Proton Jokes

So the wedding would be free of charge

*CHARGE!*

The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.

Because they didn't want to elect ron

I got my Ion you

I never thought that subatomic particles would need therapy, but I guess it's not easy being positive all the time.

“Can’t you just let us Be?”, they asked.
The group of eleven replied, “Na”.

...it went ok.

Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

The other chemicals were like 'omg'!

Two noble gases went on a date.

There was no reaction.

Two protons went on a date.

There was no attraction.

Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.

They felt... read more

Student: I didn't even know protons were Catholic.

"Thanks for letting me live here free of charge!"

Cuz you a Ho

They forgot to mention Morons.

Make yourself atom

Quark-quark!

Bartender: what'll it be?

Proton: Just water, thanks

Bartender: You sure?

Proton: I'm positive

Thanks for the gold!

Cesium salad.

One electron said to the other, "This quantum trading stuff sounds like imaginary nonsense; if I can carry meaningful information faster than the speed of light, then I will."

The remaining electron watched his former partner depart into the nether, sighed, then said to his collar microphone,... read more

The proton says, "Why so negative?"

The electron says, "My wife is cheating on me."

A proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar and order three beers.
The bartender appears with three beers in hand and asks the proton, “Are you sure you are above 21?”
The proton replies, “I’m positive.” The bartender then gives the proton his beer.
He then says to neutron while giving ... read more

The electron turns around, stares at him deeply for a brief moment, and responds, "My parents died in a car crash."


___

*Reposting this joke because I originally posted it on the wrong account.*

They were enjoying themselves until the electrons attacked them. There was a scare in the party scene. Then emerged a brave man who took care of all electrons at once..All the protons were astounded by it and asked him who he was.

He replied, "Bond...Covalent bond"

Yes. That's it. There's no punchline. Physics isn't a joke.

...the proton orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the electron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the neutron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet.. the bartender stops him and says, "wait.... read more

So far, the results have been positive.

‘Oh no’ the proton said, ‘I left my wallet in my house’
‘Are you sure?’ The neutron said.
‘I’m positive’ said the proton.

Because you are sodium fine :p

And electron says, "Um, I don't know. But I can tell you were I probably am!"

Plus sizes!

for keeping our community positive.

And see three electrons in a corner. One turns to the other says they should leave. The other asks him why and he says "I don't like them, the always turn everything so negative".

Molecule > Atom > Proton > Quark > x on a mobile ad

Then I took a proton to the Ne.

...When he is pulled over by a Proton. Proton: do you know how fast you were going?
Electron: yes, but now I have no clue as to where I am.

I'm sure I hadron somewhere.

without protons, nothing matters.

Proton and neutron were chilling in the nucleus one day, then proton asks neutron: “Why you only hangout with me in here instead of electron?”

Neutron replies: “He was too negative to begin with.”

we thought atoms represented the smallest unit of matter. Although initially thought to be indivisible, this was proven false and each atom is made up of proton, neutrons, and electrons inside.

For a time these were the smallest units, then we found that these protons and neutrons were made u... read more

A proton, a neutron, and an electron got into a bar fight.

The bartender called the police, but when the officers arrived, they only arrested the proton. Confused, the bartender asked, “why did you only arrest the proton?”

To which one of the officers replied, “well you see, the elect... read more

If you were an atom you would have 67 protons

Jimmy Electron, Jimmy Proton and Carl Weiner

The first one was selling protons and electrons for .10 cents each. The second one was just handing out neutrons to anyone. When I asked the second one why he wouldn't accept any money for the neutrons he repllied: *they're free of charge*.

"How much are the protons?"

"A dime a dozen, and the neutrons are free of charge."

A proton walks into a bar. Strolls up to the bartender and says "I don't care what you serve me, but I want the most expensive drink you offer."

The bartender looks at him quizzically. "You sure about that, buddy?"

**"I'm positive."**

A cute little neutron walks in right after ... read more

Do these protons make my mass look big?

electrons: 10 cents

protons: 10 cents

neutrons: free of charge