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Fork Jokes

What do you call a fork with three prongs?

A threek.

If you stick a fork in an outlet, you’ll die.

I know, shocking.

I wrote an article about "The top 10 worst places to stick a fork"...

The 5th one will shock you!

A French, a Brit, and an American are on an expedition in the Amazon

They are captured by a tribe of natives. The chief says to them, "you must die for intruding our land. But it is our custom to allow you to choose your own death."

After some time, the Frenchman says, "my great grandfather died by sword while fighting for France, I shall do the same to honor ...

What did the cake say to the fork?

You want a piece of me!?

A fork says to a spoon, "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?" The spoon says,

"That was no ladle, that was my knife."

Little boy put a fork in the toaster - what happened next will shock you...

Well actually, it shocked him

A blind man went to a restaurant.

menu sir? asked the owner. I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order. The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and...

Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross...

“Something for this I have.” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, th...

Marriage is really educational

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

Why was Louie Anderson clutching a fork when he died?

He heard they have Meat Loaf in heaven.

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A man walks into a GP's office with a fork stuck in his cheek.

'Help me, doctor!' he says in a desperate voice.

'I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do for you,' says the doctor while putting on his coat. 'My shift ends at 5 p.m. and it's already five past.'

'But doctor, please, there must be something you can do!', cries the man.

'No, sorry...

What happens if you slap a tuning fork?

It hertz

I let my daughter touch a fork for the first time.

Where she put it was shocking.

What happens when a fork and a spoon get into a fight?

Civilwar!

What do you call an ongoing fork prong?

Constantine

What do you call a blonde lawyer eating soup with a fork?

Reese Withoutherspoon

The recipe said, "Prick with a fork"..

.....but enough about me.

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One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

The server asked him if he’d like to see the menu

The blind man says: “no, I am blind, just bring me a dirty fork and I will smell it and order”.

The server, confused, goes to the kitchen, and brings back a dirty fork.

The blind...

Once a man named his cats Spoon, Fork and Knife

They were his Catlery

What is the best quality to use when photographing forks?

4K

Didn't that actress from Legally Blonde once eat cereal with a fork?

No wait- she ate Reese With a spoon

Anyone got a fork and a plate?

Reddit handed me a slice o cake, but 2hrs til it expires and they left me without silverware and fine china needed to enjoy it :(

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An Army officer, a Naval officer, and a Ranger are captured...

By a strange tribe, deep in the jungle. The people of the tribe confer briefly, and then the chief walks up to the Army officer. "We've decided to kill you," he began, "and make a canoe out of your skin. However, in deference to your rank, we have decided to allow you to choose the manner in whic...

I just found out it’s considered rude in Vietnam to eat noodles with a fork, since it’s how American GIs ate their food.

It’s a pho pas.

I just forked over $5,000 for a reincarnation seminar

I figured what the hell you only live once.

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Probably the grossest joke I've ever heard.

late one evening a guy is closing up the restaurant he works at. He's sweeping floors and wiping tables, when there's a knock at the door. He opens the door and standing there is the filthiest bum he's ever seen. The bum says, "say fella, could you give me a fork?" Well the guy figures, what the hel...

What happens if you stick a fork in an outlet?

The answer might shock you...

Recently, while traveling, I came upon a fork in the road.

Then a nearby cop arrested me. I should've known better than to satisfy my silverware fetish in public.

How do you turn a spoon into a fork?

Open up the drawers.

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American get captured by a tribe of cannibals

The leader of the cannibals arrives, and says "Greetings, travelers. I'm sorry to tell you this, but since we have captured you, you must die. Furthermore, we must eat you, and make canoes out of your skins, in accordance with our traditions. However, we will be as humane as we can. We will allow yo...

Dear Fork,

Dear Fork,

I know we haven't spoken since I ran away with Dish, but I thought you should know you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair.

Sincerely,
Spoon

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A Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker go on a safari...

Along the way they run into a tribe of cannibals. The chief was a pleasant fellow, but had some unfortunate news for them.

"Gentlemen, I am sorry but I must follow the way of my people."

"Oh?" says the Brit. "What's that?"

"Well..." the chief responds, "We will kill you, cook...

Titles of books you probably don't want your kid to read.

"You're Different and That's Bad."

"Why cant Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Socket be Friends?"

"Let's Find and Play With Mommy and Daddy's Toys."

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A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Australian go exploring in the jungle.

Afer some time, they come across a beautiful lake and all decide to go swimming.

Afterwards as they leave the crystal-clear water they are captured by a local tribe and are brought before the chief.

The chief looks at them and says "All three of you were caught swimming in our sacred w...

A fork and a knife's conversation

Knife: forks are basically useless.

Fork: why? What will people eat with?

Knife:with their hands.

Fork: you've got a point

I tried to eat soup with a fork.

It was a strain.

Zayn leaving one direction is just like putting a fork into a sausage..

It leaves four little pricks.

A Cowboy is riding his horse on his first trip to cowtown when he reaches a fork in the road...

At the fork, there is a sign which reads "Reddit go right, cowtown go left." The cowboy, confused and having never heard of Reddit, decides to give in to his curiosity and go right.

After riding for a mile or so on the path, he reaches another fork. This sign reads "Reddit go right, cowtown ...

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pro...

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On a crowded train, travelling somewhere in Europe.

A U.S. Marine walked the entire length of the train looking for a seat before realizing that the only seat available was currently occupied by a well-dressed, middle-aged French woman's poodle.

The weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman just sniffed, and said t...

Spooning leads to forking

But if you fork the wrong dish, you could get knifed.

If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...

...are you testing its utensil strength?

"How do I get a firmer body?" asked the fork

"Utensil your muscles" I replied.

