I was in my room and saw 10 ants running frantically. I felt bad for them, so I built a house for them. This kinda makes me there landlord and that kinda makes them my

Tenants

What’s worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles

A father and son are watching a documentary about evolution...

...the boy had already watched this episode and was viewing it again carefully as he found it a bit confusing as to what the different prehistoric animals were evolving into. He recalled this episode ended with an ant-like insect becoming a crustacean-like animal. By the end he said 'Ep seen, did an...

Why was the baby ant confused?

Because all of his uncles were ants

Why don't ants get stick?

Because..











^(They have little antibodies)

Why can’t 9 ants rent an apartment?

Because they aren’t ten-ants

What are ants made from?

Anty matter.

I once knew a guy who cross bred insects for fun.

I liked the guy at first, but eventually I got tired of his crazy ant ticks.

Saw a group of magical insects escape a flood in a tiny ship of their own creation.

Could this be the fabled Ark of the Coven-Ants?

What do you call an ant that doesn't smell bad?

Deodorant.

If you have nine ants in your apartment, that’s a problem.

But if you have ten ants, just ask them for rent.

Why was the ant so confused?

Because all of his uncles were ants.

(Credit to my nine year old son)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a scientist

That claimed that all ants are constipated.
A tabloid sent a reporter to investigate his claims.
The reporter traveled miles and miles and reached his expedition in the Amazon, finding him surrounded by students looking in awe at him picking ants off a colony.

The journalist respectfull...

Why ants can't speak?

It's because they are mutants.

Did you hear about the discerning entomologist with a degree in accounting?

He was into fine-ants.

A guitarist goes undercover in an ant nest

A worker ant recognizes the secret agent and shouts "That person over there is not a worker, that is Queen!"

He was trialed for conspiracy.

What do you call a subatomic ant eater?

An Ardquark.
(Or a Quarkvark ;)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ant and a centipede were walking down the street

when the ant says “Say, Mr. Centipede, how do you control all those legs at once?”. The centipede thought about it for a second, then fell flat on his ass.

How can you differentiate male ants from female ants?

They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles

What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant...

My friend swears he's a 1980s popstar

I keep trying to talk him out of it but he's Adam Ant





Not my joke it's an oldie but it always makes me laugh

Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?

Because they’re not tenants.

Cindy and Lucy were to high-powered DC lawyers.

They had been childhood friends, gone to the same law school, and gone into partnership together. Through their hard work, they became well known in the DC area and bumped elbows with politicians.

One summer, they decided to hold a fourth of july party and invite all the members of congress....

Ant suicide

So i saw two ants crawling into a box full of rat poison...

I guess they were committing PESTICIDE

ok i'll leave

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when you fuck your dad's sister?

Up the ante

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Hairdresser

A New York woman was at her East Side hairdresser's getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go Rome? It's crowded and dirty and, worse yet, full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Ro...

A policeman pulled me over

What do you do for a living, sir?



It's a strange profession, you have probably never heard of it. But I'm an insect blender.



An... insect blender?



Yes, I combine insects for a living



Right...



A few minutes later I reached int...

How can you tell whether an ant is a boy or girl?

Put the ant in water.
If it sinks, girl ant.
If it floats, buoyant!

When ants are sick

What do ants take when they are sick?

ANTibiotics.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can you imagine being part of a discussion on ant puns?

I cAnt even Anticipate that bAnter

You hear ants can't get sick?

They have those tiny anty bodies.

An insane Harvard research study just proved that when ants are tripping on LSD, they can't get heartburn.

Apparently it works as an antacid.

If you ever want to cause an ant to have a psychedelic trip, feed it Tums

Because it’s antacid.

Two ants, a mother and her daughter, are out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One of them, with a sign reading "It's time to GO!" spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, but do you have a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two.

If there's only one ant, it's ant masturbation.

Adam meets a witch

The witch tells him: "Tell me I am pretty or you will be cursed"!


Adam: "Sorry, but I don't find you attractive."

Witch: "Take that back, or you most surely *will* be cursed!

