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Bee Jokes

‌‌I wa‌‌s crossin‌‌g th‌‌e stree‌‌t whe‌‌n ‌‌I suddenl‌‌y notice‌‌d m‌‌y e‌‌x gettin‌‌g ru‌‌n ove‌‌r b‌‌y ‌‌a bus‌‌. ‌‌I though‌‌t t‌‌o myself‌‌, "Wow‌‌! Tha‌‌t coul‌‌d hav‌‌e bee‌‌n me!"

The‌‌n ‌‌I remembere‌‌d ‌‌I can’‌‌t driv‌‌e ‌‌a bus :(

A guy looking to become a bee farmer went to a seasoned Apiarist and asked if he could buy some bees off him to start up a hive. The Apiarist said he had plenty to spare and was having a sale for 50 bees for $50...

The man bought the bees, went home and began putting the bees into the empty hive; he counted each one to make sure he got his moneys worth but by the end of the gruelling task he realized he had not 50 but 51 bees. He called the seasoned Apiarist and asked why he was given 51 bees when the sale was...

If you want to know how many bees Noah had...

Check the ark hives.

A male bee dies after mating. That's his entire life.

Honey.

Nut.

Cheerio.

A man gets stung by a bee

A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain "Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."

**Doctor:** "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."

**Man:** "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

**Doctor:** "No, you do...

You hear about the kid who lost the spelling bee on the word "dairy"?

...I told him there's no use crying over misspelled milk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Iris‌‌h daughte‌‌r ha‌‌d no‌‌t bee‌‌n hom‌‌e fo‌‌r ove‌‌r ‌‌5 years‌‌. Upo‌‌n he‌‌r retur‌‌n he‌‌r Fathe‌‌r curse‌‌d he‌‌r heavily

‌‌

"Wher‌‌e hav‌‌e y‌‌e bee‌‌n al‌‌l thi‌‌s time‌‌, child‌‌? Wh‌‌y di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Wh‌‌y didn'‌‌t y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n y‌‌e no‌‌t understan‌‌d wha‌‌t y‌‌e pu‌‌t ye‌‌r ol‌‌d Mothe‌‌r through?‌‌"
‌‌
Th‌‌e girl‌‌, crying‌‌, replied‌‌, "Dad..‌‌. ‌‌...

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your...

A woman goes to her doctor complaining of a Bee sting...

He says "What happened?"

She says, "I got stung by a Bee while golfing"

He says, "Where did he sting you?"

She says, "Between the First and Second Holes"

He says, "REALLY? WOW, you must have a VERY WIDE STANCE!"

Learning the birds and bees

A little girl goes to her mother and tells her she learned how babies are made. Her mother asks her what she learned.

"A boy puts his peepee in a girls mouth, and a baby is made."

"Oh, sweetie!" replies the mother, "That's not how babies are made. That's how jewelry is made."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What type of bee makes milk instead of honey?

Boobies!

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use a honeycomb.

Why do bees stay in their hives in winter?

Swarm.

What did they bee say to his wife when they were running late for dinner?

Hurry up honey.

What did the sushi chef say to the bee?

Wasabi (like what’s up bee).

I have a smart kid. I told him about the birds and bees

And he told me about my wife and the butcher!

A bee sees the letter D in its beehive.

A B C D.

What do you call a bee that’s having a bad hair day?

A frisbee..

My dad always told me that if a bee is bothering you, stare at it intently instead of trying to swat it.

Because ….seeing is bee leaving.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What type of bees make milk?

Boobees

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ant, a bee, and a centipede are holding a party.

The ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more beers. The centipede says, "No, let me do it. You'd take too long. I have a lot more legs than you - I can do it faster!" The bugs agree.

10 minutes pass... Then 20 minutes, then 30, then more. The bee ...

There's a big difference between a bee from the UK and a bee from the US.

A UK bee carries pollen, a US bee carries data

My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.

Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

Thoughts go out my Mother-in-law. She's been taken to hospital after a bee landed on her face

Luckily she wasn't stung as I was too quick with the spade.

The number of bumble bees has decreased.

They prefer to use tinder.

