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Pant Leg Jokes

The new suit

A man went to a tailor's shop to be fitted for a suit and a pair of shoes. The old tailor took all of the measurements and said to return in a week.

The man returned in a week and put on his new suit and new shoes.

As he stood in front of the mirror he complained that the left sleeve ...

The squirrels of Buckingham Palace. (The elusive thing known as a new joke)

A solider was standing guard at Buckingham Palace when his commanding officer came storming over.

‘JONES! Did I see you flinch?’

‘Yes Sir!’

‘Why did you flinch Jones?’

‘Well you see Sir, a squirrel come running out of tha’ tree over there, ran across the field, ran up m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Interviewer asked me if I ever lied about my penis.

Interviewer: Have you ever lied regarding your penis.

Me: Yes, once while rubbing the tip through my pant leg someone asked me what I was doing… I lied and told them I was scratching my knee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

WW1 as a bar fight...

Serbia is walking across the bar with a beer in his hand. He bumps into Austria, and spills some beer on his pant leg. Austria is furious, and demands Serbia pay for an entire suit. Serbia can't afford this, so he offers to pay for the dry cleaning.

They argue, Russia tells Austria to back o...

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten sheets over each bird and only the legs showing...

... He sat right in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, and identifying characteristic.

The student looked at each set of bird legs. They...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Camouflage

The General was reviewing the troops during camouflage training when suddenly a tree trunk starts jumping around.

"Soldier, what are you doing?" screamed the General.

"When the bird shit on my arm, I didn't move a muscle," said the private. "And when the dog pissed on my leg, I kept ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to college, and upon arrival, finds that he needs to take an extra science class for his major.

He asks his friend which science class is easiest, and his friend responds “Ornithology 101. I never even had to show up.”
So the man registers for Ornithology, and never actually goes to the class. However, a few weeks before the final, he realizes he need to do very well on the final to pas...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men die close to Christmas. At the pearly gates, St. Peter greets them.

St. Peter looks at the three of them, and tells them that if they want to get into heaven, they have to present him with something related to Christmas.

The first man goes up, and confidently produces some holly from his pocket. St. Peter looks at it, and lets him in.

The second guy ...

So a buddy of mine was riding his motorcycle...

(This is a joke that my own, dearest father got me with today.)

...and, you know how the underneath of the bike can get pretty hot, under the motor. Well, his boot caught fire! He looks down, and sees that it spread to his pant leg, so he reaches down and tries to pat it out with his gl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Chinese Tortures

One day, a man was lost walking through a dense forest. When it was getting dark he came across a secluded cabin in a clearing on top of a hill. He knocked on the door, and an ancient looking Chinese man answered the door.
“Please sir”, the man plead. “It is getting dark, and I’m lost. Could you ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newlywed couple was getting ready for bed on their wedding night.

Being the old-fashioned types, this was their first night together. The bride is in bed, all dressed in her fancy negligee, watching her new hubby get undressed with anticipation. He takes off his shirt, then sits down on the bed and takes off his socks, and his toes are all gnarled, small and twist...

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