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Mentally Jokes

What do you call a cow who is severely mentally ill?

Udderly Insane.

After the UN summit, it was really shameful to see so many people basically openly mocking a mentally challenged child.

Though to be fair, Trump kinda had it coming.

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the da...

A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar

And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

A hero at a mental hospital.

John and David were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day, while they were walking, they passed the hospital swimming pool and John suddenly dove into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. David promptly jumped in and saved him, swimming to the bottom of the pool and sabed Joh...

Why did the mentally ill billionaire try to purchase Antartica?

Because he was bi-polar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his Deckhand, so they sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."

Boat Owner: “Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does abou...

What do you call a mentally challenged rapper?

Why a rap autist of course.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash?

You get what you fucking deserve! *BANG*

What do you call a mentally deranged, carbon-free transportation enjoying person?

A cycle-path

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I'm in a really bad place right now.

Not mentally, I've just found myself in fucking Utah.

My Uncle was in a mental hospital

My uncle is mentally ill and has been in a mental hospital for two years. The doctors noticed that he seemed to be doing well so they decided to discharge him. Before signing the discharge papers, the doctor asked one last question to my uncle just to make sure.

The doctor asked "If you put ...

What do you call a mentally handicapped bakery?

We tart it.

What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Mentally tough people are better at this important skill:

>!Resisting clickbait headlines.!<

Ofcourse mentally disabled people should be allowed to have jobs...

But to make them president of the United States is a bit to much.

What do you called a mentally challenged freshwater fish that has never met it’s father?

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Basstard

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I lost my virginity to a mentally disabled girl last night.

I wanted my first time to be special.

What do you call it when someone coerces you into smoking marijuana rolled into a cigar and it mentally scars you?

Blunt force trauma

What do you call a mentally deficient cowboy on welfare?

Slow on the draw.

How do you repair a relationship between two mentally ill people?

Crazy Glue...

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What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?

My dick.

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Sexually and mentally confused white bear

Bipolar bear

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A psychologist was invited into a mental hospital to conduct tests...

... and when he arrived, he declares that the best way to assess mental health is by examining how the patients treat a defenseless living thing.

He then explains his test. He would hand out three rabbits to patients in isolation and begin observation.

He hands a rabbit to Ralph.
...

I'm old enough to remember when we put the mentally ill in hospitals.

Not the White House.

Job Interview: Mental Asylum

A newly graduated Psychiatrist goes to an interview at a Mental Asylum....

"So you're interested in coming to work for us here? Tell me what is your experience with mentally deranged people?"

"I've been on Reddit for nearly 6 months now"

"You're hired!"

If a mentally challenged person shows up late

Is it ok to call him tardy?

Did you hear about the famous Chinese restaurant run by a father and his mentally challenged kid?

Ya, people really loved his dim son.

How many Catholics does it take to mentally scar a child for life?

Nun.

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