Human Resources Jokes

An HR manager was knocked down (tragically) by a bus and was killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St.Peter welcomed her. “Before you get settled in” he said, “We have a little problem…you see, we’ve never had a HR manager make it this far before and we’re not really sure what to do wi... read more

Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity. "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees.... read more

They were out of arms

“Would you consider yourself an honest lawyer?” the HR person asks in the interview.



“Honest?” the lawyer responds. “Let me tell you how honest I am. My father sold everything he had to put me through law school. After my very first case, I paid him back in full.”



“That... read more

The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, fourteen paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years? Say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow!! ... read more

The Manager has a big pile of applications on his desk.

He picks up the first 20 of them and throws them into the bin, saying
"Those guys have bad luck and we have no use for people with bad luck"

But Human Resources keeps telling me that it's extremely inappropriate to have erections at the office.

Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements. How do you want their placements, sir?"

MD: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room and close the door, leave them alone and come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:

... read more

I guess that's just a personnel preference

A man applied for a job delivering mail to remote areas by plane. The human resources officer showed him the employment contract.


He said, "you need to be aware that the U.S. Post Office has a tradition of delivering the mail no matter what, even in bad weather. So that means you will... read more

After a week or so, one of the workers really stood out and was getting special treatment from the supervisor, Moe. The other dwarves complained to HR and threatened to go on strike.
The supervisor was called into the office and reprimanded. He explained that he was only trying to keep the harde... read more

Human Resources.

Human Resources

Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."
The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. Itread, "Jonathan Peters worked for our compan... read more

The human resources department

It started off great, with easy small talk at the restaurant. She asked about my job. I told her entrepreneur. She asked what I liked most about my job. I replied, 'freedom.' We started to get in that comfortable groove.

"My daddy always told me, " she said, with a far away look and wistful ... read more

... it has to be because they requested it

Human resources

1 to find a contractor. Another within the contracted business to buy electrical accident insurance. Another to manage the stock price. Another to organize supply chains of bulbs. Another to deal with inspectors. Another to deal with human resources. Another to schedule jobs. If you're lucky, your b... read more

A homeless man named Sturgis was walking down to his town's Human Resources to apply for housing assisstance. When he gets there, he sees some strange creatures in line ahead of him. Cousin It from the Adams' family was there, as well as the Looney Tunes version of Mr. Hyde. Among them was your typi... read more

Human Resources.