If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?

Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop.

He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He li...

What do you call a bee that was born in the States?

A USB...

​

I'll see myself out.

A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.

"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.

"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an en...

What do you call a bee with AIDS?

HIVE Positive

If bees reproduce by slave bees having intercourse with the queen bee...

... Then is it safe to say they're into BeeDSM?

Dad's joke: What kind of bee can never be understood?

A mumble-bee

What do bees say in the summer?

'S warm, isn't it?

What is the last thing that goes through a bee's head when it hits the windshield?

His ass.

what bee no wing

walk

The Bee Joke

Once, there was a bee who lived in a very complex bee hive. All the bees residing in this hive lived very happily with their own tasks and aspirations. However, this particular bee, named Bart, was quite special. He was an incredibly intelligent bee who matured and learned far faster than his bee pe...

Why did the coke addict take to bee keeping to get sober?

Finally found something that would give him a buzz

My wife got stung by a bee on her forehead.

We were digging in the garden. Now she is at the ER. Her face is swollen, bruised, and she almost died.

Luckily I had been close enough to her to hit the bee with my shovel.

What did the group of bees said to the one misconducting bee

Beehive

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Bee Movie was such a fucked up movie, it was literally about a bee who tried to have sex with a girl.

Who would want to have sex with a girl

Where did Noah keep his Bees?

In the Archive

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.

Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So...

Whenever my father, a bee keeper, would see a pretty lady walk by he would always say

"Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder."

Hit me with your best clever, yet kid friendly, jokes

Context: I work at a a company that works with large groups of children. At least 3 times a day someone if telling a joke to the whole audience. The problem is, I've been working here for 6 years and at this point there are very few kid friendly jokes that aren't the same 6-7 or ancient repeats from...

A woman who is playing golf gets stung by a bee.

She rushes into the pro shop and says "I've been stung by a bee! I've been stung by a bee!

The pro say "Where?"

The woman says "Between the first and second hole."

The pro says "Your stance is too wide."

What sound does a wasp make when it hits your windshield?

A bee flat.

What do you call a Bee that eats other Bees?

Hannibal Nectar

what do you serve a bee for dinner?

hum burgers

A woman is out playing golf, when she is stung by a bee.

Started to not feel well, she heads to the emergency room. A doctor comes in to examine her.

Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Woman: I was, playing golf when I was stung by a bee.
Doctor: Where exactly did it sting you?
Woman: In between the 1st and 2nd hole.
Doctor: My god l...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Baskin Robbins spelling bee

A man walks to a Baskin Robbins and asks for a scoop of chocolate ice cream. The lady working there responds "I'm sorry sit but we are out of chocolate". But the man persists. "May I please have one scoop of chocolate". He repeats " I'll even pay extra". Though the man begs and begs, the lady workin...

My 6 yr old nephew asked me... what did the bee say to his wife?

Oh honey!!!

Why was the bee shot by the shrinking ray upset?

It felt beelittled

What did the ghost say to the bee?

Boo bee

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If Mohammed Ali could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee

He would be dead after one punch.

I had to take my mother to hospital yesterday after a giant bee landed on her face

Thankfully it didn't actually sting her, I was too quick with the shovel

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What type of bee produces milk?

A boobie.

This little boy came home from a Spelling Bee

This little boy came home from a Spelling Bee and his dad asked him "Son did you win first prize?" He said "No Pa, I didn't win, in fact I got the first word wrong". The dad says WaWhat! You missed the first word, what was it?" The kid said it was posse... "No wonder you missed it, you don't even kn...

Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging

The word was Dictate.

[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?

[Mike Tyson] The woman said my dictate good.

A child was competing in a spelling bee and was doing quite well, until the moderator said: "your word is 'inward' "....

Spelling bee contestant: "N-I-G-G..."

Moderator: "Jesus no, stop please! "

At the spelling bee

Spelling bee judge: "Your word is worthless."

Me: "Can you use it in a sentence?"

Spelling bee judge: "I don't know, can you keep a promise for once?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

John gets a bee sting on his dick.

He and wife go to the doctor. As the doctor is finishing up, wife takes him to the side and says - can you only give medication for the pain and leave the swelling as it is ?

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?

A Maybe.

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings...

You know she's a keeper...

What do you call a Bee that tries to interfere with an election?

A Cagey Bee.

I went to see a friend from a very rich family. The maid approached me and asked.

*MAID:* -What would u like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?

*ME:* -Tea pls.

*MAID:* -Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea, Herbal Tea, Kericho Gold Tea, Bush Tea or Green Tea?

*ME:* -Ceylon Tea pls.

*MAID:* -How do...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s the kind of bee that makes milk?

A boobee.

George W. Bush, Clarence Thomas, Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, and Brett Kavanaugh all competed in a spelling bee...

Surprisingly, George W. Bush won.

​

He was the only contestant to spell "harass" as one word.

The contestants of the Nashville beauty pageant enter the stage.

Infront of them is an audience of over 2000 and a judging panel consisting of one man, on his own, wearing an eyepatch.

