Useful Jokes - 10 Hilarious Useful Jokes

What’s always a useful comment when someone pulls a knife on you?

I see your point

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday my SON e-mailed me asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.

Like sitting around playing on my computer is not a good thing? I asked.

Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be his favorite topic of conversation.

He said he was "only thinking of me", he said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the men. ...

What's the most useful material?

Scratch. You can make anything from scratch.

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What's more useful, the sun or the moon?

The moon. Because the sun only shines during daytime, when it's bright anyway, whereas the moon shines at night.

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Schools should teach useful things such as parenting skills to children.

Okay, that's not a good idea. Children will immediately realize that they have bad parents.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is masturbation so useful?

Because it always comes in handy

Bee Gees songs are useful for first aid. Do chest compressions to the rhythm of Staying Alive.

If the CPR fails, it’s time to sing For Whom The Bell Tolls.

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Useful Metric Equivalents

* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 52 = 1 decacards
* 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 m...

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Rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part that is most useful when erect...

...Those who answered 'spine' will be doctors someday. The rest of us will be posting jokes on Reddit.

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Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.

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