I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13.

"Sir, you gave me an extra."



"That's a freebie."

I heard male bees die after mating

I call that a honey nut cheerio

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Iris‌‌h daughte‌‌r ha‌‌d no‌‌t bee‌‌n hom‌‌e fo‌‌r ove‌‌r ‌‌5 years‌‌. Upo‌‌n he‌‌r retur‌‌n he‌‌r Fathe‌‌r curse‌‌d he‌‌r heavily‌‌.

"Wher‌‌e hav‌‌e y‌‌e bee‌‌n al‌‌l thi‌‌s time‌‌, child‌‌? Wh‌‌y di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Wh‌‌y didn'‌‌t y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n y‌‌e no‌‌t understan‌‌d wha‌‌t y‌‌e pu‌‌t ye‌‌r ol‌‌d Mothe‌‌r through?‌‌"
‌‌
Th‌‌e girl‌‌, crying‌‌, replied‌‌, "Dad..‌‌. ‌‌I beca...

What is the difference between a bee from the UK and a bee from the US?

A UK bee carries pollen, the latter carries data.

‌‌I wa‌‌s crossin‌‌g th‌‌e stree‌‌t whe‌‌n ‌‌I suddenl‌‌y notice‌‌d m‌‌y e‌‌x gettin‌‌g ru‌‌n ove‌‌r b‌‌y ‌‌a bus‌‌. ‌‌I though‌‌t t‌‌o myself‌‌, "Wow‌‌! Tha‌‌t coul‌‌d hav‌‌e bee‌‌n me!"

The‌‌n ‌‌I remembere‌‌d ‌‌I can’‌‌t driv‌‌e ‌‌a bus :(

A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain. "Please doctor you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."

"Don't worry;" says the doctor, "I'll put some cream on it."

"You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

"No, you don't understand!" answers the doctor, "I'll put some cream on the place you were stung."

"Oh! It happened in the garden in back of my house."
<...

What do you get when a bee is stuck in a garage ?

Garbage.

If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?

Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I'm their add, more puns about bees, puns about beer, ‟oh I get it”, and ‟ths joke is more like a riddle”

My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.

Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honeycomb

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What type of bee's make milk not honey?

Boobies

My 5 year olds favourite joke

Did you hear about the bee that became a russian spy?

He always was a cagey bee

Spelling bees always confuse me.

My word was "knot"

I asked if it was "not" spelled with a "K"

My teacher said "Yes it's knot spelled with a k"

I ended up losing

Why do bees stay inside their hives all winter?

'swarm.

If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye?

Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

What did the sushi roll said to the bee?

Wasabi?

What do you call a bee that still moves after you kill it....

A zom-bee

What did the sushi say to the bee?

Wassup bee!

Little Johnny made it to the final round of the spelling bee.

Proctor: Spell there

Johnny: Can you use it in a sentence?

Proctor: They're having trouble finding their tickets to board that train over there.

Johnny: Can you give me the definition?

Bees and flowers

As little Johnny had become increasingly interested in the girls over the summer, his mom told his dad he should talk to his son about the flowers and bees and such. Dad obligingly took Johnny fishing, and as they sat quietly by the water, he asked:

“So Johnny, you remember last time we went ...

[OC] What did the first bee to try a flower think of it?

It was beyond bee leaf.

how do bees get to a mall?

on a buzz

Why doth Abraham not bringeth his grain to the spelling bee?

For it was already spelt.

I went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees

The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many” I said.

“That one is a freebie”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which bees produce milk?

Boobees

What do bees say when they get home from work?

"Hey Honey! I'm home!"

Did you know bees become indecisive after April?

They become maybees.

There was once a world with red and blue bees.

(LONG) (but worth it)

The red and blue bees were more or less polar opposites. So there were establishments for their respective colors.
In this world there is a blue bee, and he had been keeping an eye on this beautiful red bee. But he couldn’t bring himself to ask her out, because he wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you trap a bee?

With a booBee trap

Insect Fact #473: When a bee hive gets ready to release new queens to fly off and start new hives, the worker bees do a little waggle dance before sending them on their way.

Sort of an Apis Milfera-well.

The Bodybuilder Bee left his wife.

