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Mince Jokes

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders minced pork shoulder and ham, pressed it into a block and served in a can.

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Why didn't Santa get any mince pies on Christmas?

Because it was stollen.

Who invented mince?

A leper playing guitar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got fired from the butchers today for putting my dick in the mince machine.

She got fired as well..

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy.

I bought minced meat but forgot to pay the butcher

He now has a beef with me

odd one out.

Which is the odd one out.?

a pound of beef mince.

a pound of soya mince,

or a vibrator.?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.Answer the beef mince, the other two are meat substitutes.

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift…

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift when his coworker called in sick. Friday nights were always busy at the restaurant and he was the only one working the kitchen. He decides to grab one of the busboys to help him cook for the night.

“Alright,” the chef says, “tonight is busy...

Every recipe for meatballs I find says to crack open a couple of eggs into some ground beef.

I guess that's why the two yolk is always in the cow mince

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stupid Dog

A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door. "An' wot's this then? " he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins. "You dumb dog. " As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a...

A lady came into work today.

And she purchased an energy drink and a pie.

I said “so just the drink and the mince and cheese pie?”

She said “no, actually it’s a steak and cheese pie.”

And to that I said “oh sorry, my misSteak and cheese”

My mis STEAK... and cheese.

I’m telling everyone

A horse walks into a bar.

The horse says "ow".





The barman shoots him in the head and sells his constituent parts to Tesco for beef mince.

What does a leper make when they play guitar?

Minced meat

Rest in peace, garlic.

You will be minced.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Rare Dish

This is a long one.

An English cook is trying to build up his skills as a chef. He's been working for years learning all sorts of rare and unique dishes to serve at his mentor's restaurant.

One day a wealthy guest at the restaurant asks to meet the cook and says "While I enjoyed the me...

A jockey was riding the favourite at a race meeting, and was well ahead of the field.

His horse rounded the final corner, when suddenly the jockey was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages.

He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence....

Red sky at night; shepherds delight, red sky in morning; shepherds warning

Minced lamb, potato, onion and carrot; shepherd's pie.

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