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Jeff Bezos Jokes

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Why are Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Richard Branson so excited for space?

They’ve fucked almost everyone on our planet and want one last shot at Uranus.

Jeff Bezos is getting divorced

He must have realised that marriage counted as a union

Do you think Jeff Bezos sleeps naked?

...or with pajamazon?

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Jeff Bezos: "Alexa, send nudes to my secret admirer."

Alexa: "Got it. Sending nudes to the National Enquirer."

What does Jeff Bezos do right before bed time?

He puts his pjamazon.

Jeff Bezos is just a bad Santa.

He has drones, our addresses and our wishlist, yet he refuses to do his duty.

Jeff Bezos stepped down as CEO of Amazon.

Quit when he was in his Prime.

Jeff Bezos' Advice

An Amazon employee greets Bezos shortly after his successful spaceflight and gives him a hearty congratulations. Jeff responds, "Well, if you work hard, set yourself goals and work with determination, I should be able to squeeze in 2 more flights before Christmas."

Did you hear Jeff Bezos is buying Crunchyroll?

He is renaming it to Amazon Weeb Services.

Jeff Bezos and his wife are having an argument

Wife: You just don't care anymore!

Jeff: You're just upset. Why don't I buy you something to make you feel better?

Wife: Like what?

Jeff: How about a trip to Europe?

She: No.

Jeff: What about a new Jaguar?

She: No.

Jeff: Well, what DO you want?...

I now know why Jeff Bezos divorced with his wife...

He needed space.

Jeff bezos

Jeff Bezos : I'm really bummed about my divorce

Friend : you probably need some space

Jeff Bezos : ...you're so ... right...

Why did Bill Gates' and Jeff Bezos’ marriages both end in divorce?

Because they realized they were in a union.

Jeff Bezos is informed about the passing away of a warehouse worker on a Sunday after working continuously for 12 hours leaving behind a wife and 2 young kids

“Let’s make sure his hard work and sacrifice are not wasted....”

Jeff Bezos orders his subordinates

“Find someone who can finish the remaining 2 hours of his shift”

Jeff Bezos is no longer the President of Amazon.

But he's still the Prime Minister.

Jeff Bezos divorced his wife after 25 years of marriage...

I guess she's past her prime.

How does Jeff Bezos tell his doctor that his Covid symptoms are horrible?

“Doc, I feel like a million bucks.”

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Hey Jeff Bezos, next time, can you fly that phallic-looking rocket...

up Uranus?

Nearly 3,000 people in Rotterdam plan to throw rotten eggs at Jeff Bezos' superyacht.

Great idea.

Getting underpaid people to clean up his mess.

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The FAA said that Jeff Bezos is not an astronaut.

Since he went to space and came back in a giant dick isn't he a seaman?

Jeff Bezos isn't a great guy...

...But I enjoy his company.

Do you know why Jeff Bezos and Mackenzie Scott got divorced?

He told her she looks like a million bucks.

Why will Jeff Bezos' career in standup comedy be a success?

He's already mastered delivery

Did you know Jeff Bezos has trouble sleeping?

Unless he has his Pajamazon.

Jeff Bezos at a meeting:

"We might have to hold up on the release of the new Amazon Fire."

Jeff Bezos paid a Brazilian arsonist

Desperate to get #AmazonFire trending.

If I had one dollar for every time someone complained about how rich Jeff Bezos is

I still wouldn’t be as rich as Jeff Bezos.

Bill Gates now richer than Jeff Bezos

Now he can look down on Amazon from his Windows

Last week Elon Musk surpassed Jeff Bezos as richest man in the world.

This week, Tom Brady's referees surpass Elon Musk as the richest men in the world

Why did Jeff Bezos divorce his wife?

Because he found out marriages are classified as "recognized unions."

What do Jeff Bezos and Jamal Khashoggi have in common?

They were both hacked by Saudis.

Jeff Bezos worked long, difficult hours for little pay to fulfill his lifelong dream...

...of making other people work long, difficult hours for little pay.

Jeff Bezos’ next big project is to have custom made suits delivered to your house within 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

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In the next few months, Jeff Bezos plans to go into space. There he will be forced to stay inside a small metal room and piss in a tube.

I guess he is just trying to relate to his employees.

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos is getting divorced from his wife

Apparently attempts to re-Kindle Fire into their relationship failed.

Jeff Bezos has announced that he will start paying a living wage

Or as his lawyer called it,"alimony."

Did you hear why Jeff Bezos' wife is leaving him?

He was caught cheating with Alexa.

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It was recently announced that on July 20th, Jeff Bezos and his brother will launch into space on one of his Blue Origin spacecraft

If nothing else, now they will know what it’s like to piss in a bottle

I asked Jeff Bezos’ wife why they were getting a divorce.

She said now that he’s out of this prime it takes him more than two days to come.

Today we learned 2 things about Jeff Bezos: He has big cojones...

And there might be pictures of them

I’m not surprised that Jeff Bezos started seeing a woman who was close to his wife.

Classic Amazon: “if you like this, here is something similar that you might like”

Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, has become the first person ever to have a net worth over $200 billion.

That‘s a really expensive net!

In response to his ex-wife taking The Giving Pledge, Jeff Bezos announced he is giving three quarters of his fortune to charity.

Twenty five cents now and fifty cents over the next four years.

Sometimes when I'm feeling down I like to remind myself,

At least I'm closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is!

2021 super villain names be like

Yung Riddler, Red $kull, Jeff Bezos

Why Amazon bought Whole Foods

Jeff Bezos: Alexa buy olives from Whole Foods

Alexa: Buying all of Whole Foods

Jeff: No Olives... Meh I can afford it go ahead.

I am the Smartest President Ever

So an airplane is going to crash. There were 4 passengers on board - but only 3 parachutes!

The 1st passenger said, 'I’m Jeff Bezos! Amazon needs me to deliver useless stuff to the world! I can’t die! .' So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said,...

Who became second richest person on earth thanks to their wife?

Jeff Bezos

My wife asked me why I was talking so softly at home...

.. I told her that I was afraid that Jeff Bezos might be listening! She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed.

My life might be an economic failure

But at least I’m closer to $100 billion than Jeff Bezos

My grandmother used to tell me not to laugh at other's condition coz we might be in their position one day.

So I started to laugh at Jeff Bezos everyday.

Bill Gates: "You owe me one!"

Jeff Bezos: "What do you want?"

BG: "I don't care how you pull it off but I want my title back. I need to be the world's richest man again."

JB: "I got an idea. Be right back."

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A rich man is looking to start a new hobby.

He heard that Warhammer 40k is a fun pastime so he decided to pay a visit to the local GW store.

"So what exactly do I need to start this hobby?" He asked.

"Well," the manager replied calmly."You will need to sell your kidneys, half of your liver and one of your lungs. I know a doctor ...

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