She called a friend for a shoulder to cry on, and she rushed over with chocolate and two bottles of wine.
As they were sitting there, talking and drinking, the now-ex wife said „I still don’t understand it. He said the reason was because he wanted to be a pastor?!“
Her friend replied „Well, he...

What song was playing as the bee left the bar?

Don’t Stop Believin’

A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...

It was a cross pollination.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what kind of bee produces milk?

a boobee

Spelling Bee

Moderator: Your word is “seaward”.

Me: C-U-N....

Moderator: For the love of god, stop right now!!

A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.

On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over. One of the bees says, “Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.” It works, until they run out of gas again.

The second bee steps up and says, “Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.” I...

Why did the bee buy a phone?

To cauliflower

Who do you call a bee who writes legislation?

A pollintician.

After traveling to Moscow, the Russian Opposition leader thought he got bitten by a suspicious wasp.

Turns out it was a cagey bee.

This ones for the kids: What did the bee say to the flower?

Hey bud!

A young woman is golfing when suddenly she is stung by a bee.

She decides to return back to the clubhouse to get first aid. She walks up to the men running the clubhouse and tells them that she was stung.

One man asks, "Where were you stung?".

She replies, "Between the first and second holes".

The men chuckle and then one tells her,
<...

What do you call a bee that can’t make up it’s mind?

Maybe.

What do you call a Bee hive with no exits?

Unbelievable.

I got hurt while performing a surgery on a bee.

It was a sting operation.

All credit card PIN numbers in the World have bee leaked

**0000 0001 0002 0003 0004** …

I was playing Golf with my girlfriend. She was stung by a bee, between the 1st and 2nd hole.

I told her, her stance was too wide.

Finally watched the Bee movie

It was good insect-ions

Two detective bees are chatting around the hive water cooler...

Detective Bee 1: So, what happened with that poor kid that got mugged this morning?

Detective Bee 2: Eh, victim’s pretty rattled. Can’t even tell me if it was two bees or not two bees.

If a man has 1,000 bees, then you should marry him right away.

Trust me, he's a keeper.

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

'Try ...

Don’t tell me about the Birds and the Bees

A father asked his ten year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know,” the child said, bursting into tears. “Promise me you won’t tell me.” The dad was perplexed. “Why don’t you want to know?”

“When I was six, I got the ‘there’s no Easter bunny speech.’ When I wa...

Teacher: Can Bees fly in the rain?

Student: Not without their yellow jackets.

Got stung by a bee today

£15 for a jar of honey

What kind of bees make milk?

Boo-bees

I've always found spelling bees easy

B E E S. Simple.

Where do bees stay while on vacation?

Air Bee and Bee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do gangster honey bees do?

Fuck flowers. Make honey.

Where did Noah keep his bees ?

In the Ark hives.

Carpenter bees used to swarm our exposed cedar beams outside

Carpenter bees dig into wood and bore out entry holes as well as a labyrinth of tunnels.

My aunt came to visit once and was on the phone with her husband. She was complaining about the swarm of “boring bees” because she couldn’t find the term “Carpenter”. Although mostly mostly harmless, th...

A bee and a spider walk together to a store one day

The bee looks to the spider and asks "Why are you buying all that black clothing?"

The spider responds "I am a SPYder,that's my job."

The bee would sigh and say "I cannot beelive you made that pun..and I thought my puns were bad."

What do u call a fat bee?

A chubee

What do you call the cross between a bee and a cow?

Bumblebeef

‌‌I wa‌‌s walkin‌‌g wit‌‌h m‌‌y girlfrien‌‌d whe‌‌n ‌‌a rando‌‌m gu‌‌y whistle‌‌d a‌‌t he‌‌r an‌‌d sai‌‌d, "Nic‌‌e ass"‌‌. Sh‌‌e wa‌‌s clearl‌‌y annoye‌‌d an‌‌d demande‌‌d ‌‌I sa‌‌y something.

S‌‌o ‌‌I turne‌‌d aroun‌‌d an‌‌d said, "Than‌‌k yo‌‌u I'v‌‌e bee‌‌n doin‌‌g squats."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a bee's ghost?

a BOO-bee

Hahaha.. like .. boobie.
Plz don't hurt me. I know it's bad

What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?

