This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back when Pope John Paul II died, the Vatican College of Cardinals were faced with the responsibility of choosing a new pope for the Catholic Church...

... At first, they favored a British Cardinal by the name of Cardinal Nigel Mason.

Card. Mason had been a pilot in WWII, fighting Germany's Luftwaffe. He was decorated for his service, during which he shot down 12 Nazi fighter planes.

He himself was finally shot down and made a rough l...

What happens when Nigel Farage makes a promise?

He brexit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nigel Farage, Donald Trump and Kim Kardashian dies and go to hell.

The Satan welcomes Nigel and says "We will give you a chance. You will be living in the hell from now on but, you have to choose following punishments that I will show you."
They started to walk in the hell to show him couple of punishments to pick one. First, the Satan shows a man working in th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I lost 450 pounds!

I accidentally added an extra zero on venmo and Nigel still hasn't given my money back.

Fuck you Nigel.

After purchasing an oval Chinese frying pan at the diminutive British aristocrat’s yard sale

Nigel realized that he’d just taken a long wok off a short Peer.

Nigel Farage gets his girlfriend pregnant..

Soon after the pregnancy test arrived as positive, he says "My fatherhood ambition has been achieved. I want my life back"

Nigel Farage walks into a bar

Convinces the patrons to set it on fire, and then leaves.

What's Nigel Farage's favourite Christmas song?

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.

A parrot named Nigel leaves home and returns home,4 years later, speaking Spanish

It's pretty common, all the language majors I knew moved back in with their parents too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Jeremy Corbyn went to see the Queen.

Jeremy Corbyn asked the Queen. "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient organisation? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well." Said the Queen. "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Jeremy Corbyn then asked. "But how do I know if the peo...

A British man visits a small American family farm... [Long]

And he's impressed at just how much food the farmer is able to grow on his small plot. "This is most impressive!" he says. "It seems like more than one family could eat, old boy! How do you deal with the excess?"

The farmer, a man of few words, replies: "We eat what we can, and what we can't,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favourite Australian Aborigine joke

One day an Aborigine named Nigel was on vacation in the US enjoying a beer in a pub when a local man sat down beside him "You're one of them blacks from Australia, aren't ya?" Nigel nodded and had another sip of his beer.

The American man continued "i hear you guys are pretty good hunters"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Looking back on Britain's 2016.

The year most middle aged men went from wanting to fuck Nigella to wanting to fuck Nigel

up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw two black kids spraying their names on a wall today.

I decided to join them. I'd only sprayed the first three letters of my name when they started to beat me up.

Maybe they don't like people called Nigel.

British people's front of Britain meeting.

"What has the EU ever done for us?"

...

"57% of our trade."

"What?"

"57% of our trade."

"Oh yeah.Yeah they did do that, that's true."

"And, uh, cleaner beaches."

"Oh yeah, the cleaner beaches, Nigel. You remember what Whitby used to be like?"

"...

There are two types of people I hate in this world...

People intolerant of other people's culture....

and the Dutch.

Credit to Nigel Powers

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.