Police apprehended a shady exterminator who releases pests into client's homes

They caught him fleaing the scene

Robert Patrick, an actor best known for playing the T-1000, has left behind the Hollywood life to pursue his dream of owning a pest control business.

He is quoted as saying “I can’t wait to start my new life as an exterminator.”

I told my wife we had a pest problem.

But, apparently we have to wait until it’s 18 years old to move out.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is going into the pest control business.

He's the ex-terminator.

Arnold Schwarzenegger just announced he's giving up the limelight to go back to his first love, pest control.

He's an ex-terminator now.

The Terminator got sick of chasing Sarah Connor, so he started a pest control company.

He became an exterminator.

It's spring in New England, so I bought a high quality bug zapper to help deal with all those pests, and I woke up to protests outside my house.

# Blackfliesmatter

A fly keeps annoying a spider, which is building his own web.

Annoyed, the spider rages: "Screw off 'ye annoying pest! Once this web is complete, I will catch you, I will tie you up and then dissolve you *while you are alive*!! Just wait until _tomorrow_ when this web is finished!"

The fly, unimpressed by the spider's threats, replies before it flies of...

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The tenant calls furiously his landlord...

Puzzled by the call, the landlord goes to the tenant's house and knocks the door. As the door opens, he glimpses next to the roof a small fish moving its tail gracefully.

**Tenant**: Oh here you are, how dare to ask such a rent for this crappy house??

**Landlord**: I'm not following yo...

Pest Control

There is a church that is infested with rats. No amount of traps or exterminators have any effect on the still growing population. One day the local pastor thinks up a plan. The next day, all the rats are gone. The people are floored and asked what he did. He replies by saying that he baptized them ...

I saw my friend Jinx yesterday.

I said "Hey, Jinx!". I got no response.
I said, a little louder, "Jinx?". Still no response.
Eventually I decided to be a pest. "Hey Jinx! Yo Jinx! Hi, Jinx! What's goin on Jinx? Heeeey Jinx! Hi Jinx!". She got mad at me, and screamed "I've had enough of your 'hijinks'!"

A man goes to a wizard to get his fortune read. (antijoke)

He arrives at the wizard's tower and ascends the cobblestone stairs to face the large oak door. After knocking on the door, a raspy voice answers from within.

"What do you want? I'm rather busy and have no time for pests."

The man responds, uncertainly, "I wish for you to read my fortu...

What's the difference between a 19th-century American pioneer and a termite exterminator?

One passes through the good west and the other gasses through the wood pests.

Pet Shop

So a pet shop has a bunch of creatures; dogs, cats, reptiles, fish, birds, and more, and they used them for different jobs around the shop, dogs would carry merchandise for customers, cats would control pests, birds would sing background music, but weirdest of all, they used one lizard in the kitche...

After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest.

He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed with his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take his Kanye Test. He forgot to brush his teeth. Did he run out of Kanye Crest? His ...

This Hungarian guy won’t stop asking me for nudes.

What a booty pest.

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A women is cheating on her husband we she hears him returning. "Quick hide!"

The man desperately darted around the room looking for somewhere to hide. Before he could find a good hiding space it was too late, the husband was already making his way up the staircase. Losing all hope the man hid in the bathroom. As soon as the husband arrived in the room he told his wife he goi...

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[long] A man is really unhappy with his cat

It hardly shows him any love and always greets him with bites and scratches. Tired of his cat's behaviour, he decides to get rid of it.

He drives far out of town to a remote location in the countryside and abandons the cat. When he gets home, he finds the cat there, ready to scratch him agai...

What do you call a rat that has reached enlightenment?

A Buddha-Pest

A man went to the wishing well.

He wished for a superpower, any superpower at all.

The next day, he accidentally rammed into the wall, biting on the paint. He then dissolved into a sentient puddle, able to cover the places he moved around in paint.

"Whoa!" he said, changing out of that form. He rushed over to bite a...

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A guy with some cockroach-infested bread, an aptitude for puns, and a propensity for spoonerisms walks into a bar.

"I have the pest buns," he says to the barman.

What do you call a Zen master from eastern Europe who's been bugging you all day?

A Buddha Pest.

What do you call a religious termite in Hungary?

Buddha-pest

What do you call a Hungarian insect who won't leave siddhartha alone?

A Buddha-pest.

Joe wakes up to a noise on the roof...

...so he goes outside and sees that a bear has climbed up on top of his house. Joe runs inside and calls the first pest control number he sees in the phone book. The man on the other end says that he can remove the bear no problem and will be there shortly. 30 minutes later the man pulls up in a tru...

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A small church became infested with rabbits...

A small church became infested with rabbits. Pest control professionals were called as soon as the problem was discovered, but nothing could stop the rabbits from overtaking first the basement, then the grounds, then the kitchen and offices, and finally the meeting hall. Realizing that nothing could...

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