What do you call a Bee hive with no exits?

Unbelievable.

I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many.”

“That one is a freebie.”

If Cardi B was a bee. . .

Would she make honey moves?

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and sta...

I was woken last night to what I thought was the onions in my fridge singing a Bee Gees song...

But when I went to look it was just the chives talking.

I’ve always been told I had no friends

The 12 voices in my head disagree

I went over to my local beekeeper this morning to buy 10 bees.

After 5 minutes he came back and gave me 11.

I said “I only asked for the 10?!”.

He replied “You’ve got 10, and a freebie”.

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Did you know that female bees have breasts?

Yeah, they are called boo bees.

A bee keeper walks into a pet store

He asked the person at the counter for 12 bees. After walking out the store, he notices that he's been given 13 bees by accident.

He walks back in and says “there has been an accident, and you’ve given me 13 bees.”

The Shopkeeper says "No mistake sir, that one is a freebie!"

what do call a quiet Russian bee?

a cagey bee

A Man Was Driving Down the Road & Ran out of PETROL...

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
“What seems to be the problem?” asked the bee.
“I’m out of petrol,” the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swa...

What do you call a bee that falls down a hill?

A stumble bee.

My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees

I think he's a keeper

What did the steak tell his son after he won the spelling bee?

Well-done

What do you call a loud annoying bee?

Cardi Bee

The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop.

He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He li...

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A boy killed a bee

Dad:”that’s it son no honey for a week!”

Son:*kills butterfly*

Dad:”NO BUTTER FOR A WEEK”

A few days go by and then the son runs up to his dad trying to tell him something

Son: “dad! dad! dad! mom killed a cock roach!!”

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If Honey Bees Make Honey, What Kind of Bee Makes Milk?

Boobies

An asian girl gets stung by a bee.

She runs into her house in a panic and tells for father " Daddy, daddy, I just got stung by a bee!!"

Her father looks at her disappointed and angry and says "What wrong with you?! Why you no get stung by A?!"

What kind of bee drugs you and steals your money?

A Cardi B

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Pornhub is now donating money to bee preservation for every video you watch on their new site...

I guess I’m gonna go single-handedly save the bees!

A man found out the Bee Gees, were writing a fictional novel.

"Do you guys need any help?" he asked.

"We know how to do it!" they responded.

"Not even with the character development?"

"We know how to show it!"

What is a bee’s favorite news source?

CNN. They hate Buzzfeed too.

Let me know what you think of my 2nd attempt!

A young boy decided that he wanted to become a beekeeper when he grew up. When he told his parents this they decided it would be a great chance to teach him responsibility and give him a chance to earn his own spending money. So they bought him a small colony of bees and the tools he would need to t...

What do you call a bee that was born in the States?

A USB...



I'll see myself out.

How does a bee commit suicide?

It stops believing.

Do flies shave their legs?

No, but bees wax.

My friend has a pet bee. I said doesn't it bother people in the house?

He said no it's very well beehived.

What do you call a bee having a bad hair day?

A frizzbee

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings

you know she's a keeper.

The Bee Joke

Once, there was a bee who lived in a very complex bee hive. All the bees residing in this hive lived very happily with their own tasks and aspirations. However, this particular bee, named Bart, was quite special. He was an incredibly intelligent bee who matured and learned far faster than his bee pe...

Band most likely to be blasted out of the speakers at your local beehive?

Pollen Oates

What did the momma bee say to the baby bee when he didn't collect enough pollen?

Bee better.

Where did Noah keep his Bees?

In the Archive

Why did the coke addict take to bee keeping to get sober?

Finally found something that would give him a buzz

My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.

Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

what does a bee eat for lunch?

hum burgers

What do you call a Bee that eats other Bees?

Hannibal Nectar

What is the last thing that goes through a bee's head when it hits the windshield?

His ass.

If bees reproduce by slave bees having intercourse with the queen bee...

... Then is it safe to say they're into BeeDSM?

Dad's joke: What kind of bee can never be understood?

A mumble-bee

A woman who is playing golf gets stung by a bee.

She rushes into the pro shop and says "I've been stung by a bee! I've been stung by a bee!

The pro say "Where?"

The woman says "Between the first and second hole."

The pro says "Your stance is too wide."

what bee no wing

walk

What do bees say in the summer?

'S warm, isn't it?

If you have a bee in your hand what do you have in your eye?

.....
Beauty

What did the group of bees said to the one misconducting bee

Beehive

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The Bee Movie was such a fucked up movie, it was literally about a bee who tried to have sex with a girl.

Who would want to have sex with a girl

My 6 yr old nephew asked me... what did the bee say to his wife?

Oh honey!!!

Whenever my father, a bee keeper, would see a pretty lady walk by he would always say

"Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder."

Why was the bee shot by the shrinking ray upset?

It felt beelittled

At the spelling bee

Spelling bee judge: "Your word is worthless."

Me: "Can you use it in a sentence?"

Spelling bee judge: "I don't know, can you keep a promise for once?"

What sound does a wasp make when it hits your windshield?

A bee flat.

