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Introducing Jokes

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[Introducing My girlfriend to my family]

Me: This is my girlfriend Janine

Janine: Hi

Wife: What the fuck

*Introducing my girlfriend to the family*

Mom: Don't settle for this, you deserve better..

Me: But mom, I lov.....

Mom: I was talking to her.

"And now, introducing: Doctor Heimlich!"

*clears throat*

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Introducing Elon's next venture

SpaceXXX

Donald Trump is introducing a 30% tax on shredded cheese.

It's part of his plan to Make America Grate Again.

Shortly after creating them, God is introducing Adam and Eve to The Garden.

"These are the trees and bushes that bear fruit for you to eat. These are the bodies of water, for you to drink from. These are the animals, for you to name. And this is the forbidden fruit, which you must never eat."

"And what's that?" says Eve, pointing to something on her left.

"Oh ...

Chrysler is introducing a new car to its line-up to honour Donald Trump

The Dodge Drafter will go into production in Canada this year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Introducing a new joke style: I wish all the ladies

This was a thing we used to do on my sea scout ship after competition. It's a rhyming couplet in the general style of

"I wish all the ladies
Were [XXXX]
And I'd be [YYYY]
And [sex pun]"

A few examples:

I wish all the ladies
Were winds on the sea
And I'd be the sa...

Apple is introducing robot dogs to the market soon. They're testing one in Mexico right now.

It's called the iChihuahua.

Youtube is introducing a new system of recommending youtube videos

The old system seemed to be biased towards videos of old presidential candidates playing beat and tempo games, so they finally decided to retire the al-gore-rhythm

A friend of mine thanked me for introducing him to minimalism

I told him it's the least I could do

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Introducing: The Karen Infection Collection toy line!

*Wheeze with laughter through your ventilator as you watch your children make short-term memories with... The Karen Infection Collection!*

*They'll love spending their last days playing with their new favorite toys, like Protestor Pete - who comes with accessories like a vial of crocodile tea...

College football is introducing the Rosary Bowl

Every play is a Hail Mary

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A guy is introducing himself to a lady in a bar

Him : Hi my name is Daniel but my friends call me Dick

Her : how do you get Dick from Daniel ?

Him : you ask nicely ...

As I was introducing my family to our new neighbors, the guy exclaimed, “Wow! Your wife and daughter look like twins!” I chuckled and said...

“Well, they *were* separated at birth!"

The members of the newly-formed Justice League were introducing themselves to each other.

S: “I’m Superman; I can fly, move at super speed, and have super strength.”

B: “I’m Batman; I’m the world’s greatest detective, master of many martial arts, and have gadgets that can do almost anything.”

GL: “I’m Green Lantern; my emerald bling can create constructs of anything I can i...

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Introducing a Friend Who Says Whatever He's Thinking

"I'd like you to meet a friend of mine."

"How do you do?"

"You want a Big Mac or Whopper that's been in my butt?"

"What the hell is wrong with your friend?"

"Oh, don't mind him. He just has ass burgers."

Introducing the nihilist dating agency

... for people who have nothing in common

I always get told off when introducing my wife...

Apparently, the label 'ex-girlfriend' is highly inappropriate.

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Nervous of Introducing

A teacher called Mrs. Franny, arrived at school on her first day. She met Paddy the school in charge, who greeted her with, "Good Morning Mrs. Fanny." Mrs Franny sighed, "It's not Fanny, it's Franny. Oh God, I hope all the students don't start calling me Mrs. Fanny." Paddy saw how upset Mrs. Franny ...

My father was diagnosed with alzheimer's last year, so I've gotten really good at introducing myself...

To all of mom's new boyfriends.

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An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over sex

Greek: the Greeks invented sex centuries before the Italians!

Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!

Introducing new Beats by Chris Brown

Now available in black and blue

For anyone in a relationship, take note from Twitter.

Introducing an X after many years is never a good idea.

I'm having trouble introducing this mendicant who's trying to sell roses, can you come help me out?

Only you can present florist friars.

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Another parrot joke.

A society woman receives a parrot as a gift. She quickly teaches the parrot to announce the various guests who arrive at her many parties. As Mr. and Mrs. Smith arrive, the parrot would say, "Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Smith." As Mr. and Mrs. Jones arrived, the parrot would say, "Introducing Mr. and M...

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