UPJOKE
waspinsectbumblebeehoneyantpollenpollinationdragonflyapis melliferabeetlebeehivehoneybeelarvahalictidaehornet

Bee Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!"

The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit."
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method ...

Spelling bee judge: "Your word is 'seaward'."

Contestant: "C-U-N..."

Judge: "DEAR GOD PLEASE STOP."

Where did Noah keep his bees?

In the ark hives

What do you call a Bee hive with no exits?

Unbelievable.

Male bees die after mating. So that's basically their life.

Honey. Nut. Cheerio.

My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.

Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ant, a bee, and a centipede are holding a party.

The ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more beers. The centipede says, "No, let me do it. You'd take too long. I have a lot more legs than you - I can do it faster!" The bugs agree.

10 minutes pass... Then 20 minutes, then 30, then more. The bee ...

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your...

If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?

Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"

If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye?

Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Iris‌‌h daughte‌‌r ha‌‌d no‌‌t bee‌‌n hom‌‌e fo‌‌r ove‌‌r ‌‌5 years‌‌. When she returned, he‌‌r Fathe‌‌r curse‌‌d he‌‌r heavily‌‌.

"Wher‌‌e hav‌‌e y‌‌e bee‌‌n al‌‌l thi‌‌s time‌‌, child‌‌? Wh‌‌y di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Wh‌‌y didn'‌‌t y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n y‌‌e no‌‌t understan‌‌d wha‌‌t y‌‌e pu‌‌t ye‌‌r ol‌‌d Mothe‌‌r through?‌‌"
‌‌
Th‌‌e girl‌‌, crying‌‌, replied‌‌, "Dad..‌‌. ‌‌I beca...

A man gets stung by a bee

A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain "Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."

**Doctor:** "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."

**Man:** "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

**Doctor:** "No, you do...

My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees

I think he's a keeper

Fellas if you ever meet a woman who takes the time to take care of bees, marry her.

She's a keeper.

There's a big difference between a bee from the UK and a bee from the US.

A UK bee carries pollen, a US bee carries data

What does a bee use to style its hair?

A honey comb.

A man visits the bee shop

And says to the shopkeeper:
"I'd like 12 bees please"

The shopkeeper says:
"That's no problem. That'll be €10."

The two exchange the money for the bag of bees. The man checks the bag and says to the shopkeeper:
"Hey, there's 13 bees in this bag?"

The shopkeeper replies:...

What do you call a bee that lives in America?

A USB.

Bees

Three men walk into a bar, sit down and order three beers. The first man has an iguana on his shoulder, the second man is holding a cat but not wearing any pants, and the third man is covered head-to-toe in bees.

The bartender sets a beer in front of the first man and asks, "What's the deal w...

Go away bee, don't bother me.

A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don't swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it, because seeing is believing.

My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

A guy looking to become a bee farmer went to a seasoned Apiarist and asked if he could buy some bees off him to start up a hive. The Apiarist said he had plenty to spare and was having a sale for 50 bees for $50...

The man bought the bees, went home and began putting the bees into the empty hive; he counted each one to make sure he got his moneys worth but by the end of the gruelling task he realized he had not 50 but 51 bees. He called the seasoned Apiarist and asked why he was given 51 bees when the sale was...

The male bees were unhappy with their lot ...

So they decided to stop fertilizing the Queen. They had the usual demands: larger honey rations, shorter hours, etc. The worker bees tried to negotiate, but it was too late, and the hive never recovered. Thus it became the first beehive destroyed in a drone strike.

I went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees

The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many” I said.

“That one is a freebie”

What did the sushi say to the bee?

Wasabi!

What bees give you milk?

Boo-bees

What do bee cops use to reign in prostitution in the hive?

HORNETS

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three bees in a jar

You should go up to a person and start telling them this:

"There are three bees stuck in a jar. Two females and one male. The females want to get out of the jar, and the male knows how to get out of the jar. One of the females goes to the male and asks him, 'How do I get out of this thing?' T...

What do you call a Bee that eats other Bees?

Hannibal Nectar

I went to the bee keepers to buy some bees. All the bees had price tags on them except one.

It was a freebie

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What type of bees produce milk?

Boobees.

Why don't bees go to church?

... because they are in sects

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What type of bee makes milk instead of honey?

Boobies!

A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.
"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire...

Which bee gives you a second chance?

The plan bee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the kind of bee that makes milk?

A boobee.

I once paid a bee to style my hair.

But it only knew how to do a buzz cut.

Learning the birds and bees

A little girl goes to her mother and tells her she learned how babies are made. Her mother asks her what she learned.

"A boy puts his peepee in a girls mouth, and a baby is made."

"Oh, sweetie!" replies the mother, "That's not how babies are made. That's how jewelry is made."

what kinda bee doesn't fly?

Kobe

What's a simple method for calculating the number of bees in a beehive?

Easy. Just count all their legs and divide by six.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bee Sting

An Australian is having sex with his wife, when a bee flies down and stings her on the pussy. He decides to call the Doctor

Bruce: "G'day Doctor, I was having a root with m' missus and a bee comes down and stings her on the pussy.... what shall I do?"

Doctor: "Bummer......"

Br...

You hear about the kid who lost the spelling bee on the word "dairy"?

...I told him there's no use crying over misspelled milk.

Why does a queen bee have so many mates?

Their survival relies on their poly-nation.

A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings

A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings while she is golfing.

The pro asks: “where’d you get stung?”

“Between the first and second hole”, she answers.

The pro replied: “your stance is too wide”.

Bee on the Alert!!! 60,000 Giant bees were recently stolen from a farm in Pennslyvania.

