What is Ant-Man's secret weapon?

His Thor Axe

Leading entomologists experimenting with ant larvae have reported that while the introduction of milk-born disaccharides increased their height by 31%, it also inhibited tarsus growth by 47%.

The study concluded that the resulting specimens lack toes in taller ants.

Why aren’t ants getting covid?

They have anty bodies.

Scientists have declared that ants are immune to COVID-19....

They think its probably because they have.... anty bodies

there's 36 ants on an ass, which ones are fighting?

the two in the ring

Three ants take shelter from the rain in somebodies bathroom.

The first ant says, “ I’m going to sleep in the sink”
The second ant says, “ I’ll sleep in the tub”
The third ant says, “ I’ll get the best sleep of all and sleep in the toilet!”

The next morning, the three ants wake up.
The first ant says, “ I slept great last night!”
The second...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the two ants that liked to hang out on the toilet seat?

One got pissed off.

What did the pink panther say when he stepped on an ant?

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant

I just read that a single ant can live to be 29 years old.

Anyone know how long the married ones live up to?

Killed some ants in my house today

In my defense, they were breaking and antering.

What do you call an old ant?

Antique

Why don't ants go to church?

Because they are in sects.

What’s worse than ants in ya pants ?

Uncles

Landlord of the ants

I saw a group of 10 ants just running frantically in my room. I felt bad, so I made a small house for them out of a cardboard box.

This technically makes me their landlord and they are my
.
.
.
Tenants.

The discriminatory ant colony banished all ants over 4 mm tall

They had no taller ants

A mother ant and her daughter were out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...

How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. Maybe three, if they're kinky.

What's the worst thing about carpenter bees and carpenter ants?

They aren't union.

BBC study finds Covid common in pet cats and dogs, but not ants.

Because ants have antibodies.

Ill see myself out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

Ants are nature's biggest simps

Millions follow their queen when she uses OnlyPheromones.

Last week, I discovered a colony of black ants in my kitchen.

They live in a crack in my kitchen wall.

This kitchen is in the apartment flat I'm renting by myself.

I've counted a total of seven ants crawling out of the crack, and there's presumably one queen inside too.

I know there's a queen because just yesterday, one male ant was gone, ...

Y'know how ants will sacrifice themselves to form a bridge?

I read that when ants approach an obstacle such as water/oil/etc they will sacrifice themselves and form a chain to create a bridge across said obstacle. The coolest part to me is that the males specifically line up to form the bridge and protect the females. Apparently this is because they are not ...

Why don't ants get COVID-19? (Part 2)

It's not because they have anty-bodies; not because they tend to be resist-ant to viruses (even though most of them are anti-vaxxers); it's not even the fact that they use disinfect-ant whilst being socially dist-ant. They don't get it simply because they just can't.

Why do ants have eyes?

So they can see.


(Downvote if you like ant eye humour doesn't really belong on this sub

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you tell the sex of an ant?

You drop it in water. If it sinks: girl ant.


If it floats...

What do you call 10 friendly ants that keep everything working in your house?

Maintenance

Whenever an ant gets injured, instead of helping, the rest of the colony just leaves it to die. It’s like the old saying goes:

If an ant broke, dont fix it

How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?

Well, if it were a boy ant he’d be an uncle!

What do you call an ant that’s been shunned by his community?

Socially dist-ant

Why do ant colonies never get sick?

They’re full of anty-bodies!

The Mighty Ant

Why can't ants get Covid 19?





They have tiny ant-y bodies!

Fun Facts about ants

So as you may or may not know, ants have many breeds, but above these breeds, two general groups can be seen in ants around the world. These groups are the Macro ants (Big ants), and the Micro ants (Small ants).

Multiple different breeds of ants can be found in each of the two groups (Such ...

How can you differentiate male ants from female ants?

They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles

How do ants communicate with each other?

With their antennae of course!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, th...

What do you call someone who has never paid attention to ants?

Ignorant.

So I killed an ant this morning,

but now my dad won’t stop crying about his sister’s funeral.

Why don't drag queens drown? (OC)

Because they're flamboyant.

Why do fish form schools, but ants form colonies?

Cause *truants* don't go to school!

(I came up with this right now)

Insect Party

A spider, an ant, and a centipede are having a small party and decide that someone needs to go buy a cake at the store. After some thought they decide the centipede should go because he has the most legs so he will be able to get there faster. The centipede leaves and the spider and ant are left to ...

An elephant and an ant got into an argument.

The elephant lost his temper decided he was going to squash the ant.

The ant exclaimed, "ONLY IF YOU CAN CATCH ME!!!!" and ran off.

Elephants is chasing the ant, and as ant rounds a corner, he sees a rabbit.

"Yo, rabbit! Can I hide out in your fur? This elephant wants to kill m...

What rests on the ground between my feet and is covered in ants?

My ice cream cone. =(

*Inspired by actual events.

A u‌‌niversity s‌‌tudent w‌‌anted t‌‌o s‌‌it n‌‌ext t‌‌o o‌‌ne o‌‌f h‌‌is t‌‌eachers a‌‌t l‌‌unch.

