‌‌I wa‌‌s crossin‌‌g th‌‌e stree‌‌t whe‌‌n ‌‌I suddenl‌‌y notice‌‌d m‌‌y e‌‌x gettin‌‌g ru‌‌n ove‌‌r b‌‌y ‌‌a bus‌‌. ‌‌I though‌‌t t‌‌o myself‌‌, "Wow‌‌! Tha‌‌t coul‌‌d hav‌‌e bee‌‌n me!"

The‌‌n ‌‌I remembere‌‌d ‌‌I can’‌‌t driv‌‌e ‌‌a bus :(

This ones for the kids: What did the bee say to the flower?

Hey bud!

What did the sushi roll say to the bee?

“Wassah Bee!”

What do you call a Bee that works for the government?

A Pollentician.

If a man has 1,000 bees, then you should marry him right away.

Trust me, he's a keeper.

What do you get when a bee is stuck in the garage?

Garbage

I hired a bee to run my IT security department

He makes really good honeypots

A‌‌n America‌‌n soldier‌‌, servin‌‌g i‌‌n Worl‌‌d Wa‌‌r I‌‌I ha‌‌d jus‌‌t returne‌‌d fro‌‌m severa‌‌l week‌‌s o‌‌f battl‌‌e o‌‌n th‌‌e Germa‌‌n fron‌‌t lines.

Th‌‌e soldie‌‌r ha‌‌d bee‌‌n grante‌‌d res‌‌t an‌‌d relaxatio‌‌n an‌‌d wa‌‌s o‌‌n ‌‌a trai‌‌n tha‌‌t wa‌‌s boun‌‌d fo‌‌r London.

Th‌‌e trai‌‌n wa‌‌s ver‌‌y crowded‌‌, s‌‌o th‌‌e soldie‌‌r walke‌‌d th‌‌e lengt‌‌h o‌‌f th‌‌e trai‌‌n i‌‌n hope‌‌s o‌‌f findin‌‌g a‌‌n empt‌‌y seat.

Th‌‌e on...

Why are bees so good at job interviews?

Because they know all of the buzzzzzzzz-words!

what do bees use to get to school?

the school buzz

Where did Noah keep his bees?

In the Ark Hives.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What sort of Bees make Milk?

Boobees

A bee decided to become a disc jockey. They called it a BJ.

It really sucks though.

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

'Try ...

Why will you always lose an argument with a bee’s ass?

It always has a point

Why do bees hum?

Cos they don’t remember the lyrics.

Imagine if honey was regurgitated through a bee’s nose rather than it’s mouth

Then it really would be the bee’s sneeze

What did the ghost say to the bees?

Boo bees!

Where does a bee work from home?

In an E-hive.


This goes without saying, but this hive has no bees, making it an eehive.

Birds and bees at a catholic school.

In a catholic school the teacher told the students to count when they were conceived. One of the students ask

student: So according to you I should have been conceived in May 2009, but I know my parents got married in August 2009. We are catholic explain.

Teacher: Ask your parents if ...

A fancy country club has a severe bee problem on the golf course.

The board of trustees decide to eradicate the bees they need to hire an expert. The bee entomologist is very expensive and the board decides they need to assess each member an additional $100 to their monthly dues for bee eradication.

Weeks after the treatment and it appears the course is b...

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What kind of bee makes milk?

Boobies

People have often said that bees making honey sounds cool...

...but honestly, I never understood what all the buzz was about.

I went to the bee keepers to buy some bees. All the bees had price tags on them except one.

It was a freebie

What do you call a British Bee Smashing and Dashing?

A Honey Nut, Cheerio.

A husband and wife are golfing and almost immediately, the woman is stung by a bee.

As she’s had some bad reactions to bee stings before, the husband runs to the pro shop to get some assistance.

Bursting in, he says to the pro “My wife’s been stung, can you please help?”

The pro replies “Well where was she stung?”

“Between the first and second holes”.

...

Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees

Chuck Norris will be 80 in a few hours so post your best Chuck Norris Jokes in the comments!

I told my son about the birds and the bees.

He told me about my wife and the butcher.

‌‌I walke‌‌d i‌‌n fro‌‌m wor‌‌k toda‌‌y an‌‌d m‌‌y wif‌‌e wa‌‌s sittin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e sof‌‌a wit‌‌h m‌‌y girlfriend.

‌‌I said‌‌, “What’‌‌s goin‌‌g on?”

“Yo‌‌u tel‌‌l me?‌‌” replie‌‌d m‌‌y wife.

