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Never ask a dung beetle to help you with anything.

They have enough shit to deal with.

A dung beetle walked into a bar

He asked the bar tender
“is this stool taken?”

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What do you call getting a hand job in a Volkswagen Beetle?

A Herbie Hancock

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Q: How much juice could a Beetlejuice juice if a Beetlejuice could juice beetles?

A: A Beetlejuice would j... ohhh shit

Biologists say Beetles have 6 legs.

They forgot about Ringo.

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Two dung beetles go out for lunch

They went into a restaurant and came out five minutes later.

They went into another place and as they're eating, one says "this is good shit"!

The other replies, "yeah, that last place was crap".

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Do you think only sadists drive VW Beetles?

Just to drive around and watch strangers punch each other.

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The Blue Whale's Testicles are the size of Volkswagen Beetles.

That's nuts.

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One dung beetle walks into a bar and nobody cares...

A hundred dung beetles walk into a bar and everyone loses their shit.

Have you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle?

It has an X-O-skeleton.

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Why can't you trust dung beetles?

Because they're full of shit.

A woman’s VW Beetle breaks down

She stops at the side of the road and doesn’t know what to do.

She has no phone signal, and doesn’t see any cars. She feels stranded.

20 minutes later she sees a car in a distance! ...but it doesn’t stop.

Neither does the next one. She’s distraught.

Then after much wait...

What is one of the longest living species of beetle?

Paul McCartney

Why are beetles not in church?

Because they are in sects

Since Volkswagen is discontinuing the beetle...

Maybe my dad will stop punching me all the time.

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IDK why some people find dung beetles repulsive. They build their own houses, they work for their food, they don't bother anybody

Seems to me like they really have their shit together

A guy took his 1973 Volkswagen Beetle to a blond mechanic and said

"My engine is missing." The mechanic raised the hood and said "Oh wow, you're right! But how the heck did you drive it here?"

What's got two legs and lives off dead beetles?

Yoko Ono.

What do an Armadillo and Yoko Ono have in common?

They both live on dead beetles

What do you call a gang who drives around in Volkswagen Beetles ?

Thugbugs

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I wish I were a beetle...

So that way when I'm neck deep in shit, I'll actually be enjoying myself.

What would it take to reunite the beetles?

Two bullets.

How does a beetle serenade his girlfriend?

He sings "I've got you under my chitin".

A dung beetle goes for fast food...

Orders a Number 2

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What is the difference between a dung beetle and Hitler?

One spreads disgusting shit, the other one collects it.

Every year you swallow ten beetles in your sleep!

That's what my gastroentomologist told me.

I heard a knock at the door the other day and when I answered it there was a 6 foot beetle standing there that just punched me straight in the face.

Apparently there's a nasty bug going around.

I put a lot of basil, parsley, rosemary and thyme in my old Volkswagen Beetle...

..it became herby.

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There is a store in Spain that sells exquisite handmade writing instruments.

This store has all kinds of bespoke fountain pens and rollerball pens and even ball point pens. There are pens made of fine hard woods and precious metals inlaid with all kinds of gems. These pens are all handmade by artisans who have been in the business for generations.

But what really sets...

An etymologist, an entomologist, and an etiologist walk into a bar.

"What'll it be?" The bartender asks.

"I'll have a beer," the etymologist says. "A word which comes from Latin *bibere*, meaning "to drink".

"I'll have a Campari," the entomologist says. "It was originally dyed with crushed beetles!"

The bartender gets them their drinks. "And for...

Father buys a beetle farm for Jhonny one evening

Jhonny is so excited he keeps shouting "Beetle.. Beetle.. Beetle.." the entire night and next day. By evening next day the father is really irritated and says "BE SILENT!".

So Jhonny pauses for sometime and starts shouting "eetle.. eetle.. eetle.. "

Why can't Africa have Volkswagen beetles?

Because an elephant will screw anything with a trunk in the front.

Thanks to a random guy outside of a 7/11.

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How does an elephant get in a tree?

A: By sitting on a sapling and waiting for the tree to grow underneath it.

Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?

A: It sits on a leaf and waits for autumn.

Q: Why did the elephant fall from the tree?

A: It thought it was a leaf.

Q: Why did another elephant...

The king of the insect kingdom is feeling depressed...

So he asks his advisors for help. The king says, "Oh, advisors, I am feeling quite sad. Our life is so short as insects and we don't do anything but work!"

The advisors tell him that he needs to find the best joke ever to cheer him up. The king thinks this is a good idea so he travels the kin...

