Jenny: wow, Mr. Daniels, you must be old enough to have known Moses!

Mr. Daniels: No, Jenny, I am not! It wasn't funny when Ben Franklin said it, and it's not funny when you say it!

We are all like Stormy Daniels now.

Just waiting for him to finish.

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.....

...in a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6...

Jack Daniels couldn't be with us this evening....

.....but he's here with us in spirit.

The only person Trump ever hired who was actually qualified to do their job was Stormy Daniels

Now you know who the best people are

Did anyone see the new Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels movie last night?

Dumb and Dumber III: Lloyd and Harry Run for President.

A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...

"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."

"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.

Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”
...

Why shouldn't you carry too many bottles of Jack Daniels?

It's pretty whiskey; you might drop one.

-------------------

My 8 year old daughter came up with this one, I've been helping her tune it. How did we do?

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels comes alive when you add Coke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Found this one in a comment of one of my jokes

A kid went to the park with his grandfather, and after an hour or so of playing realizes he has lost him.

He starts looking all around and eventually runs into a police officer who notices he is distressed. The officer ask him whats wrong and the boy tells him he cant find his grandfather...

Apparently Stormy Daniels was misquoted, and what she actually said was that Trump's junk looked like A Little Potato. You know...

A little *dick-tater*

Stormy Daniels and queen Elizabeth died on the same day and both went to heaven

When they reached the gates of heaven, god greeted them and said “sorry ladies we only have room for one of you right now, please make your best case on why I should let you in.” Stormy Daniels thinks for a minute and lifts up her shirt and jumps around. Queen Elizabeth sees this, thinks about it an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stormy Daniels: "So I felt this huge dick come inside me"...

but I never quite felt his penis.

Q: What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?

A: Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now?

It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.

What’s the difference between Jack Daniels and General Custer?

General Custer stopped killing Indians 140 years ago.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Three Challenges

**TL;DR:** Jokes don't have TL;DRs.

A man named Andrew walks into a bar, makes his way to the stool and asks the bartender for some Whiskey, on the rocks.

As the bartender serves Andrew his order, his eyes fall on a relatively large jar of money filled with $100 bills. He gets curious...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stormy Daniels says Donald Trump paid $130,000 hush money to cover up an affair. Do you believe the bleached blond with big tits?

Or do you believe Stormy Daniels?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man, an ostrich and a cat walk into a bar

A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat, the man says to the bartender "I'll have a pint of lager please"

The ostrich says "and I'll have the same"

The cat then says "Gin & tonic for me, but I'm not paying!"

The bartender looks a bit perplexed but announces ...

Our family surname is “Daniels”

So rather hilariously we named our first child Jack.

She hates it.

A friend of mine can float one inch off the ground when he drinks Jack Daniels.

He’s a bourbon legend.

Back when Stormy Daniels was in high school, none of her fellow classmen realized she would go down in history.

Guys were usually getting it in the gym locker room or behind the teacher's parking lot.

A drunk orders a shot of Wild Turkey....

Sorry sir, we don’t have Wild Turkey only a House bourbon? What can I get you?

I’ll have a shot of Wild Turkey

I’m so sorry sir, we just ran out, how about a Jack Daniels

I’ll have a shot of Wild Turkey

Okay sir, if you can spell Wild Turkey, I’ll get you a shot

...

Michael Avenatti is no longer representing Stormy Daniels

In other words - he pulled out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If CNN released photos of Stormy Daniels & Trump

Do you know what he'd call them?



Fake Nudes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stormy Daniels should run for president

If we're going to have an inept asshole in office I'd rather have a bleached inept asshole

What does Stormy Daniels have in common with American farmers?

They both got screwed and paid off by Trump.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breaking: Stormi Daniels reaction to president Trumps Syria decision.

Shocked Trump pulls out when he said he would

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Say what you want about Stormy Daniels, but she really knows how to fuck a guy

I mean, it's been years now and she's doing it harder than ever

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving when he notices a new bar has opened up

He decides he could use a drink, so he walks in and takes a seat at the bar. He is greeted by the bartender who promptly asks him what he would like to drink. “I’ll take a... I’ll do a Crown and 7-Up,” the man says. The bartender nods his head in acknowledgement, does a quick search under the counte...

Secretary walks into the President's room

Secretary: Mr.President, Hurricane Florence is causing trouble.
Trump: Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels.

My girlfriend gave me the nickname Jack Daniels

Because she says I'm a hard licker!

One day a man decided to retire... He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How...

Johnnie Walker, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam walk into a bar

What is this, said the bartender, Alcoholics Eponymous?

Three ladies were enjoying wine spritzers, when one suggested they play a game!

She proposed each wife describe which Soda Pop best described their husband in bed?

The First Lady said “my husband is Dr.Pepper, because every night he’s peppy”!

They all giggled!

The second lady said “my husband is 7UP, cause he can get it up 7 days a week”!

The ladie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar...

... and asks the bartender for a Jack and Coke. The bartender hands him an apple. The man, looking confused, asks, "What's this?" The bartender replies, "Take a bite out of the apple." The man does and surprised, he says, "Wow, this tastes like Jack Daniels!" The bartender says, "Now turn it around....

Wow, I'm getting a $1200 check from the President

I feel kind-of like Stormy Daniels.

...well actually this check is for a future stimulus, Stormy's was a check for a past stimulus.

An indian lady visited a bar for the first time,

She sat at the table in front of the bar tender,

A guy at her left side ordered : "Jack Daniels , Single"

A guy at her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker , Single"

The bar tender looked at the lady and asked : "And you..?"

The lady replied : "Meenachi shockalingam , Marri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar, and sees a jar full of money sitting on the table.

Puzzled, he looks at the bartender before ordering a drink.

“Shit, is this the tip jar for today?”

The bartender, cleaning a glass, shakes his head before looking up at the man.

“No, that’s our prize money.”

“Prize money?” The man asked. “What competition did this bar com...

Three bestfriends are all dating men with the same name...

They got confused all the time about which boyfriend they were talking about, so one day they decided to make up some nicknames, one girl was drinking some pop and said "hey, let's name them after pop?", they reply with "sure"
First girl goes and says "I'm going to name mine Mountain Dew cause he...

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