We shouldn't mix races, it's immoral and honestly pretty gross.

That's why I hate triathlons.

I know the pandemic is causing people to struggle financially, but honestly, I'm making a fortune.

I rent out bookcases to be installed behind everyone doing a TV interview about either Covid or the Impeachment process.

A man was close to passing and said to his wife "Please answer one final question honestly for me"

"Anything" replied his wife.

The man continued, "We have three sons. Two are fine strapping lads, handsome, tall, strong. They have been the pride of my life. But our third son is so different, he is small, weak, and always ill. Please tell me honestly before I die, is he actually my son...

Honestly you gotta hand it to short people

No seriously they cant reach it themselves

I have seen a lot of fat jokes recently, and I honestly think we should be nicer to them.

They have enough on their plates as it is.

I honestly hope President Donald Trump gets better.

And I hope he recovers from Coronavirus as well.

My friend said that, apparently, you cant make a sentence without the letter 'a'...

I don't know if they're right. Do you guys know if its true? I'm honestly kind of lost on this one...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An inventor, Liam, builds a humanoid lie detector robot that can slap you if you lie. As with all his inventions, his family will be the first round of test subjects.

At dinner, the inventor asks his son Jimmy about his day.

"I was at Scotts, we were studying for mid-terms."

The robot suddenly springs to life, slapping the son hard upside the head.

"Ow, what the fucking shit?" Jimmy exclaims angrily.

Liam looks at his son with a bemu...

My wife wants me to blow on her when she overheats

But honestly...

...I'm not a fan

Honestly getting a concussion wasn’t so bad.

It hurt when it happened but I barely remember it now.

My 90 year old neighbor has Alzheimer's

And every morning when i wake up he's in a panic knocking at my door asking if I'd seen his wife, and every day i am forced to remind him that she has been dead for over 10 years...

Honestly i could just move, the house isn't too great, and I've had many opportunities to live in better plac...

I'm honestly convinced some women do not fart.

They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama

Honestly, if I had to offer you lot money for every bread joke..

Y'all would have a pun per nickel.

This new guy Juan has been hanging out with me and friends lately and honestly, I'm not a fan. He very controlling and manipulative.

And no Juan is going to tell me what to do.

I did a Briggs-Myers personality test. It said answer honestly, so i did.

Apparently I have no personality.

Covid19 inappropriate playlist thread. Honestly, I'm surprised it not been done yet. I'll start....

REM It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)

I asked my friend in North Korea how he honestly feels about living there?

He said, "Can't complain."

An old man goes to the doctor...

He walks in and the doctor asks how he's feeling...
The man replies "Honestly Doc, I'm doing much better than usual, I have the Lord watching over me!"
Confused, the doctor asks "What do you mean the lord is watching over you?"
The man says excitedly "Well when I go to the bathroom, t...

Most people choose to raise their own kids...

but I'm proud to say my kids were adopted. And honestly I don't miss them.

I just read a novel that took place in the world's smallest graveyard

Honestly, it sucked. It didn't even have a plot.

Do I Drink Too Much

A man goes to the doctor and says “I think I may be drinking too much.” The doctor says “Well, how many days a week do to drink?” The man says “Honestly, 4 or 5 days per week.” The doctor says “Well, that’s not healthy, but that’s not too bad.” The man says “that’s good to hear. By the way, I al...

I know a lot of people find self-isolation hard, but I can honestly say...

I've never felt more at home.

(Credit: Celia Pacquola)

Honestly, I don't mind leg day at the gym

It's just the two days after that I can't stand

*One never knows,,, A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"

One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!! The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew he...

Since my work is reliant on it i might be biased, but i never understood why people say wind power is ineffective

Honestly i'm a big fan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I honestly don’t understand why the church is so against Harry Potter

Nothing guarantees you pre martial virginity more than talking about what animal you patronus would be and what your wand would be made of.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist’s office says, What seems to be the problem, moth?

The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happines...

My mate Jack thinks he can talk to vegetables, or so he claims.

Honestly mate, jack and the beans talk

I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...

I donated 4 and I’m somehow a criminal

A fellow redditor asked where all my karma came frome

If you're good enough, it's honestly a piece of cake.

Honestly I think English is a bloody stupid language

but it's what it's I guess

After my wife died, I couldn’t even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I’m

Out Of Jail, I Can Honestly Say It Was Worth It!

A skeleton is waiting to see a doctor.

