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Nigel Jokes

What happens when Nigel Farage makes a promise?

He brexit.

Nigel Farage walks into a bar

Convinces the patrons to set it on fire, and then leaves.

Nigel Farage gets his girlfriend pregnant..

Soon after the pregnancy test arrived as positive, he says "My fatherhood ambition has been achieved. I want my life back"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I lost 450 pounds!

I accidentally added an extra zero on venmo and Nigel still hasn't given my money back.

Fuck you Nigel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life Lessons in the Outback

Bruce has been lost in the Australian Outback for three days and the combination of heat, exhaustion and thirst is close to killing him.

Unable to take another step, he collapses face first in the dirt, ready to meet his maker.

Unexpectedly he wakes to find himself staring into the fac...

After purchasing an oval Chinese frying pan at the diminutive British aristocrat’s yard sale

Nigel realized that he’d just taken a long wok off a short Peer.

A parrot named Nigel leaves home and returns home,4 years later, speaking Spanish

It's pretty common, all the language majors I knew moved back in with their parents too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Jeremy Corbyn went to see the Queen.

Jeremy Corbyn asked the Queen. "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient organisation? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well." Said the Queen. "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Jeremy Corbyn then asked. "But how do I know if the peo...

A British man visits a small American family farm... [Long]

And he's impressed at just how much food the farmer is able to grow on his small plot. "This is most impressive!" he says. "It seems like more than one family could eat, old boy! How do you deal with the excess?"

The farmer, a man of few words, replies: "We eat what we can, and what we can't,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Looking back on Britain's 2016.

The year most middle aged men went from wanting to fuck Nigella to wanting to fuck Nigel

up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw two black kids spraying their names on a wall today.

I decided to join them. I'd only sprayed the first three letters of my name when they started to beat me up.

Maybe they don't like people called Nigel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back when Pope John Paul II died, the Vatican College of Cardinals were faced with the responsibility of choosing a new pope for the Catholic Church...

... At first, they favored a British Cardinal by the name of Cardinal Nigel Mason.

Card. Mason had been a pilot in WWII, fighting Germany's Luftwaffe. He was decorated for his service, during which he shot down 12 Nazi fighter planes.

He himself was finally shot down and made a rough l...

There are two types of people I hate in this world...

People intolerant of other people's culture....

and the Dutch.

Credit to Nigel Powers

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