southern twang is boilcrap

English is weird. Sometimes the letter 'c' is pronounced like 's', but other times not.

Source: course
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I taught my nephew to skip the first "H" whenever he reads/pronounce English words

E.g honest, hour, honour. Later that day i told him to *heat* my food in the microwave. I almost killed that bastard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was trying to figure out how to pronounce Peter Buttigieg’s name.

Then I was told it rhymes with “Heater.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son adorably can't pronounce Ks and they always come out as Ts...

... it was all cute until he asked my neighbour if he could "stroke her titties".

Why don’t we pronounce k in knowledge

We haven’t acknowledged it yet

I’ll walk myself out
upvote downvote report

Breaking: Spelling Bee Official Pronounced Dead.

He then used it in a sentence.
upvote downvote report

Gin and jinn are pronounced the same way.

Both are spirits in a bottle.
upvote downvote report

Be wary about dating a female that pronounces the letter H silent

Especially when she tells you that all she wants is happiness.
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information