Why are ants immune to COVID-19?

They have anty-bodies

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How do you tell the sex of an ant?

Put it in water
If it sinks girl ant
If it floats boyant

Two ants, a mother and her daughter, were out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...

10 ants were looking for a new place to live...

The 1 ant, 2 ant, and 3 ant bought houses in the country.

The 4 ant, 5 ant, and 6 ant bought houses in the city.

The 7 ant, 8 ant, and 9 ant bought houses at the beach.

The 10 ant decided to rent.

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles.

Why don't ants get the virus

Because they have antibodys

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish.

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish. Despite everyone telling them it was wrong, they fell in love.

One day they eloped and moved into a cottage by a pond. Their only neighbor was Mr. Frog

They lived many happy years together and then something unexpected happened; they h...

Why don't ants catch colds?

They have tiny anty bodies.

Did you know, when ants come into your house, if there are 2 less than a dozen, you have to let them stay.

They have rights as ten-ants.

Why do fish form schools, but ants form colonies?

Cause *truants* don't go to school!

(I came up with this right now)

I bought an ant farm.

I don’t know where I’m gonna find a tractor that small.

Why can't ants get coronavirus?

....because they have antibodies.

An indoor ant meets an outdoor ant

He says "In the house I was at, there was a very skilled guy; He could throw a coin at a hairdryer and it would turn on. That really blew me away!"

What will happen if you silence an ant?

It'll become "mutant".

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I used to burn ants with a magnifying glass.

But now I'm focusing on something else.

I was in my room and saw 10 ants running frantically. I felt bad for them, so I built a house for them. This kinda makes me there landlord and that kinda makes them my

Tenants

What do you call a bunch of carpenter ants?

A construction site.

Did you hear about the ants that made a Teeter Totter out of a toothpick and half a crumb?

Well it didn't work, so they had to use a FULLCRUMB

Why don’t ants get sick

Because they have little anti bodies

Which department do you call when ants go missing?

Dept. of Finance


I'll see myself out now....

What do you call two ants who have a baby together?

Pair ants

If I was an ant, where would I live?

In an engine, coz I'd be a coolant

My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, “Can you imagine being that strong?”

So I picked up the leaf and said, “Yes.”

I woke up to a dozen ants crawling all over my body this morning because i left a snickers bar wrapper in my bed from the night before, i killed a couple but then i felt bad so I've let them make me their home.

They are now my tenants.

How can you differentiate male ants from female ants?

They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles

Why do the older ants go up the side of the mountain and the younger ants go down the side of the mountain?

Because they're descendants!

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A boy is sitting on the sidewalk smashing ants, yelling god damn ants every time, when

A priest walks up to him and asks him “what are you doing son?” The kid replies, “I’m killing these worthless god damn ants.” The priest than says to the kid, “God put all things on earth to have some sort of worth or value.” The kid stops and the Priest walks away.

5 minutes later a nun walk...

An ant couple and their eight ant children

moved into an apartment together. They were tenants.

A group of ten ants just walked into my room.

They scurried about my room frantically, and out of pity I made a house for them out of a cardboard box. This technically makes me their landlord and they are my... Tenants

Why do 9 ants get to love in an apartment for free?

Because they are not tenants..

Why can’t 9 ants rent an apartment?

Because they aren’t ten-ants

I usually feed Tums to ants

Because it's like antacid to them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an ant that's so fucking ugly every other ant wont go near it?







A repellant.

Why didn’t the 11 ants get let into the ant hill?

Because the ant hill is for ten ants only.

A d‌‌og s‌‌ees a‌‌ "‌‌Now h‌‌iring" p‌‌oster o‌‌utside o‌‌f a‌‌ c‌‌omputer s‌‌tore.

T‌‌he p‌‌oster r‌‌eads: "Must b‌‌e a‌‌ble t‌‌o t‌‌ype. M‌‌ust b‌‌e a‌‌ble t‌‌o p‌‌rogram. A‌‌nd m‌‌ust b‌‌e b‌‌ilingual. W‌‌e a‌‌re a‌‌n e‌‌qual o‌‌pportunity e‌‌mployer."

The d‌‌og t‌‌akes t‌‌he p‌‌oster i‌‌n h‌‌is m‌‌outh, a‌‌nd w‌‌alks i‌‌n. T‌‌he m‌‌anager s‌‌pots t‌‌he d‌‌og, a‌‌nd d‌‌ec...

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Why don’t ants have dicks?

Because then they would be uncles.

What's the largest ant on earth called?