One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.

I thought I heard an onion singing a Bee Gees song.

But it turned out it was just a chive talking.

I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees

I think she's a keeper

What do you call a Bee that works for the government?

A Pollentician.

A bee goes into a bar,

It comes out 2 hours later buzzing

What’s a bee’s favorite warlord?

Attila the Honey

I went to the bee keepers to buy some bees. All the bees had price tags on them except one.

It was a freebie

A woman was golfing and got stung by a bee.

She was severely allergic to bee stings so she went to the doctor right away. She said “doc, I was on the course when I got stung”. The doctor asked her where she got stung, and she told him, between the first and second hole. The doctor replied, “ it sounds like your stance is too wide”.

I recently went to a beekeeper and purchased 7 bees. When I got home, I realized he gave me 8.

Looks like I got a freebie!

I hired a bee to run my IT security department

He makes really good honeypots

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of bee gives milk instead of honey?

Boobees

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got a vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn't sound anything like wasps!

Turns out I was playing the bee side

Why did the spelling bee champion go to the doctor?

Irregular vowel movements

today I met a girl that claims to work with bees

yeah, she’s definitely a keeper

A thousand bees walk into a bar.

A few minutes later, A and C walk in as well.

Thomas finally gave up on his dream of being a champion after always vomiting at the National Spelling Bee

He’d always be known as an expeller now.

A local beekeeper was selling his bees for 5 dollars each.

"5 dollars for a single bee?! That's ridiculous," I complained.

"Well, if you don't like the price, you can select from that hive over there, those are freebies."

Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees

Chuck Norris will be 80 in a few hours so post your best Chuck Norris Jokes in the comments!

She said to me "What are you holding that big ugly bee for?"

I said "I don't think it's ugly!"

I guess beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

I have always thought that the second letter in the word “Hive” is quite beautiful, after all .....

Beauty is in the I of the bee holder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which insect is the best at what it does?

Most people think ants or bees, but ya know...flies have really been on top of shit lately

I didn't exactly ace my "capture the wasp" exam.

I got a bee.

What do bees and me have in common?

Both of us become suicidal as a defense mechanism

Why are bees so good at job interviews?

Because they know all of the buzzzzzzzz-words!

(Came up with this one from a meme I just saw) There's a bee in the drawer of my side table that buzzes and makes me think I got a new message on my phone...

Got a bee kiddin me.

My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees

I think he's a keeper

People have often said that bees making honey sounds cool...

...but honestly, I never understood what all the buzz was about.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What were the bees and the donkeys talking about?

None of your bees’n’ass.

What do bees do if they need a ride?

Wait at the buzz stop!

A husband and wife are golfing and almost immediately, the woman is stung by a bee.

As she’s had some bad reactions to bee stings before, the husband runs to the pro shop to get some assistance.

Bursting in, he says to the pro “My wife’s been stung, can you please help?”

The pro replies “Well where was she stung?”

“Between the first and second holes”.

...

Pedro and Maria got married. Pedro was a 'man about town' so to speak, but Maria was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees.

Pedro was a poor working man and could not afford to take time off for a honeymoon. So, that night they retired to his little shack. When Pedro was undressing Maria said "Oh Pedro, what is that?" Pedro being very quick thinking said "Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these" and then ...

A bumblebee suddenly wakes up in a cold sweat, realizing he has overslept and is about to miss his connecting flight home after a successful overseas business trip.

He makes a mad rush to the airport, suitcase in one hand, passport and airline ticket in the other. His tie flaps loose in the breeze, his shirt wrinkled and untucked, with his face covered in bushy bumblebee beard stubble.

He recklessly flies into the main entrance, nearly knocking over a fa...

I told my son about the birds and the bees.

He told me about my wife and the butcher.

A bee decided to become a disc jockey. They called it a BJ.

It really sucks though.

A fancy country club has a severe bee problem on the golf course.

The board of trustees decide to eradicate the bees they need to hire an expert. The bee entomologist is very expensive and the board decides they need to assess each member an additional $100 to their monthly dues for bee eradication.

Weeks after the treatment and it appears the course is b...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.