UPJOKE
sanchezarcherhendersontravisderektommyhoffmanfraziercrawfordritchiematthewsbennettjenningsdunnjoel

Daniels Jokes

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels comes alive when you add Coke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”
...

The only person Trump ever hired who was actually qualified to do their job was Stormy Daniels

Now you know who the best people are

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

From Stormy Daniels' testimony: "I felt this huge dick come inside me...

but never quite felt his penis."

I have shop, where you can drink Jack Daniels and bake

I call it Whisky Businnes

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.....

...in a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6...

Secretary walks into the President's room

Secretary: Mr.President, Hurricane Florence is causing trouble.
Trump: Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels.

What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels is still killing
Indians.

Our family surname is “Daniels”

So rather hilariously we named our first child Jack.

She hates it.

What do you call an alcoholic bodybuilder?

Jacked Daniels

We are all like Stormy Daniels now.

Just waiting for him to finish.

Jack Daniels couldn't be here today,

But he's here in spirit.

Why shouldn't you carry too many bottles of Jack Daniels?

It's pretty whiskey; you might drop one.

-------------------

My 8 year old daughter came up with this one, I've been helping her tune it. How did we do?

Tonight I'm planning to watch the movie where Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels play two math students

Numb and Number

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stormy Daniels should run for president

If we're going to have an inept asshole in office I'd rather have a bleached inept asshole

Jenny: wow, Mr. Daniels, you must be old enough to have known Moses!

Mr. Daniels: No, Jenny, I am not! It wasn't funny when Ben Franklin said it, and it's not funny when you say it!

Did anyone see the new Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels movie last night?

Dumb and Dumber III: Lloyd and Harry Run for President.

What’s the difference between Jack Daniels and General Custer?

General Custer stopped killing Indians 140 years ago.

Michael Avenatti is no longer representing Stormy Daniels

In other words - he pulled out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar...

... and asks the bartender for a Jack and Coke. The bartender hands him an apple. The man, looking confused, asks, "What's this?" The bartender replies, "Take a bite out of the apple." The man does and surprised, he says, "Wow, this tastes like Jack Daniels!" The bartender says, "Now turn it around....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If CNN released photos of Stormy Daniels & Trump

Do you know what he'd call them?



Fake Nudes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breaking: Stormi Daniels reaction to president Trumps Syria decision.

Shocked Trump pulls out when he said he would

What does Stormy Daniels have in common with American farmers?

They both got screwed and paid off by Trump.

I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms...

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. "Frogs are good bass bait," I thought to myself. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket. Just then, I realized I h...

Three women

are sitting at a bar, talking and drinking. They decide to give their husbands nicknames. The first woman says, “I would name my husband Mountain Dew, because when he mounts, he knows what to do.”
The second woman says, “Well I would name Manny 7-Up, because he is seven inches long and always up...

A wife is complaining about her husband spending all his time at the local tavern, so one night he takes her along with him.

"What'll ya have?" he asks.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replies.

So the husband orders a couple of Jack Daniels and gulps his down in one go.

His wife watches him, then takes a sip from her glass and immediately spits it out.

"Yuck! It tastes awful...

Stormy Daniels said that Trump was always on bottom.

Because he always F*cks up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar...

...he approaches the barman and asks for a whiskey and coke.

"Take this apple."

"I don't want an apple. I want a JD and coke."

"Trust me, try the apple."

The man takes a bite, and exclaims "Christ! This tastes like Jack Daniels!"

"Yup. Turn it around."

"Wow!...

A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...

"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."

"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.

Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."

Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now?

It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.

My girlfriend gave me the nickname Jack Daniels

Because she says I'm a hard licker!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Old Grandpa

A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed security guard and said, "I've lost my grandpa."

The guard asked, "What's he like?"

"Jack Daniels and women with big tits," the boy replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stormy Daniels says Donald Trump paid $130,000 hush money to cover up an affair. Do you believe the bleached blond with big tits?

Or do you believe Stormy Daniels?

There's an Army guy and an Air Force guy.

There's an Air Force guy driving from Wagga to Richmond, and an Army guy driving from Richmond to Wagga. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions.
The Air Force guy manages to climb out of his car and...

Johnnie Walker, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam walk into a bar

What is this, said the bartender, Alcoholics Eponymous?

Back when Stormy Daniels was in high school, none of her fellow classmen realized she would go down in history.

Guys were usually getting it in the gym locker room or behind the teacher's parking lot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Say what you want about Stormy Daniels, but she really knows how to fuck a guy

I mean, it's been years now and she's doing it harder than ever

A lad named Jack confronts his alcoholic father

“You stupid old man, our last name is Inoff you did this on purpose!”

His father replies “Nah I named you after Jack Daniels. But that’s pretty damn funny too!”

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.