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LEGO bricks are like boobs...

...They're designed for kids, but it's the grown-ups who have more fun with them. Oh, and it hurts when someone steps on them.

The Lego store near my house just reopened after lockdown...

People were lining up for blocks.

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Boobs are like legos

They're really for the kids, but the dads always end up playing with them

What did the elf say after an orc stole his Legos?

I’m Legolas.

Every morning after waking up, I find that someone has left a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.

I don’t know what to make of it.

What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?

Plastic surgery.

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Tits and LEGO Sets have a thing in common

It's meant for the kid but the dad ends up having the most fun with it.

Did you hear about the LEGO truck that crashed on the highway?

Authorities are still trying to piece everything together...

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What happens when you scare a lego man?

They shit a brick.

My wife bought me a Lego car set to build and it said +3 years in the box.

I got the last laugh, I finished it in 2.

What do most legos have?

Separation anxiety

Captain America, The Hulk, Thor, and Iron Man all get Lego sets for Christmas.

"Avengers, assemble!"

"What did the Lego alien say?"

"I come in pieces."



*An original joke by my 8 year old daughter.*

My son is playing with the newly assembled LEGO truck after playing "Lego Indiana Jones" for a bit.

In the course of playing, he says "I'm driving to Indiana Jonestown!"

To which I replied "Well once you get there, don't drink the Kool-Aid, Junior"

What's worse to step on in the middle of the night than a lego

A landmine

What do you call it when you misplace your Lego Lord of the Rings mini figures?

A Lego Legolas Loss.

I am a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me LEGOs for my birthday.

I don’t know what to make of it.

A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Lego Land

The damage is expected to be about 50 square blocks

So what? I have a bunch of Legos.

You wanna make something out of it?

Steal a man's wallet and he will be broke for a week

Give a man a lego passion and he will be broke for a lifetime

The Legos stores have finally reopened in Europe after Corona virus,

People have literally been lining up for blocks!!

I came home from work yesterday to find that someone broke into my home. it seemed like they didn't really take a whole lot. My TV, my PS4 and my legos were fine. But the room was dark, even when I tried to turn on the lights. Seems the only thing that was taken were my lightbulbs and a couple lamps

I was delighted.

Walking and LEGO manuals are basically the same thing

There are to many steps

I'm trying so hard to create a LEGO joke.

But the pieces just won't go together.

I stepped on a rusty Lego the other day...

I'm worried I might have contracted Tetris.

Watching the first presidential debate was like watching two people who shouldn’t play with legos argue

One acted like he was under 4 years old and the other acted like he was over 99!

Businesses are starting to open up. In fact, the LEGO store is open now, but I recommend staying away for a while.

People will be lined up for blocks.

What do you call a PC made of legos?

Bricked

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Doctor, doctor, I've eaten some lego!

Well you'll be shitting bricks.

What is the opposite of Le Stop?

Lego

I'm having trouble with my Bonnie Tyler LEGO sculpture

Every now and then it falls apart.

Lego bricks are being used to help people with dementia and alzheimers...

They are being put at the side of their beds to remind the old folks to put their shoes on when they get up...

A man's wife threw out his LEGO collection dating back to the 1970's.

She leaves him soon after. His son gathers a group of his friends to look around the house to cheer him up. . Soon the whole neighborhood joins in the effort. His father comes home and immediately panics.
"Son, what are all these people doing here?"
His son replies "We got some. but we're go...

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Why is it bad to eat legos?

Because then you start shitting bricks

What do you call a russian lego?

The Soviet Bloc

My Mother died and left me a giant tub of LEGOs.

I just don’t know what to make of it.

Did you hear about the kid who lost his lord of the rings LEGO set?

He was LEGO less.

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What's the difference between sex and lego?

You don't know? Then you should probably stick to lego's

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Sometimes I hand a Lego to my blind friend and ask him what it says.

Apparently all Legos say “Fuck off!”

