Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron?

So the wedding would be free of charge

What did the protons yell as they rushed into battle?

*CHARGE!*

A proton, electron and a neuton get into a bar fight.

The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.

Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?

Because they didn't want to elect ron

What did the charged electron say to the other protons?

I got my Ion you

Two electrons were following quantum physics principles, as usual, while exchanging virtual protons to conduct an electric current

One electron said to the other, "This quantum trading stuff sounds like imaginary nonsense; if I can carry meaningful information faster than the speed of light, then I will."

The remaining electron watched his former partner depart into the nether, sighed, then said to his collar microphone,...

I saw a doctor's office that does proton therapy.

I never thought that subatomic particles would need therapy, but I guess it's not easy being positive all the time.

A man gave me 79 protons

Thanks for the gold!

Protons have mass?

Never knew they were Catholic

Protons, neutrons and electrons

Are the little things that matter.

A proton walks into a bar and orders a drink

Bartender: what'll it be?

Proton: Just water, thanks

Bartender: You sure?

Proton: I'm positive

Why Can’t You Find 18 Protons and 22 Neutrons?

Because they argon.

Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons

They forgot to mention Morons.

What did the Neutron say to the Proton in the nucleus?

"Thanks for letting me live here free of charge!"

A proton walks over to an electron and asks, "Hey electron, why are you always so negative?"

The electron turns around, stares at him deeply for a brief moment, and responds, "My parents died in a car crash."


___

*Reposting this joke because I originally posted it on the wrong account.*

Oxygen and potassium went on a date...

...it went ok.

Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

The other chemicals were like 'omg'!

Two noble gases went on a date.

There was no reaction.

Two protons went on a date.

There was no attraction.

Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.

They felt...

An electron and a proton walk into a magnetic field...

Yes. That's it. There's no punchline. Physics isn't a joke.

What will electron say if proton and neutron come to electrons home...

Make yourself atom

Girl, do you have 67 protons?

Cuz you a Ho

I've been calibrating my new device which measures the electric charge of subatomic particles by testing it on Protons

So far, the results have been positive.

A proton walks up to an electron

The proton says, "Why so negative?"

The electron says, "My wife is cheating on me."

A proton and a neutron walked into a bar.

‘Oh no’ the proton said, ‘I left my wallet in my house’
‘Are you sure?’ The neutron said.
‘I’m positive’ said the proton.

All the protons went to a party...

They were enjoying themselves until the electrons attacked them. There was a scare in the party scene. Then emerged a brave man who took care of all electrons at once..All the protons were astounded by it and asked him who he was.

He replied, "Bond...Covalent bond"

A Proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar...

A proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar and order three beers.
The bartender appears with three beers in hand and asks the proton, “Are you sure you are above 21?”
The proton replies, “I’m positive.” The bartender then gives the proton his beer.
He then says to neutron while giving ...

A proton walks into a bar...

jk protons can't walk

A proton, an electron, & a neutron walk into a bar...

...the proton orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the electron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the neutron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet.. the bartender stops him and says, "wait....

You must have 11 protons,

Because you are SODIUM cute.

I'd like to give a shout out to protons-

for keeping our community positive.

An electron is breaking the speed limit going along a motorway...

...When he is pulled over by a Proton. Proton: do you know how fast you were going?
Electron: yes, but now I have no clue as to where I am.

So proton calls up electron and says, "Electron! It's proton, where the hell are you?"

And electron says, "Um, I don't know. But I can tell you were I probably am!"

What kinds of clothes do protons wear?

Plus sizes!

I used to be a halogen

Then I took a proton to the Ne.

An edited version of a joke that’s been already posted.

A proton, a neutron, and an electron got into a bar fight.

The bartender called the police, but when the officers arrived, they only arrested the proton. Confused, the bartender asked, “why did you only arrest the proton?”

To which one of the officers replied, “well you see, the elect...

If Donald Trump was asked "If oxygen was discovered in 1783, how could human breathe before", this would probably be his answer.

I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me, and they ask me. They say, 'How do people breathe before the discovery of oxygen'? And I tell them, look, we know what oxygen is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of chemistry you c...

Have you seen a proton lying around?

I'm sure I hadron somewhere.

What is satan's favourite chemical?

Carbon. because it has 6 protons 6 neutrons and 6 electrons

Science jokes!

A proton walks into a bar. Strolls up to the bartender and says "I don't care what you serve me, but I want the most expensive drink you offer."

The bartender looks at him quizzically. "You sure about that, buddy?"

**"I'm positive."**

A cute little neutron walks in right after ...

2 scientists were at a science sale

The first one was selling protons and electrons for .10 cents each. The second one was just handing out neutrons to anyone. When I asked the second one why he wouldn't accept any money for the neutrons he repllied: *they're free of charge*.

An old professor of Particle Physics and his assistant were having beers at a pub in London when the conversation drifted to the experiments with the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland.

The assistant mentioned one of the wonderous things the famous particle collider can do. "The Collider can accelerate protons," the assistant began.

The professor smiled and said, "Yes, I've seen it do that, personally."

Surprised and intrigued that his mentor had worked with ...

At one point in time...

we thought atoms represented the smallest unit of matter. Although initially thought to be indivisible, this was proven false and each atom is made up of proton, neutrons, and electrons inside.

For a time these were the smallest units, then we found that these protons and neutrons were made u...

A guy wants to build a nuke. He goes to a supplier and asks...

"How much are the protons?"

"A dime a dozen, and the neutrons are free of charge."

Special shop sale:

electrons: 10 cents

protons: 10 cents

neutrons: free of charge

Jimmy Neutron (Split Personalities)

Jimmy Electron, Jimmy Proton and Carl Weiner

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company. As energetic as they come, they start off with a bang. With a handful of eager young protons joining their ranks, they begin to see extremely positive gains in their investments in no time. They're making more money than they know what to d...

A, An, The walk into a discotheque

It was 7 o clock and 3 guys: *A, An, The* went for a walk. They thought to themselves that they always work for other words. That was boring. They wanted some fun at work. Their friendship was really strong and that sparked an idea - why don't we just start a business? Sure compatibility was no issu...

A neutron walks into a bar...

...says, "I'll have a pint of your best bitter please barkeep, and your finest scotch for a chaser." The barman pours him his drinks, places them on the bar in front of him, and walks away. "Just a moment my good man!" exclaims the proton, "You haven't charged me for my drinks! What do I owe you?"...

An atom asks another atom,

Do these protons make my mass look big?

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