What's the difference between having a latte and being late

Whether or not you have time for t

Tried to spike my pumpkin spice latte with LSD and it exploded

That’s what happens when you mix acid and basic

The girl I'm dating loves pumpkin spice lattes and uggs, but she's honestly pretty odd

She literally can't even

Barista: "Would you like Synonym on your Chai latte?"

Customer: "Don't you mean Cinnamon?"

Barista: "It means the same thing, doesn't it?"

So I’m dating this girl, called magnesium hydroxide, she likes fairy lights, nickelback and pumpkin spiced lattes...

Yeah she is pretty basic.

What do you call an Asian who spills his latte on his pants?

Chai knees

So a man walks into a coffee house late in the afternoon and asks for a tall drink with 4 shots of espresso and the rest filled with milk.

The barista looks at him lightly concerned and she says,

Are you sure sir? That’s a latte coffee.

Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.

My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.

I know, says the second owner.<...

What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with vodka?

A sorority.

Why did the trekkie spit out her latte at the Star Trek Convention?

Cause William Shatner Coffee.

hahahha

A Canadian walks into a cafe, and the barista asks, "Would you like a latte?"

And the Canadian responds to him "Nah, just a bit, eh."

How do you make a latte?

Add $5 to a cup of coffee.

I heard someone call pumpkin spice lattes basic...

but they are wrong, lattes have a pH below 7

Chad and Karen are driving home from Thanksgiving.

After a grueling time with the relatives, tensions are high when Karen suddenly points to a Starbucks and says she wants to stop for a latte.

Chad really wants to get home but pulls over anyway. Thirty slow minutes later she finally returns with her coffee.

Once back on the road, the...

I was in the queue at Starbucks this morning.

The man getting served in front of me, asked for a mocha. "Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas". The guy was fuming "I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!", he raged, "I'll just have to have a latte!". He went and sat down. I went to the counter and said "I'll have a large latte too, plea...

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What do you call a girl dog with a pH greater then 7.0?

A basic bitch

Did you know that Starbucks can make your teeth whiter?

Enough pumpkin spiced latte will make anything whiter

Men with neck tattoos used to make me nervous.

Now they make me lattes.

When should you stop pouring milk into the coffee?

Before it is too latte

Why did the hipster burn his lips?

He had to drink his soy latte before it was cool.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First Time Teacher

Day 1 of home schooling


0800  opened school website to get assignments.


0900  found where assignments were hidden on the website.


0915  called school to have the website explained.


0930  called school again.


0945  Had wife call school ...

So I'm at Costa Coffee at the service area

and I order a latte and I pick up a slab of fruit cake, and I say to the check-out lady "Sorry, I only have a £20 note".

And she says "You'll have to put the cake back then love."

Someone called me pretentious today.

I nearly choked on my honey-cardamom latte.

A guy walks into a coffee shop

He goes the counter and asks, “So what’s the special?”

The barista shakes her head, “I can’t tell you, it’s a secret.”

The man frowns. “What do you mean it’s a secret? What’s the special today? Is it a latte?”

The barista shakes her head.

“A mocha?”

She shakes her...

An American woman walks into an Italian Starbucks.

She asks for a venti latte and takes her seat. She sits there for 30 minutes, exasperated that she doesn’t have her latte yet.

After a while, the cashier finally calls her name, and the woman goes up.

The cashier hands her 20 lattes.

My local Brothel started offering coffee recently

Eager to give it a try, I walked in and ordered a tall black.



Then I ordered my Latte.

A man walks into a bar in Los Angeles, carrying a large wooden box

A man walks into a bar in Los Angeles, carrying a large wooden box.

The bartender is quite curious and asks the man what’s inside.

“I’ll show you if you get me a beer”, the man says.

The bartender accepts the deal and gets the guest a beer. He then opens the box and takes out a ...

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Greek vs Italian Culture

One day , two men, a Greek and an Italian were sitting in a coffee shop discussing who had the superior culture.

Over triple lattes the Greek says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks ...

What did snoop dog say to the waiter at Starbucks?

I smoked a lot today

Read that but slowly (Ice mocha latte)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Comparing cultures

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.
Over a double latte, the Greek mentions “We built the Pantheon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo.”
“Well, it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”
“But it was t...

Alabama Starbucks have released a new drink this month

Pump Kin Latte

How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He took a sip of his venti caramel latte before it was cool

I think my mirror is broken

I said pumpkin spice latte 3 times in front of it and no white girl in yoga pants appeared.

"They said 'You'll never amount to anything, you aren't handsome enough to be a star, you're too short, you can't sing, you're not funny enough'"

"So anyway here's your medium Latte that'll be 3.79"

when you make coffee for someone and put in milk

"actually, I prefer my coffee black"

"it's too latte for that now"

How much do Canadians like Tim Hortons?

A latte

A yoga pants owner, an uggs owner, and an iphone owner walks into a starbucks

She orders a drink - Pumpkin Spice Latte

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After death a man is presented to St. Peter in front of the heavenly gates

St. Peter checks his name and tells him that he has sinned all his life so he’ll go to hell. ‘But’, he continues, ‘since you’ve once fed a homeless man you’ll be able to choose from many hells where you want to spend the eternity.’


Off he is whisked to different hells to choose from. He s...

What does a cup of coffee say when he likes another cup of coffee

I like you a latte

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes for April

(didn't post the last batch, so here's all of the recent ones)

4/28
Los Angeles police are looking for a vandal that spraypainted a police horse. The horse didn’t get a good look at the suspect because it was dark, and because the horse has no idea that it’s a cop.

Billionaire Richa...

Why doesn't Coffee get along with milk in Germany?

Cause it doesn't want to be latte.



Sorry. I just came up with this lame joke. Downvotes ahoy!

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