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Ant Jokes

What’s worse than 10 ants in your pants?

One uncle.

How many ants does it take to fill an apartment building?

Ten ants.

Why did the house owner not allow the nine ants to enter?

Because they were not ten ants

What is Ant-Man's secret weapon?

His Thor Axe

All groups of animals have unique names: a gaggle of geese, a pod of whales, a colony of ants… so what do you call a group of Karens?

An HOA

Leading entomologists experimenting with ant larvae have reported that while the introduction of milk-born disaccharides increased their height by 31%, it also inhibited tarsus growth by 47%.

The study concluded that the resulting specimens lack toes in taller ants.

How do you know if an ant’s a boy or girl?

They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles!

Before this entomology expedition, I had no idea that the Queen Ant could knight other ants.

I had a lot of questions, and the ant Sirs were right in front of me.

Five ants moved into an apartment. Then five more moved in.

Now the landlord is asking for rent.

Why don't ants get sick?

They have tiny anty bodies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ant, a spider and a centipede are throwing a party...

The ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more beers. The centipede says, "No, let me do it. You'd take too long. I have a lot more legs than you - I can do it faster!" The bugs agree.
10 minutes pass... Then 20 minutes, then 30, then more. The spider a...

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How to determine the sex of an ant…

Drop the ant in water. If it sinks it’s a female. If not, it’s buoyant.

The other day I met a sentient ant who grew fond of me. It turns out he has the ability to type and write as well…

This looks like it’s all a cake day joke, but it’s just fondant.

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The ant and the horse.

Once upon a time, a little ant was walking in the jungle, all of the sudden heard someone asking for help, it was a horse, somehow he got stuck in quicksand and was sinking fast!! The little ant didn't know what to do but then a light bulb moment; "I know. I'm gonna bring my Ferrari, I'll tie a rop...

If ant poison gets rid of your aunts, what gets rid of your uncles??

Anti-funcle cream.

Two ants had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation.

Last year, when one ant gets to Miami he is shivering and shaking.
The other ant asked him, "Why are you shaking so badly?"

The first ant says, "I rode down here from New Jersey in the moustache of a guy on a Harley."

The other ant says, "That’s the worst way to travel. Do what I d...

A scientist is doing experiments on an ant

He puts the ant on the table and says:
- Walk, ant, walk!
The ant walks to the other side of the table
The man writes in his notepad:
"The ant with 6 legs walks"

He then, proceeds to take one leg off the insect, and repeats the same process
- Walk, ant, walk!
The ant walks...

Well I've started a new diet…The Adam Ant diet.

Don't chew ever…don't chew ever.

A mother ant and her daughter were out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...

Whenever an ant gets injured, instead of helping, the rest of the colony just leaves it to die. It’s like the old saying goes:

If an ant broke, dont fix it

Why are ants immune to COVID-19?

They have anty-bodies

What do you call an ant that’s been shunned by his community?

Socially dist-ant

What does the pink panther say when he steps on an ant?

Dead ant
Dead ant
Dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant

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You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it in water.

If they float, they're boy-ant.

People often arguing about which Avenger is the best. Cap, Iron man, Thor...mine is Antman.

I can't help but cheer for an Ant-y hero.

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The Barber (long)

A man was getting a haircut prior to taking a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber, who responded,

“Why would you want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty — and full of Italians! You’re crazy to go to Rome!

“So, how are you getting there?”

“We’re taking United,” w...

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How do you tell the biological sex of an ant?

You put them in separate envelopes and put a stamp and leave it for the postman. if the postman leaves the letter, girl ant; if the post man takes the letter, mail ant.

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What do you call a really big ant?

Your mom's fat-ass sister!

I just read that a single ant can live to be 29 years old.

Anyone know how long the married ones live up to?

The discriminatory ant colony banished all ants over 4 mm tall

They had no taller ants

I won't stand for people with less than 10 digits on their feet.

I'm lack toes intolerant.

A friend of mine cut off the tip of ants feet and attached stilts to their legs.