TIL: A fly will drink so much vodka it can hardly stand, but a bee will only take a little sip.

Just enough to get buzzed.

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks…

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving ...

Making jokes wearing a bee costume isn't always easy

But they don't understand that sometimes you have to risk it for the bee skit.

What kind of bee can't make up its mind?

A maybe!

what did the bee say to the merchant?

nice doing beesness with you

what kinda bee doesn't fly?

Kobe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Polly wants a working girl

So a woman walks into my church and she's like, 'Father, I got a problem. I got two parrots, but they're both female and all they know how to say is one thing.'

And I'm like, 'What do they say?'

And she gets all red in the face and she's like, 'They say "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you...

What do you call a bumble-bee from New Zealand?

Pollen-esian

Why did the bee fail to get the job at a honey factory?

His application was nothing but buzz words

Arabic Joke: What do you call a bee that is really nice around you?

A Habi-bee

Spelling bee judge: "Your word is 'seaward'."

Contestant: "C-U-N..."

Judge: "DEAR GOD PLEASE STOP."

A bee gets pulled over by the cops

The cop says: Have you been drinking tonight

The bee says: I'm just a little buzzed

What do you call a bee hive with no exit?

Un-bee-leave-able

I went to a beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13.

“Sir, you gave me an extra.” That’s a freebie.

What do you call a fat bee?

Chub-bee!

What do you call an even fatter bee?

O-bees!

Why don't bees go to church?

... because they are in sects

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of Bee collects Milk instead of Pollen?

A BooBee

I finally sat down with my teenage daughter and had a chat about "The Birds and the Bees."

I learned a lot.

The male bees were unhappy with their lot ...

So they decided to stop fertilizing the Queen. They had the usual demands: larger honey rations, shorter hours, etc. The worker bees tried to negotiate, but it was too late, and the hive never recovered. Thus it became the first beehive destroyed in a drone strike.

What do you call a Coke bottle full of bees?

A redneck vibrator.

I asked my son, "If there’s a bee in my hand, what’s in my eye?!" Exasperated, he replied, "I don't know, what?"

"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"

Why did the bee cross the road?

To get to the other hive.

2 out of 3 Bee gees recommend

Staying alive.

I remember my uncle giving me my first talk about the birds & the bees.

He said - "Bees make honey & birds lay eggs.

My girlfriend surprised me when she came home today in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling of honey.

She's a keeper.

What kind of bees live in America?

US Bees

I went to buy a dozen bees

The beekeeper gave me thirteen.

I said, "Hey, you gave me one too many."

He said, "That's a freebie."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Male bees die after sex.

If they knew beforehand it would be a total buzzkill.

Bee on the Alert!!! 60,000 Giant bees were recently stolen from a farm in Pennslyvania.

Police have a huge sting operation on their hands.

What do you say about a bee that isn’t born yet?

To bee or not to bee.

Bee Gees songs are useful for first aid. Do chest compressions to the rhythm of Staying Alive.

If the CPR fails, it’s time to sing For Whom The Bell Tolls.

Did you hear about the winged insect from America that evolved to be compatible with computers?

It was a US Bee

What do you call a carpenter bee wearing a cape?

A wood-bee hero!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of Bees produce milk?

There is no creature for which this is more true than the honey bee. Amazingly, queen bees are genetically exactly identical to worker bees. But they’re fed a different diet from worker bees their whole lives, from the time they are tiny larvae, until the day they die. This different meal plan cause...

I chose not to put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay...

... because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about...

did you know that bees are allergic to pollen?

Because when they get exposed to them they develop hives

When I used to live on a Pacific island, Barry Gibb used to be my window cleaner and always scared the life out of me.

That Bee Gee with the squeegee really gave me the heebie jeebies in Fiji.

A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings

A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings while she is golfing.

The pro asks: “where’d you get stung?”

“Between the first and second hole”, she answers.

The pro replied: “your stance is too wide”.

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?

A Maybe



....Ba Dum Tss

A man walks into an apiary and asks for a dozen bees.

The beekeeper nods and carefully counts out 13 bees. The man realizes this and points it out, "That’s one too many.”

