Mitch McConnell goes to the doctor....

Mitch McConnell goes to the doctor for a regular checkup. The doctor checks his heart. Then he checks his breathing, his eyes and ears. He does the works. After finishing checking him up and just before sending him out the door McConnell asks.

McConnell: “Hey doc I’d like to donate my body to...

Trump and McConnell are in a restaurant

They are discussing their plans to invade Iran. A man walks by their table, intrigued by their conversation and asks them what they are talking about.

Trump explains to the man, “We’re going to invade Iran and kill 10 million Iranians and one bicycle repairman.”

The man exclaims, “Why...

there are no red states or blue states in america.

they're all like mitch mcconnell's hands

some shade of purple.

The comments about Mitch McConnell looking like a turtle without a shell are particularly apt...

since he's clearly missing his spine.

They say Mitch McConnell is spineless. I disagree.

Snakes definitely have spines.

I just talked to a furloughed federal employee and told him McConnell might schedule a vote soon to reopen the government. Was there anything he particularly hoped for?

Mitch better have my money.

By my estimation, Mitch McConnell's true age is...

...350 turtle years.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does my butthole have in common with Mitch McConnell?

They both got fucked last night.

What did Donnie ask to get for Christmas?

I want nothing.

I want nothing.

Just tell McConnell to do the right thing.

The president is walking down a narrow hallway

Mitch McConnell was walking down the hallway in the same direction but, being half-tortoise, was moving far slower.

Trump pushes past him, shouting, "Get outta my way!"

McConnell says, "Pardon me, Mr. President."

Trump stops and turns around. "I didn't know you worked on my cam...

Irish Wargames

In light of the present threat created by North Korea, the Irish army decided to conduct the largest military exercise ever in it's history. The entirety of its armed forces were split between the north and south of the island. This is the story of the North Irish 5th infantry battalion.
Each sol...

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