Now he has lack toes and taller ants...

Jehovah is showing Ra around Heaven one day...

... when a man runs up to them, crosses himself, then spreads his arms and closes his eyes.

"Excuse me," Jehovah says to Ra, "this will only take a second." He waves his hands, there's a flash of light, and a purring kitten goes scampering away from where the man had been.

"Other than ...

What do you call a queen ant who spends sooo much money to get another ladypart just so she could lay eggs twice as fast?

Extravagant

A horse walked into a bar.

The bartender looked at the horse and said: "Hey buddy, why the long face?"

Later, a bear walked into the bar and said: "I'll have a ... beer." The bartender looked at the bear and asked: "Why the big pause?"

Soon, three anteaters came in and requested a bowl of ants to share. The bart...

How can you differentiate male ants from female ants?

They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles

Scientists have declared that ants are immune to COVID-19....

They think its probably because they have.... anty bodies

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A joke I heard as a kid: “Three ants are sleeping on a beautiful naked woman…

… and the morning after they are debating on who found the better place to sleep.

The first ant says: “My spot was the best! I rested on the soft hills”

The second ant replies: “No, no, mine was the best! I slept in the deep forest”

Then the third ant comes and says: “Well...

If it's not about elephants, it's irrelephant. But what if it's about ants?

Pertinant.

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Everday this little ant carried poop everywhere.

He had a strong fascination with poop and thought everyone would love to see how different each turd looked. So, this little ant put the poop in bags and hung them up all over the town. Finally, one ant who was oblivious to this little ant’s fascination with poop asked, “what is that” as the little ...

What’s the opposite of a croissant?

A happy uncle.

5 ants + 5 ants

5 ants + 5 ants = tenants

Why don't ants go to church?

Because they are in sects.

An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free" said the owner.

Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the
o...

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months.

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They’re both fine. And, your brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He’s an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that’s actually a nice n...

How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. Maybe three, if they're kinky.

In my room

I was in my room when I saw ten ants running around frantically. I felt bad, so I made a house for them out of a cardboard box.

Technically, this makes me their landlord, which means they are my...



Tenants

There are three ants walking in a line.

The first one in line says, "There's an ant walking behind me."

The second one in line says, "There's an ant walking behind me."

The third ant then also says, "There's an ant walking behind me."

How could this be possible?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

The t...

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Why don’t ants have dicks?

Because then they would be uncles.

Why do ant colonies never get sick?

They’re full of anty-bodies!

Three ants take shelter from the rain in somebodies bathroom.

The first ant says, “ I’m going to sleep in the sink”
The second ant says, “ I’ll sleep in the tub”
The third ant says, “ I’ll get the best sleep of all and sleep in the toilet!”

The next morning, the three ants wake up.
The first ant says, “ I slept great last night!”
The second...

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A priest is on his way to visit a sick parishioner....

He comes upon a small boy squishing ants with his thumb. Each time he squishes one, outloud he says "Fuckin' ants".

The priest tells him he's going to visit someone and on his way back while he's gone he wants the youth to think of three things God put on earth which are of no use.

On...

The Mighty Ant

Why can't ants get Covid 19?





They have tiny ant-y bodies!

An anteater walks into a coffee bar ...

... where all the workers, naturally, are English majors and grads. "I'd like a cinnamon latte," he said, "where the cream balances the astringency of the dark roasted coffee beans and the grated spice adds a piquant warmth to the taste of the beverage."

"Why the long clause?" asked the bari...

So I killed an ant this morning,

but now my dad won’t stop crying about his sister’s funeral.

Pink Panther's To Do list

\- To do

\- To do

\- To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo

What's the worst thing about carpenter bees and carpenter ants?

They aren't union.

What will happen if you silence an ant?

It'll become "mutant".

I saw a commercial for the Pink Panther's new Extermination business

The jingle was pretty catchy;

"dead ants.. dead ants..

dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead aaaaaants.."

I bought an ant farm.

I don’t know where I’m gonna find a tractor that small.