The contestants of the Nashville beauty pageant enter the stage.

Infront of them is an audience of over 2000 and a judging panel consisting of one man, on his own, wearing an eyepatch.

Suddenly, the judge thrusts his arm out infront of him. He opens his hand out, and there, sitting in the middle of his palm is a bee staring intensely at the contestants on ...

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I bought a Ouija board recently from a strange old man...

I got it home, laid out the pieces and before I could even ask it a question the planchette started to move around, it eventually spelt

I'VE GOT A MESSAGE TO YOU


'What is your message?' I asked.

YOU SHOULD BE DANCING

Fear started flushing over me, 'Why s...

A woman is out playing golf, when she is stung by a bee.

Started to not feel well, she heads to the emergency room. A doctor comes in to examine her.

Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Woman: I was, playing golf when I was stung by a bee.
Doctor: Where exactly did it sting you?
Woman: In between the 1st and 2nd hole.
Doctor: My god l...

Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging

The word was Dictate.

[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?

[Mike Tyson] The woman said my dictate good.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Mohammed Ali could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee

He would be dead after one punch.

A child was competing in a spelling bee and was doing quite well, until the moderator said: "your word is 'inward' "....

Spelling bee contestant: "N-I-G-G..."

Moderator: "Jesus no, stop please! "

A bee is about to make love to his wife.

As she's freshening up in the bathroom, he is lying in bed under the covers when he's overcome by a weird sensation. Looking under the covers, he sees his testes have exited his body, seemingly as if they're about to go for a trip with mini suitcases packed, tiny coats and hats worn. The testes noti...

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?

A Maybe.

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Baskin Robbins spelling bee

A man walks to a Baskin Robbins and asks for a scoop of chocolate ice cream. The lady working there responds "I'm sorry sit but we are out of chocolate". But the man persists. "May I please have one scoop of chocolate". He repeats " I'll even pay extra". Though the man begs and begs, the lady workin...

I had to take my mother to hospital yesterday after a giant bee landed on her face

Thankfully it didn't actually sting her, I was too quick with the shovel

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What type of bee produces milk?

A boobie.

Whats worse than one bee sting?

Two bee stings


Whats worse than two bee stings?


The holocaust


Whats worse than the holocaust?




Three bee stings

If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?

Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"

I went to see a friend from a very rich family. The maid approached me and asked.

*MAID:* -What would u like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?

*ME:* -Tea pls.

*MAID:* -Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea, Herbal Tea, Kericho Gold Tea, Bush Tea or Green Tea?

*ME:* -Ceylon Tea pls.

*MAID:* -How do...

What does the mother bee say to her unruly son ?

Son, please beehive !

A man is severely depressed.

Joke:

His wife left him, took the kids and due to all the stress and pressure in his personal life, his work performance took a dive and he was fired. Without a job, he lost his home, his possessions and whatever was left of his dignity and hope. He decided to end his miserable life.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John gets a bee sting on his dick.

He and wife go to the doctor. As the doctor is finishing up, wife takes him to the side and says - can you only give medication for the pain and leave the swelling as it is ?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A beautiful young woman is sunbathing on the beach of an upscale resort, when she feels a buzzing in her vagina.

Alarmed, she runs to her father for help. "I think there's an insect in my coochie!" she tells him, frantically dancing from the buzzing sensation.

They call up the resort's resident doctor. He takes her into his office for an examination.

"Yup. It looks like a bee has crawled into yo...

Taking a lesson because her golf game had been going so badly, a woman had just started her first round when she was stung by a bee.

Distraught and rather angry and disheartened, she went back into the clubhouse and told the golf pro about the incident.

"Where did it sting you?" he asked.

"Between the first and second hole," she replied.

The pro shook his head and quickly exclaimed: "That’s your problem right...

My girlfriend said I have a bee in my bonnet.

I said I do otherwise it would be an "onnet"!

George W. Bush, Clarence Thomas, Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, and Brett Kavanaugh all competed in a spelling bee...

Surprisingly, George W. Bush won.



He was the only contestant to spell "harass" as one word.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A woman was lying on the beach one day...

When suddenly a bee flies into her vagina.
Scared as she was, she went to the doctors office and received a male doctor in the urgent matters.
She explained her problem to him. He said there was nothing to worry about.

"Just go home and put some honey on your husbands dick, and ask him ...

What does a bee do when it's hot?

Take off its yellow jacket

Reminded of a variation of the Bee Pee joke

As we all know the majority of bees (Around 99 out of 100), when they need the toilet, always go to the BP station. The last for some unknown reason goes to the Esso Station.

Ah Well, I guess there's always one S.O.B in every crowd

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor vs. Bee - (NSFW)

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny and Sally are having fun climbing a tree, when all of a sudden a bee starts buzzing around her...

"Oh no! Johnny!" says Sally. "That bee went up my skirt!"

Johnny starts booting her on the ass, trying to hit the bee.

"Oh no, Johnny! Now the bee has gone into my underwear!"

Johnny starts smacking her on the bottom, trying to squish the bee.

"Oh no, Johnny! Now the bee...

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