Today, while googling something about insects...

i found out that the only continent lacking indigenous ants is ANTARCTICA.

Makes no sense at all :-)

I've been a beekeeper for years and when my crush said "It's me or it's those nasty insects, make up your mind", at first I didn't think she was serious.

Then I saw her face.


Now I'm a bee-leaver.

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An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartend...

A new flour made from ground-up insects could keep millions around the world from going hungry!

It's simply the bee's knees!

I once knew a guy who cross bred insects for fun.

I liked the guy at first, but eventually I got tired of his crazy ant ticks.

What do priests say to get rid of insects in the church?

Let us spray!!!

We all know that Australia is full of ugly insects

But this "kill it with fire before it lays eggs" thing has gotten greatly out of hand...

So the Apollo missions found insects on the moon.

Lunatics

Where do insects listen to music?

Spotifly

Saw a group of magical insects escape a flood in a tiny ship of their own creation.

Could this be the fabled Ark of the Coven-Ants?

What type of drink do insects avoid?

Fly's water.

*(fly-swatter)*



It's bad, but I just thought of it while reaching for my fly-swatter...

The king of the insect kingdom is feeling depressed...

So he asks his advisors for help. The king says, "Oh, advisors, I am feeling quite sad. Our life is so short as insects and we don't do anything but work!"

The advisors tell him that he needs to find the best joke ever to cheer him up. The king thinks this is a good idea so he travels the kin...

I have opinions about many insects,

But I can say for a fact that mosquitos suck.

Why are insects farmed for food always organic?

They don't use insecticide.

A bunch of insects are having a formal get together and decide to invite a simple drone worker whose sole function is to carry whatever the queen wants back to the colony...

Becoming all excited at the prospect of doing something different he decides to dress himself in the best suit there is but he cannot seem to complete the look with a half-windsor knot.

Such a complicated task required more skilled mandibles so he goes over to his boss but suddenly gets crush...

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What do the small grass-like substance that grows on the side of rocks and small winged insects similar to butterflies have in common?

The way Mike Tyson pronounces them.

Jello has created a product that deters insects.

It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.

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I just ate all the insects in our nature reserve, and my boss is about to find out...

I’ve got butterflies in my stomach.

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

Some pesky insects into my house today. I told them to "git out" and they scared me by speaking.

They said, "git: 'out' is not a git command. See 'git --help'"

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The science teacher was discussing insects in her biology class.

She said, "Moths always fly with their legs apart. Can anybody tell me why?"
The quick witted retort came flying back "Well miss have you seen the size of moth balls?"

Proventative measures for preventing disease from biting insects

Don't bite them.

Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger kill insects?

Because he's an ex-terminator

I wrote a game about insects that didn’t go well.

Maybe I shouldn’t have taken the “it’s buggy as hell” reviews as good ratings.

Mr Snail was always being teased by the insects

for being so slow. Eventually, he just couldn't take it anymore and went to the nearest car dealership.

"I want the fastest sports car you have," he told the salesman, "and make sure to paint a huge 'S' on it, so everyone will know its Mr Snail's car!"

So now, every time Mr Snail driv...

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I got caught smuggling insects

I was anxious. My heart began to race and I had butterflies in my stomach.

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Little Billy forgot to do his science homework on insects...

And his teacher was furious. "Right.", she said. "If you don't bring in a sheet filled with facts about insects by tomorrow, it's detention for you!"

The next day, Little Billy arrives at his classroom early and tells the teacher that he didn't do his homework, but he has an amazing fact ...

The surgeon really did not know how to perform quick surgeries on insects...

...but he did one on the fly.

I was a party. My friend said, "You see that girl over there? She's hardcore. She gets high by snorting insects."

I made a beeline for her.

Explaining Words



Poli.....Latin for "many"

Tics....blood sucking insects



Politics

New Bee Species

I was reading an article this week about this new bee they found in one of the Dakotas.

Apparently they have one of the worst stings known to man, and can actually knock out a full grown adult who gets stung.

The other worst part is that like a lot of insects, they try to lay eggs in t...

I met a guy who cross-bred insects...

...he was alright at first, but I soon tired of his ant-ticks.

I went into a pet shop and said ...

I’d like to buy a wasp please. Sorry sir we don’t sell insects. I said no no, not a live one, a dead wasp. What makes you think we’d sell you a dead wasp? Well, I said, you do have one in your window.....

Banks have been using insects to adjust customers' balances and deal with financial issues.

They're the account ants

What type of insects frequent Muslim places of worship?

Mosque-itos!

I went for lunch with my accountant and he ordered a bowl of insects...

Then he started picking out just the really juicy looking ants and popping them in his mouth like m&ms.

I said "What the hell are you doing?"

"I only handle finance." he said.

Researchers recently unveiled a device will launch stinging insects at high speeds.

It has beegun.

TIL Asians regularly eat insects

I heard they love lice

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the last thing that goes through an insects mind when it hits the windscreen?

The ass.

What do you call a group of 10 insects that live in a housing complex?

Tenants

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