Leading entomologists experimenting with ant larvae have reported that while the introduction of milk-born disaccharides increased their height by 31%, it also inhibited tarsus growth by 47%.

The study concluded that the resulting specimens lack toes in taller ants.

Three ants take shelter from the rain in somebodies bathroom.

The first ant says, “ I’m going to sleep in the sink”
The second ant says, “ I’ll sleep in the tub”
The third ant says, “ I’ll get the best sleep of all and sleep in the toilet!”

The next morning, the three ants wake up.
The first ant says, “ I slept great last night!”
The second...

How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. Maybe three, if they're kinky.

What is Ant-Man's secret weapon?

His Thor Axe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it in water.

If they float, they're boy-ant.

Two ants had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation.

Last year, when one ant gets to Miami he is shivering and shaking.
The other ant asked him, "Why are you shaking so badly?"

The first ant says, "I rode down here from New Jersey in the moustache of a guy on a Harley."

The other ant says, "That’s the worst way to travel. Do what I d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ant, a bee, and a centipede are holding a party.

The ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more beers. The centipede says, "No, let me do it. You'd take too long. I have a lot more legs than you - I can do it faster!" The bugs agree.

10 minutes pass... Then 20 minutes, then 30, then more. The bee ...

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a really big ant?

Your mom's fat-ass sister!

Why don’t ants get Covid?

Because they have tiny little anty bodies.

Scientists have declared that ants are immune to COVID-19....

They think its probably because they have.... anty bodies

Landlord of the ants

I saw a group of 10 ants just running frantically in my room. I felt bad, so I made a small house for them out of a cardboard box.

This technically makes me their landlord and they are my
.
.
.
Tenants.

The discriminatory ant colony banished all ants over 4 mm tall

They had no taller ants

Y'know how ants will sacrifice themselves to form a bridge?

I read that when ants approach an obstacle such as water/oil/etc they will sacrifice themselves and form a chain to create a bridge across said obstacle. The coolest part to me is that the males specifically line up to form the bridge and protect the females. Apparently this is because they are not ...

What do you call a queen ant who spends sooo much money to get another ladypart just so she could lay eggs twice as fast?

Extravagant

5 ants + 5 ants

5 ants + 5 ants = tenants

A scientist is doing experiments on an ant

He puts the ant on the table and says:
- Walk, ant, walk!
The ant walks to the other side of the table
The man writes in his notepad:
"The ant with 6 legs walks"

He then, proceeds to take one leg off the insect, and repeats the same process
- Walk, ant, walk!
The ant walks...

Why did the ant get stopped by the customs officers?

It must have been importANT.

What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?

Dead ant.....Dead ant....
Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead aaaaaaaaant!

I just read that a single ant can live to be 29 years old.

Anyone know how long the married ones live up to?

Why don't ants go to church?

Because they are in sects.

A mother ant and her daughter were out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...

BBC study finds Covid common in pet cats and dogs, but not ants.

Because ants have antibodies.

Ill see myself out.

Ants are nature's biggest simps

Millions follow their queen when she uses OnlyPheromones.

Whenever an ant gets injured, instead of helping, the rest of the colony just leaves it to die. It’s like the old saying goes:

If an ant broke, dont fix it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the two ants that liked to hang out on the toilet seat?

One got pissed off.

There are three ants walking in a line.

The first one in line says, "There's an ant walking behind me."

The second one in line says, "There's an ant walking behind me."

The third ant then also says, "There's an ant walking behind me."

How could this be possible?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

The t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everday this little ant carried poop everywhere.

He had a strong fascination with poop and thought everyone would love to see how different each turd looked. So, this little ant put the poop in bags and hung them up all over the town. Finally, one ant who was oblivious to this little ant’s fascination with poop asked, “what is that” as the little ...

Why do strip malls love renting space to Chinese restaurants?

Because they’re lo mein tenants.

What's the worst thing about carpenter bees and carpenter ants?

They aren't union.

How can you differentiate male ants from female ants?

They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

What do you call 10 friendly ants that keep everything working in your house?

Maintenance

Why don't ants get COVID-19? (Part 2)

It's not because they have anty-bodies; not because they tend to be resist-ant to viruses (even though most of them are anti-vaxxers); it's not even the fact that they use disinfect-ant whilst being socially dist-ant. They don't get it simply because they just can't.

What do you call an ant that’s been shunned by his community?

Socially dist-ant

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke I heard as a kid: “Three ants are sleeping on a beautiful naked woman…

… and the morning after they are debating on who found the better place to sleep.

The first ant says: “My spot was the best! I rested on the soft hills”

The second ant replies: “No, no, mine was the best! I slept in the deep forest”

Then the third ant comes and says: “Well...

Last week, I discovered a colony of black ants in my kitchen.

They live in a crack in my kitchen wall.

This kitchen is in the apartment flat I'm renting by myself.

I've counted a total of seven ants crawling out of the crack, and there's presumably one queen inside too.

I know there's a queen because just yesterday, one male ant was gone, ...

How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?

Well, if it were a boy ant he’d be an uncle!

Why do ants have eyes?

So they can see.


(Downvote if you like ant eye humour doesn't really belong on this sub

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Trip to Rome

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome.

He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Delta," was the ...

My army of bugs is crippled. All my soldiers are much too short to be good fighters, and I require more bread to feed them.

I lack toast and taller ants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the entomologist shunned from his family?

