A mother ant and her daughter were out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...

So I was in my room and I saw a group of ten ants just running around frantically. I felt badly for them so I made a small house for them. out of a cardboard box.

This technically makes me their landlord and they are my.....


Tenants

Why are ants immune to COVID-19?

They have anty-bodies

Why were the ants unaffected by the covid virus?

They have lil anty bodies.

Whenever an ant gets injured, instead of helping, the rest of the colony just leaves it to die. It’s like the old saying goes:

If an ant broke, dont fix it

What do you call an ant that’s been shunned by his community?

Socially dist-ant

What did the pink panther say when he stepped on an ant?

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant...

What’s worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles.

If you dropped a male and a female ant into water, which one survives?

The male, because it is bouyant

A u‌‌niversity s‌‌tudent w‌‌anted t‌‌o s‌‌it n‌‌ext t‌‌o o‌‌ne o‌‌f h‌‌is t‌‌eachers a‌‌t l‌‌unch.

However, t‌‌he t‌‌eacher l‌‌ooked a‌‌t t‌‌he s‌‌tudent w‌‌ith a‌‌n a‌‌rrogant f‌‌ace a‌‌nd s‌‌aid, "A s‌‌wan s‌‌han't b‌‌e f‌‌riends w‌‌ith a‌‌ p‌‌ig."

"Then I‌‌ s‌‌hall f‌‌ly o‌‌n", a‌‌nswered t‌‌he s‌‌tudent w‌‌ith a‌‌ s‌‌mile.

The t‌‌eacher w‌‌as c‌‌learly v‌‌exed b‌‌y t‌‌he c‌‌heek...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you tell the sex of an ant?

You drop it in water. If it sinks: girl ant.


If it floats...

What do you call someone who has never paid attention to ants?

Ignorant.

What's another reason why ants don't get coronavirus

Because they are good at keeping six feet apart

Do you know why ants are never sick?

It's because they have little anty bodies

I set my burrito down on the window sill and went to get a drink. When I came back, there was a long line of ants running into my food!!

I hate sill ant row!

Why are all ants British?

Because they colonize.

Why don't ant-eaters get Coronavirus?

Because they contain lots of little antibodies

My friend and I opened a gym for ants.

He thinks the business is failing and quit this morning but I’m still working out the bugs.

How can you tell female ants from male ants?

They're all females, otherwise they'd be called uncles

An ant, an aunt, an antelope and an antibody walk into an antechamber. The aunt turns to the ant and says

Does this count as an anti-joke?

What do you call a confident and stylish young fire ant?

Flamboyant

Why don't ants get coronavirus?

Because they have antibodies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

"We're taking United” was the reply. "We got a great rate!”

“United?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old,...

An ant walks into this Reddit sub.

The bar is set really low here.

How do you know an ant is Male.

You cant .
Because if it is , they'll be called uncles .

10 ants were looking for a new place to live...

The 1 ant, 2 ant, and 3 ant bought houses in the country.

The 4 ant, 5 ant, and 6 ant bought houses in the city.

The 7 ant, 8 ant, and 9 ant bought houses at the beach.

The 10 ant decided to rent.

Why do male ants float in water ?

Because they are boy-ant

What will happen if you silence an ant?

It'll become "mutant".

I have never been to an ant wedding

But I have seen an antelope.

Why do fish form schools, but ants form colonies?

Cause *truants* don't go to school!

(I came up with this right now)

Ants in your tummy

A guy complained to his doctor about stomach pain and after a quick x-ray his doctor tells him he has ants living in his lower intestines. The doctor tells him to buy a watermelon and poke a hole in it and sit on the hole so the queen ant can come down, taste it, and call out the rest of the ants so...

I bought an ant farm.

I don’t know where I’m gonna find a tractor that small.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

THESE GAH DAMN ANTS

A priest was walking down the sidewalk when he came across a young boy who was burning ants with a magnifying glass. As the priest got closer he could hear the boy saying "THESE GAH DAMN ANTS".

The priest stopped the young boy and said "son, God made these ants therefore they are not useless....

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish.

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish. Despite everyone telling them it was wrong, they fell in love.

One day they eloped and moved into a cottage by a pond. Their only neighbor was Mr. Frog

They lived many happy years together and then something unexpected happened; they h...

An indoor ant meets an outdoor ant

He says "In the house I was at, there was a very skilled guy; He could throw a coin at a hairdryer and it would turn on. That really blew me away!"

Which department do you call when ants go missing?

Dept. of Finance


I'll see myself out now....

Did you hear about the ants that made a Teeter Totter out of a toothpick and half a crumb?

Well it didn't work, so they had to use a FULLCRUMB

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to burn ants with a magnifying glass.

But now I'm focusing on something else.

Did you know, when ants come into your house, if there are 2 less than a dozen, you have to let them stay.

They have rights as ten-ants.

An o‌‌ld w‌‌oman a‌‌sks h‌‌er h‌‌usband o‌‌f 6‌‌9 y‌‌ears

‌‌"Honey, w‌‌hat d‌‌id y‌‌ou t‌‌hink o‌‌f m‌‌e w‌‌hen y‌‌ou f‌‌irst s‌‌aw m‌‌e?".

"My f‌‌irst t‌‌hought w‌‌as t‌‌hat I‌‌ w‌‌anted t‌‌o f‌‌uck y‌‌our b‌‌rains o‌‌ut a‌‌nd s‌‌uck y‌‌our t‌‌its d‌‌ry", h‌‌e r‌‌eplied.

