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Boobs are like legos

They're really for the kids, but the dads always end up playing with them

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Tits are like Lego bricks.

They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

What do most legos have?

Separation anxiety

What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?

Plastic surgery.

[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]

What's worse to step on in the middle of the night than a lego

A landmine

A new Lego store opened up in my town...

People were lined up for blocks.

The Legos stores have finally reopened in Europe after Corona virus,

People have literally been lining up for blocks!!

Walking and LEGO manuals are basically the same thing

There are to many steps

Captain America, The Hulk, Thor, and Iron Man all get Lego sets for Christmas.

"Avengers, assemble!"

What do you call it when you misplace your Lego Lord of the Rings mini figures?

A Lego Legolas Loss.

What happens after you eat a LEGO?

You sh*t a brick.

My wife bought me a Lego car set to build and it said +3 years in the box.

I got the last laugh, I finished it in 2.

Watching the first presidential debate was like watching two people who shouldn’t play with legos argue

One acted like he was under 4 years old and the other acted like he was over 99!

So what? I have a bunch of Legos.

You wanna make something out of it?

A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Lego Land

The damage is expected to be about 50 square blocks

I am a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me LEGOs for my birthday.

I don’t know what to make of it.

Businesses are starting to open up. In fact, the LEGO store is open now, but I recommend staying away for a while.

People will be lined up for blocks.

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Doctor, doctor, I've eaten some lego!

Well you'll be shitting bricks.

What do you call a PC made of legos?

Bricked

Every day after waking up, I find that someone dumped a bunch of LEGOs on my front porch.

I don’t know what to make of it.

I came home from work yesterday to find that someone broke into my home. it seemed like they didn't really take a whole lot. My TV, my PS4 and my legos were fine. But the room was dark, even when I tried to turn on the lights. Seems the only thing that was taken were my lightbulbs and a couple lamps

I was delighted.

Lego bricks are being used to help people with dementia and alzheimers...

They are being put at the side of their beds to remind the old folks to put their shoes on when they get up...

I'm trying so hard to create a LEGO joke.

But the pieces just won't go together.

I stepped on a rusty Lego the other day...

I'm worried I might have contracted Tetris.

"What did the Lego alien say?"

"I come in pieces."



*An original joke by my 8 year old daughter.*

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Why is it bad to eat legos?

Because then you start shitting bricks

My kid is a LEGO genius. The box said 6-12 years...

... and she finished it in less than a day. That's gotta be some sort of record.

What do you call a russian lego?

The Soviet Bloc

My Mother died and left me a giant tub of LEGOs.

I just don’t know what to make of it.

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my son make cock out of lego

he get cock blocked hahahaha

Did you hear about the kid who lost his lord of the rings LEGO set?

He was LEGO less.

I'm having trouble with my Bonnie Tyler LEGO sculpture

Every now and then it falls apart.

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Sometimes I hand a Lego to my blind friend and ask him what it says.

Apparently all Legos say “Fuck off!”

What does a priest and legos have in common?

They both come in small packages.

What did the little battery yell when it stepped on a lego?

AAA

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What's the difference between sex and lego?

You don't know? Then you should probably stick to lego's

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I gave my blind friend a Lego piece so he could tell me what it says.

I kept giving him more and more pieces.

Apparently, from what I've seen, all Lego pieces read "Fuck you, asshole."

Did you hear about the LEGO truck that crashed on the highway?

Authorities are still trying to piece everything together...

How do you measure a Lego minifigure's shoe size?

In square feet.

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[NSFW] What do a woman's breasts and LEGO have in common?

They're both for the kids but the dad likes playing with them the most.

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

Well, he had so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into LEGOs... Now kids play with him for a change.

I woke up this morning and was surprised to find a huge box of LEGO blocks sitting on my front porch.

I have no idea what to make of it.

What was Legolas when his father took away his Legos?

Legoless.
I’ll see myself out...

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By far the scariest moment of my entire life is when I accidentially swallowed some Lego.

I was shitting bricks.

SO LITTLE TIMMY IS PLAYING WITH HIS LEGOS…

…when all of a sudden his mother comes up to him. She tells him “Timmy, when your father comes home can you tell him to come to our room? Tell him it’s very very important”. Timmy agrees and continues to play with his legos. A couple of hours later the father comes home and Timmy runs to him and say...

