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Justin Jokes

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What do you call a man with a small penis?

Justin

Two prawns….

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.

Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a ...

Justin Timberlake has volunteered to fight along side Ukrainian Forces

His first task… Crimea River

Justin Timberlake announces that he will be joining the war in Ukrain.

Early reports suggest that he will be stationed somewhere along the Crimea River

Justin Timberlake just announced he was dyslexic.

Take a moment to let that N'Sync.

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Rihanna, Usher and Justin Bieber were walking over a bridge..........

Rihanna trips and gets her head stuck between the railings.


Without a sideways glance, Usher pulls aside her G-String and fucks her senseless.


He stands back and tells Justin, "Your turn!"


Justin burst out into tears.


"Whats wrong?", asks Usher.

...

Did you hear Justin Trudeau's wife is leaving him?

She finally caught him screwing Canadians!

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Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

Dear Justin Bieber haters...please respect him.

.
.
I owe my life to Justin. Last August 16,2014 I was in a coma for 4 months due to a terrible car accident.
One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song...
So I got up...and turned off the radio.

Why did Justin Trudeau finally take action on the housing shortage?

He started shopping for an apartment.

What is 500ft wide and has no pubic hair?

What is 500 ft wide and has no pubic hair?


The first row of a Justin Bieber concert.

I feel sorry for Justin Bieber.

He's had to go to every Justin Bieber concert.

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I left two Justin Beiber tickets in my car and

some bastard broke in and left two more.

Did you hear Justin Bieber got a penile implant?

He will now be going by Allthewayin Beaver.

I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it...

...You never know when you might need a nail.

Justin Timberlake is under pressure from the US government to reveal the location of his secret fishing villa in war-torn Ukraine.

His only response is, Crimea River.

I just received an email titled $50 TO SEE JUSTIN BIEBER LIVE

I'm really the wrong person to email for these kind of ransoms.

Lebron James is like Justin Timberlake.

No matter how good he his, he will never be Michael.

My friend Justin always says “i’m justin” even tho nobody asks. I asked why and he said...

Justin case

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

I accidentally clicked on a pop-up link that said, “Free Justin Bieber tickets inside!”

Thankfully it was just a virus.

The most punctual guy I’ve ever known was named Justin.

No matter where he went or what time he showed up, he was always Justin Time.

Justin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Justin to pull over.

When Justin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Justin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!"

He then went to Justin's car and cut up its leather seats.

When he turned aroun...

Have you heard? Melinda Gates, Mackenzie Scott, and Justine Musk are starting their own rocket company!

They are calling it Space-Ex’s and their rockets are guaranteed to go pren-up up up.

Justin Timberlake to star in Dark Crystal reboot

Working title: "Bringing Skeksis Back"

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Just for Bieber

I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic.

A carload of young, loud Justin Bieber Fans, shouting and singing , with posters of Justin Bieber new album in their hands "JB I love you" s...

PSA: IF YOU RECEIVE AN EMAIL SAYING, "You've won two free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert!" DO NOT OPEN IT.

It contains two tickets to a Justin Bieber concert.

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An old Justin Wilson joke

An old, crotchety farmer woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. The man clutched his chest and fumbled for the telephone to call an ambulance, fearing that he was having a heart attack.

Upon arriving at the hospital, the man, stable but still in quite a bit of pain, was greeted ...

How do you know Justin Bieber is Canadian?

Only a Canadian could get a #1 on Billboard with a song called Sorry.

My wife said she would leave me if I didn’t stop making jokes using peoples names.

I decided to stop temptation by deleting Reddit
Justin Case.

Justin Bieber....

I have recently changed the sound of my alarm clock to "Justin Bieber - Baby". Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day, so I don't have to listen to it.

Have you heard Justin Timberlake's hit song about his favorite Ukrainian body of water?

The Crimea River

How does Justin Bieber remove a condom?

He farts

What's the same as Justin Timberlake?

Recentlyentered Woodwater

Hiking trip

Justin and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming hiking trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn’t go this time because his wife wouldn’t let him.


After a lot of teasing and name-calling, Justin headed home frustrated.


The following week when Just...

What blood type is Justin bieber

AB, AB, AB, O

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Why doesn't Justin Bieber like Sports Authority?

Because he likes Dicks.

I heard a rumour about the Canadian Prime Minister

Not sure if it’s Trudeau.

Update 1: There are some rumours that are Justin.

Justin Bieber has said, "I feel like the Kurt Cobain of my generation, but people just don't understand me."

By a curious co-incidence, Kurt Cobain, contacted in a seance, said, "I felt like the Justin Bieber of my generation, so I killed myself."

Justin Trudeau walks into a Royal Bank to cash a cheque.

As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ma'am, could you please cash this cheque for me?"
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Trudeau: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Justin Trudeau, t...

If Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau were drowning

If Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau were drowning and you could only save one of them, where would you and Justin Trudeau go for lunch?

If Donald Trump and Kim-Jong Un were drowning and you could only save one of them, where would you and Justin Trudeau go for lunch?

Winter is like the Justin Bieber of seasons...

It was kind of cute and exciting when it first started out, now its a bit obnoxious and should probably just stay in Canada.

