The male bees were unhappy with their lot ...

So they decided to stop fertilizing the Queen. They had the usual demands: larger honey rations, shorter hours, etc. The worker bees tried to negotiate, but it was too late, and the hive never recovered. Thus it became the first beehive destroyed in a drone strike.

A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain. “Please doctor you’ve got to help me. I’ve been stung by a bee.”

"Don't worry;" says the doctor, "I'll put some cream on it."

"You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

"No, you don't understand!" answers the doctor, "I'll put some cream on the place you were stung."

"Oh! It happened in the garden in back of my house."
<...

Spelling bee judge: "Your word is 'seaward'."

Contestant: "C-U-N..."

Judge: "DEAR GOD PLEASE STOP."

Male bees die after mating.

That's basically their entire life.

Honey, Nut, Cheerio

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Iris‌‌h daughte‌‌r ha‌‌d no‌‌t bee‌‌n hom‌‌e fo‌‌r ove‌‌r ‌‌5 years‌‌. Upo‌‌n he‌‌r retur‌‌n, he‌‌r Fathe‌‌r curse‌‌d he‌‌r heavily‌‌.

"Wher‌‌e hav‌‌e y‌‌e bee‌‌n al‌‌l thi‌‌s time‌‌, child‌‌? Wh‌‌y di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Wh‌‌y didn'‌‌t y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n y‌‌e no‌‌t understan‌‌d wha‌‌t y‌‌e pu‌‌t ye‌‌r ol‌‌d Mothe‌‌r through?‌‌"
‌‌
Th‌‌e girl‌‌, crying‌‌, replied‌‌, "Dad..‌‌. ‌‌I beca...

My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.

Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

‌‌I wa‌‌s crossin‌‌g th‌‌e stree‌‌t whe‌‌n ‌‌I suddenl‌‌y notice‌‌d m‌‌y e‌‌x gettin‌‌g ru‌‌n ove‌‌r b‌‌y ‌‌a bus‌‌. ‌‌I though‌‌t t‌‌o myself‌‌, "Wow‌‌! Tha‌‌t coul‌‌d hav‌‌e bee‌‌n me!"

The‌‌n ‌‌I remembere‌‌d ‌‌I can’‌‌t driv‌‌e ‌‌a bus :(

Why did the Bee only shopping mall fail ?

Because it was "A Bees Mall"

After years of research, scientists discovered bees are allergic to pollen

Turns out when exposed to pollen, bees develop hives

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?

A maybee.

If I was to date a girl that's really into bees

She's a keeper

What do you call a bee that lives in America?

A USB...

I went to a beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13.

“Sir, you gave me an extra.” That’s a freebie.

A man walks into an apiary and asks for a dozen bees.

The beekeeper nods and carefully counts out 13 bees. The man realizes this and points it out, "That’s one too many.”

*"No worries. It’s a freebie."*

What's the difference between a pervert and a dead bee?

One is a seedy beast and the other is a bee deceased.

How do bees get into their hive?

They get buzzed in!

An Etymologist and an Entomologist enter a spelling bee..

..into a spelling bee

What’s a bee’s favorite haircut?

A buzzcut.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It always bothered me that my tits are small, so I bought some bees and stored them in glasses.

Now i have bee cups.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newly married couple visit a doctor.

The doctors asks, "What's the problem?"

Husband replies, "There is a bee stuck in my wife's vagina."

Doctor asks, "How the hell did it get in there??"

Husband, "I'm not sure, but maybe one of the bees, from the beehive right next to our house, happened to get in there, when my w...

Why did the bee cross its legs?

It was looking for a BP station.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a male bee's private parts?

BEEZ NUTS

A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings

A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings while she is golfing.

The pro asks: “where’d you get stung?”

“Between the first and second hole”, she answers.

The pro replied: “your stance is too wide”.

Where do bees learn about pollination?

Plant Parenthood.

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honeycombs.

Where did Noah keep his bees?

In the Arkhives

What do you call a completely white bee?

An Albeeno

What do you call a bee born in May?

Maybe

What did the sushi say to the bee ?

Wasabee !

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s down to the final two at a championship spelling bee.

The contestant gets up to the microphone and the judge tells him the word is “walk.”