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[NSFW] What do a woman's breasts and LEGO have in common?

They're both for the kids but the dad likes playing with them the most.

What did the little battery yell when it stepped on a lego?

AAA

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I gave my blind friend a Lego piece so he could tell me what it says.

I kept giving him more and more pieces.

Apparently, from what I've seen, all Lego pieces read "Fuck you, asshole."

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By far the scariest moment of my entire life is when I accidentially swallowed some Lego.

I was shitting bricks.

SO LITTLE TIMMY IS PLAYING WITH HIS LEGOS…

…when all of a sudden his mother comes up to him. She tells him “Timmy, when your father comes home can you tell him to come to our room? Tell him it’s very very important”. Timmy agrees and continues to play with his legos. A couple of hours later the father comes home and Timmy runs to him and say...

This week Lego Batman sold more tickets than the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey...

When asked to comment about this 50 Shades stated "It's okay, I like to be dominated."

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My wife swallowed a lego without knowing it

She shit a brick after I told her

Hey, are you the top of a Lego brick?

Because you're a stud.

How do you measure a Lego minifigure's shoe size?

In square feet.

Have you heard of the new Lego Presidential Building Set?

It’s called “My First Wall”. It comes with a few pesos as a refund.

What does the Lego man do for fun?

He throws a block party.

A police officer pulled over a Lego man today...

...and when the officer asked the man if he knew why he was being stopped, the Lego man responded, "I bet it's because I'm block."

Did you hear what they did with Michael Jackson’s body?

Since he was like 90% plastic they melted him into legos and let little boys play with him for once.

Why do LEGO men hate going to hospital...?

Because plastic surgery costs a fortune!

Why was the Lego man sick?

He had a BLOCKED NOSE!

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I've just been rushed to A&E after swallowing some lego....

The doctor's don't seem worried but i'm shitting bricks

Going To The Movies

I told my wife I wanted to watch a movie about a billionaire playboy with a penchant for darkness, inflicting violence and dressing up in masks.

She got excited and asked, "Are we really go to see *50 Shades*?"

I laughed and told her I was talking about *The Lego Batman Movie*.

I'm writing some BSDM-themed LEGO fan-fiction.

I hope to release it later as "50 blocks of pain"

What is yellow and can’t swim?

A man from LEGO CITY

Just saw the Lego Movie...

...it was very well *pieced* together!

(Got this off Doug Benson's 'Doug Loves Movies' podcast)

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

Well, he had so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into LEGOs... Now kids play with him for a change.

What's an amputee's favorite toy?

Legos.

My wife said childbirth was the worst pain, until I told her how I once landed barefoot on a huge pile of toy bricks.

She didn't have a Lego to stand on.

What do you call it when a toy and an elf have a baby girl?

Lego Lass

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if it's true that crows have the intelligence of a 7 year old human...

How come I've never seen a crow admitted to hospital for having a lego stuck up it's arse?

When I told my ex girlfriend that I wanted to break up, she tried gifting me a mini plastic figurine of myself in an attempt to salvage our relationship.

I screamed, "Lego of me!"

A policeman comes to work, all happy. "Guess what?" He says. His co-workers ask: "We don't know, what?" The policeman answers:

"I bought a Lego set for 3+ years and managed to build it in a year!"


(Was funnier in my language)

My​ wife wanted to use toys in the bedroom

All I can say is there was lego everywhere

Why was Thranduil's son unhappy as a kid?

Because he was *LEGO-less.*

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Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

Yo mama so fat

her foot doesn't hurt when she steps on a Lego.

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I just asked my blind roommate to tell me what something said in Braille,

I didn't realize a lego brick said "Fuck You"

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There is a danish guy, a icelandic guy and a german guy.

They are all very patriotic. One day, out of pure love for their country, they each make a meme related to their country. The danish guy makes a stepping on lego meme, the icelandic guy makes a we are number one meme and the german guy makes a nazi meme. Since they all made the memes because they lo...

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