Elephant

An ant walked into a man's house

The ant requested the man to stay in his house. The man was polite and allowed it to stay with him without paying rent. After a few more days, another ant, hearing the news about the free accomodation also came and asked for a home. He allowed both of them to stay for free because they were tiny and...

A scientific study was conducted on ants...

There was a scientific study conducted on various species of ants investigating the correlation between their heights and how their feet operate.
Shorter ants were found to have little nubs on the end of their feet that operate similarly to toes on humans and primates.
This was not seen in lar...

If you have nine ants in your apartment, that’s a problem.

But if you have ten ants, just ask them for rent.

What has four legs and eats ants?

Two uncles.

Humans can catch diseases from monkeys and bats, but why not anteaters?

Because they are filled with anty bodies.

Why don't ants get stick?

Because..











^(They have little antibodies)

What do you call an ant that doesn't smell bad?

Deodorant.

Why was the ant so confused?

Because all of his uncles were ants.

(Credit to my nine year old son)

What do you call an ant that can't speak but has super powers?

Mutant

What do you call a subatomic ant eater?

An Ardquark.
(Or a Quarkvark ;)

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Bob the ant wanted to be a stand-up comedian

He had a wild, bold, and crazy personality and sense of humor. He knew he would be hilarious if he just had the opportunity to get in front of a crowd.
 

So Bob the ant went around town auditioning for gigs. He let his crazy attitude go full force at the judges. They weren’t too impressed,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ant and a centipede were walking down the street

when the ant says “Say, Mr. Centipede, how do you control all those legs at once?”. The centipede thought about it for a second, then fell flat on his ass.

What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to the doctor

The man told the doctor he had a kingdom of ants inside his butt the doctor told him to bring a fruit to attract the ants outside his butt. The man went home and placed a watermelon near his butt the ant king came out and tasted the watermelon


Then the ant king shouted:BOYS BRING IT IN

What do you call an ant who lives in an apartment?

A tenant

‌‌An o‌‌ld w‌‌oman a‌‌sks h‌‌er h‌‌usband o‌‌f 6‌‌0 y‌‌ears

‌‌"Honey, w‌‌hat d‌‌id y‌‌ou t‌‌hink o‌‌f m‌‌e w‌‌hen y‌‌ou f‌‌irst s‌‌aw m‌‌e?".

"My f‌‌irst t‌‌hought w‌‌as t‌‌hat I‌‌ w‌‌anted t‌‌o f‌‌uck y‌‌our b‌‌rains o‌‌ut a‌‌nd s‌‌uck y‌‌our t‌‌its d‌‌ry", h‌‌e r‌‌eplied.

"And w‌‌hat d‌‌o y‌‌ou t‌‌hink o‌‌f m‌‌e n‌‌ow d‌‌arling?", t‌‌he o‌‌ld...

Ant suicide

So i saw two ants crawling into a box full of rat poison...

I guess they were committing PESTICIDE

ok i'll leave

Adam meets a witch

The witch tells him: "Tell me I am pretty or you will be cursed"!

Adam: "Sorry, but I don't find you attractive."

Witch: "Take that back, or you most surely *will* be cursed!

Adam: "Nope. You're hideous."

The witch then transformed him into an ant.

Witch: "Look whe...

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Can you imagine being part of a discussion on ant puns?

I cAnt even Anticipate that bAnter

Both Spider-Man and Ant-Man got fired from their job.

That really bugs me.

An insane Harvard research study just proved that when ants are tripping on LSD, they can't get heartburn.

Apparently it works as an antacid.

What kind of bugs smell the best?

Deodor-ants

Why are there so many ants in Paris?

Because it's France.

What do you call it when Iron-Man wears the Ant-Man suit?

Tiny Stark

An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free" said the owner.

Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the
o...

why does everyone say you need a parachute to go skydiving?

you dont. you only need one if you ant to go skydiving twice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two.

If there's only one ant, it's ant masturbation.

An ant sees an anthill and wonders if it's for sale.

Shortly after, he sees a number of ants approach him.

He asked, "Are you the owners?"

They replied "We're ten ants."

Did you hear about the ant who stored his food inside a keyboard?

He's got everything under CTRL

If you ever want to cause an ant to have a psychedelic trip, feed it Tums

Because it’s antacid.

I recently placed a sugar cube for an ant

When he left to get the rest of the ants, I quickly removed the sugar cube. Now everyone else thinks he lied.

What do you call the Ant Man when he becomes super big?

giANT man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jane and Arlene

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink
and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene : What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get w...

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