Confused, the contestant asks for a definition.

“To move about or travel on foot for exercise or pleasure.”

The contestant asks for a sentence to confirm what could be his final word was reall...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do bees have sex?

They do it from BEEhind

What does a bee use to style its hair?

A honey comb.

Why wouldn’t the bee wake up?

It was in a honeycoma.

Bee

A man walked into a pet shop and asked "can I have a bee please"

Shop assistant said "we don't sell bees"

The man replied "there's one in your window"

What do bees say when they get back to the hive?

Honey! I'm home!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bee Sting

An Australian is having sex with his wife, when a bee flies down and stings her on the pussy. He decides to call the Doctor

Bruce: "G'day Doctor, I was having a root with m' missus and a bee comes down and stings her on the pussy.... what shall I do?"

Doctor: "Bummer......"

Br...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bear got the habit to steal mead from one bee-garden

Owner doesn't know what to do: as soon as he gets the gun out, bear climbs to a large tree and can't be reached. One day beekeeper sees advertisement in a local paper: will help with any animals. He calls the number, and over an hour hefty man arrives with a shovel and tiny white dog. This is Snowfl...

Responsible Bee

What do you call the bee that has to take responsibility for the rest of the bees at the end of the night?



Designated drHiver

A lady golfer was stung by a bee.

So she went back to the clubhouse, and met with the club manager. The manager asked her "Where did you get stung?" The lady replied "Oh, between the first and second holes." The manager then said, "Well, obviously, your stance is too wide."

If you meet a person who own a few thousand bees, marry them.

They're a keeper.

What's the worst thing about carpenter bees and carpenter ants?

They aren't union.

Have you ever realised how pretty the second letter of the word hive is?

I've always said that beauty is in the I of the bee holder

How do bees let guests into their apartment building?

They *buzz* them in

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bee landed on a girl's chest at the sex addiction therapy course.

Apparently screaming Boo Bee at her chest was wrong...

What is the difference between a bee from the UK and a bee from the US?

A UK bee carries pollen, the latter carries data.

What do you call a Bee hive with no exits?

Unbelievable.

There once was a bee

He was a very charming and funny bee. But when he saw this beeutiful girl bee, he changed. He got shy when ever she was a around. He couldn’t look her in the eye, or even buzz a few words to her beefore feeling sick. Eventually, he realized that it wasn’t meant to bee, so he gave up on her. He retur...

What type of online articles do bees read?

BuzzFeed

A bee that won’t stop eating

Will become a little chub-bee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A male bee dies after sex

I guess you could call that a honey nut cheerio

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What sort of bees make milk?

BooBees

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a bee that produces milk?

Boobies...

Did you know that humans, like elephants have evolved a very specific call to warn others about bees they have encountered?

Want to hear what it sounds like?

-


-



-


“BEES!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An African, an American and an Asian guy get captured by tribals in a jungle.

The tribal chief tells them, “We will only let you go alive if the combined length of your penises adds up to 20 inches.”

The African steps up to the plate, whips out his genitalia and comes out at an impressive 14 inches.

The American goes next. He unzips his pants, sticks it out and...

What did the person with perfect pitch say when their friend stepped on a bee?

That's a b flat

Why did the flight of mi-24s get confused when a bee flew into the lead helicopter?

Because the lead helicopter is now beehind.

If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?

Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I'm their add, more puns about bees, puns about beer, ‟oh I get it”, and ‟ths joke is more like a riddle”

I went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees

The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many” I said.

“That one is a freebie”

Bee sting

A husband and wife are out playing golf. At the turn, they decide to go in for a drink and bag of chips. The golf pro looks at them and asks, “how’d you hit ‘em?” The woman replies, “good, but I got stung by a bee between the first and second hole.”

The pro looks at her and says, “then your ...

why are bees great at games

they are hard to bee-t

What does a bee carry its’ larvae in?

A buggy

Where Does Honey come from?

BEEZ NUTS

Allergic

A group of golfers were approaching the first tee when they noticed a woman being given first aid. One of the golfers asked what had happened, and he was informed that the woman had been stung by a bee and was having an allergic reaction.

"Where was she bit?" one of the players asked. "Betwee...

Did you hear about the bee that became a russian spy?