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What’s yellow and lives off dead beetles?

Yoko Ono.

---------------

The Beatles have reformed and have brought out a new album. It’s mostly drum and bass.

Why did the dung beetle go to rehab?

He was rolling balls.

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Why do we always see a Dung Beetle with a ball of shit?

Because that's how he rolls.

^^/groan

A zombie is checking for an overseas flight...

At the security check the TSA is scanning his luggage, running him through metal detectors, etc. Finally, an attendant stops him at the gate.

"Sir, you're absolutely crawling with bugs. You're going to have to store those un your suitcase or ship them separately."

"Oh, no, it's okay." ...

New insect species discovered

Scientists have recently discovered a new species of beetle that only lives for 14 days.

Many possible names were suggested and rejected, but it was finally decided to call it the Battlegrounds beetle, because it dies after a fortnight.

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A billionaire decides to build a palace

A billionaire decides to build a palace to bring the best musicians of the 60’s together in one place. After a year of hammering, sawing, and painting the palace is finally finished. It’s perfect – marble, chandeliers, and concert halls; dozens of swimming pools and tennis courts. Excited, the billi...

Two Middle-earth entomologists are looking at a small insect...

"It looks like a tick", says the first. "No, it has wings, I am certain it is a beetle", says the other.

After some arguing, they call in an expert.

Gandalf takes one look and says,

"Fly, you fools!"

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale...

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale, and the buyer is looking at them.

"Well, this one is a fine 1951 Hudson Hornet," says the car salesman.

The buyer gasps, "A Hudson HORNET? Well, I wouldn't want to see a Hudson Wasp!"

The salesman brushes it off and shows him t...

A blonde is driving along the highway ...

A blonde is driving along the highway in her Volkswagen Beetle when she sees another blonde on the side of the road standing at the front of another Beetle with the hood up.

Thinking that she may be able to help she pulls over and asks the other blonde what the problem is.

"Well I wa...

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A guy desperately needs to pee...

Some fella had an urge to take a whiz while walking down a street, since he could find no public bathroom he decided to take his chance and pee on the car tires of a parked VW Beetle while the coast was clear and no one was in sight. When he finished he noticed a beautiful 30 year old blonde had bee...

A father and a son

one day were walking down a road when the little Johnny sees a beetle laying on the ground with his feet up and asks his father "Dad what's wrong with that beetle?", his dad tells him that the beetle has died and has his feet up because it will be easier for God to pick him up to the heaven when he ...

There are two cavemen sitting by a fire... [OC]

One is eating some bugs he found, and he says to the other, "You like beetles?"
and his friend says, "No, *CRUNCH CRUNCH*, me more of a stones guy."

The metamorphosis

One day, Franz Kafka's sister goes to wake her brother up only to discover that overnight, he has transformed into a giant hideous bug. Terrified, she calls out "Mother! Mother! Come quick. Look at what has happened to Franz!"

Her mother rushes to her son's bedroom only to see him transforme...

The VW Genie

A man was driving his brand new Rolls Royce. At the signal this beaten up Beetle stops next to him, and tells him "Nice car! I'm willing to swap you with my car for a $1,000,000"
The rich guy looks at him and says "why would I want your car?"
At this point the VW's driver rubs the steering whe...

Yoko Ono is apparently being lined up to assist with the bush tucker trials in the I'm a Celebrity jungle.

After all she has been living off a dead beetle for the last 36 years.

Waiter Jokes.

Customer: Waiter there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: Gee...look's like it's doin' the backstroke.

Customer: Waiter there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: Don't worry sir, we don't charge for extra ingredients.

Customer: Waiter, there's a DEMON in my soup.
Waiter: Well sir, you said y...

Motorist help. (Long)

A man is standing on a Texas roadside with his broken VW Beetle.

A man in a Lamborghini pulls over and offers to help him. The Beetle owner agrees, and the guy from the Lambo tells him to flash his high beams if they are going too fast.

So they go. At some point, the Lambo+Beetle comb...

A Banjo enthusiasts joke

Johnny proudly drove his new VW Beetle convertible into town and had his shiny banjo nestling in the back seat. He had walked half way around the block from the parked car when he realised that the sunny weather had prompted him to leave the hood down... with his banjo in the back.

He ran all...

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"Getting real tired of your crap…"

Said no dung beetle ever.

Did you hear that they exhumed the body of John Lennon?

All they found was a dead beetle...

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