My wife just found out she's adopted.

She was devastated and kept asking me "Why didn't they want me?" I comforted her and after a while, still crying, she asked to make love with her, which led to more tears.

On reflection, banging her from behind and shouting, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY", was little insensitive.

My parents sat me down and told me I was adopted.

Me: "What! WoW!! Do you know who my biological parents are???"


Parents: "We are your biological parents, you have been adopted by another family. They will be here in 30 mins, go pack your stuff!"

Dad, me and my wife just adopted our first child!

Dad: Congratulations, is it a boy or a girl?

Me: Good question, looks like a Thai.

Am I adopted?

Fred came home from University in tears.

"Mum, am I adopted?"

"No of course not", replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of ...

I told her she is adopted and….

She just walked away and meowed for food

A father tells his son that he is adopted

The boy starts crying and screams, "I wanna meet my real parents"
Father says, "We are your real parents. Now pack your bags, they are waiting outside."

Son, you were adopted

— I always knew it somehow! I never had anything in common with you guys..
— No, you didn’t understand. We are your biological parents, it is you who were adopted, pack your things, your new parents are coming to pick you up!

My Sister always got bullied at school for being adopted.

Homeschooling for us was fun though

I just adopted two puppies the other day. I love them so much but they're so distracting whenever I try to watch a movie.

They keep pressing paws.

A teenage girl gives birth to twins and puts them up for adoption...

She never hears from them again except for the news that one baby was adopted by a Mexican couple, and the other was adopted by a couple from the Middle East.

Years later she hires a private investigator to track down her two adopted children, just so she can find out how their lives have bee...

I recently adopted an African child. He, was just 7 pounds!

Plus shipping, of course.

Father looks hard at his teenage son and says, “James, you’ve been adopted.”

James jumps up, “Adopted! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!” Father laughs, “No no, James, we are your biological parents. But you need to get packing, your adoptive ones will be here in an hour.”

I went in my son's room today and told him he was adopted. He said "I knew it, who are my parents?"

...I told him he didn't understand... we were his parents, and he had ten minutes to pack.

I adopted a duck with a substance abuse problem.

He’s addicted to quack.

"One mans trash is another one's treasure" A great saying

But a terrible way to find out that you are adopted.

I asked my parents am I adopted

They answered, "Of course no, why do you think we would choose you?"

When I was younger I asked my mom if I was adopted

She said "not yet"

My brother recently adopted a chimp

Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.

A father finally tells his son he's adopted...........

Son: I wonder who my real father was

Father : no you don't get it. I am your real father, your new father is on his way

Most people choose to raise their own kids...

but I'm proud to say my kids were adopted. And honestly I don't miss them.

Son: "Dad, Am I adopted"?

Dad: "Not yet. We still haven't found anyone who wants you."

I adopted a dog from a blacksmith today..

First thing he did when i got him home was make a bolt for the door.

A woman has twins and gives up both for adoption.

A woman has twins and gives up both for adoption.


The first twin is adopted by an Egyptian family and is then named "Amal."


The second twin is adopted by a Spanish family and is then named "Juan."


After 25 years, Juan sends a picture of himself to his biological moth...

What do you call cross dressing ghosts that adopted a child?

Transparency

"Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted," my dad told me.

"Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.

"Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour."

"Dad, was I adopted as a child?"

The father sighs, places his hand on the boy's shoulder and replies wistfully:


"We tried, but nobody would take you"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just adopted a new puppy. I love him and he's great but I hate driving with him in the car.

Its so fuckin hard to find a barking spot.

True Story: My Aunt Just Adopted a Deaf Pitbull and was Wondering what to call him.

I told her, "It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I adopted a female dog. Her name is

Karma. Karma is a bitch.

Mom, was I adopted?

-Not yet son, I just put the announcement yesterday

A father says to his son: Son, you're adopted

Son asks in shock: Who is my real dad?

Father: Me, but your new parents are coming in thirty minutes, so pack your stuff

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.