He had sex with his ant, but in their defense, they fell madly in larvae.

Why do ant colonies never get sick?

They’re full of anty-bodies!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don’t ants have dicks?

Because then they would be uncles.

What do you call someone who has never paid attention to ants?

Ignorant.

Did you see that movie with the bugs living together in an apartment?

It's about ten ants.

Fun Facts about ants

So as you may or may not know, ants have many breeds, but above these breeds, two general groups can be seen in ants around the world. These groups are the Macro ants (Big ants), and the Micro ants (Small ants).

Multiple different breeds of ants can be found in each of the two groups (Such ...

The Mighty Ant

Why can't ants get Covid 19?





They have tiny ant-y bodies!

Free Organic Pathologist Test

Go up to a tree and take a leak:

* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on your s...

Why do fish form schools, but ants form colonies?

Cause *truants* don't go to school!

(I came up with this right now)

How do ants communicate with each other?

With their antennae of course!

An elephant and an ant got into an argument.

The elephant lost his temper decided he was going to squash the ant.

The ant exclaimed, "ONLY IF YOU CAN CATCH ME!!!!" and ran off.

Elephants is chasing the ant, and as ant rounds a corner, he sees a rabbit.

"Yo, rabbit! Can I hide out in your fur? This elephant wants to kill m...

So I killed an ant this morning,

but now my dad won’t stop crying about his sister’s funeral.

A u‌‌niversity s‌‌tudent w‌‌anted t‌‌o s‌‌it n‌‌ext t‌‌o o‌‌ne o‌‌f h‌‌is t‌‌eachers a‌‌t l‌‌unch.

However, t‌‌he t‌‌eacher l‌‌ooked a‌‌t t‌‌he s‌‌tudent w‌‌ith a‌‌n a‌‌rrogant f‌‌ace a‌‌nd s‌‌aid, "A s‌‌wan s‌‌han't b‌‌e f‌‌riends w‌‌ith a‌‌ p‌‌ig."

"Then I‌‌ s‌‌hall f‌‌ly o‌‌n", a‌‌nswered t‌‌he s‌‌tudent w‌‌ith a‌‌ s‌‌mile.

The t‌‌eacher w‌‌as c‌‌learly v‌‌exed b‌‌y t‌‌he c‌‌heek...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to burn ants with a magnifying glass.

But now I'm focusing on something else.

Which department do you call when ants go missing?

Dept. of Finance


I'll see myself out now....

What rests on the ground between my feet and is covered in ants?

My ice cream cone. =(

*Inspired by actual events.

10 ants were looking for a new place to live...

The 1 ant, 2 ant, and 3 ant bought houses in the country.

The 4 ant, 5 ant, and 6 ant bought houses in the city.

The 7 ant, 8 ant, and 9 ant bought houses at the beach.

The 10 ant decided to rent.

I set my burrito down on the window sill and went to get a drink. When I came back, there was a long line of ants running into my food!!

I hate sill ant row!

Who keeps the picnic insects in good working order?

The maintain-ants department.

An ant falls out of an airplane, how did it die?

Starved to death on the way down.

(Translated from Mandarin, every Chinese kid knows this joke, not sure if it works in English).

An ant walks into this Reddit sub.

The bar is set really low here.

Why is Ant-Man immune from getting coronavirus?

Because he has an anty-body!

It's been scientifically proven ants can't get Covid-19

They have little antibodies

I bought an ant farm.

I don’t know where I’m gonna find a tractor that small.

Went to the hardware store today. I picked up a can of insecticide and asked the assistant if it was any good for ants....

"Nope" said the man, "it will kill them."

An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free" said the owner.

Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the
o...

What will happen if you silence an ant?

It'll become "mutant".

Why don't ant-eaters get Coronavirus?

Because they contain lots of little antibodies

What do you call a confident and stylish young fire ant?

Flamboyant

An ant, an aunt, an antechamber, an antelope and an antenna walk into a bar.

The barman asks "what is this, an anti-joke?"

The ant replies: "no".

Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?

Because they’re not tenants

I had a chance to buy an ant that had been on a recent trip to the ISS...

But it was too exorbitant for an ex-orbit ant.

How do you know an ant is Male.

You cant .
Because if it is , they'll be called uncles .

An indoor ant meets an outdoor ant

He says "In the house I was at, there was a very skilled guy; He could throw a coin at a hairdryer and it would turn on. That really blew me away!"

Why doesn't ants believe in God?

... Because they're in sects.

I met a guy who cross-bred insects...

...he was alright at first, but I soon tired of his ant-ticks.

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish.

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish. Despite everyone telling them it was wrong, they fell in love.

One day they eloped and moved into a cottage by a pond. Their only neighbor was Mr. Frog

They lived many happy years together and then something unexpected happened; they h...

Why do the older ants go up the side of the mountain and the younger ants go down the side of the mountain?

Because they're descendants!

Why didn’t the 11 ants get let into the ant hill?

Because the ant hill is for ten ants only.

My friend and I opened a gym for ants.

He thinks the business is failing and quit this morning but I’m still working out the bugs.

Why are all ants British?

Because they colonize.

(NSFW) The elephant and the ant

An ant stood by the river, need to go to the other side.
Desperately looking around and can’t find any way to cross.
Then...

An elephant went by

The ant goes “hi mister elephant, would you do me a favour and take me to the other side?”

The elephant say “sure little ant, j...

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