The doctor walks in, spots the skeleton, and says “Ah, Mister Johnson! I haven’t seen you since we misplaced your femur! How are you doing?”

The skeleton sighs and replies “Honestly doctor, I’ve got a bone to pick with you.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler, Napoleon, and Rasputin are in a bar in Hell recounting their glory days

Hitler: "It vas going so vell, I had conquered most ov Europe and the vorld seemed to be just vithin mien reach...but then I invaded Russia."

Napoleon: "That's nothing. I easily conquered all of Europe. I even became Emporer! It was all goin so well...but then I invaded Russia."

Rasput...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy dies and suddenly finds himself in Hell...

He trepidatiously follows the crowd towards the Gates of Hell. He finds a demon holding a piece of cardboard with his name on it.

"Craig?," asks the demon as the man approaches.

"Y... yes," answers Craig, unsure of how to handle the situation.

"Hi. I'm Ed. I know what you're thi...

I don't understand why people make fun of short people. Honestly though, you've really gotta hand it to short people

Because they probably can't reach it anyways.

Ellen got a lot of backlash recently but honestly

Is anyone surprised that she likes Bush?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dirty Grandma

Having been playing outside with his friends, a small boy came into the house and asked:

“Grandma, what is it called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”

His grandma was surprised to hear such a forthright question from a six-year-old but decided to a...

I honestly understand cannibals...

...they’re just so fed up with people.

Nobody will upvote a cake joke in my birthday

I feel desserted

Edit: oh wow, this was my first time karma whoring on my cake day and I honestly wasn’t expecting this much attention. Thank you for all the awards and sorry if I didn’t respond to all the messages.

Shoutout to u/sse2k for “letting” me repost his joke.

I’m honestly sick and tired of people asking me what would i be doing in 139 days

like as if I have 2020 vision.

I honestly don't know how to talk to dwarfs

It's one of my shortcomings.

A local congressman was sitting in his office when the phone rang.

He picked it up, said little, smiled widely, said "Thank you," and hung up the phone.
He picked the phone back up to call his mother. "Mom, it’s me,"he said. "I won the election!"
"Honestly?" she said in response to the news.
"Does it really matter how I did it?" he replied.

The girl I'm dating loves pumpkin spice lattes and uggs, but she's honestly pretty odd

She literally can't even

The hardest part honestly of me being a single stay at home mom

is probably the fact that I'm a 28 year old man with no children

Few years ago I saw Slim Shady in concert and instead of rapping he just kept pulling his pants down and mooning the crowd.

Honestly the whole thing was just Em bare assing.

Honestly, I found what happened to Jeffrey Epstein really sad...

So many powerful friends that could have helped and, instead, they all let him hang out to die.

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

Underage drinking is a big issue in my house.

My son is drinking whisky that's only aged for two years.

Honestly, he's the dumbest ten-year-old I've ever met.

Two old men...

Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel?

I mean, you're 75 years old, how do you honestly feel?''

''Honestly, I feel like a newborn baby.

I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just peed myself.''

I honestly think girls need to stop acting like their periods are the worst things in the world

It's really just a bit of an ovary action, don't you think?

Honestly, I've never seen a flat earther. Maybe it's because they're two one dimensional.

Ba-dum-tisssh!

All my friends keep going on and on about the benefits of solar energy, but honestly.....

I’m more of a fan of wind.

Honestly proposing to my wife was a mistake

I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped, and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now I don't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let's say I put my plans on hold t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Honestly, I don't even enjoy sex with nuns that much,

it's just, once you've gotten into the habit...

All of my posts consistently get too hot. Honestly on fire would better describe them.

Like I don't even try it just happens! But I swear if it happens to me one more time someone else better start trying to fence off this damn volcano.

Honestly, vegans should stop

If they continue eating the Amazon rainforest we won't be able to breathe.

Honestly to be Frank with you,

I'd have to change my name.

I honestly cannot deal with puns.

But I can with a deck of cards.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If someone asks me, “How’s your sex life?”, I can honestly say

I’m holding my own.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pickled Penis

An attractive young lady had recently lost her husband to illness, and while she wasn’t ready to engage in another relationship quite yet, she was certainly missing sex. So, to fill this need, she decided to visit a sex shop and purchase a toy.

As she has never in her life used a toy, she ask...

Honestly, with these ceiling fan jokes.

They just keep going around in circles, man.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.