UPJOKE
electronnucleonneutronhadronatomatomic nucleusgluonup quarkdown quarkbaryonfermionchemical elementhydrogen atomnucleusquark

Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron?

So the wedding would be free of charge
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What did the protons yell as they rushed into battle?

*CHARGE!*
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Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?

Because they didn't want to elect ron
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A proton, electron and a neuton get into a bar fight.

The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.
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I saw a doctor's office that does proton therapy.

I never thought that subatomic particles would need therapy, but I guess it's not easy being positive all the time.
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Oxygen and potassium went on a date...

...it went ok.

Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

The other chemicals were like 'omg'!

Two noble gases went on a date.

There was no reaction.

Two protons went on a date.

There was no attraction.

Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.

They felt...
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A group of four protons was complaining to a group of of eleven.

“Can’t you just let us Be?”, they asked.
The group of eleven replied, “Na”.
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Girl, do you have 67 protons?

Cuz you a Ho
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What did the Neutron say to the Proton in the nucleus?

"Thanks for letting me live here free of charge!"
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A man gave me 79 protons

Thanks for the gold!
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Physics teacher: "Did you know protons have mass?"

Student: "Fuck, no -- I didn't even know they were Catholic!"

55 protons, 78 neutrons, 55 electrons, 6 croutons.

Cesium salad.
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Size of matter in descending order.

Molecule > Atom > Proton > Quark > x on a mobile ad
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Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons

They forgot to mention Morons.
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Protons, neutrons and electrons

Are the little things that matter.
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So proton calls up electron and says, "Electron! It's proton, where the hell are you?"

And electron says, "Um, I don't know. But I can tell you were I probably am!"
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A proton walks into a bar and orders a drink

Bartender: what'll it be?

Proton: Just water, thanks

Bartender: You sure?

Proton: I'm positive
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A proton walks up to an electron

The proton says, "Why so negative?"

The electron says, "My wife is cheating on me."
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All the protons went to a party...

They were enjoying themselves until the electrons attacked them. There was a scare in the party scene. Then emerged a brave man who took care of all electrons at once..All the protons were astounded by it and asked him who he was.

He replied, "Bond...Covalent bond"
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What will electron say if proton and neutron come to electrons home...

Make yourself atom
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A Proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar...

A proton, a neutron and Helium walk into a bar and order three beers.
The bartender appears with three beers in hand and asks the proton, “Are you sure you are above 21?”
The proton replies, “I’m positive.” The bartender then gives the proton his beer.
He then says to neutron while giving ...
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Do you have 11 protons?

Because you are sodium fine :p
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What did the proton say to the electron?

Why do you always got to be so negative?
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A proton, an electron, & a neutron walk into a bar...

...the proton orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the electron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet and pays the bartender.

the neutron orders a shot, drinks it, then takes out his wallet.. the bartender stops him and says, "wait....
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A proton and a neutron walked into a bar.

‘Oh no’ the proton said, ‘I left my wallet in my house’
‘Are you sure?’ The neutron said.
‘I’m positive’ said the proton.
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An electron and a proton walk into a magnetic field...

Yes. That's it. There's no punchline. Physics isn't a joke.
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Two electrons were following quantum physics principles, as usual, while exchanging virtual protons to conduct an electric current

One electron said to the other, "This quantum trading stuff sounds like imaginary nonsense; if I can carry meaningful information faster than the speed of light, then I will."

The remaining electron watched his former partner depart into the nether, sighed, then said to his collar microphone,...
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I'd like to give a shout out to protons-

for keeping our community positive.
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What kinds of clothes do protons wear?

Plus sizes!
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A duck and a dog have a baby together. The baby duck-dog was smaller than a proton. You know what sound it made?

Quark-quark!
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Two protons walk into a bar...

And see three electrons in a corner. One turns to the other says they should leave. The other asks him why and he says "I don't like them, the always turn everything so negative".
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Have you seen a proton lying around?

I'm sure I hadron somewhere.
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A proton walks over to an electron and asks, "Hey electron, why are you always so negative?"

The electron turns around, stares at him deeply for a brief moment, and responds, "My parents died in a car crash."


___

*Reposting this joke because I originally posted it on the wrong account.*
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I've been calibrating my new device which measures the electric charge of subatomic particles by testing it on Protons

So far, the results have been positive.
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Chemistry joke

Proton and neutron were chilling in the nucleus one day, then proton asks neutron: “Why you only hangout with me in here instead of electron?”

Neutron replies: “He was too negative to begin with.”
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An electron is breaking the speed limit going along a motorway...

...When he is pulled over by a Proton. Proton: do you know how fast you were going?
Electron: yes, but now I have no clue as to where I am.
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An edited version of a joke that’s been already posted.

A proton, a neutron, and an electron got into a bar fight.

The bartender called the police, but when the officers arrived, they only arrested the proton. Confused, the bartender asked, “why did you only arrest the proton?”

To which one of the officers replied, “well you see, the elect...
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A proton walks into a bar...

jk protons can't walk
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At some point, a nihilistic physicist must have understood...

without protons, nothing matters.
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I used to be a halogen

but then I took a proton to the Ne
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What did the chemist say to his gf when they broke up?

If you were an atom you would have 67 protons
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At one point in time...

we thought atoms represented the smallest unit of matter. Although initially thought to be indivisible, this was proven false and each atom is made up of proton, neutrons, and electrons inside.

For a time these were the smallest units, then we found that these protons and neutrons were made u...
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Jimmy Neutron (Split Personalities)

Jimmy Electron, Jimmy Proton and Carl Weiner
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If Donald Trump was asked "If oxygen was discovered in 1783, how could human breathe before", this would probably be his answer.

I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me, and they ask me. They say, 'How do people breathe before the discovery of oxygen'? And I tell them, look, we know what oxygen is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of chemistry you c...
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A guy wants to build a nuke. He goes to a supplier and asks...

"How much are the protons?"

"A dime a dozen, and the neutrons are free of charge."
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An atom asks another atom,

Do these protons make my mass look big?
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2 scientists were at a science sale

The first one was selling protons and electrons for .10 cents each. The second one was just handing out neutrons to anyone. When I asked the second one why he wouldn't accept any money for the neutrons he repllied: *they're free of charge*.
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Special shop sale:

electrons: 10 cents

protons: 10 cents

neutrons: free of charge
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