‌‌I said‌‌, “‌‌I don’‌‌t know‌‌, you’r‌‌e sittin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e sof‌‌a wit‌‌h ‌‌a stranger.”

“‌‌A stranger‌‌, hey?‌‌” shoute‌‌d m‌‌y girlfriend‌‌, “I’‌‌m n‌‌o stranger‌‌, we’v‌‌e bee‌‌n havin‌‌g se‌‌x fo...

What do you call a Bee hive with no exits?

Unbelievable.

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Little johnny learns about the birds and the bee's

Saturday morning little Johnny wakes up and as he is about to go to the living room to watch Saturday morning cartoons he hears loud noise coming from down the hall. He follows the sound which brings him to his parents bedroom. Curious about what the noise is he slowly opens his parents bedroom door...

I stopped by my one of my bee keeper friends' farm to buy a dozen bees.

When he counted out thirteen I said "that's too many". He said "that's a free bee".

What do you call a bee that is working hard?

Buzzy.

What do you call a Bee thats returned from the dead?

A zombee

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honeycombs.

I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many.”

“That one is a freebie.”

A bee lives in America.

It's a USB.


.. Sorry guys.

‌‌I wa‌‌s walkin‌‌g wit‌‌h m‌‌y girlfrien‌‌d whe‌‌n ‌‌a rando‌‌m gu‌‌y whistle‌‌d a‌‌t he‌‌r an‌‌d sai‌‌d, "Nic‌‌e ass"‌‌. Sh‌‌e wa‌‌s clearl‌‌y annoye‌‌d an‌‌d demande‌‌d ‌‌I sa‌‌y something.

S‌‌o ‌‌I turne‌‌d aroun‌‌d an‌‌d said, "Than‌‌k yo‌‌u I'v‌‌e bee‌‌n doin‌‌g squats."

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You ever hear of a bee that gives milk?

A Boobee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call two ghosts dressed up as bees for Halloween???

Boobees....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you scare a bee?

Boobie

Man walks into a pet store & asks the keeper for a pet bee. he says “we don’t sell bees here”. & the man says well you’ve got one in the window

Good clean joke

What do ya call it when a bee gets murdered at a party?

A buzzkill.

Where do fat bees live?

A bee city

Where do bees stop to use the bathroom on road trips?

The BP station.

I studied bees today

I guess you can call it Bee-ology

I bought a dozen bees for a beehive, but when my order arrived, there was thirteen bees in the box. I called customer service and told them they gave me one bee too many.

The woman on the phone answered:

"Oh, that's just a freebie"

Did you hear about the beehive bees can’t get out of?

I heard it’s un-bee-leaveable.

How did the bee go to work?

By buzz.

You wanna know what part of barry bee benson is always sore?

It's the bees knees

I went to a beestore to buy bees

The shopkeeper gave me 13 instead of the 12, I requested.

When I asked him what the last one was for.

He told me it was a *freebie*.

What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?

A maybe

Before becoming Pop stars, the Bee Gees used to be professional chefs.

You could tell by the way they used their wok.

A man goes to the doctor

A man goes to the doctor and says, "I've been stung by a bee! Can you put some ointment on it?"

The doctor says, "Sure, but I think the bee flew away already."

(Courtesy of my 10 year old)

The birds and the bees

Little Johnny's Pa decided that Johnny had gotten old enough to learn about the birds and the bees. The problem was, he didn't know how to approach the subject.

So, sitting on the back porch one day, he starts to tell Little Johnny what's involved, but he keeps tripping over his own words. F...

Why do bees spend all of winter in the hive?

'Swarm

My new girlfriend loves bees.

She's a keeper.

My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees

I think he's a keeper

What kind of bees produce milk?

Boo bees.

(Not mine, my friend told me this joke but he doesn’t have Reddit.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The newlyweds, the doctor, and the bee

A man and a woman are newly married. On their honeymoon they do the forbidden, but something bad happens. They go to the doctor to resolve it.

Doctor: what’s the problem?
Husband: me and my wife were having sex on our honeymoon and a bee flew up my wife’s vagina.

The doctor is horri...

A bee is driving along the highway and sees a grasshopper looking for a lift

He pulls over to pick him up. After a 100km the car sputters and comes to stop. The bee looks at the fuel gauge, groans, and gets out and proceeds to pee into the fuel tank, gets back in the car and away they go.

The grasshopper is of course amazed after this happens 2 more times. Then in th...

What do bees do when their friend moves into a new hive?

