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Insects Jokes

My job is hosting a dating website for insects…….

Don’t judge me. I’m just trying to make ants meet

Where do insects shop at?

The Flea Market!

what do you call it when a swarm of insects goes to italy?

a venice fly trip

I was in a bug infested restaurant recently and saw a guy pay a gratuity to a group of airborne insects…

He was arrested for illegal fly-tipping!

I once knew a guy who cross bred insects for fun.

I liked the guy at first, but eventually I got tired of his crazy ant ticks.

How do they kill unwanted insects in the Hungarian capital?

With Budapesticide.

What European city has the most insects?

Antwerp!

I'm really fed up of those insects that worship their Queen.

Sycophants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you call someone who likes all kinds of insects

beesexual

What do alcoholic insects drink?

Molt liquor

I just made a joke about the EU's decision to allow insects in food.

[crickets]

Why do poor people eat insects?

Because they're locust!

Flying Insects

A flying insect has just crashed into our bedroom window and exploded!

I think it was a jihaddy long legs

Who keeps the picnic insects in good working order?

The maintain-ants department.

I met a guy who cross-bred insects...

...he was alright at first, but I soon tired of his ant-ticks.

What does the hero of Asgard have in common with most insects?

A Thor axe.

I used to kill humans for a living. Now, I kill insects;

You could say that I like being an... EX-terminator.

The king of the insect kingdom is feeling depressed...

So he asks his advisors for help. The king says, "Oh, advisors, I am feeling quite sad. Our life is so short as insects and we don't do anything but work!"

The advisors tell him that he needs to find the best joke ever to cheer him up. The king thinks this is a good idea so he travels the kin...

Today, while googling something about insects...

i found out that the only continent lacking indigenous ants is ANTARCTICA.

Makes no sense at all :-)

Why did the Ex-Amish guy not clean all the dead insects off his new car?

He was used to his transport being a little buggy.

In the jungle, there's a Football (Soccer) match between the Elephants and the Insects...

By half-time the elephants are completely dominating the insects with a score of 36 - 0.
At the start of the 2nd half the Millipede came on for the insects and he was the best player in the whole of the jungle!
When the final whistle blew it was 37 - 36 to the insects!!


Afte...

Every time I'm at the circus, insects keep keep buzzing around my head whispering the future to me.

Time flies when you're having fun.

So the Apollo missions found insects on the moon.

Lunatics

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During my visit to Bruxelles over the weekend, I was offered a burger made from insects and everyone assured me it tasted 100% like the real thing.

I thought "Fuck, how do those guys in Belgium know how crickets taste?"

Mr Snail was always being teased by the insects

for being so slow. Eventually, he just couldn't take it anymore and went to the nearest car dealership.

"I want the fastest sports car you have," he told the salesman, "and make sure to paint a huge 'S' on it, so everyone will know its Mr Snail's car!"

So now, every time Mr Snail driv...

Where do insects listen to music?

Spotifly

When I get bitten by insects, one part of my brain is like “be smart, leave it alone”. The other part is like…

“Scratch that”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender rema...

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

What type of drink do insects avoid?

Fly's water.

*(fly-swatter)*



It's bad, but I just thought of it while reaching for my fly-swatter...

We all know that Australia is full of ugly insects

But this "kill it with fire before it lays eggs" thing has gotten greatly out of hand...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Insects are apparently the superfood of the future. I tried eating caterpillars but it made me too nervous.

Gave me butterflies in my stomach.

TIL Asians regularly eat insects

I heard they love lice

Why are insects farmed for food always organic?

They don't use insecticide.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got caught smuggling insects

I was anxious. My heart began to race and I had butterflies in my stomach.

What do priests say to get rid of insects in the church?

Let us spray!!!

Jello has created a product that deters insects.

It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?

One's a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other's a lepidopteral taxonomy

Proventative measures for preventing disease from biting insects

Don't bite them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Billy forgot to do his science homework on insects...

And his teacher was furious. "Right.", she said. "If you don't bring in a sheet filled with facts about insects by tomorrow, it's detention for you!"

The next day, Little Billy arrives at his classroom early and tells the teacher that he didn't do his homework, but he has an amazing fact ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The science teacher was discussing insects in her biology class.

She said, "Moths always fly with their legs apart. Can anybody tell me why?"
The quick witted retort came flying back "Well miss have you seen the size of moth balls?"

A new flour made from ground-up insects could keep millions around the world from going hungry!

It's simply the bee's knees!

What type of insects frequent Muslim places of worship?

Mosque-itos!

Which African Dictator extorts flying insects

Robert Mug-a-bee

I wrote a game about insects that didn’t go well.

Maybe I shouldn’t have taken the “it’s buggy as hell” reviews as good ratings.

Saw a group of magical insects escape a flood in a tiny ship of their own creation.

Could this be the fabled Ark of the Coven-Ants?

The surgeon really did not know how to perform quick surgeries on insects...

...but he did one on the fly.

Researchers recently unveiled a device will launch stinging insects at high speeds.

It has beegun.

I was talking to some insects about my feet.

I think they're pretty big, but mosquitos think they're bite-sized.

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