UPJOKE
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Ant Jokes

What is Ant-Man's secret weapon?

His Thor Axe
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What's worse than having ants in your pants?

Uncles.
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Two ants had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation.

Last year, when one ant gets to Miami he is shivering and shaking.
The other ant asked him, "Why are you shaking so badly?"

The first ant says, "I rode down here from New Jersey in the moustache of a guy on a Harley."

The other ant says, "That’s the worst way to travel. Do what I d...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you tell the sex of an ant?

Drop it in water. If it sinks, girl ant.

How can you differentiate male ants from female ants?

They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles
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Why don’t ants get Covid?

Because they have tiny little anty bodies.
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Ant

1. 5 ants + 5 ants = Tenants
2. To bring an ant from another country into your country = Important
3. Ant that goes to school = Brilliant
4. Ant that is looking for a job = Applicant
5. A spy ant = Informant
6. A very little ant = Infant
7. An ant that uses a gun = Militant
8. ...

All groups of animals have unique names: a gaggle of geese, a pod of whales, a colony of ants… so what do you call a group of Karens?

An HOA
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How come ants don't get sick?

...because they have lil' anty-bodies

*runs away*
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5 ants rent an apartment.

they realize there is plenty of room so they invite another 5 ants to join them



They are now Tenants
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The discriminatory ant colony banished all ants over 4 mm tall

They had no taller ants
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Landlord of the ants

I saw a group of 10 ants just running frantically in my room. I felt bad, so I made a small house for them out of a cardboard box.

This technically makes me their landlord and they are my
.
.
.
Tenants.
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Why don't The Ants catch COVID?

They've got little Antibodies.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ant, a spider and a centipede are throwing a party...

The ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more beers. The centipede says, "No, let me do it. You'd take too long. I have a lot more legs than you - I can do it faster!" The bugs agree.
10 minutes pass... Then 20 minutes, then 30, then more. The spider a...

A mother ant and her daughter were out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...
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An ant travelled across the Mexico into USA..

It's now import-ant.
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How many ants does it take to rent a house?

Ten ants
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If you own a house, you have to always be alert for ants.

If you see a couple ants, take care of it, because that can easily turn into several ants. When you get to eight or nine, get rid of them IMMEDIATELY. Why? Because once you have ten ants living with you, things get more expensive.
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What do you get if you give growth hormones to an ant?

Tolerance
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A scientist is doing experiments on an ant

He puts the ant on the table and says:
- Walk, ant, walk!
The ant walks to the other side of the table
The man writes in his notepad:
"The ant with 6 legs walks"

He then, proceeds to take one leg off the insect, and repeats the same process
- Walk, ant, walk!
The ant walks...
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An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free" said the owner.

Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the
o...
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What do you call an old ant?

An antique
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How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just two but you have to break it to get them out.
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What’s the largest species of ants?

Gi-ants
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5 ants + 5 ants

5 ants + 5 ants = tenants
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What do you call an ant that has no concerns or cares?

Nonchalant
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Why did the house owner not allow the nine ants to enter?

Because they were not ten ants
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What does the pink panther say when he steps on an ant?

Dead ant
Dead ant
Dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant
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The ant and the horse.

Once upon a time, a little ant was walking in the jungle, all of the sudden heard someone asking for help, it was a horse, somehow he got stuck in quicksand and was sinking fast!! The little ant didn't know what to do but then a light bulb moment; "I know. I'm gonna bring my Ferrari, I'll tie a rop...

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My eight year old nephew said he had a joke:

“What did the ant say to the other ant?”
“I dunno, what?”
“Nothing, ants communicate using pheromones, not speech.”
“Yeah, that’s not really a joke kid.”
He was quiet for a moment, and looked at the ground. “It’s an ant-y joke, asshole.”

An indoor ant meets an outdoor ant

He says "In the house I was at, there was a very skilled guy; He could throw a coin at a hairdryer and it would turn on. That really blew me away!"
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What do you call a really big ant?

Your mom's fat-ass sister!

What do you call an ant that fights crime?

A vigilante.
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The Mighty Ant

Why can't ants get Covid 19?





They have tiny ant-y bodies!
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How do you tell the biological sex of an ant?

You put them in separate envelopes and put a stamp and leave it for the postman. if the postman leaves the letter, girl ant; if the post man takes the letter, mail ant.

Well I've started a new diet…The Adam Ant diet.

Don't chew ever…don't chew ever.
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I bought an ant farm.

I don’t know where I’m gonna find a tractor that small.
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Five ants moved into an apartment. Then five more moved in.

Now the landlord is asking for rent.
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Everday this little ant carried poop everywhere.

He had a strong fascination with poop and thought everyone would love to see how different each turd looked. So, this little ant put the poop in bags and hung them up all over the town. Finally, one ant who was oblivious to this little ant’s fascination with poop asked, “what is that” as the little ...

An ant walks into this Reddit sub.