They throw them a house swarming party!

My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.

Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

A bee keeper walks into a pet store

He asked the person at the counter for 12 bees. After walking out the store, he notices that he's been given 13 bees by accident.

He walks back in and says “there has been an accident, and you’ve given me 13 bees.”

The Shopkeeper says "No mistake sir, that one is a freebie!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scientists have discovered that bees die because of exposure to boobs

They call it die-of-bee-tits

My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

Why did the bee get married?

Because he found his honey!

I’ll buzzzzzzz myself out now hehe ..

If you're ever bothered by a swarm of bees, then stand still and stare at them.

Because seeing is believing.

What do you get when you introduce music to a bee?

ABCD

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a really smart bee.

Ever since he was little, he had always wanted more than the simple, boring lives led by his fellow bees. After a few years, he left his job, his hive, and his family behind, in search of a better life.
He flew for hours until he came to a small Virginia town, on the edge of a forest. He landed, ...

Son: daddy can you tell me about the bird and the bees?

Dad: well bee stands for the male and the bird stands for the female.
When 2 people love each other very much, the bee stings the bird essentially giving his life and the bird gets a pain in the ass

I'm holding a bee in my hands. What is in my eye?

Beauty

so my friend went to the pet store

he went up to the lady running the cash register and bought 5 bumble bee's.

the cashier proceeds to hand him 6 bee's

he then said "but i only paid for 5"

she then said "the 6th ones a freebie"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a women are outside having sex...

Out of no where a bee flies into the women’s vagina. They both freak out and rush to the hospital.
The man says “Doctor, there’s a bee in my wife’s vagina! Get it out!”
The doctor thinks very quickly about how to deal with the situation. “Alright, I have idea but it might seem unorthodox. No...

I went into the pet shop and I said "I want to buy a wasp"

The shopkeeper said "We don't sell wasps" and I said "But you've got one in the window".

\~\~\~\~

So instead I bought a dozen bees. As I was paying for them I said "Here, I bought twelve bees but there's 13 in this jar" and he said "Yes, one of them's a freebee".

Scientists have discovered a new genus of bees that produce milk instead of honey.

They're called boo-bees

The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop.



He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.
...

If Cardi B was a bee. . .

Would she make honey moves?

What would Bears become without Bees?

Just ears.

I was woken last night to what I thought was the onions in my fridge singing a Bee Gees song...

But when I went to look it was just the chives talking.

The Bee Story

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and start...

Which bee gives you a second chance?

The plan bee.

What kind of bee does the queen bee marry?

A hub-bee, unless shes a major les-bee-an

Met a girl who raised bees

She was a keeper.

My friends said she was no good for me. At first I denied it, but I caught her cheating and now I'm a bee-leaver

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornhub is now donating money to bee preservation for every video you watch on their new site...

I guess I’m gonna go single-handedly save the bees!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(OC) Why don’t Canadians participate in international spelling bees?

Because the judges say they use too many letters, eh?

What do you call a loud annoying bee?

Cardi Bee

A lady golfer is seen running back into the clubhouse screaming “I’ve just been stung by a bee!” ...

“Where?” someone asks
“Between the 1st and the 2nd holes” she screams.
“Ohhh! I think your stance may have been a little wide” an instructor tells her.

What do you call a bee that falls down a hill?

A stumble bee.

what do call a quiet Russian bee?

a cagey bee

What kind of bee drugs you and steals your money?

A Cardi B

When a Queen Bee mates thousands of males gather round and try to impregnate her. Before the act of mating is done, she will have stored sperm inside her from about 30 to 50 males. This is an amazing aspect of nature.

So, much love to my man Jay-Z.

My friend said I was bad at spelling. I disagreed, so he challenged me to a spelling bee.

I excepted.

What did the steak tell his son after he won the spelling bee?

Well-done

What did the queen bee say to her daughter?

Bee-hive yourself!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy killed a bee

Dad:”that’s it son no honey for a week!”

Son:*kills butterfly*

Dad:”NO BUTTER FOR A WEEK”

A few days go by and then the son runs up to his dad trying to tell him something

Son: “dad! dad! dad! mom killed a cock roach!!”

You ever wondered by bees hum when flying?

Its because they don't know the words.

An asian girl gets stung by a bee.

She runs into her house in a panic and tells for father " Daddy, daddy, I just got stung by a bee!!"

Her father looks at her disappointed and angry and says "What wrong with you?! Why you no get stung by A?!"

What do you call a bee that was born in the States?

A USB...



I'll see myself out.

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