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Lionel Jokes

Rumor has it that Lionel isn't popular with his teammates at Paris Saint-Germain.

He tends to leave the locker room a little Messi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lionel Messi hooks up with a girl at the bar..

They both get naked

Girl: \*Runs away\* and shouts OMG your penis says AIDS

Messi: Come closer and read it again(now fully erect) its ADIDAS

The Pope, Donald Trump, Lionel Messi, and a 14 year old boy are flying on a plane together.

Halfway into the flight, the pilots announce that the plane is going down, and that there are only three parachutes on board.

Lionel Messi grabs a parachute and says “Well guys, I’m the best football player in the world. My fans and millions of people worldwide need me!”, and jumps out of th...

Lionel Messi is very impatient about his new contract.

He says he doesn’t want 2-8 anymore.

What's Lionel Richie's favorite video game?

Halo.

When Lionel Messi dies..

He should have his Argentinian team mates bury him so they can let him down one last time..

Why does nobody like eating with Lionel?

Because he is a Messi eater!

I hate it when people compare Lionel Messi with God. I mean he's good and all...

...but he's no Messi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My neighbour really pissed me off last night...

He kept playing the same Lionel Richie song over and over. I wouldn't mind normally but it was all night long.

What do you call a soul singer with a biscuit on his head?

Lionel Richtea

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not sure if this goes here or /r/racism...

A black woman walks into the human resource department to apply for welfare. The woman at the office asks the black woman how many kids she has. The black woman replies, "Eight." The woman at the office says, "Well, what are their names?" The black woman replies, "Lionel." The woman at the office sa...

Lionel Messi walks into a bar. He goes up to the first girl he sees and says “Get your coat, you’ve pulled” “Oooh" says the girl

"You're a little forward aren't you?"

What do you get when you cross C.S Lewis and a Commodore?

The Lionel Ritchie and the Wardrobe

An airplane was about to crash...

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said, "I am Lionel Messi, the best footballer in the world. My millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-ele...

The Queen of England is on a cruise

When they see Christiano Ronaldo thrashing for help in the middle of the ocean, being violently attacked by a great white shark.

But before she can have her staff do anything, a speedboat comes by, and in it is Lionel Messi and Luis Suarez! They pull up to the shark and hit it with paddles ti...

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