I know the pandemic is causing people to struggle financially, but honestly, I'm making a fortune.

I rent out bookcases to be installed behind everyone doing a TV interview about either Covid or the Impeachment process.

A man was close to passing and said to his wife "Please answer one final question honestly for me"

"Anything" replied his wife.

The man continued, "We have three sons. Two are fine strapping lads, handsome, tall, strong. They have been the pride of my life. But our third son is so different, he is small, weak, and always ill. Please tell me honestly before I die, is he actually my son...

I have seen a lot of fat jokes recently, and I honestly think we should be nicer to them.

They have enough on their plates as it is.

Honestly you gotta hand it to short people

No seriously they cant reach it themselves

I honestly hope President Donald Trump gets better.

And I hope he recovers from Coronavirus as well.

Honestly getting a concussion wasn’t so bad.

It hurt when it happened but I barely remember it now.

I did a Briggs-Myers personality test. It said answer honestly, so i did.

Apparently I have no personality.

I asked my friend in North Korea how he honestly feels about living there?

He said, "Can't complain."

Honestly man...

Vacuum cleaners suck.

This new guy Juan has been hanging out with me and friends lately and honestly, I'm not a fan. He very controlling and manipulative.

And no Juan is going to tell me what to do.

As I was smoking, I decided to read the label and was honestly shocked to find out that smoking is bad for you

It made a die a little inside.

Honestly, if I had to offer you lot money for every bread joke..

Y'all would have a pun per nickel.

Covid19 inappropriate playlist thread. Honestly, I'm surprised it not been done yet. I'll start....

REM It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)

I know a lot of people find self-isolation hard, but I can honestly say...

I've never felt more at home.

(Credit: Celia Pacquola)

Why did the Hispanic man keep purchasing trains?

I'm not quite sure myself honestly but he has to have some sort of locomotive.

Nobody will upvote a cake joke in my birthday

I feel desserted

Edit: oh wow, this was my first time karma whoring on my cake day and I honestly wasn’t expecting this much attention. Thank you for all the awards and sorry if I didn’t respond to all the messages.

Shoutout to u/sse2k for “letting” me repost his joke.

I'm honestly convinced some women do not fart.

They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama

My wife died.

After she died, I couldn't even look at another woman for almost 20 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I honestly don’t understand why the church is so against Harry Potter

Nothing guarantees you pre martial virginity more than talking about what animal you patronus would be and what your wand would be made of.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Honestly, I kinda sympathize with Americans who are hoarding toilet paper right now

Giant assholes need to wipe more than other people

Honestly, I don't mind leg day at the gym

It's just the two days after that I can't stand

She called me "Fevereiro"

I started dating this gorgeous Brazilian girl.

One night, right after having slept with her for the first time, she started to call me *Fevereiro*.

I felt that nickname had a really cool latin vibe, so I went along with it.



After a few weeks, I asked her, "By the way, h...

A man decides to raise chickens.

So he drives to the next farm and buys 50 chicks there.

After a month the man goes to the farmer again and buys another 50 chicks.

When the man shows up at the farmer again in the third month, the farmer asks him whether the chicken rearing is successful or not.

The man just shr...

Left my ex-wife after catching her cheating on me with her deaf best friend..

I honestly should have read all the signs

Honestly I think English is a bloody stupid language

but it's what it's I guess

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Best sex after 23?

I had mine at 8, but honestly I think any time of day has great potential for good sex.

I learned in history that western civilization can trace its roots back to the Tigris and the Euphrates.

But honestly it's rooted in de Nile.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar

orders a drink. Downs it really quickly. Orders another. Downs that one too.

The bartender says “Hey, buddy, are you okay?”

The man says “No, honestly, I’m not. I wanted to surprise my wife, and… I caught her in bed with another man.”

The bartender says “Oh, man, that’s awful! W...

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery

As they are standing at the counter, the Englishman quietly picks up 3 buns stows them away in his pocket.

He turns slightly towards the Irishman, saying quietly, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The baker didn't even see me."

The Irishman scoffed back, "That's jus...

Someone stole my limbo stick

Honestly how low can you go

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar he's never visited before, and settles down to order a drink.

Before long, he notices someone sitting in the corner - a man who appears normal in every regard except that his head is a gigantic orange. Curious, the newcomer asks the bartender "What's up with the guy in the corner? The one with the-" but the bartender interrupts and says "Honestly, your best be...

Honestly, I don’t care at all about what people think of what I say or what I do.