*"No worries. It’s a freebie."*

I asked my father where babies come from. He said son, someday I will tell you about the birds and the bees.

One day I saw a bird eat a bee and never asked again

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

'Try ...

What’s a bee’s favorite haircut?

A buzzcut.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It always bothered me that my tits are small, so I bought some bees and stored them in glasses.

Now i have bee cups.

Did you know male bees literally die after they make love.

Yep, it's: Honey-Nut-Cherrio!

I know you’re wondering… why do bees live huddled together in hives?

‘Swarm

Among the thousands of bees in a hive, how do you spot the Queen?

She's obeese.

What do you call a completely white bee?

An Albeeno

The bee movie script is a lesser used alternative to a rick roll.

A bee roll if you will.

If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye?

Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

My insanely clean Canadian Bee Joke.

My bee joke I crafted myself:
*My Canadian Bee Joke*


My Aussie friend Deidre is an Apiarists. She works with bees. Actually she likes to be called Dee.

She was in Canada recently doing research at a university and she said she noticed that when she describes her interactions w...

If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?

Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"

When's the worst time to get diarrhea?

As your word in the spelling bee.

I went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees

The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many” I said.

“That one is a freebie”

What's the difference between a pervert and a dead bee?

One is a seedy beast and the other is a bee deceased.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bee Sting

An Australian is having sex with his wife, when a bee flies down and stings her on the pussy. He decides to call the Doctor

Bruce: "G'day Doctor, I was having a root with m' missus and a bee comes down and stings her on the pussy.... what shall I do?"

Doctor: "Bummer......"

Br...

What does a bee use to style its hair?

A honey comb.

How do bees let visitors into their apartment building?

They buzzzzz them in.

What do you call ghost bees?

Boo Bees

What type of Bee gives milk?

Boo-bees

If I was to date a girl that's really into bees

She's a keeper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do bees have sex?

They do it from BEEhind

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s down to the final two at a championship spelling bee.

The contestant gets up to the microphone and the judge tells him the word is “walk.”

Confused, the contestant asks for a definition.

“To move about or travel on foot for exercise or pleasure.”

The contestant asks for a sentence to confirm what could be his final word was reall...

What profession has the most beautiful eyes?

Beekeepers, because beauty is in the eye of the bee holder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A city slicker retires to the country...

Following a successful career on Wall St, Jim buys some land out in Nebraska to live a simpler life.

He has some of the land cleared and a huge, brand new ranch built.

Construction crews finish up, landscapers complete the final touches, and he moves the family in.

The next morn...

An Etymologist and an Entomologist enter a spelling bee..

..into a spelling bee

What do you get when a bee is stuck in a garage ?

Garbage.

Bee

A man walked into a pet shop and asked "can I have a bee please"

Shop assistant said "we don't sell bees"

The man replied "there's one in your window"

What do bees say when they get back to the hive?

Honey! I'm home!

My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees

I think he's a keeper

I found a vinyl record of Wasp Sounds at a charity shop...

...when I got home I put it on to listen to it - it was all wrong - the buzzing noises was nothing like wasp sounds.

Then I realised - I was playing the Bee side!

My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

Why did the bee cross its legs?

It was looking for a BP station.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor vs. Bee - (NSFW)

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to th...

If a man has 1,000 bees, then you should marry him right away.

Trust me, he's a keeper.

Moving the Hive

I'm a devoted beekeeper, so when my wife and I decided to move to a new house I carefully packed up my favorite hive and placed it in the car. My wife asked "are you really going to put a swarm of bees into our car with us ?" I thought she understood that I couldn't leave my best queen and hive b...

All credit card PIN numbers in the World have bee leaked

**0000 0001 0002 0003 0004** …

There once was a bee

He was a very charming and funny bee. But when he saw this beeutiful girl bee, he changed. He got shy when ever she was a around. He couldn’t look her in the eye, or even buzz a few words to her beefore feeling sick. Eventually, he realized that it wasn’t meant to bee, so he gave up on her. He retur...

This ones for the kids: What did the bee say to the flower?

Hey bud!

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