He always was a cagey bee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What type of bee's make milk not honey?

Boobies

My 5 year olds favourite joke

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

'Try ...

If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye?

Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

What do you say when bees colonize your chest cavity and start a farm?

Bees till my beating heart.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to translate and adapt one of my favorite jokes. Hope it works.

A Mexican gunslinger were hired to kill an old American lady who was deaf in one ear. The man put his two silver revolvers in the holster at his waist, put his bullet belt around his chest, took his lucky sombrero and went to the lady’s house in the United States.



In front of the woma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with a tendency to over-explain things lays on his therapist's couch.

The therapist says “I have a new exercise for you today. Instead of spending an hour talking about your day, try to tell me the essentials of what happened in one breath.”
The patient agrees and takes a deep breath

“So they cast Callie Hernandez as Supergirl and I’m not sure if it was th...

Little Johnny made it to the final round of the spelling bee.

Proctor: Spell there

Johnny: Can you use it in a sentence?

Proctor: They're having trouble finding their tickets to board that train over there.

Johnny: Can you give me the definition?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

An entire cult of dead killer bees were found dead.

They are thought to have committed insecticide

Did you know bees become indecisive after April?

They become maybees.

Why do bees stay inside their hives all winter?

'swarm.

All credit card PIN numbers in the World have bee leaked

**0000 0001 0002 0003 0004** …

What do you call a bee that still moves after you kill it....

A zom-bee

[OC] What did the first bee to try a flower think of it?

It was beyond bee leaf.

Bees and flowers

As little Johnny had become increasingly interested in the girls over the summer, his mom told his dad he should talk to his son about the flowers and bees and such. Dad obligingly took Johnny fishing, and as they sat quietly by the water, he asked:

“So Johnny, you remember last time we went ...

If a man has 1,000 bees, then you should marry him right away.

Trust me, he's a keeper.

Spelling bees always confuse me.

My word was "knot"

I asked if it was "not" spelled with a "K"

My teacher said "Yes it's knot spelled with a k"

I ended up losing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a man and woman were in their bedroom making love.

All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the lady parted her legs, the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a ...

2 guys walk into a bar

"Hey donkey get the beers in" shouts one guy to the other.

The man walks up to the barman and stutters " two bee... two bee... two beers please?" the barman starts to pour the mans beer when the guys friend shouts "Donkey! get me some nuts too"

The man stood at the bar says to the barm...

Why doth Abraham not bringeth his grain to the spelling bee?

For it was already spelt.

This ones for the kids: What did the bee say to the flower?

Hey bud!

Who do you call a bee who writes legislation?

A pollintician.

A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.

On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over. One of the bees says, “Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.” It works, until they run out of gas again.

The second bee steps up and says, “Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.” I...

A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...

It was a cross pollination.

No nuts please

Her: I'll have the salad, no nuts please
Waiter: Of course
Me: It didn't say it had nuts?
Her: I'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe
Me: That makes sense
Waiter: and for you?
Me: Steak, no bees, please.

I was playing Golf with my girlfriend. She was stung by a bee, between the 1st and 2nd hole.

I told her, her stance was too wide.

My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees

I think he's a keeper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found this book of Wasp Erotica.

It's called "Mo' bee dick."

The Bodybuilder Bee left his wife.

She called a friend for a shoulder to cry on, and she rushed over with chocolate and two bottles of wine.
As they were sitting there, talking and drinking, the now-ex wife said „I still don’t understand it. He said the reason was because he wanted to be a pastor?!“
Her friend replied „Well, he...

What do u call a fat bee?

A chubee

What song was playing as the bee left the bar?

Don’t Stop Believin’

Looking back on 10 years of marriage

Wanted to save this story for one of my favorite subs.

When I first met my wife we went on our first date and I was pretty nervous. I wanted to take her somewhere different to break the monotonous “first date” vibe of coffee or drinks so we decided to go to a local apiary to help transpla...

Finally watched the Bee movie

It was good insect-ions

What do you call a Bee that works for the government?

A Pollentician.

My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

Where do bees stay while on vacation?

Air Bee and Bee

I've always found spelling bees easy

B E E S. Simple.

What did God do when yellow jackets started stinging the other animals?

Plan Bee.

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