"And w‌‌hat d‌‌o y‌‌ou t‌‌hink o‌‌f m‌‌e n‌‌ow, d‌‌arling?", t‌‌he o‌‌l...

My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, “Can you imagine being that strong?”

So I picked up the leaf and said, “Yes.”

What do you call a bunch of carpenter ants?

A construction site.

If I was an ant, where would I live?

In an engine, coz I'd be a coolant

Why do the older ants go up the side of the mountain and the younger ants go down the side of the mountain?

Because they're descendants!

Why can’t 9 ants rent an apartment?

Because they aren’t ten-ants

What do you call two ants who have a baby together?

Pair ants

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don’t ants have dicks?

Because then they would be uncles.

I usually feed Tums to ants

Because it's like antacid to them.

Why do 9 ants get to love in an apartment for free?

Because they are not tenants..

Why didn’t the 11 ants get let into the ant hill?

Because the ant hill is for ten ants only.

What's the largest ant on earth called?

Elephant

I woke up to a dozen ants crawling all over my body this morning because i left a snickers bar wrapper in my bed from the night before, i killed a couple but then i felt bad so I've let them make me their home.

They are now my tenants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy is sitting on the sidewalk smashing ants, yelling god damn ants every time, when

A priest walks up to him and asks him “what are you doing son?” The kid replies, “I’m killing these worthless god damn ants.” The priest than says to the kid, “God put all things on earth to have some sort of worth or value.” The kid stops and the Priest walks away.

5 minutes later a nun walk...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an ant that's so fucking ugly every other ant wont go near it?







A repellant.

An ant colony

I was gardening in my backyard. Then I saw an ant colony and blasted water at it. Guess you could call it the sunken city of ant-lantis.

All the pets decide to play poker

The hamster cuts the cards. The dog deals them. Everyone picks the cards up but the cat.

Everyone antes up but the cat.

The fish looks at the cat and says, "Are you in or out?"

Cat:

An ant couple and their eight ant children

moved into an apartment together. They were tenants.

A scientific study was conducted on ants...

There was a scientific study conducted on various species of ants investigating the correlation between their heights and how their feet operate.
Shorter ants were found to have little nubs on the end of their feet that operate similarly to toes on humans and primates.
This was not seen in lar...

An ant walked into a man's house

The ant requested the man to stay in his house. The man was polite and allowed it to stay with him without paying rent. After a few more days, another ant, hearing the news about the free accomodation also came and asked for a home. He allowed both of them to stay for free because they were tiny and...

A joke originally told in Arabic

The doctor asks him what is that dreaming problem.

"Every night I go to sleep," the man says. "I dream of a soccer match between a team of elephants and a team of ants"

"Ok, take this medicine," the doctor says. "It will fix the problem."

The man refuses though and says:
...

Why was the ant so confused?

Because all of his uncles were ants.

(Credit to my nine year old son)

What has four legs and eats ants?

Two uncles.

The Ivory Throne of the King of Timbuktu

Hundreds of years ago, when glorious Timbuktu was nothing more than a large collection of grass huts, the King of that great city declared his wish for a throne fit for such a mighty ruler. Of ivory it was to be, exquisitely carved, inlaid with gold leaf, decorated with diamonds and emeralds and sap...

What do you call an ant that can't speak but has super powers?

Mutant

If you have nine ants in your apartment, that’s a problem.

But if you have ten ants, just ask them for rent.

Two men are sitting at a table.

One guy says, "I have ants"

The second guy replies, "Yeah, but my ants are taller than yours."

So the first guy now says 'Well, I have a tube of glue!",

To which the second guy replies, "And... I have an entire tin of it."

Finally, the first guy says "I have bread."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Urine test for free

Go to a tree trunk and take a piss.

If it attracts a lot of ants you have high glucose.

If it dry too fast you have high sodium.

If it smells like meat, you have high cholesterol.

Forgot to open your pants to pee, Alzheimer’s.

Had trouble aiming at the tr...

Humans can catch diseases from monkeys and bats, but why not anteaters?

Because they are filled with anty bodies.

What do you call an ant that doesn't smell bad?

Deodorant.

Why don't ants get stick?

Because..











^(They have little antibodies)

A d‌‌og s‌‌ees a‌‌ "‌‌Now h‌‌iring" p‌‌oster o‌‌utside o‌‌f a‌‌ c‌‌omputer s‌‌tore.

T‌‌he p‌‌oster r‌‌eads: "Must b‌‌e a‌‌ble t‌‌o t‌‌ype. M‌‌ust b‌‌e a‌‌ble t‌‌o p‌‌rogram. A‌‌nd m‌‌ust b‌‌e b‌‌ilingual. W‌‌e a‌‌re a‌‌n e‌‌qual o‌‌pportunity e‌‌mployer."

The d‌‌og t‌‌akes t‌‌he p‌‌oster i‌‌n h‌‌is m‌‌outh, a‌‌nd w‌‌alks i‌‌n. T‌‌he m‌‌anager s‌‌pots t‌‌he d‌‌og, a‌‌nd d‌‌ec...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob the ant wanted to be a stand-up comedian

He had a wild, bold, and crazy personality and sense of humor. He knew he would be hilarious if he just had the opportunity to get in front of a crowd.
 

So Bob the ant went around town auditioning for gigs. He let his crazy attitude go full force at the judges. They weren’t too impressed,...

What do you call an ant who lives in an apartment?

A tenant

Why are there so many ants in Paris?

Because it's France.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two.

If there's only one ant, it's ant masturbation.

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