I cut the prong off a fork and am wearing it on a necklace for luck.

As they say, third tine's the charm.

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Why did the inventor of the peanut butter cup give up on eating them with her fork ?

Because it was easier for Reese with her spoon

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The aussies will understand

Three men are hiking in the Australian outback. One man is an Englishman, another is a Frenchman, and the other is an Aussie man. The men come across a beautiful lake and decide to take a swim. Once they get out they’re greeted by indigenous tribesmen. The leader of the tribe says to the men “you ha...

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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.

He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
...

Why did the fork go to the party?

It wanted to have a good tine.

I told my Kentucky raised girlfriend her family tree doesn't fork...

...it spoons.


She did not find it humorous

Went to the doctors today and I complained, "There seems to ge a few spoons and forks stuck in my throat."

He said, "It's not serious, you just need to have utensils taken out."

I forgot to pack a fork with my lunch today.

It was a pointless lunch.

Three people became shipwrecked on an island inhabited by cannibals.

They were swiftly captured and told they would be killed, cooked, eaten, and their skin would be used to line the tribe’s canoes, but they would be able to choose how they died.

The first man, a British man, decided he wanted to die by the sword. In an instant, a tribesman cut his head off. ...

Why did the apple eat itself with a fork?

Because it didn't have a spoon!

(Courtesy of my three year old daughter.)

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class. The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send ...

I remember when I was a kid, at dinner my parents gave me a knife and fork, so I'd bang them on the table..

..We were quite an incestuous family.

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Why didn't the fork and spoon want to hang out with the butter knife?

He was just too dull.

They don't make forks like they used to.

Modern plastic ware makes me miss the good old tines.

My girlfriend's plastic fork broke while she was eating earlier....

....Just a tine-y bit. (i was so proud of myself but no one else laughed as much as I did )

There's an English man, an Irish man and a Scots man...

They're all stranded on this Desert Island. The cannibals come and say "right you're coming back with us and we are going to skin you and turn you into canoes"

So... they arrive at their camp and the cannibals say "before you're killed you each get one last request"

The scots man is fi...

Someone reaches the checkout counter at IKEA...

They buy:
\- one large plate
\- one small plate
\- one spoon
\- one fork
\- one knife
\- one bowl
\- one wine glass
\- one water glass
\- one frying pan
\- one spatula


The cashier goes "So you're single, huh."
They reply "Why yes I ...

What did Obi-wan say to Luke when he saw him struggling with the chopsticks?

Use the fork, Luke.

I went out to dinner with Neo from The Matrix when I saw him eating soup with a fork.

He kept insisting there was no spoon!

You stop bad music with a tuning fork. How do you stop bad singing?

A pitchfork

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down...

The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty d...

A young man went to his grandfather's place to stay for the weekend. He was sitting down to lunch when he noticed that the spoons and forks were encrusted in a thin filmy substance.

He asked his grandfather,"Are you sure you washed it properly?"


"As clean as cold water can get it" was the reply.


So the young man shrugged and started eating.


The next day at breakfast he noticed that the plates were dirty and grimy. It also smelled a bit ...

Why did the naughty child not get electrocuted when he stuck a fork in the socket?

Because he was grounded!


(I'll see myself out)

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Three explorers are trekking through the Amazon....

One explorer is from England.

One is from France.

One is from New York.

As they're pushing through the jungle a local tribe ambushes and captures them. The tribe takes them back to their village to await trial by the Chief.

The Chief presents himself to the explorers:
...

Cannibals capture three men

The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and pen so...

I told you I was broke

A little lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning" said the young man. "If I can take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high power vacuum cleaner"

"G...

My little sister hated that our mother was addicted to cigarettes so she took a fork and stabbed the packet repeatedly.

Mom was not pleased. Holy smokes!

^(Based on a true story)

Why is there an attitude at some Asian restaurants?

No forks given.

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A fella goes to a building site to see if there are any jobs going.

"Maybe," says the foreman. "Can you make tea?"

"Sure," says the fella, "I can make tea like a pro."

"Okay," says the foreman, "can you drive a forklift?"

"Fuck me!" says the fella, "how big is the teapot?!"

i made this up as a kid or seen it on the internet or smth...idk it is funny

3 aliens come down to earth...examining earth and humans on this planet. They wanted to interact with the species so they agreed to split up.

The first alien went to a classroom at a school. He was surrounded by a lot of kids Yelling the word 'ME ME ME' repeatedly as the kids were jumping up...

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A Londoner, a Parisian and a New Yorker get captured by cannibals…

The cannibals are pretty pissed off because these guys have just wandered into their territory without asking permission. So the cannibals tell them, “We’re going to kill you, we’re going to eat you, and we’re going to make a canoe out of your skins. But just because we’re in a good mood today will...

It had to be Australia

A gecko lizard is walking through the Australian bush, heading toward the river for a drink.

On his walk he comes across a koala sitting in a gum tree, smoking a joint and stops for a chat.

"Gidday, mate. What are you doing?"

The koala replies, "Smoking a joint, come up and join...

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A guy buys a vintage motorcycle he saw for sale in an ad in the paper.

When he goes to pick the bike up, the dude who sells him the bike says, "

"Now remember....that's all original leather. You can't let it get too wet. If it starts raining and you don't have anywhere to shelter it, make sure you keep a tub of vaseline with you. Rub it all over the seat so the ...

A bartender is serving drinks one night when a farmer comes in asking for a fork.

A while later another farmer comes in asking for another fork. After a little while longer a third farmer comes in asking for a straw.

Perplexed the bartender asks the farmer "why are you asking for a straw the other farmers asked for a fork"

To which the farmer responds "well someone ...

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