The bar is set really low here.
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Little Johnny was sitting by an ant hill squashing every ant he could

A priest and a nun came upon Johnny doing this and asked Johnny to stop. Then asked why Johnny would do such a thing.

Johnny: These ants are useless, and I'm mashing them.

The nun and priest were appalled at his reply, "No, no! Nothing in God's beautiful creation is useless!"

Jo...

If ant poison gets rid of your aunts, what gets rid of your uncles??

Anti-funcle cream.
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Why don't ants go to church?

Because they are in sects.
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Why didn’t the 11 ants get let into the ant hill?

Because the ant hill is for ten ants only.
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What do you call an ant that's so fucking ugly every other ant wont go near it?







A repellant.

Why do fish form schools, but ants form colonies?

Cause *truants* don't go to school!

(I came up with this right now)
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The Ant and the Grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no f...
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Did you know that when ants are young, they have small appendages at the ends of their legs?

They lose them as they get larger, and they also begin to produce the same proteins found in milk.


They lack toes in taller ants.
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Fun Facts about ants

So as you may or may not know, ants have many breeds, but above these breeds, two general groups can be seen in ants around the world. These groups are the Macro ants (Big ants), and the Micro ants (Small ants).

Multiple different breeds of ants can be found in each of the two groups (Such ...
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Why do ant colonies never get sick?

They’re full of anty-bodies!
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So I killed an ant this morning,

but now my dad won’t stop crying about his sister’s funeral.
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Why did the ant get recorded?

Because it was a Karant.

Thanks to u/MTPokitz for the inspiration
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A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months.

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They’re both fine. And, your brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He’s an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that’s actually a nice n...
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Ant suicide

So i saw two ants crawling into a box full of rat poison...

I guess they were committing PESTICIDE

ok i'll leave
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Why don't ant-eaters get Coronavirus?

Because they contain lots of little antibodies
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What will happen if you silence an ant?

It'll become "mutant".
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Ants are nature's biggest simps

Millions follow their queen when she uses OnlyPheromones.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all of his uncles were ants.

(Credit to my nine year old son)
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I just read that a single ant can live to be 29 years old.

Anyone know how long the married ones live up to?
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke I heard as a kid: “Three ants are sleeping on a beautiful naked woman…

… and the morning after they are debating on who found the better place to sleep.

The first ant says: “My spot was the best! I rested on the soft hills”

The second ant replies: “No, no, mine was the best! I slept in the deep forest”

Then the third ant comes and says: “Well...

There were three ants in a queue. The first ant said "there are 2 ants behind me". The second ant said "there's one ant behind me". The third ant said "there are 2 ants behind me". How is this possible ?

The 3rd ant lied.
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Bob the ant wanted to be a stand-up comedian

He had a wild, bold, and crazy personality and sense of humor. He knew he would be hilarious if he just had the opportunity to get in front of a crowd.
 

So Bob the ant went around town auditioning for gigs. He let his crazy attitude go full force at the judges. They weren’t too impressed,...

Punny Ant Jokes

What is the dumbest ant?
Ignorant.

What is the bossier ant?
Tyrant.

How many insects does it take to make a landlord?
Ten ants.

What ant is the biggest?
Elephant.

What ant is a military officer?
Sergeant.
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How do you know an ant is Male.

You cant .
Because if it is , they'll be called uncles .
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At the request of my wife, I have placed an order for a box of ants to be shipped from Italy...

She said we need more Rome ants in our relationship.
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Scientists have declared that ants are immune to COVID-19....

They think its probably because they have.... anty bodies
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Billy the ant scientist.

Once there was a mad scientist named Billy obsessed with experimenting on ants. For the this he earned the nickname "Ant billy" Billy ant" or "that weird ant dude" or variations there of and was generally considered a laughingstock of the town.

Determined to not be such a goddamn failure anym...
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Why do ants have eyes?

So they can see.


(Downvote if you like ant eye humour doesn't really belong on this sub
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A boy is sitting on the sidewalk smashing ants, yelling god damn ants every time, when

A priest walks up to him and asks him “what are you doing son?” The kid replies, “I’m killing these worthless god damn ants.” The priest than says to the kid, “God put all things on earth to have some sort of worth or value.” The kid stops and the Priest walks away.

5 minutes later a nun walk...

An elephant and an ant got into an argument.

The elephant lost his temper decided he was going to squash the ant.

The ant exclaimed, "ONLY IF YOU CAN CATCH ME!!!!" and ran off.

Elephants is chasing the ant, and as ant rounds a corner, he sees a rabbit.

"Yo, rabbit! Can I hide out in your fur? This elephant wants to kill m...
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Why is Ant-Man immune from getting coronavirus?

Because he has an anty-body!
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(NSFW) The elephant and the ant

An ant stood by the river, need to go to the other side.
Desperately looking around and can’t find any way to cross.
Then...

An elephant went by

The ant goes “hi mister elephant, would you do me a favour and take me to the other side?”

The elephant say “sure little ant, j...
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