Justin Bieber

The new Justin Bieber 3-D movie is amazing.

It's like you could almost reach out and punch him.

How long will Justin Trudeau have to apologize?

Until he's black in the face

What did Justin Trudeau say to a black guy?

"You must tell me who does your makeup, its really well done!"

I've got all of Justin Biebers CDs......

...and if I can get passed his home security again I'll have all his dvds as well.

I listen to Justin Bieber when working...

White noise helps me focus.

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Justin Timberlake brought sexy back...

Tide brought natural selection back.

Justin and I are taking a course on hosting the news [OC]

"You know, Justin and I are taking a course on hosting the news"

"you don't say! Wait, which Justin?"

"*This* Justin!

(OC: I thought on that while commenting on another Justin pun, but wouldn't be surprised if I'm not the first one to think of that)

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If Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Justin Bieber were in an elevator with me and I only had two bullets, I would...

..wonder why I didn't bring a fucking gun!

Congratulations to Justin Trudeau on the results of the Canadian Election

He always did want to be a minority.

In the shark infested waters of the Caribbean, two prawns, one called Justin and the other called Christian are discussing the pressures of being a preyed-upon prawn. “I hate being a prawn,” says Justin. “I wish I were a shark.”

Suddenly, a mysterious cod appears. “Your wish is granted,” he says. Instantly, Justin becomes a shark. Horrified, Christian swims away, afraid that his former friend might eat him. As time passes, Christian continues to avoid Justin, leaving the shrimp-turned-maneater lonely and frustrated. So...

What's Justin Timberlakes favorite part of Eastern Europe?

The Crimea River.

In 2002 Justin Timberlake made a hit song about Eastern European waterways.

It specifically talks about a river in Crimea.

(edit: I originally got my Justins mixed up, thanks for the comments :) )

Ed : What should be the name of our song, Justin?

Justin : I don't care

Ed : Perfect

Justin : What do you mean?

One time I asked a news reporter what the name of his three sons were...

He replied, "My oldest son is Jackson"

"Jeremiah is the middle child"

"And THIS JUSTIN"

Justin Bieber is on a game show...

He is asked the question; "what is one of the most popular pieces of clothing in India?" Bieber's mind is racing, well as fast as his mind can race, but the timer buzzes. Time is up.
Put out, Bieber cries out, "Is it too late to say sari?"

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I heard that R Kelly criticised Justin Bieber's music.

He pissed off a lot of little girls.

What's the difference between Justin Trudeau and a baker?

While a dozen can go from 12 to 13, it's the other way around for the regions of Canada.

RIP ALBERTA

What do you call a line of people gathered to roast Justin Bieber?

Bieberqueue.

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Books Never Written

Hey guys, don't know if you're familiar with these kind of jokes, but they were my favorite growing up, so I thought I'd post a bunch of the here. They're pretty corny, but I hope you enjoy!

*Take A Breather* by Justin Hale

*How to Become Famous* by Anonymous

*Living Long* by Di...

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Justin Biebers music saved my life

I was in a coma after a bad car accident and the nurse decided to start playing some Justin bieber... I woke up and turned that shit off.

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Liberal party leader Justin Trudeau attended the Assembly of First Nations annual summer meeting in Whitehorse.

Trudeau said he wasn't there to speak to the chiefs but to listen.


Then he spoke for almost two hours on his success in bringing the Liberal Party back into the hearts of the Canadian people and how he was going to legalize marijuana and the many ways that he was going to help the Firs...

Today my friend told me he likes justin bieber. He got hit by a bus.

Now i lost my bus licence.

Haven't you heard that Justin is the president of Canada?

It's Tru deau.

What happened when Justin Bieber went to Michael Jackson's house?

Nothing, Michael liked boys.

Justin Bieber was caught hanging out around Selena Gomez's house.

Trespassito.

I always hire people with last name "Kays", and first name "Justin".

You know, just in case.

I went to a Justin Bieber concert the other day because...

I went to a Justin Bieber concert the other day cuz my Daughter couldn't stop nagging about it. I bet she's gonna be all excited when I come back and tell her all about it!

At what time was Justin Trudeau eaten by a monster?

Ate P.M.

When I heard Justin Bieber has Lyme disease, I almost felt sorry for the annoying, creepy little parasite.

Can't say the same about Bieber though.

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When I was growing up, I went to school with a boy named Justin Reimer.

Now, Justin's father was a Supreme Court Justice, and like father like son, Justin was the head of every political club in our school. Graduation came, he was accepted into Harvard's School of Law (to no one's surprise), and that was the last I saw of him. Or so I thought...

Twenty years late...

What do Justin Bieber and an AMD laptop have in common

The fans are going wild

Justin Beiber fell off stage last night at a concert in Canada.

He suffered only minor injuries according to his gynecologist.

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The principal at our school once gave detention to a student for illegally downloading Justin Bieber songs online for free.

Even worse, he expelled another student who actually *paid* for his album.

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What do Justin Timberlake and Theon Greyjoy have in common?

A dick in a box

[OC] Justin Bieber wanted to go on vacation and not be recognised by anyone, so he totally changed his look. He even legally changed his name:

Justin Case.

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