What do Mack the knife, Attila the Hun, and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name.
An old Joke by Lee Mack on... 8 out of 10 Cats plays Countdown, I believe?
I popped into an second-hand store the other day and bought a pencil. What's remarkable about the pencil, is that it used to be used by Shakespeare!
...Only thing is, the top part is all chewed up, so I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
Burt and Mack are climbing Mount Everest.
Burt and Mack are climbing Mount Everest when suddenly Burt falls in to a crevasse 1000 ft. deep. “Hey Burt! Are you alive?” shouts Mack from above. “Yeah I am.” “I’m going to drop down a rope, grab onto it and I’ll pull you out.” “I can’t. My arms are broken.” “Okay then w...
What's the last thing Allison Mack's agent told her?
You have to work on your branding.
The loan officer
Once there was a loan officer named Patty Mack who worked at a large bank. One day, a frog hopped into the bank and asked to borrow some money. Ms. Mack thought she could get rid of him by asking for collateral.
The frog left, then a few hours later, hopped back in with a plastic figu...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A
black man starts work on a construction site. The other workers nickname him "Wog".
Feeling upset by this, the black man goes to speak with the foreman. The foreman laughs and tells him, "But we all have nicknames. We've got Mick and Paddy, they're Irish. Wac from Liverpool. And Mack from Sco...
A man goes to the mechanic.
He says "My car goes rr- rr-rr-" The mechanic says "Yes, the transmission probably needs replacing."
The man frowns and says "My car goes rr-rr-rr-" The mechanic says "Yes, the transmission probably needs replacing."
The man looks angry and says "Would you l-let me ff-finish! I h...
A short poem about women's underwear...
> Rose's are red, Violet's are blue, >!Heather's are green.!< ~Lee Mack
EDIT: added spoiler for 37% better delivery.
A frog went to the bank to take out a mortgage.
He sat down with Patty Mack the banker, and began the negotiations.
His credit score wasn't bad, but when it came to the subject of collateral, he was a little unsure. Collectables and other odds and ends were all he had to offer.
Patty was not convinced. No car? No property? Littl...
Have you heard the one about the family who couldn't afford to pay the exorcist?
Their house was repossessed.
A vulture and his son
A long time ago, in a very flat place, there lived a teenage vulture named Red. He and his father were the only vultures around, and dined on the various animals that were hit by trucks on the highway. As most teenagers do, Red eventually got tired of his diet of dead things.
"Dad" he whined....
A talking frog walks into a bank
and sees his favourite teller lady, patty mack, as he approaches the counter. "I need a loan" he says, as the woman is wondering how on earth this frog is talking to her. "How are you talking to me" she asks in disbelief. The frog replies, "im the lovechild of kermit the frog and Mic...
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