UPJOKE
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Lay In Jokes

A newlywed couple lay in bed one morning husband says: "How about you go brew us some coffee?"

Wife: "That's your job."

Hasband: "Says who?"

Wife : "The bible, it's on just about every page."

Husband: "The bible don't say anything about brewing coffee."
Wife (Holding her Bible flipping pages): "See every page Hebrews, Hebrews, hebrews."

As I lay in bed, I felt a hand reach into my boxers and start to play with my balls. It was nice, but I wasn’t in the mood “Not tonight” I whispered “I’m tired”

“That’s not how it works in here” said my cellmate.

As I lay in my new girlfriend’s bed, I noticed four lines carved into the headboard.

“Is that how many men you’ve slept with?”, I asked.

“Yes”, she replied, “One thousand, one hundred and eleven.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After making love, a couple lay in bed.

She says to him, "And with that, I have had sex with you more than anyone in my life."

He laughs and says, "You announced that last week, but it's just as funny."

She replies, "And it's just as true."

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A husband and wife lay in bed watching tv together

with the remote in his hand, he continuously flicks between 2 channels. one features men fishing while the other contains a lot of sex scenes.

after watching one for about a minute, he flicks back to the other. the wife, who is now annoyed with his indecisiveness, demands that he choose one s...

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself:

Where the heck did the ceiling go?

Your mom's the best lay in town

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, *Your mom's the best lay in town.*

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders off and stands at the far end of the bar.
Ten minutes later...

I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.

On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."

I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.

As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

A chicken and an egg lay in bed smoking cigarettes.

The egg says, "well, that answers that old question."

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As I lay in my bed tonight....

As I lay in my bed tonight, I look up into the sky and wonder "where the fuck is my roof?"

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Why don't black people lay in the sun?

...because it's 92.96 million miles away.

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After a long day at work, i decided to lay in bed and watch the stars. And then it's when it hit me

someone stole my fucking ceiling!

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As I lay in bed, gently nodding off, I felt a warm hand slip inside my boxer shorts and gently start to caress...

...my balls.

It was very nice, but I wasn't in the mood.

"Not tonight, honey." I mumbled. "I'm too tired."

"It fucking doesn't quite work like that in here." rasped my cellmate.

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