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Raincoat Jokes

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Raincoat

A lady was having an affair.

One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

'OMG hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out of the window.'

Guy: 'It's raining out there.'

Lady: 'If my husband catches us, he'll kill us....

What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?

Thunderwear.

Women are like raincoats.

In a box in my attic marked "raincoats."

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The Black Bra

Three lady friends had their weekly lunch together. One is engaged, one is a mistress and the third has been married for 20+ years. They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes....

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Raincoats are the least sexy clothing item...

The whole point is to make sure you never get wet.

Why does Snoop Dog wear a raincoat?

For drizzle

Parent buys an oversized raincoat for child

Child: But its too big

Parent: You'll grow into it

Child:

Parent:

Child: But I don't want to turn into a raincoat

What do you call a parrot in a raincoat?

Polyunsaturated

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench when I approached her, opened my raincoat and exposed myself to her. "Hello!" I grinned, pointing to my genitals, "do you know what this is?"

She adjusted her glasses, squinted for a moment and said, "Yes! It looks just like a penis -- only *much* smaller."

Two old women are sitting on a porch smoking cigarettes.

Ask they are smoking, it begins to rain. The first woman's cigarette gets wet and goes out. As she looks at her friend, she sees something fascinating unfold.


Her friend has brought out a condom and a pair of small sewing scissors. She unrolls the condom, cuts off the end of it, and sl...

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench...

A man wearing a long raincoat approaches, opens it and flashes them.

Two of the ladies immediately have a stroke. The third couldn't reach.

Pathetic

Yesterday I went to work wearing 2 raincoats.

I seem to have misunderstood the whole concept of flashing.

It's my cake day and I don't know any new jokes so. Here are some old jokes I use to love as a kid

1. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
Answer = A stick.

2. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Answer = Thunderwear.

3. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Answer = Dill with it.

4. What time is it when the...

A lemon gets sick

A lemon is walking home late one night and gets caught in a thunderstorm. With no raincoat or umbrella around, he toughs it out and paces home as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately, the lemon ends up catching a cold with some light fever and coughs from prolonged exposure in the rain and cold...

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A guy's driving his truck through a huge storm

He suddenly notices a man wearing a red raincoat on the side of the road waving at him, so he pulls over. He lowers the window and aks:

'What do you want?'

'I'm the red-coated dickhead, and I'm hungry!'

After a while, the trucker just throws out his lunch to the guy and then dri...

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Two friends are at a crowded football game

It is pouring down rain everyone is standing huddled together in raincoats suffering the weather as its a fantastic game.

One friend leans over and says "I really need to go to the bathroom but i don't want to miss this game!"

"Just piss in the pocket of the guy next to you. He won't n...

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Trumpeter

A trumpeter is hired to play two solos for a movie. After the sessions, he is paid handsomely and promised by the director that he will be notified when the movie is released to the public. Three months later, he receives a notice that the movie will make its debut in Times Square at a porno house. ...

How do you know if you'll like sailing?

Put on a thick yellow raincoat, and stuff it with hundred dollar bills. Step into the shower, turn it on full blast and it's coldest temperature, and just start stuffing those bills down the drain. If you've managed to somehow enjoy yourself doing this, you might just be crazy enough to enjoy sailin...

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Flasher and the 3 Nuns

My virgin post. Sorry if this is a repost but I still find this funny after decades.


3 nuns were walking in a park when a man in a raincoat jumped out of the bushes and exposed himself to the 3 nuns.


The first nun gasped and had a stroke. The second nun gasped and also had ...

I went to the pharmacy this morning and asked for 50 condoms.

The girl winked at me and said, "Oh, someone has a busy weekend ahead of them!"

"I know," I said. "I'm making a raincoat for my pet snake."

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Three old ladies smoking...

So three old ladies are sitting on a bench in front of a drug store enjoying a nice cigarette. All of a sudden it starts raining. Two of the ladies pull out condoms, unroll them over their burning cigarettes and then continue smoking. The third lady obviously asks about this, to which another lady r...

This little old lady...

So there's this little old lady who lost her husband. They had been high school sweethearts, married young, and lived together for 70 years until the day he died. She was a housewife her whole life and never even dated anyone else, so she moved into an assisted living facility when her husband passe...

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An exhibitionist cross path with a 6 yo girl on her way to school.

He asks the little girl "Hey, honey, do you know what a phallus is ?"

"No mister, I've never heard of it"

He then gets his raincoat wide open, revealing the erected object and starting to laugh frantically "It's this ! hahahahaha"

To which the child answers "Oh I see, it's like ...

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