Methods Jokes - 20 Hilarious Methods Jokes

5 Execution Methods Still Used In The Modern World

Number 1 will shock you

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Bodybuilders agree on most methods of building muscle...

but they can never agree on which is the best whey.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nuclear power is like anal sex

If done cleanly and properly, it might be even better than conventional methods. But add a few messy mistakes and it's considered taboo.

Buzzfeeds top 10 list of torture methods

Number 7 will shock you

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LPT Request: My 2 year old son drew in permanent marker all over the walls

So I took a shower earlier today and left my 2 year old son in the living room with the TV on thinking he would be ok. I come out 20 minutes later and he covered the entire living room in green permanent marker that he somehow got a hold of. As you can imagine, I flipped out and immediately ran to...

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All this panic buying has led me to using alternative methods for toilet paper...

Last week was tree leaves this week it's lettuce. And that's just the tip of the iceberg!

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What are the three fastest methods of communication?

Telegraph

Telephone

Tell a woman

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A new doctor with unique treatment methods gets appointed in a mental asylum

He decides to test 3 random patients to evaluate how unstable they are. If they pass the evaluation they can go home else face rigorous treatment.

For the test he calls their concerned relatives and takes them to a deep swimming pool without water. He then puts a drop of water into the pool....

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We had a history exam on medieval defense methods

I got an A for a fort

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A scientist was put in charge of developing new methods of assassination for the CIA.

He came up with several ideas, and the director of the CIA came down to see them demonstrated.

He showed off ballpoint pen dart-guns and poisoned bubble gum, but nothing seemed to impress the director. Finally, he stood up to leave.

"I'm going to go take a piss, and then I'm headed bac...

I'm a farmer using different methods trying to impress a girl I like

But nothing seems to a tractor

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My wife says I'm obessed with methods of regulation

To prove her wrong I went on a yoga holiday in Prague.
It was a series of checks and balances.

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Scientists are testing new mind reading methods with ants

It sounds like a cool psy-ants project

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Aren't some of the methods used to kill people on death row...

...absolutely shocking

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I don't know why people object to CIA torture methods.

Who doesn't like to go water boarding?

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There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

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A man opens a business training seeing-eye-dogs with what he claims to be "the most scientific methods possible."

A curious reporter wants to see these methods in action, so he arranges to observe the final tests of some of these trained assistance dogs along with the business owner.

The first dog enters the testing course with his blind handler and performs spectacularly. First the dog guides his human ...

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A group of psychiatrists go to tour an insane assylum that is renowned for their progressive rehabilitation methods.

A group of psychiatrists go to tour an insane assylum that is renowned for their progressive rehabilitation methods. They begin by visiting some of the patients. The first patient they visit is a young woman. She is practicing ballet. One of the psychiatrist asks "What are you doing?" She replies "...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm Still A Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had divorced eight husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle with me, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be, you have been married eight times?"

"Well, husband #1 was a Politician, he kep...

Ending It All

A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the ex...

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