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Why don’t ants have dicks?

Because then they would be uncles.

I was in my room and saw a group of 10 ants running around frantically. I felt bad and made a small house for them out of cardboard. This technically makes me their landlord and they are my ..

Tenants

What’s worse than ants in your pants??

Uncles.

How can you tell whether an ant is a boy or girl?

Put the ant in water.
If it sinks, girl ant.
If it floats, buoyant!

You hear ants can't get sick?

They have those tiny anty bodies.

Help! The ant police are breaking down my door!

They even got a war ant for my arrest

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How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two.

If there's only one ant, it's ant masturbation.

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Can you imagine being part of a discussion on ant puns?

I cAnt even Anticipate that bAnter

Two ants, a mother and her daughter, are out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One of them, with a sign reading "It's time to GO!" spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, but do you have a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support o...

Ant suicide

So i saw two ants crawling into a box full of rat poison...

I guess they were committing PESTICIDE

ok i'll leave

An insane Harvard research study just proved that when ants are tripping on LSD, they can't get heartburn.

Apparently it works as an antacid.

An ant colony enthusiast goes to a convention

His pride and joy is a colony of giant Amazonian ants, *Dinoponera gigantea,* which he brings along with him to present. But when he gets to the door of the convention hall, he's stopped by one of the organizers, who points to a sign on the wall. It says "all ants must not be more than 1 cm in total...

Why are there so many ants in Paris?

Because it's France.

How are nine ants able to live in an apartment for free?

By not being tenants.

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Bob the ant wanted to be a stand-up comedian

He had a wild, bold, and crazy personality and sense of humor. He knew he would be hilarious if he just had the opportunity to get in front of a crowd.
 

So Bob the ant went around town auditioning for gigs. He let his crazy attitude go full force at the judges. They weren’t too impressed,...

If you ever want to cause an ant to have a psychedelic trip, feed it Tums

Because it’s antacid.

Both Spider-Man and Ant-Man got fired from their job.

That really bugs me.

Why do all ants have a British accent?

Because they colonize!

What do you call it when Iron-Man wears the Ant-Man suit?

Tiny Stark

An ant sees an anthill and wonders if it's for sale.

Shortly after, he sees a number of ants approach him.

He asked, "Are you the owners?"

They replied "We're ten ants."

What do you call a febreeze spraying ant?

Deodorant

I recently placed a sugar cube for an ant

When he left to get the rest of the ants, I quickly removed the sugar cube. Now everyone else thinks he lied.

What did the father ant say to his son when they moved from america to france

Son, we are now Europeants.

Pink Panther’s to do list

- To do
- To do
- To do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to dooooo

An ant is lying in its deathbed in North Korea.

He calls his son and says he wanted to tell him something for a long time.

Son Ant : What is it dad?

Father Ant : I cannot say that in this god forbidden country we have to move immediately to France or Italy before i am dead.

Confused,the Son Ant made arrangements to move to Fr...

What do you call the ant that keeps track of all the food in a colony?

A count Ant

Why did the ant name its middle segment "Stormbreaker"?

Because that was its Thor axe.

What do you call the Ant Man when he becomes super big?

giANT man.

When the Pink Panther stepped on an ant, what song did they play?

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant......

An ant gets a job at Starbucks

That's it, that's the ant-hire joke.

Did you hear about the ant who stored his food inside a keyboard?

He's got everything under CTRL

Do not ever rent an apartment to an ant.

As soon as they sign the lease they then become tenants.

I was constantly praised and flattered by a colony of ants....

It turns out that they were sycophants!

Billy the ant scientist.

Once there was a mad scientist named Billy obsessed with experimenting on ants. For the this he earned the nickname "Ant billy" Billy ant" or "that weird ant dude" or variations there of and was generally considered a laughingstock of the town.

Determined to not be such a goddamn failure anym...

What’s the opposite of a fire ant?

A fire resist-ant

An American tourist is traveling in Thailand and stops over in a small border village for a meal. While the inside of the restaurant is rather small and modest, it does have a beautifully designed ant farm covering most of one wall. Curious, he asks the old man running the restaurant about it.

“Ah,” says the old man. “I use the ant eggs to make a dish called maengman chom. The Cambodians who visit here especially love it; they spend so many riel on it that I had that display made to show off the ants. It’s a specialty of mine; would you like to try some?”

“Ant eggs are a little exo...

An ant walked up to me and told me a bad pun, so I squashed it.

Pun ant ended

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If Ant Man did beat Thanos by crawling up his butt

Would it be considered an inside job?

An ant has been living under my keyboard for a while but now I’ve managed to make it stay under only one key

Don’t worry I’ve got it under ctrl

Will an Ant trip if you...

Give it antacid?

An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free" said the owner.

Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the
o...

Why don't ants go to church? I

Because they are in sects.

Ba dum tiss

Punny Ant Jokes

What is the dumbest ant?
Ignorant.

What is the bossier ant?
Tyrant.

How many insects does it take to make a landlord?
Ten ants.

What ant is the biggest?
Elephant.

What ant is a military officer?
Sergeant.

To the guy who stole my antidepresants,

I hope you're happy now

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Little Johnny was sitting by an ant hill squashing every ant he could

A priest and a nun came upon Johnny doing this and asked Johnny to stop. Then asked why Johnny would do such a thing.

Johnny: These ants are useless, and I'm mashing them.

The nun and priest were appalled at his reply, "No, no! Nothing in God's beautiful creation is useless!"

Jo...

Told my nephew the story of the grasshopper and the ant. The ant saved up for winter while the grasshopper didn't. I asked my nephew at the end of the story Me:What is the moral of the story?

Nephew: You should never live in a Fall's sense of security

Why are the cow, whale and ant best friends?

Because they form cow-whale-ant bond

What do kids like to play in a room infested with ants?

The floor is larva.

What is the difference between a non vaccinated child and a fire ant?

A fire ant can live up to 6 years

Why don’t ant eaters get sick?

They have lots of anty bodies inside them.

Why did Antman stop talking when he joined the x men??

He became a mute ant.

(91 year old grandfather told me this one) why don't ants freeze in the winter?

because they have ANTi-freeze

What kind of ant is good at math?

An accountant!

What do you call an ant that can't get laid?

An incelct

I haven't done much in my life, but I did teach basic arithmetics to ants...

It's the little things that count.

Ant - the hero.

Ant asks giraffe: Can I f...k you?

Giraffe though: what the hell, he's small I even can't feel it. Here you are, my boy.

After a few minutes, she put her long neck into high voltage cables lifted high over the ground.

Ant start to screem: Shake it, baby, yeahhhh!!!

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