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Concoction Jokes

I made a concoction with half part laxatives and 4 parts alphabet soup...

I call it Letter Rip.

A woman dies and goes to the gates of heaven.

When she gets there, she is perplexed and confused to find everyone furiously cracking eggs, dumping flour, and mixing batter.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.

Fina...

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A joke older than Internet

One day Joe complained to his friend, ‘My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go to the doctor.’

His friend advised ‘Don’t do that. There is a computer at the drugstore that will diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will dia...

Why did the maniacal chemist drop a rancher into his latest concoction?

Because the rancher was a cattlist.

Costco Doctor

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, John says to Scott, “My elbow hurts like hell.

I guess I'd better see a doctor."

“Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Scott replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer ...

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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

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An Indian walks into a pharmacy.

He goes up to the pharmacist and says "Big Chief, no poop!".
The pharmacist gives him a laxative and tells him "Take this to your chief, this should take care of his problem".
The next day the same Indian walks into the pharmacy with an angry look on his face, and says "Big Chief, no poop!!". ...

The frog population in the Okeefenokee Swamp was declining...

Biologists determined it was due to the frogs inability to stay coupled while mating. They contacted an organic chemist at MIT who came up with a solution. He mixed some plasticizers with some adhesive and most importantly one part sodium. The concoction worked perfectly and the swamp was soon re-po...

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A man tells his friends his elbow hurts...

He says that nothing he's tried has worked, so his friend suggests that go to the pharmacy.

"They got this new machine! When you pour in a urine sample and it'll tell you what's wrong and how to fix it!"

So, following his advice, he finds this machine and pours his urine sample in. Fi...

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A cowboy riding his trusty horse, stopped at an old tavern.

He got in and yelled "Bartender! Gimme a drink, will ya? One that's really strong!"

"Right away, sir." The bartender complied, and poured him a glass of a strong and fine scotch. However, after drinking it quickly the cowboy got angry, and made a scene.

"What the hell was that? If I as...

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A Pig walks into a pub.

He goes up to the bar and sees a curious looking bottle bubbling away with mist emanating from the top. Slightly flummoxed he asks the barman, “What’s this about then?”

The barman replies, “Well, this is a mystic potion, a concoction of my very own. Take a sip and it’ll magically release your...

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One time Bob told his friend John that he had pain in his arm

One time Bob told his friend John that he had pain in his arm. Being a helpful guy, John tells him there's a new robot in a store down the road that, if you pour your urine into it and insert a dollar bill, it will diagnose any illness that you may have. Hardly believing what he was told, Bob pees i...

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A guy in full medieval armor walks into a bar

He sits down at the counter and asks the bartender for a gin and tonic.

The bartender preps the drink, but the armored man is visibly dissatisfied with the drink.

"Barkeep? Wouldst thou kindly rehome this drink in a larger glass?"

The bartender does so.

"Verily, I tha...

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A Soda Called Sup

Back in the 80's, the Coca-Cola company sold Sup, a combination of Sprite, 7 Up, and a secret ingredient that was never revealed. It was a beloved beverage that was unfortunately discontinued within a couple months and without any intention of going back on store shelves. People started buying Sup l...

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A man goes to his doctor and discovers...

...a strange new machine. His doctor tells him that it's a diagnosis machine; it deduces patients' problems by analyzing appropriate samples. After being told to try it, he put a sample into the receptacle. After a few seconds, the screen read "Tennis Elbow, Minor: Apply ice pack for 5 minutes every...

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The Dollar Store Machine

A man is shopping at the local Dollar store when he finds a new futuristic looking machine near the store's entrance. He asks the store employee what it was.

"This amazing machine will diagnose any ailments you might have from your spit. It costs only $1 to use."

Curious the man gives ...

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A man walks into a bar for a drink...