Suddenly, the judge thrusts his arm out infront of him. He opens his hand out, and there, sitting in the middle of his palm is a bee staring intensely at the contestants on ...

What does the mother bee say to her unruly son ?

Son, please beehive !

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like t...

My girlfriend said I have a bee in my bonnet.

I said I do otherwise it would be an "onnet"!

Taking a lesson because her golf game had been going so badly, a woman had just started her first round when she was stung by a bee.

Distraught and rather angry and disheartened, she went back into the clubhouse and told the golf pro about the incident.

"Where did it sting you?" he asked.

"Between the first and second hole," she replied.

The pro shook his head and quickly exclaimed: "That’s your problem right...

What does a bee do when it's hot?

Take off its yellow jacket

I'd tell you this incredible story about my relationship with a bee in my room

But I'm too depressed, bee leave me.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I bought a Ouija board recently from a strange old man...

I got it home, laid out the pieces and before I could even ask it a question the planchette started to move around, it eventually spelt

I'VE GOT A MESSAGE TO YOU


'What is your message?' I asked.

YOU SHOULD BE DANCING

Fear started flushing over me, 'Why s...

Reminded of a variation of the Bee Pee joke

As we all know the majority of bees (Around 99 out of 100), when they need the toilet, always go to the BP station. The last for some unknown reason goes to the Esso Station.

Ah Well, I guess there's always one S.O.B in every crowd

Why did the honey bee swear so much?

Just bee cuss.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A beautiful young woman is sunbathing on the beach of an upscale resort, when she feels a buzzing in her vagina.

Alarmed, she runs to her father for help. "I think there's an insect in my coochie!" she tells him, frantically dancing from the buzzing sensation.

They call up the resort's resident doctor. He takes her into his office for an examination.

"Yup. It looks like a bee has crawled into yo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Johnny and Sally are having fun climbing a tree, when all of a sudden a bee starts buzzing around her...

"Oh no! Johnny!" says Sally. "That bee went up my skirt!"

Johnny starts booting her on the ass, trying to hit the bee.

"Oh no, Johnny! Now the bee has gone into my underwear!"

Johnny starts smacking her on the bottom, trying to squish the bee.

"Oh no, Johnny! Now the bee...

A man is severely depressed.

Joke:

His wife left him, took the kids and due to all the stress and pressure in his personal life, his work performance took a dive and he was fired. Without a job, he lost his home, his possessions and whatever was left of his dignity and hope. He decided to end his miserable life.

...

The Bee

One day a bee gets bored of his daily jobs, so he decided to leave his hive an explore the world.

He begins his journey, and travels across all 50 states of America, meeting many wonderful people on the way. Everyone seems to like the bee. But there has to be more to life, the Bee thought, an...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Honeydicked

A married couple decide to go to a nude beach for their honeymoon.

As they are laying out enjoying the sun a bee flies right up between the wife’s legs. The husband rushes her to the hospital.

He explains to the doctor that his wife is allergic to bees and begs him to help.

S...

If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?

Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"

What’s the difference between a wizard and a spelling bee contestant?

One can conjure spells, the other can spell “conjure”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW A woman was lying on the beach one day...

When suddenly a bee flies into her vagina.
Scared as she was, she went to the doctors office and received a male doctor in the urgent matters.
She explained her problem to him. He said there was nothing to worry about.

"Just go home and put some honey on your husbands dick, and ask him ...

A beekeeper was asked which species of bees he found to be the most pretty.

His reply: "Beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder"

One cop walked into a bar...and a bee sat on his recently bought Rolex

What did the man say?


"Not on my watch, honey"

My friend said he saw a bee drink alcohol in the bar.

I told him they don't do that, that's abnormal beehaviour.

I'm sorry

Why did the bee get married?

Because he found his honey.

What is a rare material in the bee community?

Hiveory

A cheerleader wants to warn her friend a bee is flying straight towards her so what does she yell?

BEE, AGGRESSIVE, BEE BEE AGGRESSIVE!

What are the Bee's favorite numbers?

1 and 0, they are Beenary

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Doctor vs. Bee - (NSFW)

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to th...

I was stung by a spelling bee

A-N-A-P-H-Y-L-A-C-T-I-C

Spelling bee

A Nebraska Huskers fan was in the finals of the state spelling bee.


"Okay, your word is 'farm,'" the moderator said to the Husker.


He sat there for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. "Um... Can I have a definition?"


"Sure," the moderator said. "It is a...

Finally the bee that got into my room has just found its way back out...

Now who's buzzing?

A woman is stung by a bee on a golf course

She goes into anaphylactic shock due to an allergy and they take her to a doctor.

"Where was she stung?", asked the doctor.

"Between the first and second hole.",

"Well she may need to work on her stance."

A bee, a fly, and a mosquito signed up for a website that sometimes stings, usually stinks, and mostly sucks. What website is this?

BuzzFeed

Please pray for my mother-in-law. She was taken to hospital this morning. A bee landed on her face. Luckily she wasn't stung.

I was too quick with the spade.

If you see a wasp, don't kill it.

Just let it bee

Go away bee, don't bother me.

A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don't swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it, because seeing is believing.