Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let ...

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

One U.S. Leader

Monica Lewinsky goes to the dry cleaner.

She says to the dry cleaner, “I have another dress for you Joe.”

Joe is hard of hearing and says, “come again?”

Monica says, “no, mustard this time!”

I saw my friend Monica at the bar

I yelled over to her "WHAT'S UP, MONICA?"

All of a sudden, I got beat up by three black guys.

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[NSFW] How Bill Clinton tricked Monica Lewinsky...

Clinton asked Lewinsky if she wanted to see the presidential clock and she replied yes.

So she followed him into the Oval Office and he turned around with his dick out and she said “Bill you nasty thing, that’s not a clock!”

Bill replied “It will be when you put two hands and a face on...

Bill Clinton and Bill Cosby are chatting...

Cosby: Have you ever had a cigar dipped in brandy?

Clinton: No, but I once had a cigar dipped in Monica.

Cosby: Now, why didn't I think of that...

Why didn’t Monica Lewinsky vote for Hillary?

The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

Monica walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy

"I've got another dress for you to clean."

Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"

"No," says Monica. "Mustard."

Monica Lewinsky takes a dress to her dry cleaner.

"Do you think you'll be able to get the stain out?" she asks.

"Come again?" the man at the counter responds.

"No, mustard," Monica replies

Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......

She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy.

Monica says "That's not a clock".

To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".

Why did Monica Lewinsky change her fandom from the Packers to the Washington Redskins?

She likes Clinton-Dix

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George Bush dies and goes to hell

Satan is already waiting for him.

'Well, I don't know what to do. See, you're on my list, but I have no free rooms for you. But you, you definitely have to stay in hell, so I'll have to find a solution. There are a few people here who aren't as bad as you are... I guess I'll let one go and yo...

Despite the fact she is a Democrat, Monica Lewinsky decided to vote for Trump in the last election...

....she said to her friend, "I'd like to vote for Hillary, but the last Clinton left a very foul taste in my mouth."

I really thought Monica Lewinsky should be on a dollar..

but she's already had her face on a Bill.

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Osama goes to hell

He arrives and the devil greets him. "Welcome" the devil says. "You have been a very bad man and you deserve to be here". "I will give you three options and you will decide which one you will do for eternity!"

The devil takes Osama to the first door and opens it. There is Michael Jackson fil...

The question of Monica Lewinsky:

Did she blow a sitting U.S. president or blow him while standing?

Hillary Clinton found out that Bill was getting it on with Monica Lewinsky.

She shrugged her shoulders and said "Better her than me."

Monica Lewinsky was recently offered a new position at a prestigious boarding school.

Headmaster.

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The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Jose :"Abraham Lincoln, 1863....

Monica Lewinsky said it 20 years ago and she said it again this year

Hillary Clinton wasn't the right person for the job.

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$1 joke from homeless man on Santa Monica pier- "What did 1 butt cheek say to the other butt cheek"

" Together We can stop this shit"

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say "insert bill here"

Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky stopped smoking cigars?

Now she's just bummimg cigarettes!

What was Monica Lewinsky's job at the White House?

Receiving heads of state.

I live in Santa Monica, Los Angeles. My girlfriend is taking a flight from London to come see me. I have promised her that I'll go pick her up from the airport

We'll both leave our respective houses at the same time :|

What do Monica Lewinsky and NFL players both have in common?

It's their knees that go first.

Who is Monica Lewinsky's favorite football player?

Ha Ha Clinton Dix

Why is Monica Lewinsky so poor

Because she's always blowing bills

What did Bill Clinton find attractive about Monica Lewinsky?

He said she had the prettiest smile he ever came across.

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I heard Monica lewinsky voted for Trump

Just to fuck a Clinton one more time

Monica Lewinsky just turned 43

It seems like only yesterday she was crawling on the floor of the White House

Monica Lewinsky's statement on Hillary's run for President

Monica Lewinsky released the following statment on Hillary Clinton's run for President..
"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton . The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in my mouth. As we get closer to the 2016 election year, citizens must remember that they cannot even trust Hillary Clinton ...

What do Monica Lewinsky and an Asian political correspondent have in common?

All they talk about is the presidential erection

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Saxophone penis...

A guy goes to the doctors with a problem with his penis. The doctor takes a look and his penis is shaped uncannily like a saxophone.



"Wow,", the doctor exclaims,"that's incredible."



"Yes,", replies the guy,"in my family, we all have genitals that resemble various musica...

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Donald Trump dies and when he gets to hell he sees the Devil

The Devil says to him, "Donald we've been expecting you. Unfortunately we are full right now and don't have room for you. But if you want I'll show you three rooms I could make available to you."

Trump agrees and the Devil opens the door to the first room and they see Richard Nixon endlessly...

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I had to go to the Doctors yesterday and having stripped off he immediately mentioned the fact that my genitalia was perfectly shaped like a saxophone...

I explained that it was a family trait and that we all had genitalia-shaped like musical instruments.
He was amazed and said, “Well, in 27 years as a doctor I’ve never seen anything like it.
Having said that I do remember a woman coming in a few years ago and her fanny was shaped like a Mouth ...

How much liquid can Monica Lewinskys mouth hold?

One U.S. Liter

What was Monica Lewinsky's high school yearbook superlative?

Most likely to suck seed.

Cheer up Hilary!

At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.

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When Bill and Hillary first got married

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.”

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked ins...

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Trump snuffs it, and arrives at the Pearly Gates

they issue him with a Redirect Notice, and he is sent to the not-so-pearly ones.
The Devil looks at his clipboard irritably.
“Look, I’ve got a problem. You’re due here about now, but I’m full. I’ll have to ID one of the temporary inmates, whose sentence is just about up, and give them an ...

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Hillary Clinton wants the President held accountable for his sexual abuses

Monica Lewinski said #metoo

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Trump dies and goes to Hell

Upon arrival the Devil tells Trump he can choose one of three punishments set before him. Trump agrees.

So the Devil and Trump go to see Nixon swimming endless laps in a pool. Satan asks Trump if this will suit him. Trump says no I can't swim forever.

So they continue on. The secon...

Girlfriend: Love you babe, xx…

*-I love you too!*
I’d be *so* happy if u put x's in when u SMS me...
*-Ok! Rachel, Sarah, Monica.*

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