What's worse than ants in your pants?


Why did the ant name its middle segment "Stormbreaker"?

Because that was its Thor axe.

When the Pink Panther stepped on an ant, what song did they play?

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant......

Pink Panther’s to do list

- To do
- To do
- To do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to dooooo

Why Was The Baby Ant Confused?

Because all of its uncles were ants!

Did you hear about the ant who stored his food inside a keyboard?

He's got everything under CTRL

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If Ant Man did beat Thanos by crawling up his butt

Would it be considered an inside job?

What do you call the Ant Man when he becomes super big?

giANT man.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Do ants have dicks?

No cause then they’d be uncles

Billy the ant scientist.

Once there was a mad scientist named Billy obsessed with experimenting on ants. For the this he earned the nickname "Ant billy" Billy ant" or "that weird ant dude" or variations there of and was generally considered a laughingstock of the town.

Determined to not be such a goddamn failure anym...

What did the ant say to the other ant?

Nothing, ants can’t talk.

(Explanation in comments)

An American tourist is traveling in Thailand and stops over in a small border village for a meal. While the inside of the restaurant is rather small and modest, it does have a beautifully designed ant farm covering most of one wall. Curious, he asks the old man running the restaurant about it.

“Ah,” says the old man. “I use the ant eggs to make a dish called maengman chom. The Cambodians who visit here especially love it; they spend so many riel on it that I had that display made to show off the ants. It’s a specialty of mine; would you like to try some?”

“Ant eggs are a little exo...

Punny Ant Jokes

What is the dumbest ant?

What is the bossier ant?

How many insects does it take to make a landlord?
Ten ants.

What ant is the biggest?

What ant is a military officer?

Ant Man and Hank Pym are having a conversation.

Ant Man: Hey Hank, do you think that Pym particles can enlarge parts of your body? Like say I wanted a bigger arm, or a bigger head, or a bigger leg.
Hank: Of course they can. Why do you think my wife accepted my proposal?

An ant walked up to me and told me a bad pun, so I squashed it.

Pun ant ended

When I found out my Tinder date was missing a foot, I nearly threw up.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

Why don't ants get sick?

Because they have little anti bodies

Why don't ants go to church? I

Because they are in sects.

Ba dum tiss

How many ants do you need to rent out a place?


An ant has been living under my keyboard for a while but now I’ve managed to make it stay under only one key

Don’t worry I’ve got it under ctrl

How do you tell the difference between a female ant and a boy ant?

If you throw it in water and it sinks, it's a female ant. If you throw it in water and it floats, it's a buoyant.

Told my nephew the story of the grasshopper and the ant. The ant saved up for winter while the grasshopper didn't. I asked my nephew at the end of the story Me:What is the moral of the story?

Nephew: You should never live in a Fall's sense of security

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Johnny was sitting by an ant hill squashing every ant he could

A priest and a nun came upon Johnny doing this and asked Johnny to stop. Then asked why Johnny would do such a thing.

Johnny: These ants are useless, and I'm mashing them.

The nun and priest were appalled at his reply, "No, no! Nothing in God's beautiful creation is useless!"


Why are the cow, whale and ant best friends?

Because they form cow-whale-ant bond

What do kids like to play in a room infested with ants?

The floor is larva.

Will an Ant trip if you...

Give it antacid?

An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free" said the owner.

Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the

I read a book about ants falling in love in Rome.

It was full of Rome Ants.

To the guy who stole my antidepresants,

I hope you're happy now

Why don’t ant eaters get sick?

They have lots of anty bodies inside them.

What is the difference between a non vaccinated child and a fire ant?

A fire ant can live up to 6 years

(91 year old grandfather told me this one) why don't ants freeze in the winter?

because they have ANTi-freeze

I haven't done much in my life, but I did teach basic arithmetics to ants...

It's the little things that count.

Did you hear Charlize Theron has been cast in the next Ant-Man movie?

It's going to be called "Subatomic Blonde."

What kind of ant is good at math?

An accountant!

Why did Antman stop talking when he joined the x men??

He became a mute ant.

What do ants dress up as on Halloween?


Ant - the hero.

Ant asks giraffe: Can I f...k you?

Giraffe though: what the hell, he's small I even can't feel it. Here you are, my boy.

After a few minutes, she put her long neck into high voltage cables lifted high over the ground.

Ant start to screem: Shake it, baby, yeahhhh!!!

Two ants were walking down a road, side by side.

One ant says to the other, "You know, despite how incredibly successful our species is, our tiny brains are nowhere near having the capability to comprehend language like humans do."

The other replies, "Yeah, I really wish people would stop anthropomorphizing us in their jokes."

One ant is fine

The rest are redundANT

How do you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?

They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles

The king of the insect kingdom is feeling depressed...

So he asks his advisors for help. The king says, "Oh, advisors, I am feeling quite sad. Our life is so short as insects and we don't do anything but work!"

The advisors tell him that he needs to find the best joke ever to cheer him up. The king thinks this is a good idea so he travels the kin...

When it comes to women, I'm like an ant:

I pull three times my own weight.

My Biology teacher told me ants are female

The males are called uncles

What do you get when u age an ant?

An antique!

Why did the girl ant drown?

Because she was not buoyant.

What do you call a couple of ants sharing a slice of pizza in Italy?


What's the difference between a superhero and an ant that cannot speak?

Nothing, both are mutants.

Why did the ants wait until the bear's favourite song came on before stealing his jelly?

Because nobody would understand what was going on when he yelled "YO! THAT'S MY JAM!"

How do you maintain a healthy ant colony?

Ensure ants

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire?

If it burns, it's a smart ant.

If it doesn't, it's retardant.

How do you know if an ant is male or female?

They're all females, otherwise they'd be uncles.

What's an antihistamine?

An unclehistamines wife

-updoots for groan.

An ant called me fat and stupid!

I'm not that hurt though. I know it was just a microagression.

What do you call it when Ant-Man makes a politically incorrect joke?

A microaggression.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So there's this guy...

So there's this guy, and he's got an ant farm, but not like a normal ant farm, it's like a regular farm that's run by ants, and one day the ant in charge of the farmer ants says to the guy 'hey guy, we're workin our thoraxes off tryin to harvest these crops but it's real tough, boss. See they're all...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My 8 Year Old Nephew Had A Joke To Say

“What did the ant say to the other ant?”
“I dunno, what?”
“Nothing, ants communicate using pheromones, not speech.”
“Yeah, that’s not really a joke kid.”
He was quiet for a moment, and looked at the ground. “It’s an ant-y joke, asshole.”