Police have a huge sting operation on their hands.

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings...

You know she's a keeper...

What do you call a fat bee?

Chub-bee!

What do you call an even fatter bee?

O-bees!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Male bees die after sex.

If they knew beforehand it would be a total buzzkill.

What did the sushi say to the bee?

WASABI.



Ah, best lame joke ever.

I was helping my apiarist friend smoke her bees…

… they’re not as good as tobacco, but I love the aftertaste.

Why do bees stay in their hives in winter?

Swarm.

What did they bee say to his wife when they were running late for dinner?

Hurry up honey.

Making jokes wearing a bee costume isn't always easy

But they don't understand that sometimes you have to risk it for the bee skit.

Why did the bee cross the road?

To get to the other hive.

A woman goes to her doctor complaining of a Bee sting...

He says "What happened?"

She says, "I got stung by a Bee while golfing"

He says, "Where did he sting you?"

She says, "Between the First and Second Holes"

He says, "REALLY? WOW, you must have a VERY WIDE STANCE!"

what did the bee say to the merchant?

nice doing beesness with you

A bee gets pulled over by the cops

The cop says: Have you been drinking tonight

The bee says: I'm just a little buzzed

The number of bumble bees has decreased.

They prefer to use tinder.

2 out of 3 Bee gees recommend

Staying alive.

What do you call a bumble-bee from New Zealand?

Pollen-esian

A bee keeper walks into a pet store

He asked the person at the counter for 12 bees. After walking out the store, he notices that he's been given 13 bees by accident.

He walks back in and says “there has been an accident, and you’ve given me 13 bees.”

The Shopkeeper says "No mistake sir, that one is a freebie!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of Bees produce milk?

There is no creature for which this is more true than the honey bee. Amazingly, queen bees are genetically exactly identical to worker bees. But they’re fed a different diet from worker bees their whole lives, from the time they are tiny larvae, until the day they die. This different meal plan cause...

What’s a bee’s favorite haircut?

A buzzcut.

Why was the bumble bee wearing a yamaka?

Because he didn't want to be mistaken for a WASP

What kind of bee can't make up its mind?

A maybe!

Responsible Bee

What do you call the bee that has to take responsibility for the rest of the bees at the end of the night?



Designated drHiver

What kind of bees live in America?

US Bees

I have a smart kid. I told him about the birds and bees

And he told me about my wife and the butcher!

My new girlfriend loves bees.

She's a keeper.

What do you call a bee that’s having a bad hair day?

A frisbee..

According to all the laws of aviation, it should be impossible for a bee to fly.

This is because no bee has filed a permit with the FAA.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee?

Nothing.

Where do Bees use the bathroom?

At the BP station. (thanks grandma)

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks…

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving ...

What do you say about a bee that isn’t born yet?

To bee or not to bee.

What do you call a completely white bee?

An Albeeno

If a man has 1,000 bees, then you should marry him right away.

Trust me, he's a keeper.

My insanely clean Canadian Bee Joke.

My bee joke I crafted myself:
*My Canadian Bee Joke*


My Aussie friend Deidre is an Apiarists. She works with bees. Actually she likes to be called Dee.

She was in Canada recently doing research at a university and she said she noticed that when she describes her interactions w...

I went to a beestore to buy bees

The shopkeeper gave me 13 instead of the 12, I requested.

When I asked him what the last one was for.

He told me it was a *freebie*.

What do you call a carpenter bee wearing a cape?

A wood-bee hero!

All credit card PIN numbers in the World have bee leaked

**0000 0001 0002 0003 0004** …

Queen bee: Go and make the beehive

Worker bee: Do it yourself

Queen bee: Beehive yourself!!

Bee sting

A husband and wife are out playing golf. At the turn, they decide to go in for a drink and bag of chips. The golf pro looks at them and asks, “how’d you hit ‘em?” The woman replies, “good, but I got stung by a bee between the first and second hole.”

The pro looks at her and says, “then your ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do bees have sex?

They do it from BEEhind

What do you call ghost bees?

Boo Bees

What type of Bee gives milk?

Boo-bees

My dad always told me that if a bee is bothering you, stare at it intently instead of trying to swat it.

Because ….seeing is bee leaving.

Why did the bee fail to get the job at a honey factory?

His application was nothing but buzz words

A man walks into an apiary and asks for a dozen bees.

The beekeeper nods and carefully counts out 13 bees. The man realizes this and points it out, "That’s one too many.”

*"No worries. It’s a freebie."*

Arabic Joke: What do you call a bee that is really nice around you?

A Habi-bee

What did the bee say to the nosy bee?

Mind your own Bees knees!

If bees reproduce by slave bees having intercourse with the queen bee...

... Then is it safe to say they're into BeeDSM?

Why did the bee buy a phone?

To cauliflower

Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees

Chuck Norris will be 80 in a few hours so post your best Chuck Norris Jokes in the comments!

After years of research, scientists discovered bees are allergic to pollen

Turns out when exposed to pollen, bees develop hives

Did you know bees become indecisive after April?

They become maybees.

Bees and flowers

As little Johnny had become increasingly interested in the girls over the summer, his mom told his dad he should talk to his son about the flowers and bees and such. Dad obligingly took Johnny fishing, and as they sat quietly by the water, he asked:

“So Johnny, you remember last time we went ...

There once was a bee

He was a very charming and funny bee. But when he saw this beeutiful girl bee, he changed. He got shy when ever she was a around. He couldn’t look her in the eye, or even buzz a few words to her beefore feeling sick. Eventually, he realized that it wasn’t meant to bee, so he gave up on her. He retur...

Why did the bee cross its legs?

It was looking for a BP station.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.