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Banks Jokes

John and his girlfriend Mary decide to become bank-robbers.

Mary does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while John waits outside as the getaway driver. They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught.

At trial, the judge condemns ...

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What do Russian Banks and my ass have in common?

We're both having liquidity crises right now.

I'm feeling slightly sick, please send soup and crackers.

In Soviet Russia, you rob banks...

in Capitalist America, banks rob you!

Your mom got fired from the sperm bank

She was drinking on the job

Why are the banks collapsing?

Because they don't know how to account for their problems.

Two major banks from Mexico and America are merging next month

They're calling the new company CapitalJuan

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Japanese banks

The recent tsunami in Japan has badly affected the banking sector.

Origami bank has folded.

Sumo bank has gone belly up.

Bonsai bank has cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.

Analysts report that there is some...

Banks need to be better at restocking these ATMs at Xmas….

This is the 5 th one I have been to that said insufficient funds

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An old woman walks into a bank

She asks for a meeting with the bank manager to set up an account. She explains that she wants to deposit five million dollars.

The bank manager says "If you don't mind my asking, where do you get all of your money?"

The old woman says "I'm a professional bettor."

"So like sport...

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A Jewish man on the subway is reading an Arab newspaper

A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached him. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?" Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted,...

Sperm banks be like:

Get a load of this guy

I just found out sperm banks pay for your sample....

To think I've let all that money slip through my fingers.

What's the difference between churches and banks?

Both take your money but only one gives it back.

Did you here about the 65-year-old woman who robbed banks with her mother?

Well they got caught.

She was charged with Grand Larceny.

Her mother was charged with Great-Grand Larceny.

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