However, t‌‌he t‌‌eacher l‌‌ooked a‌‌t t‌‌he s‌‌tudent w‌‌ith a‌‌n a‌‌rrogant f‌‌ace a‌‌nd s‌‌aid, "A s‌‌wan s‌‌han't b‌‌e f‌‌riends w‌‌ith a‌‌ p‌‌ig."

"Then I‌‌ s‌‌hall f‌‌ly o‌‌n", a‌‌nswered t‌‌he s‌‌tudent w‌‌ith a‌‌ s‌‌mile.

The t‌‌eacher w‌‌as c‌‌learly v‌‌exed b‌‌y t‌‌he c‌‌heek...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don’t ants have dicks?

Because then they would be uncles.

What did the trout and the carpenter ant name their online business?

Efishant

An ant falls out of an airplane, how did it die?

Starved to death on the way down.

(Translated from Mandarin, every Chinese kid knows this joke, not sure if it works in English).

10 ants were looking for a new place to live...

The 1 ant, 2 ant, and 3 ant bought houses in the country.

The 4 ant, 5 ant, and 6 ant bought houses in the city.

The 7 ant, 8 ant, and 9 ant bought houses at the beach.

The 10 ant decided to rent.

Went to the hardware store today. I picked up a can of insecticide and asked the assistant if it was any good for ants....

"Nope" said the man, "it will kill them."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to burn ants with a magnifying glass.

But now I'm focusing on something else.

Which department do you call when ants go missing?

Dept. of Finance


I'll see myself out now....

Why is Ant-Man immune from getting coronavirus?

Because he has an anty-body!

It's been scientifically proven ants can't get Covid-19

They have little antibodies

An ant, an aunt, an antechamber, an antelope and an antenna walk into a bar.

The barman asks "what is this, an anti-joke?"

The ant replies: "no".

I set my burrito down on the window sill and went to get a drink. When I came back, there was a long line of ants running into my food!!

I hate sill ant row!

Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?

Because they’re not tenants

So my dad told me this one when i was a kid.

A preist is walking out of church during a cloudy day, when he sees a little boy trying to squish ants on the sidewalk with his fingers, whenever he'd miss, he'd say "ah, missed!".

So the preist tells him to stop because everything, including ants, are creations of god and that he shouldn't h...

An ant walks into this Reddit sub.

The bar is set really low here.

Why doesn't ants believe in God?

... Because they're in sects.

I bought an ant farm.

I don’t know where I’m gonna find a tractor that small.

Why don't ant-eaters get Coronavirus?

Because they contain lots of little antibodies

What will happen if you silence an ant?

It'll become "mutant".

Why can’t 9 ants rent an apartment?

Because they aren’t ten-ants

What do you call a confident and stylish young fire ant?

Flamboyant

I had a chance to buy an ant that had been on a recent trip to the ISS...

But it was too exorbitant for an ex-orbit ant.

Two friends are arguing...

"Look, I have a colony of ants!"

"Well, I have taller ants than you"

"Oh, well I have a tube of glue"

"Hah, I have an entire tin"

"I got bread!"

"Argh, you win! I can't handle that bread with my glue tin 'n' taller ants"

How do you know an ant is Male.

You cant .
Because if it is , they'll be called uncles .

An indoor ant meets an outdoor ant

He says "In the house I was at, there was a very skilled guy; He could throw a coin at a hairdryer and it would turn on. That really blew me away!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

THESE GAH DAMN ANTS

A priest was walking down the sidewalk when he came across a young boy who was burning ants with a magnifying glass. As the priest got closer he could hear the boy saying "THESE GAH DAMN ANTS".

The priest stopped the young boy and said "son, God made these ants therefore they are not useless....

Why do the older ants go up the side of the mountain and the younger ants go down the side of the mountain?

Because they're descendants!

Why are all ants English?

because they like to colonize.

My friend and I opened a gym for ants.

He thinks the business is failing and quit this morning but I’m still working out the bugs.

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish.

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish. Despite everyone telling them it was wrong, they fell in love.

One day they eloped and moved into a cottage by a pond. Their only neighbor was Mr. Frog

They lived many happy years together and then something unexpected happened; they h...

I have never been to an ant wedding

But I have seen an antelope.

Why do male ants float in water ?

Because they are boy-ant

An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free" said the owner.

Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the
o...

Why didn’t the 11 ants get let into the ant hill?

Because the ant hill is for ten ants only.

If I was an ant, where would I live?

In an engine, coz I'd be a coolant

(NSFW) The elephant and the ant

An ant stood by the river, need to go to the other side.
Desperately looking around and can’t find any way to cross.
Then...

An elephant went by

The ant goes “hi mister elephant, would you do me a favour and take me to the other side?”

The elephant say “sure little ant, j...

How do you get an ant to lift a cabinet?

You make a cabinet so small that an ant can lift it.

I usually feed Tums to ants

Because it's like antacid to them.

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