Two detective bees are chatting around the hive water cooler...

Detective Bee 1: So, what happened with that poor kid that got mugged this morning?

Detective Bee 2: Eh, victim’s pretty rattled. Can’t even tell me if it was two bees or not two bees.

Why do bees stay in their hives during winter ?

Swarm.

What do you call a Bee hive with no exits?

Unbelievable.

It’s a little known fact that superstar actor Yul Brynner was a huge Liverpool F.C fan. He also refused to use aftershave as it made his skin come up in hives.....

Yul never wore cologne!

My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

What do bees do when their friend moves into a new hive?

They throw them a house swarming party!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dentist appointment

A may goes to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist comes in and pulls out a needle to administer the numbing shot..

Man says, "No, no. I am allergic to that medicine. It makes me swell like a blow fish." Dentist grabs the gas mask. The man says, "No, no. I can't have the gas eithe...

What did the hive of bumblebees decide to be for Halloween?

Boo-bees

Where did Noah keep his bees ?

In the Ark hives.

What do you call it when touching iron or copper makes you break out in hives?

A metallurgy

Every time I get greedy and take more than my fair share, I break out in hives.

I must be allergic to selfish.

An English kid and Russian kid were examining a beehive together.

English kid: See that one? We call that the Queen because it is the leader of the hive, just like the Queen is the leader of our country.

Russian kid: We call it the czar.

English kid: Well that’s a little bee czar.

Centuries upon centuries ago, a group of nuns lived in a secluded convent deep in the woods.

Centuries upon centuries ago, a group of nuns lived in a secluded convent deep in the woods. The convent provided all of their basic needs: cows for milk, sheep for cheese, grain for bread, and even bees for honey. However, one day a deadly plague swept through the land, infecting all of the siste...

A local beekeeper was selling his bees for 5 dollars each.

"5 dollars for a single bee?! That's ridiculous," I complained.

"Well, if you don't like the price, you can select from that hive over there, those are freebies."

What does a bee say when it returns to it's hive?

Honey, I'm home!

Why did the bee get punished?

Because it mis-bee-hived.

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A male honeybee's only job is to stay in the hive and impregnate the queen...

American response: "Those lucky bastards!"

British response: "Those poor bastards..."

The News About the Giant Hornets is Actually Good for Reddit

They can murder the hive mentality

Farmer

A man wants to purchase some farmland, but is wary of the bees on the property. The farmer thinks the bees are harmless so he makes the prospective buyer a deal: He'll tie the buyer naked to a tree that has a bee hive for an hour, and if any bee stings him, the farmer will GIVE him the land for free...

Where does a bee work from home?

In an E-hive.


This goes without saying, but this hive has no bees, making it an eehive.

How do bees keep safe at home during a Corona lockdown?

Stay in a hive!
Stay in a hive!
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Stay in a hiiiiiiiiiiiive....

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A three legged man walked into a bar after a long day

He sat down at the bar and after a few drinks he still had hardly spoken to anyone. The barkeeper was getting curious about this man's story, so he came over and said, "I've seen a lot of shit here in Florida, but I have to admit that I've never seen anyone like you. What's your story?"

The m...

What do you get when you’re allergic to honey?

HIVES

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Little Johnny stomps on some honeybees....

One day little Johnny was playing outside. As he was feeling particularly reckless, Johnny kicked a beehive. The honeybees cam out of the hive and started swirling around Johnny. This pissed Johnny off so he stomped on the bees. His father witnessed this and told him: “Don’t do that! No honey for a ...

The Bee Joke

Once, there was a bee who lived in a very complex bee hive. All the bees residing in this hive lived very happily with their own tasks and aspirations. However, this particular bee, named Bart, was quite special. He was an incredibly intelligent bee who matured and learned far faster than his bee pe...

Victory against Heresy

Lord Commander Guilliman was addressing his Ultramarines, and declared that the victory against chaos is already on the horizon.

One ultramarine who comes from a hive world has never seen a horizon, so he asked his captain what that means. His captain replied, "Horizon is the line that you c...

In the mythical kingdoms of ancient India, lived the king Ramuk.

He had a courageous son by the name Tipar. Trained in the arts of war and statehood, Prince Tapir was ever eager to take his chance at the throne.

As age got the better of the king, he decided to crown the Prince and move on to a peaceful life of wine and women.

But before he could han...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle.

This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, ...

An apiarist consults his family doctor about a troubling rash.

Doctor: You have hives.
Apiarist: Yes many, and they are my pride and joy.
Doctor: Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to a prospective buyer

A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to a prospective buyer. As they walked along a fence line the buyer saw bee hives and stopped. He said, "Those hives are pretty close to the road."

The farmer explained that the bees just made honey and have never stung anyone.

The bu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young woman goes to see her doctor

A young woman goes to see her doctor.

"I hope you can help me out, I've been breaking out in hives lately"

"We'll see what we can do, lets take a look"

The woman pulls her top off and the doctor sees a big rash on her chest, in what looks like the shape of a big letter 'Y'
...

The Bee

One day a bee gets bored of his daily jobs, so he decided to leave his hive an explore the world.

He begins his journey, and travels across all 50 states of America, meeting many wonderful people on the way. Everyone seems to like the bee. But there has to be more to life, the Bee thought, an...

You know the worst part about being allergic to bees and loving honey?

Breaking into hives

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mailman is working his last day after 20 years of faithful service to a neighborhood.

When he delivers the mail to the first house, the man comes out, hives him some fine cigars and says "So long, I'm really going to miss you."
When he goes to the next house, the woman there comes out and gives him a bottle of fine wine. She too is very sorry to see him go, and tells him she'll mi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Farmhouse

A city slicker wanted to buy a farm. He found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.

He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land.

The landowner assured h...

A Story of Two Bees

So once upon a time, there were two bees, and they were out collecting pollen for their hive. It was going well at first, but soon the clouds started to gather together. One bee said to Two bee, "We better hurry up and meet our quota, it looks like it's going to rain." Two bee said to One bee, "Yes,...

Corny jokes!

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?

A: Because it's two-tired.


Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?

A: It becomes daytrogen.


Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?

A: In the Ark Hives!


Q: Can February March?

A: No, but Apri...

Apparently I'm allergic to Burt's Bees body wash

Broke out in hives

Where do American bees store their honey?

In a USBee hive.



~Thank my ten year old for that one.

Why did the bee go to the doctor?

Because he had hives


Badum tsh

Trees are allergic to bees..

..when bees get too close, [they break out in hives.] (/spoiler)

Original joke!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Wasp who Won America's Heart (shaggy dog)

Deep in the wasp swamps of the wasp Florida keys, there lived a young wasp. Just as a proper wasp does, this wasp worked day and night for the hive. He worked and slaved and gave his all - but this wasp was no regular wasp, for within him was the ambition and the wisdom of a great, great wasp. So, w...

The Bee

There once lived a bee named barry. Barry was a very smart bee, he went through all of school with straight A's. He majored in law, and eventually ran for president. He became the president of the bee hive.

Barry, unsatisfied with his accomplishments, goes on to go through human school, fir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Wasp

There once was a wasp, he wasn't very happy with his life in the hive. One day he decided to go back to high school. After his senior year he graduated with flying colours, a 4.0 GPA, honours with distinction and 4 scholarships. After high school he applies to Harvard. Of course, he gets accepted an...

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