Hey, are you the top of a Lego brick?

Because you're a stud.

A man's wife threw out his LEGO collection dating back to the 1970's.

She leaves him soon after. His son gathers a group of his friends to look around the house to cheer him up. . Soon the whole neighborhood joins in the effort. His father comes home and immediately panics.
"Son, what are all these people doing here?"
His son replies "We got some. but we're go...

A police officer pulled over a Lego man today...

...and when the officer asked the man if he knew why he was being stopped, the Lego man responded, "I bet it's because I'm block."

This week Lego Batman sold more tickets than the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey...

When asked to comment about this 50 Shades stated "It's okay, I like to be dominated."

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My wife swallowed a lego without knowing it

She shit a brick after I told her

What is yellow and can’t swim?

A man from LEGO CITY

What does the Lego man do for fun?

He throws a block party.

My wife said childbirth was the worst pain, until I told her how I once landed barefoot on a huge pile of toy bricks.

She didn't have a Lego to stand on.

I'm writing some BSDM-themed LEGO fan-fiction.

I hope to release it later as "50 blocks of pain"

Why do LEGO men hate going to hospital...?

Because plastic surgery costs a fortune!

Man, some toys are so clingy

They never seem to Lego

Why was the Lego man sick?

He had a BLOCKED NOSE!

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I've just been rushed to A&E after swallowing some lego....

The doctor's don't seem worried but i'm shitting bricks

A policeman comes to work, all happy. "Guess what?" He says. His co-workers ask: "We don't know, what?" The policeman answers:

"I bought a Lego set for 3+ years and managed to build it in a year!"


(Was funnier in my language)

What's an amputee's favorite toy?

Legos.

What do you call it when a toy and an elf have a baby girl?

Lego Lass

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if it's true that crows have the intelligence of a 7 year old human...

How come I've never seen a crow admitted to hospital for having a lego stuck up it's arse?

When I told my ex girlfriend that I wanted to break up, she tried gifting me a mini plastic figurine of myself in an attempt to salvage our relationship.

I screamed, "Lego of me!"

My​ wife wanted to use toys in the bedroom

All I can say is there was lego everywhere

Why was Thranduil's son unhappy as a kid?

Because he was *LEGO-less.*

The elf in the Fellowship of the Ring must not have had that great of a childhood.

Since there's no plastic in Middle Earth, he was lego-less

Eight year old Timmy had wanted a pet for the longest time. One day, his mother brought home a pet mouse with a long, thin tail.

Timmy named him Thread. He wanted to bring him everywhere, but his mother warned him to be careful where he brought it, “because people don’t always like mice.”

One day, Timmy brought Thread to Jenny’s house. Jenny’s Dad, an exterminator for Mr. Click’s Tricks by trade, didn’t like mice much...

Yo mama so fat

her foot doesn't hurt when she steps on a Lego.

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Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

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I just asked my blind roommate to tell me what something said in Braille,

I didn't realize a lego brick said "Fuck You"

The Jackson estate recently made an announcement...

That upon his death, they'd had Michael's body melted down and cast into pieces of LEGO.

So now it's finally safe for the kids to play with Michael.

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Unfair Christmas

Two brothers open up their Christmas gifts. One got many gifts. Xbox One, PS4, tons of games, Legos, remote control vehicles, and much more. The other one got a used tennis ball. One brother says to the other "Look at all the gifts I got, and you got a shitty tennis ball. HAHA" the other replies "At...

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Little Johnny's Thanksgiving

It was thanksgiving eve and Little Johnny was in his room, when he heard his dad shout from the living room,

"These Bitches and Bastards!", Johnny ran out and asked, "Daddy what are bitches and bastards?"
"Oh that's a nice way of saying ladies and gentleman."

So Johnny went back to...

My mountain climbing partner's last words were wasted on giving me advice about toys I don't even have.

"DON'T LEGO."

Odd.

Going To The Movies

I told my wife I wanted to watch a movie about a billionaire playboy with a penchant for darkness, inflicting violence and dressing up in masks.

She got excited and asked, "Are we really go to see *50 Shades*?"

I laughed and told her I was talking about *The Lego Batman Movie*.

My mom told me to get rid of my brick toys

But I just can't lego

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