...up on the top floor of a fancy building. He sits down at the bar and orders a high end beer. As he's drinking, he notices a bum sitting in a dark corner at the end of the bar starring at him. He gives the bum a dirty look and shakes his head before returning to his drink. Suddenly the bum yells t...

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey..

It was a cruel and unusual thing that cost me the best years of my life to a crippling depression. Whatever joy i had only seemed to dwindle over time, as my hokey pokey induced stupors reduced an eternal bond to several years of a loveless marriage.




And believe me, I tried so ha...

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leprechaun story

An avid golfer hits his ball into the woods. As he goes to look for it, he stumbles upon a leprechaun who is brewing a mysterious concoction.

“What are you making?” asks the golfer. “It smells wonderful.”

“This is a magic brew,” says the leprechaun. “If you drink it, you golf game wil...

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In 1859, there was this German Chemist living in London, England.

One day he received a new batch of experimental powder from Columbia. Curious to find out what the substance was, he opened the package and it erupted in a puff of powder. After inhaling half the cloud the Chemist felt vibrant, energised and happy.

“I hast not seen ziss beefore”, thought t...

A group of friends go camping.

They have a rule: whoever is the first to complain about the cooking has to cook the next dinner.

The first evening, they draw straws to see who has to cook first. The new cook does a decent job with their dinner that evening and no one complains. He’s not happy about having to cook, though.<...

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A husband and wife go into a pet store...

The husband tells his wife that for her birthday present, the wife can pick out any animal in the store. She takes her time looking at all the different cats, dogs, guinea pigs etc., and isn't particularly fond of any of them.

She eventually sees this large frog in the far corner of the st...

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Tennis Elbow (You might have heard it, but it's my personal favorite [worth the read])

Jerry walks into work after a three day weekend. He's complaining about his right arm hurting. He's new, and his health insurance hasn't kicked in yet, so he wants to avoid going to the doctor.

His coworker tells him not to worry.. "There's this new machine down at the pharmacy. You bring...

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The doctor joke (Long)

Two doctors are eating lunch in the cafeteria of the hospital they work at and one turns to the other and says “ my elbow hurts”.
The other doctor says “you should go to Wal-Mart”.
The first doctors says “...what!?”.
The second says “they have this new machine in the pharmacy, give $10 and ...

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A man complaining of pain in his arm

A man is talking to his friend, and he mentions that his arm has been bothering him all week. He told his friend he was planning on making a doctor's appointment for the next day. His friend insists that instead he goes to the pharmacy, for they have a new machine that for $10 and a urine sample, it...

Doctor Machine

A man was reading the news paper when he saw an add for a machine that can diagnose anything just by analyzing a vial of pee. His curiosity piqued, the man brought a vial of pee downtown and found the machine, which looked something like an ATM.

After inserting $20 and the vial of pee, the ma...

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A dictator approaches one of his country's finest musicians...

A dictator approaches one of his country's finest musicians, and asks him to compose a piece of music to be played by an orchestra in front of the country's ruling class.

The musician, not wanting to displease the glorious leader, sets to work immediately, and writes one of the greatest piec...

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Two Guys Are Playing Tennis, One Said To The Other...

Maan! My elbow hurts like hell, what should I do about it?? His friend quickly replied, well you could just go down to that new drug store they just built not far from here. They’ve got this, NEW technology, and boy is it amazing— there’s a machine in there that you just put a sample of pee in a tub...

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Super-Diagnostic Machine

Leroy and Roscoe are sitting around the lunch table in the break room when Roscoe starts complaining about his elbow. "I reckon Imma hafta go down to the doc and have him check this thang out." Leroy says, "Naw, don't waste yur money. Wal-Mart has this new contrapshun whur you can go and put a pi...

Aboriginal Rituals

A couple years back, I stumbled on a surprising reference to the astonishing longevity of Aboriginal shamans living in the Australian outback. Reliable birth records aren't available before the early 20th century, but government officials have noted an astounding number of nonagenarians and centenar...

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