An ant walks into this Reddit sub.

The bar is set really low here.

Why do fish form schools, but ants form colonies?

Cause *truants* don't go to school!

(I came up with this right now)

Why are the most attractive males in the anthill also very learned?

Because they're stud-ants!

What do you call 10 friendly ants that keep everything working in your house?

Maintenance

Ants are nature's biggest simps

Millions follow their queen when she uses OnlyPheromones.

BBC study finds Covid common in pet cats and dogs, but not ants.

Because ants have antibodies.

Ill see myself out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob the ant wanted to be a stand-up comedian

He had a wild, bold, and crazy personality and sense of humor. He knew he would be hilarious if he just had the opportunity to get in front of a crowd.
 

So Bob the ant went around town auditioning for gigs. He let his crazy attitude go full force at the judges. They weren’t too impressed,...

What do you get if you give growth hormones to an ant?

Tolerance

A u‌‌niversity s‌‌tudent w‌‌anted t‌‌o s‌‌it n‌‌ext t‌‌o o‌‌ne o‌‌f h‌‌is t‌‌eachers a‌‌t l‌‌unch.

However, t‌‌he t‌‌eacher l‌‌ooked a‌‌t t‌‌he s‌‌tudent w‌‌ith a‌‌n a‌‌rrogant f‌‌ace a‌‌nd s‌‌aid, "A s‌‌wan s‌‌han't b‌‌e f‌‌riends w‌‌ith a‌‌ p‌‌ig."

"Then I‌‌ s‌‌hall f‌‌ly o‌‌n", a‌‌nswered t‌‌he s‌‌tudent w‌‌ith a‌‌ s‌‌mile.

The t‌‌eacher w‌‌as c‌‌learly v‌‌exed b‌‌y t‌‌he c‌‌heek...

Fun Facts about ants

So as you may or may not know, ants have many breeds, but above these breeds, two general groups can be seen in ants around the world. These groups are the Macro ants (Big ants), and the Micro ants (Small ants).

Multiple different breeds of ants can be found in each of the two groups (Such ...

How come ants don't get sick?

...because they have lil' anty-bodies

*runs away*

An indoor ant meets an outdoor ant

He says "In the house I was at, there was a very skilled guy; He could throw a coin at a hairdryer and it would turn on. That really blew me away!"

An ant falls out of an airplane, how did it die?

Starved to death on the way down.

(Translated from Mandarin, every Chinese kid knows this joke, not sure if it works in English).

How do you know an ant is Male.

You cant .
Because if it is , they'll be called uncles .

Why didn’t the 11 ants get let into the ant hill?

Because the ant hill is for ten ants only.

What do you call someone who has never paid attention to ants?

Ignorant.

An elephant and an ant got into an argument.

The elephant lost his temper decided he was going to squash the ant.

The ant exclaimed, "ONLY IF YOU CAN CATCH ME!!!!" and ran off.

Elephants is chasing the ant, and as ant rounds a corner, he sees a rabbit.

"Yo, rabbit! Can I hide out in your fur? This elephant wants to kill m...

Who does the tune-up on Ant-Man’s van?

Quantum Mechanics

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to burn ants with a magnifying glass.

But now I'm focusing on something else.

Why is Ant-Man immune from getting coronavirus?

Because he has an anty-body!

Why was the ant so confused?

Because all of his uncles were ants.

(Credit to my nine year old son)

What rests on the ground between my feet and is covered in ants?

My ice cream cone. =(

*Inspired by actual events.

Why do ants have eyes?

So they can see.


(Downvote if you like ant eye humour doesn't really belong on this sub

I had a chance to buy an ant that had been on a recent trip to the ISS...

But it was too exorbitant for an ex-orbit ant.

(NSFW) The elephant and the ant

An ant stood by the river, need to go to the other side.
Desperately looking around and can’t find any way to cross.
Then...

An elephant went by

The ant goes “hi mister elephant, would you do me a favour and take me to the other side?”

The elephant say “sure little ant, j...

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