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Mackerel Jokes

Where did the mackerel get the references for its thesis?

From the fish sauce.

Ruth went to her doctor for a check up

The doctor told her, "You have a fissure in your uterus, and if you ever have a baby it would be a miracle."

When she arrived home, Ruth told her husband "You vouldn't belief it. I vent to the doctah and he said to me 'You haf a fish in your uterus and if you haf a baby it vill be a mackerel....

Holy Mackerel! It's so hot out here today...

I just heard a tree trunk whistle for a dog...

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A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they found…

A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they found a cave with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish and a Star of David on the wall.

Pointing to the first drawing,
the head of the team declared: “This indicates these people were family oriented and held women...

Who baptizes a baby fish?

Holy Mackerel

Mark Twain at a dinner at the Author's Club, said:

Speaking of fresh eggs, I am reminded of the town of Squash. I my early lecturing days I went to Squash to lecture in Temperance Hall, arriving in the afternoon. The town seemed poorly billed. I thought I'd find out if the knew anything at all about what was in store for them.

'Good aftern...

What kind of fish did Jesus feed those 4000 people?

HOLY MACKEREL!

I’m seeing a lot of heaven related jokes, so here’s a bad one to lower every bodies expectations-

What do angles fish for in heaven?
Holy mackerels

Now that Macron has won in France and Merkel heads Germany...

they shall be known by their celebrity couple name: Mackerel.

It's mayhem in the kitchen, and two chefs are at each other's throats over a botched order....

"I told you the manager wanted cod seasoned with parsley!" yelled the first chef, brandisihing a butcher's knife.

"Well I told you that he wanted mackerel seasoned with paprika!" yelled the other, grabbing a pan of hot oil.

At that point the manager walked in holding a plate, just as b...

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Custer's Last Thought

There was a man who was obsessed about the wild west. Cowboys and Indians, this guy loved it all.

One day he was in his house looking at his already massive collection, and suddenly he gets an idea how to expand it furthermore.

He calls up a painter and says "I want you to paint me a p...

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An artist is commissioned to create a painting...

portraying Colonel Custer's final thoughts before he died. After 6 months of work, the artist reveals the painting to the museum director.
To the director's dismay, it is a painting of a lake and fish with halos around their heads jumping out of the water. There are also Indians fornicating o...

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A joke from my English teacher.

Some archaeologists find a cave, untouched by man for a long time.

In the cave they find some typical stone age tools. But they also find some symbols on the wall.

Left to Right:

[A woman](http://i.imgur.com/FjvkI.jpg).
[A donkey](http://i.imgur.com/5sogi.jpg).
[A shov...

A man goes to a French market

He wanders around the market, looking for ingredients to make a fish stew. He buys some carrots, onions, and even a few exotic spices. But he still needs to find some fresh fish. He heads over to the deli where he sees an amazing arrangement of meats, cheeses, and of course, seafood. He asks the man...

A deaf and dumb lady walks into a fish market

After waiting in line, she gets to the counter and points to the fish in the display cooler.

The fish guy says "Mahi mahi, good choice, how many pounds?"

She shakes her head and points again, and he says, "catfish! Great choice, very fresh today, how many pounds?"

She shakes her...

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Cave Excavation

A team of American and British archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in their order of appearance:

1. a woman
2. a donkey
3. a shovel
4. a fish
5. a Star of David

They decided that this...

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