Adam: "Nope. You're hideous."

The witch then transformed him into an ant.

Witch: "Lo...

Why do all ants have a British accent?

Because they colonize!

An ant colony enthusiast goes to a convention

His pride and joy is a colony of giant Amazonian ants, *Dinoponera gigantea,* which he brings along with him to present. But when he gets to the door of the convention hall, he's stopped by one of the organizers, who points to a sign on the wall. It says "all ants must not be more than 1 cm in total...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to a gigantic zoo to visit his buddy Oscar [LONG]

Once there, he marveled at all the animals in their different habitats. Still in awe, he then asked one of the employees where he could find Oscar.


"Oscar? I know two Oscars who work here. Are you looking for Oscar Peterson or Oscar Cocks?"


"Oscar Peterson is ...

Why are there so many ants in Paris?

Because it's France.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The tenant calls furiously his landlord...

Puzzled by the call, the landlord goes to the tenant's house and knocks the door. As the door opens, he glimpses next to the roof a small fish moving its tail gracefully.

**Tenant**: Oh here you are, how dare to ask such a rent for this crappy house??

**Landlord**: I'm not following yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob the ant wanted to be a stand-up comedian

He had a wild, bold, and crazy personality and sense of humor. He knew he would be hilarious if he just had the opportunity to get in front of a crowd.
 

So Bob the ant went around town auditioning for gigs. He let his crazy attitude go full force at the judges. They weren’t too impressed,...

Last night an ant ran across my floor. Not wanting to smash it, I trapped it under a cardboard box…

Last night an ant ran across my floor. Not wanting to smash it, I trapped it under a cardboard box.

Just then, three more ran out. I caught them in the box as well.

Then another four. Just when I thought I'd gotten them all, sure enough, two more showed up!

I have decided to k...

Both Spider-Man and Ant-Man got fired from their job.

That really bugs me.

What do you call it when Iron-Man wears the Ant-Man suit?

Tiny Stark

An ant sees an anthill and wonders if it's for sale.

Shortly after, he sees a number of ants approach him.

He asked, "Are you the owners?"

They replied "We're ten ants."

What did the father ant say to his son when they moved from america to france

Son, we are now Europeants.

Why did the ant name its middle segment "Stormbreaker"?

Because that was its Thor axe.

An ant is lying in its deathbed in North Korea.

He calls his son and says he wanted to tell him something for a long time.

Son Ant : What is it dad?

Father Ant : I cannot say that in this god forbidden country we have to move immediately to France or Italy before i am dead.

Confused,the Son Ant made arrangements to move to Fr...

What do you call the Ant Man when he becomes super big?

giANT man.

Did you hear about the ant who stored his food inside a keyboard?

He's got everything under CTRL

I recently placed a sugar cube for an ant

When he left to get the rest of the ants, I quickly removed the sugar cube. Now everyone else thinks he lied.

What do you call the ant that keeps track of all the food in a colony?

A count Ant

An ant gets a job at Starbucks

That's it, that's the ant-hire joke.

I was constantly praised and flattered by a colony of ants....

It turns out that they were sycophants!

Do not ever rent an apartment to an ant.

As soon as they sign the lease they then become tenants.

What’s the opposite of a fire ant?

A fire resist-ant

An American tourist is traveling in Thailand and stops over in a small border village for a meal. While the inside of the restaurant is rather small and modest, it does have a beautifully designed ant farm covering most of one wall. Curious, he asks the old man running the restaurant about it.

“Ah,” says the old man. “I use the ant eggs to make a dish called maengman chom. The Cambodians who visit here especially love it; they spend so many riel on it that I had that display made to show off the ants. It’s a specialty of mine; would you like to try some?”

“Ant eggs are a little exo...

An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free" said the owner.

Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the
o...

Billy the ant scientist.

Once there was a mad scientist named Billy obsessed with experimenting on ants. For the this he earned the nickname "Ant billy" Billy ant" or "that weird ant dude" or variations there of and was generally considered a laughingstock of the town.

Determined to not be such a goddamn failure anym...

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