A grasshopper walks into a bar

The bartender looks up and says, 'Hey! You're a grasshopper! We have a drink named after you.'


The grasshopper says, 'Really? You have a drink named Kevin?'

A grasshopper walks into a crowded bar.

He sits down on a stool and orders a glass of beer. The bartender says, “That’s funny. I figured you’d order something different, especially since we’ve got a drink named after you.”



The grasshopper looks at the bartender baffled and says, “You’ve got a drink named Stan?”

Told my nephew the story of the grasshopper and the ant. The ant saved up for winter while the grasshopper didn't. I asked my nephew at the end of the story Me:What is the moral of the story?

Nephew: You should never live in a Fall's sense of security

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I was once told by a Japanese student that this is an old story. One Saturday afternoon the grasshopper, the snail, and the centipede were sitting around the grasshopper's house drinking beer.

They ran out of beer before they were ready to quit drinking, so they decided one of them should go out for more beer.

The snail said, "I'd go, but I'm kind of slow. Besides, Grasshopper, this is your neighborhood so you know where to go."

The grasshopper said, "I don't mind going, but...

Why don’t grasshoppers watch football?

They prefer cricket!

A green grasshopper hops into a bar and orders a water.

The bartender is intrigued by his new customer and decides to spark conversation. He says "Did you know we serve a drink here that's named after you?"
The Green Grasshopper looks perplexed and says "You serve a drink called Steve?"

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says “hey. We have a drink named after you!”

The grasshopper says, “you have a drink called Murray?”

A kid told this joke at freshman orientation at Umass. I still laugh at it. And it’s not even that funny.

What do you call a grasshopper on adderall?

A focust

The Ant and the Grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no f...

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A Turtle, a Grasshopper, and a Centipede are Drinking Beers

A turtle, a grasshopper, and a centipede are all sitting together drinking beers. They run out of beers, and the grasshopper says, "alright who's going to go buy some more some more?"

The turtle says, "I'd go, but it'll take me forever."

The grasshopper says, "I'd go but by the time I ...

Why were the grasshopper’s eyes so red?

Because it was all hopped up on grass.

What do you call a grasshopper that forgot the words to "We Wish You a Merry Christmas?"

A "hum" bug.

So a grasshopper named Steve walks into a bar.

Wait, you're not supposed to know his name yet.
Anyway, the bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named 'Steve'!"
No, that's not right. The bartender says "Hey Steve!"... Nope.
Hold on, the bartender says "Hey! We have a drink called a grass.." ..No wait.. Got it!
"Hey! We have a drink n...

A grasshopper walks into a bar...

He walks up to the bar, and takes a seat. He flags the bartender down and orders a beer. The bartender does a double take but complies and brings the grasshopper a beer. After handing him his beer, the bartender says "You know we have a drink named after you"?. The grasshopper looks up from his ...

A grasshopper walks into an ice cream parlor

The clerk says "Hey Grasshopper, we have an ice cream flavor named after you!" The Grasshopper says "What? You have a flavor named Kenneth?"

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A man went to a gigantic zoo to visit his buddy Oscar [LONG]

Once there, he marveled at all the animals in their different habitats. Still in awe, he then asked one of the employees where he could find Oscar.


"Oscar? I know two Oscars who work here. Are you looking for Oscar Peterson or Oscar Cocks?"


"Oscar Peterson is ...

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.

There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,
"Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". 

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, <...

The Aussie and Texan

A Texan had flown to Australia to see his cousins farm. As the Texan arrives he remarks,

"Wow you call the little thing a truck, Over in Texas our trucks are three times as big" the Aussie farmer, standing next to ute shrugs and starts to show the Texan around.

As they a reach paddock ...

What music didn't the Beatles invent?

Hip Hop, the weren't grasshoppers after all

I've been learning Chinese for a long time...

Since I was ni hou to a grasshopper

What do you call a stoner with one leg?

A grasshopper

"How do we get our names?"

There was once a young Native American boy talking to his father.

"How do we get our names, dad?" The boy asked.

"Well, son," the boy's father replied, "after a baby is born we go out of the teepee and name the child after the first thing we see. This is why your great grandfather was...

[Dad joke] So a man walks into a bar...

...he has had a long hard day and really just wants to drink to relieve some stress.

The bartender asks: "what can I get ya?"

He replies: "just give me the best damn drink you can make!"

So the bartender whips up one of his favorites; a grasshopper.

The man loves the dr...

Second half centipede

The animals and the insects were always competing as to which group was greater. The insects argued that they were greater in number and more diversified. The animals argued they rat were more highly developed and had greater abilities.
To prove which group was greater they agreed to have a foot...

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When I was 10

Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumb...

TIL Every animal has its own specific mating call

A bird sings, a frog croaks, a badger clickets, a grasshopper chirps, a deer croons, and I beg.

A redditor was conducting a scientific experiment...

...on a grasshopper. He placed the grasshopper on a white sheet of paper and with a magnifying glass observed as he gave the command to jump. Hearing the command, the grasshopper jumped. He writes down his observations: "1.When given the command to jump, the grasshopper jumps." Then he cuts the wing...

A knock at the door

Every day, Jim gets two six packs on the way home from work. When he gets home, he sits in his living room until they're gone. One day, just as he's getting to the end of the last beer, he hears a knock at the door. He goes to answer it, and sees a six foot tall grasshopper. Before he can say a word...

A Buddhist monk turns to the Dalai Lama for an answer.

A Buddhist monk was pondering what is the difference between a woman and a pearl, but couldn't figure it out. He gave up and decided to ask the Dalai Lama.

"Hmm, interensting question, young grasshopper - said the Dalai Lama. I do not know, but if you give me three days to meditate on this, ...

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