Adopted Jokes - 55 Hilarious Adopted Jokes

My wife just found out she's adopted.

She was devastated and kept asking me "Why didn't they want me?" I comforted her and after a while, still crying, she asked to make love with her, which led to more tears.

On reflection, banging her from behind and shouting, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY", was little insensitive.

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Am I adopted?

Fred came home from University in tears.

"Mum, am I adopted?"

"No of course not", replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side o...

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A teenage girl gives birth to twins and puts them up for adoption...

She never hears from them again except for the news that one baby was adopted by a Mexican couple, and the other was adopted by a couple from the Middle East.

Years later she hires a private investigator to track down her two adopted children, just so she can find out how their lives have bee...

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Son, you're adopted

"I Knew it! I want to meet my biological parents."

"We are your biological parents, your adoptive parents will come for you tomorrow."

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Father looks hard at his teenage son and says, “James, you’ve been adopted.”

James jumps up, “Adopted! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!” Father laughs, “No no, James, we are your biological parents. But you need to get packing, your adoptive ones will be here in an hour.”

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Son: "Dad, Am I adopted"?

Dad: "Not yet. We still haven't found anyone who wants you."

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"Dad, was I adopted as a child?"

The father sighs, places his hand on the boy's shoulder and replies wistfully:

"We tried, but nobody would take you"

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I adopted a dog from a locksmith.

As soon as we got home he made a bolt for the door.

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My son was very upset when he found out he was adopted.

In hindsight, "one man's trash is another man's treasure" was probably not the best way to start that conversation.

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My Sister always got bullied at school for being adopted.

Homeschooling for us was fun though

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I asked my mom if by any chance i was adopted ?

She said - why would we choose you..

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"Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted," my dad told me.

"Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.

"Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour."

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adopted children are like testicles.

I always get weird looks at the grocery store when I take mine out.

“Mom I think I’m adopted!”

Mom: No you’re not Nathan! Why would you say such a thing!?

Nathan: Well, I’ve just got the results back from a DNA test that I did and it says I’ve got no living relatives?!

Mom: This is nonsense, let’s show this to your dad…

Dad *walks in*: Well of course he’s not our son, don...

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Son, you were adopted!

- what do you mean I was adopted? I saw a picture of mom pregnant..
- No. I mean you were adopted! Pack your things. Your new family is coming to pick you up!

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I saw an adopted kid on the street

I walk up to him and ask him "Are you adopted?"
He replies "Yes, I am what gave me away"
I responded "Your parents"

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Son: Dad am I adopted?

Dad: Of course not son. You think I’d choose you?

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I adopted a drug sniffing dog...

she's having a real hard time quitting

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A fortune-teller told me that in 10-15 years, I would suffer the most terrible heartbreak any man has ever faced. I was so upset over learning this.

I decided to cheer myself up -- I adopted a puppy, and I've never been happier!

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Inflation in the USA is so high at this point that...…

\- I recieved a predeclined credit card in the mail.
\- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
\- Exxon-Mobil fired 25 Congressmen.
\- McDonald's is selling the amazing 1/4 ouncer.
\- Angelina Jolie adopted a kid from the US.
\- Moms and Dad's in Beverly Hills let go of ...

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I told her she is adopted and….

She just walked away and meowed for food

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My brother recently adopted a chimp

Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My parents told me I was adopted.

You mean you're not my real parents?! My dad said, 'we are, you've been adopted, get your shit together, they're picking you up in an hour'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my dog he was adopted.

I also told him his mom was a bitch.

I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas...

FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.

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Son, you were adopted

— I always knew it somehow! I never had anything in common with you guys..
— No, you didn’t understand. We are your biological parents, it is you who were adopted, pack your things, your new parents are coming to pick you up!

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My parents sat me down and told me I was adopted.

Me: "What! WoW!! Do you know who my biological parents are???"

Parents: "We are your biological parents, you have been adopted by another family. They will be here in 30 mins, go pack your stuff!"

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what's worse than being adopted?

finding out it was Rick Astley who gave you up.

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Why hasn't Peru adopted LED lights yet?

Because they are proud of their incan descent.

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A father tells his son that he is adopted

The boy starts crying and screams, "I wanna meet my real parents"
Father says, "We are your real parents. Now pack your bags, they are waiting outside."

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What do French children call their adopted dad?

Faux Pa.

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I adopted a goat the other day, but my mom said I'd have to get rid of it...

I guess as long as I live with my parents, I'll have to make sacrifices.

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I went in my son's room today and told him he was adopted. He said "I knew it, who are my parents?"

...I told him he didn't understand... we were his parents, and he had ten minutes to pack.

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A father says to his son: Son, you're adopted

Son asks in shock: Who is my real dad?

Father: Me, but your new parents are coming in thirty minutes, so pack your stuff

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple just finalized their adoption of a Japanese baby.

Shortly after, they signed up for Japanese lessons and explained that they had just adopted a baby.

"How nice!" said the teacher.

"Yeah," they agreed. "He'll be talking in a couple years and we want to be able to understand him!"

I adopted a duck with a substance abuse problem.

He’s addicted to quack.

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Mom, was I adopted?

-Not yet son, I just put the announcement yesterday

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"Was I adopted?"

"Yes. But they brought you back."

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My friends tried to convince me that I'm adopted, but there's no way I am.

I look so much like my fathers.

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Turns out I am adopted!

suprised my dads never told me

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The adopted bunny

An infant rabbit was orphaned. Fortunately though, a family of squirrels took it in and raised it as one of their own. This adoption led to some peculiar behaviors on the part of the rabbit. It had a tendency to scurry up trees like its step-siblings instead of hopping along the ground. And it ate a...

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America hasn’t fully adopted the metric system yet…

… but believe me, we’re slowly inching towards it.

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After years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, a young man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

"Yes, you were son," his mother said, as she started to cry softly. "But it didn't work out and they brought you back."

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Dad: Son, do we have any 'dop ted'?

Son: What's a "dop ted"?

Dad: YOU ARE! You're adopted!

Son: Nice one, Dad.

Dad: I'm not your Dad.

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TIL Dr Dre adopted a child from Mexico

The child calls him his "PaDre"

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My wife just found out she's adopted.

She didn't want to, but i already signed the papers and it would be insensitive to bring the child back into the orphanage.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A German baby was adopted by a wealthy couple

He grew into a happy, healthy boy, except for one thing: he never spoke.

After five years of silence, little Wolfgang's parents began to worry that he might have a disability. They took him to all the best pediatricians and speech therapists, but none could provide a solution.

One ...

I recently adopted an African child. He, was just 7 pounds!

Plus shipping, of course.

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I adopted two dogs and named them Timex and Rolex

They're my watch dogs.

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An engineer dies and goes up to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, St Peter says to the engineer "Sorry pal, you're not on the list. You can't get into heaven." The engineer says "Wait a minute, I always donated to charity, my wife and I raised two orphans we adopted, I attended church regularly, what do you mean I'm not on the list to get into...

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I asked my parents if I was adopted.

They said, "Hell no, why would we pick you?"

I'm so happy!

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TIL why my adopted daughter keeps screaming "Reddit Gold"

Apparently there's this really popular movie with a hit song that kids just love.

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kid: hey dad, am i adopted?

dad: no you're dave.

even if we wanted to name you that, you were already named dave when we adopted you

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What's the difference between a trump supporter and a newly adopted Siberian husky?

The dog has the mental fortitude to realize he's just gotten owned by a Russian.

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I'm glad my parents told me I was adopted...

But everyday feels excessive.

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