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Insects Jokes

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During my visit to Bruxelles over the weekend, I was offered a burger made from insects and everyone assured me it tasted 100% like the real thing.

I thought "Fuck, how do those guys in Belgium know how crickets taste?"

How do they kill unwanted insects in the Hungarian capital?

With Budapesticide.

I just made a joke about the EU's decision to allow insects in food.

[crickets]

I'm really fed up of those insects that worship their Queen.

Sycophants.

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what do you call someone who likes all kinds of insects

beesexual

When I get bitten by insects, one part of my brain is like “be smart, leave it alone”. The other part is like…

“Scratch that”

Why did the Ex-Amish guy not clean all the dead insects off his new car?

He was used to his transport being a little buggy.

What European city has the most insects?

Antwerp!

What does the hero of Asgard have in common with most insects?

A Thor axe.

Who keeps the picnic insects in good working order?

The maintain-ants department.

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What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?

One's a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other's a lepidopteral taxonomy

In the jungle, there's a Football (Soccer) match between the Elephants and the Insects...

By half-time the elephants are completely dominating the insects with a score of 36 - 0.
At the start of the 2nd half the Millipede came on for the insects and he was the best player in the whole of the jungle!
When the final whistle blew it was 37 - 36 to the insects!!


Afte...

I used to kill humans for a living. Now, I kill insects;

You could say that I like being an... EX-terminator.

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender rema...

What do alcoholic insects drink?

Molt liquor

I met a guy who cross-bred insects...

...he was alright at first, but I soon tired of his ant-ticks.

Why do poor people eat insects?

Because they're locust!

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Insects are apparently the superfood of the future. I tried eating caterpillars but it made me too nervous.

Gave me butterflies in my stomach.

I’ve developed an app with information about insects, but it keeps getting bad reviews in App Store

…

People say it has a lot of bugs?

I once knew a guy who cross bred insects for fun.

I liked the guy at first, but eventually I got tired of his crazy ant ticks.

I've been a beekeeper for years and when my crush said "It's me or it's those nasty insects, make up your mind", at first I didn't think she was serious.

Then I saw her face.

Now I'm a bee-leaver.

So the Apollo missions found insects on the moon.

Lunatics

Today, while googling something about insects...

i found out that the only continent lacking indigenous ants is ANTARCTICA.

Makes no sense at all :-)

We all know that Australia is full of ugly insects

But this "kill it with fire before it lays eggs" thing has gotten greatly out of hand...

A new flour made from ground-up insects could keep millions around the world from going hungry!

It's simply the bee's knees!

What do priests say to get rid of insects in the church?

Let us spray!!!

Flying Insects

A flying insect has just crashed into our bedroom window and exploded!

I think it was a jihaddy long legs

The king of the insect kingdom is feeling depressed...

So he asks his advisors for help. The king says, "Oh, advisors, I am feeling quite sad. Our life is so short as insects and we don't do anything but work!"

The advisors tell him that he needs to find the best joke ever to cheer him up. The king thinks this is a good idea so he travels the kin...

Where do insects listen to music?

Spotifly

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

What type of drink do insects avoid?

Fly's water.

*(fly-swatter)*



It's bad, but I just thought of it while reaching for my fly-swatter...

Mr Snail was always being teased by the insects

for being so slow. Eventually, he just couldn't take it anymore and went to the nearest car dealership.

"I want the fastest sports car you have," he told the salesman, "and make sure to paint a huge 'S' on it, so everyone will know its Mr Snail's car!"

So now, every time Mr Snail driv...

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What do the small grass-like substance that grows on the side of rocks and small winged insects similar to butterflies have in common?

The way Mike Tyson pronounces them.

Saw a group of magical insects escape a flood in a tiny ship of their own creation.

Could this be the fabled Ark of the Coven-Ants?

Jello has created a product that deters insects.

It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.

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I just ate all the insects in our nature reserve, and my boss is about to find out...

I’ve got butterflies in my stomach.

A bunch of insects are having a formal get together and decide to invite a simple drone worker whose sole function is to carry whatever the queen wants back to the colony...

Becoming all excited at the prospect of doing something different he decides to dress himself in the best suit there is but he cannot seem to complete the look with a half-windsor knot.

Such a complicated task required more skilled mandibles so he goes over to his boss but suddenly gets crush...

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Little Billy forgot to do his science homework on insects...

And his teacher was furious. "Right.", she said. "If you don't bring in a sheet filled with facts about insects by tomorrow, it's detention for you!"

The next day, Little Billy arrives at his classroom early and tells the teacher that he didn't do his homework, but he has an amazing fact ...

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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobweb...

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The science teacher was discussing insects in her biology class.

She said, "Moths always fly with their legs apart. Can anybody tell me why?"
The quick witted retort came flying back "Well miss have you seen the size of moth balls?"

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I got caught smuggling insects

I was anxious. My heart began to race and I had butterflies in my stomach.

Some pesky insects into my house today. I told them to "git out" and they scared me by speaking.

They said, "git: 'out' is not a git command. See 'git --help'"

What do you call it when there are small numbers of insects living in your apartment walls?

TenAnts

Proventative measures for preventing disease from biting insects

Don't bite them.

I wrote a game about insects that didn’t go well.

Maybe I shouldn’t have taken the “it’s buggy as hell” reviews as good ratings.

I was a party. My friend said, "You see that girl over there? She's hardcore. She gets high by snorting insects."

I made a beeline for her.

The surgeon really did not know how to perform quick surgeries on insects...

...but he did one on the fly.

Researchers recently unveiled a device will launch stinging insects at high speeds.

It has beegun.

Banks have been using insects to adjust customers' balances and deal with financial issues.

They're the account ants

What do you call a group of 10 insects that live in a housing complex?

Tenants

I went for lunch with my accountant and he ordered a bowl of insects...

Then he started picking out just the really juicy looking ants and popping them in his mouth like m&ms.

I said "What the hell are you doing?"

"I only handle finance." he said.

Several insects dancing in a pen, what is the name of the movie?

In The Pen Dance Day

What type of insects frequent Muslim places of worship?

Mosque-itos!

TIL Asians regularly eat insects

I heard they love lice

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A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of the mountains.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon, the insects, and a pile of straw on the floor as a bed.

The ne...

Which African Dictator extorts flying insects

Robert Mug-a-bee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the last thing that goes through an insects mind when it hits the windscreen?

The ass.

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