What do you make of that?

I don't understand why people make fun of short people. Honestly though, you've really gotta hand it to short people

Because they probably can't reach it anyways.

My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly

I'm not a fan.

The girl I'm dating loves pumpkin spice lattes and uggs, but she's honestly pretty odd

She literally can't even

I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...

I donated 4 and I’m somehow a criminal

Ellen got a lot of backlash recently but honestly

Is anyone surprised that she likes Bush?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first time posting here, made up this one late night so, please be gentle with me kind stranger...

So a Cambodian guy walks into a bar,
He orders a drink from the bartender.
The bartender was new to the place and hasn't seen much foreigners so confused by the customer's race he makes conversation saying.
"Hey your people are famous for their great sushi I've heard"

The guy looks...

Netflix's latest movie.

Netflix have released a powerful new film set in the 18th century about a princess who's cursed by non-stop menstruation . The witch who cursed her says she has before the age of 21 to lift the curse by falling in love.



Honestly, it's a fantastic period drama.

Honestly, I found what happened to Jeffrey Epstein really sad...

So many powerful friends that could have helped and, instead, they all let him hang out to die.

I honestly don't know how to talk to dwarfs

It's one of my shortcomings.

I once had a 2nd shift job, 3pm-11pm.

They even had a shift differential!

After my first couple weeks I received a case of hotdogs along with my paycheck. I thought nothing of it, but then it happened again next payday, and honestly the paycheck felt a little short.

I approached my boss and asked him what the deal was....

I’m honestly sick and tired of people asking me what would i be doing in 139 days

like as if I have 2020 vision.

Youth Slang

Kids are always coming up with the strangest slang. Remember "on fleek" or when "dank" stopped meaning dingy?

I was working as a counselor at a summer camp one year. The kids came up with a new one and proceeded to absolutely run it into the ground. One day in the cafeteria, one of the ner...

I honestly understand cannibals...

...they’re just so fed up with people.

The hardest part honestly of me being a single stay at home mom

is probably the fact that I'm a 28 year old man with no children

A man walks in a bar and shouts “free beers outside!” So everyone in the bar, except the bartender, ran outside in excitement.

The bartender, visibly angry, yells at the man “what the hell did you do that for? Now i have no customers!!”

The man says “Sorry mister, i honestly didnt fink any of those men would be brave enough to fight a grizzly beer, let alone free of them”

All my friends keep going on and on about the benefits of solar energy, but honestly.....

I’m more of a fan of wind.

Honestly proposing to my wife was a mistake

I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped, and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now I don't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let's say I put my plans on hold t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You've got to think fast at times

So, a young woman, Shirley, has a job interview in the morning, but her best friend's bachelorette party is happening that night, and she has to attend. The ladies meet for drinks and party most of the night. As a surprise, some male strippers show up later to their hotel room and whip them up into ...

I don’t know why Gordon Ramsay calls people a doughnut as an insult

Because honestly if someone called me a doughnut that would be the sweetest thing anyone has ever called me

Interviewer: what is your biggest weakness?

me: my weakness is honesty

Interviewer: I don't think honesty is a weakness

me: honestly, I don't give a damn about what you think.

Honestly, I've never seen a flat earther. Maybe it's because they're two one dimensional.

Ba-dum-tisssh!

I honestly think girls need to stop acting like their periods are the worst things in the world

It's really just a bit of an ovary action, don't you think?

All of my posts consistently get too hot. Honestly on fire would better describe them.

Like I don't even try it just happens! But I swear if it happens to me one more time someone else better start trying to fence off this damn volcano.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Honestly, I don't even enjoy sex with nuns that much,

it's just, once you've gotten into the habit...

Why would you think a show about children and monsters is weird?

Honestly, I've seen stranger things

Honestly, vegans should stop

If they continue eating the Amazon rainforest we won't be able to breathe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I still have sex with my ex-girlfriend all the time.

Honestly, I'm lucky she married me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.

Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you...

I recently paid a visit to the "World's Largest Wind Turbine" exhibit.

Honestly, not a big fan.

Honestly, with these ceiling fan jokes.

They just keep going around in circles, man.

A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary

... and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband lo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman visits her doctor for her annual checkup.

The doctor asks "Do you have any questions or concerns?"

"Well, my husband likes to have anal sex with me. Is that dangerous to my health?"

"Is it painful?"

"No." She tells the doctor. "Honestly, I rather enjoy it."

"I'm not concerned then. Just be careful not to get pre...

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