One day a construction crew tumed up
to start building a house on the empty lot. The
young family's 5.year.old daughter naturally took
an interest in all the activity going on next door and ll
spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, more or...

Parents: "We don't know how else to tell you. You're adopted. Your actual parents are from Alaska."

Kid: "Inuit all along!"

What do French children call their adopted dad?

Faux Pa.

I adopted a goat the other day, but my mom said I'd have to get rid of it...

I guess as long as I live with my parents, I'll have to make sacrifices.

A blonde couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.

The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.

After they filled out the forms, the ...

What would you call a reality show where Sirius Black adopted the Weasley children?

Orange is the new Black... 🙃

Father :"Son, your mother and I have decided it's time to tell you you're adopted."

Son: "That's OK father! I will always love you and mom neither what!"

Father: "That's good son. Now pack your bags your new parents will pick you up in one hour."

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

The dog we adopted keeps eating our paper towels

Turns out he was trained as a Bounty hunter

I adopted a retired K9 the other day.

I've found more cocaine than ever!

At school one day, a bully told me I had a face only a mother could love.

I went home and found out I was adopted.

Finally got to tell the kid he was adopted today!

The face he made as we made him pack his stuff and leave was priceless

America hasn’t fully adopted the metric system yet…

… but believe me, we’re slowly inching towards it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We adopted this dog. She's a kinda mean. Always growling at people. We named her Payback.

And Payback can be a real bitch.

Identical twins, given up at birth are separated and adopted by 2 different families.

One family takes one of the twins back to their home in Mexico and the other boy is sent to live with a family in Egypt.

Years later the birth parents receive a letter from their son in Mexico and inside the letter is a picture of him.

Ecstatic, the husband runs to his wife to show h...

When Olivia was 24 years old, her parents gave her a kitten for her birthday. The following year, Olivia broke up with her lover, and her lover's two year old tabby cat ended up staying with Olivia.

The following year, the tabby gave birth to six kittens. A year after that, Olivia adopted an orphaned black cat she saw on Facebook. Three years later 2 stray cats moved into her apartment. How many cats does Olivia have by the age of 30?


Enough to stay single forever.

I asked my parents if I was adopted.

They said, "Hell no, why would we pick you?"

I'm so happy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's not surprising that the Japanese have adopted so much of American culture.

The first American product they tested blew everyone away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard a girl crying in my driveway, so I went out to ask her “Where are your parents?”

She said Fuck you Dad being adopted isn't funny.

I'm glad my parents told me I was adopted...

But everyday feels excessive.

My grandfather adopted a legless dog and named him Cigarette.

And after a long day, he goes for a drag.

A boy was having suspicions that he was adopted...

He decided to sit down with his dad in the living room to express his worries.

Clearly anxious, he hesitantly asked "Dad, am I adopted?"

His dad looked quite surprised but promptly replied: "Not yet, we haven't found anyone who'll take you"

A father has something to confess to his daughter

Dad: Daughter i need to tell you something
Daughter: yeah dad, what's up?
Dad: you were adopted
Daughter: OMG, no way, then i want to meet my biological parents!
Dad: Oh yeah, don't worry, that's us! and you already know us, your new parents are coming to pick you up tomorrow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple just finalized their adoption of a Japanese baby.

Shortly after, they signed up for Japanese lessons and explained that they had just adopted a baby.

"How nice!" said the teacher.

"Yeah," they agreed. "He'll be talking in a couple years and we want to be able to understand him!"

kid: hey dad, am i adopted?

dad: no you're dave.

even if we wanted to name you that, you were already named dave when we adopted you

I just found out I was adopted and was super depressed

then my sister walked in looking hella thicc.

My dad told me that I was adopted.

I didn't believe him. After all, I had so many things in common with him and with my mom. It couldn't be true.

Then he told me that it most certainly was true and to pack my bags, as my new family would be arriving in an hour.

My sibling became severely depressed when he found out he was adopted

I can't relate.

When I was around 8, my dad sat on my bedside and told me I was adopted.

Your new parents will be here around 2 o'clock

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