God: *creates worm* Hey there little buddy!

Worm: Thanks for the “worm” welcome

God: *creates birds*

Look, I know she ate a worm but

we are not here to debate de bait deb ate.

My friend told me I could fish better if I took the worm off the hook.

That was debaitable.

The early bird gets the worm

but the second mouse gets the cheese

What’s invisible and smells like worms?

A bird fart.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

What kind of music do worms listen to?

Eh, you've probably never heard of it - it's super underground stuff.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The holocaust

Anyone remember Worms: Armageddon for the PS1?

What a great game! I think it must be very underrated, though. I always used to tell people at school “I’ve got Worms”, but it would make them distance themselves from me :(

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Being young and naive falling for the one you believe to be your soulmate and spending so much time and effort to get in a relationship with them and when it finally happens you are happy but your partner isn’t, but they don’t actually show it, and it gets to the point where you are now married and ...

I just opened up a big can of worms.

They just sit there....the worms. Hardly the chaos that’s advertised.

Today is the anniversary of the Diet of Worms

Another weight loss fad

Since a lot of sports are no longer being televised as much, and some matches postponed, I've compensated by watching the birds in my yard compete over worms.

So far Cardinals 6, Blue Jays 3.

With no sports on tv, I'm watching birds fight over worms in the yard...

Only time the Orioles have had a winning record.

What’s a Mexican drinking worm’s favorite book?

Tequila Mockingbird

What's worse than finding a worm in an apple?

Finding only half worm








[it's a joke my mom used to tell me when I was little]

(NSFW) A worm crawls out of a plate of spaghetti and says

“Damn, that was one hell of a gang bang!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was going ice fishing.

He goes out onto the ice, cuts open a hold, and lowers his bait into the hole. 45 minutes pass, and the man has not gotten a nibble. A younger man walks out onto the ice, drills a hole right next to him, lowers his bait, and within a few minutes has hooked a largemouth bass.

The first man is...

A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. "All right, son." asked the father, "what does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

Did you hear about the two early birds who were about to catch the worm?

They got killed by one stone.

A before Viagara Joke

One day Grandpa was watching Junior playing with an earthworm. Grandpa said, " Junior, I will give you $10 if you can put that worm back down in its hole."

The kids thinks and thinks, then runs into the house and returns with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worn all over and as it gets...

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Ice Fishing

It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite.


He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice and cut a hole in the ice next to him...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tennis Elbow

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your pr...

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The Robin Barron lets the Cat ouf of the Bag

The Robin Barron raises a motion to prohibiting the riff raff hunting worms.

Now the cat is out of the bag.

Hunger drives the Pigeonlatariate to call for state regulation of the bird feeder.

The Black Birdgeosisie pontificate on the mobs of raucous Gold Pinchers fouling up the w...

Two silk worms had a race.

They ended up in a tie.

Sven and Oli went ice fishing.

They had fished in this lake for decades, and they knew there were no more fish in the lake, but they went because they enjoyed going and getting away from their wives. After a while, a young kid came along and cut a hole in the ice under a tree, close to the shore. Sven and Oli looked at each other...

Worms

Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes:

1st in beer
2nd in wine
3rd in whiskey
4th in mineral water

The next day, the teacher shows the results:

The 1st worm in beer, dead.

The 2nd in wine, dead.

The 3rd in whiskey, dead.

The 4th in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two fisherman were talking: -I can't have sex with my wife

Why?

-Because She has gonorrhea.

So what, fuck Her in the ass.

-I can't because She has diarrhea.

Then ask Her to for a blowjob

-No, because She has phyrrea.

Goddamn dude, so why the hell did You marry Her?

-Because She has worms and You know I like f...

What’s worse than finding a worm in your Apple?

Being mercilessly beaten over the head by a large mob.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to a doctor with a tapeworm issue

A doctor says:

" There's a new groundbreaking treatment that will help you to get rid of it. Works 100% of the time. Every morning, eat a cookie and drink a glass of milk. Do it for three days. Then on a fourth day drink a glass of milk only"

The guy sure follows the instructions. Has ...

You’ll NEVER believe THIS secret of how African fisherman are talking to worms to MAXIMISE their catch!

Sorry, but this is click bait.

Two robins stuffed themselves with worms until they were too fat to fly.

Since the birds couldn’t go anywhere, they decided to just sit and soak up the sun.

Along came a cat, and it ate them.

Licking its paws, the cat said, “I just love baskin’ robins!”
(Apparently yesterday's joke was no good, but I like this one)

How do ghouls sign off a letter?

Best witches and worm regards

Dennis Rodman earns himself a cameo in Kazaam 2.

Knowing full well that this would be a large production, he decided to arrive on set well before his scheduled scene was meant to be filmed. Even with his prudent planning, when he drove onto the lot, there was only one spot left and so he took it. As soon he stepped out his vehicle however, he was ...

How do you open a can of worms?

I dunno, maybe ask the elephant in the room?

A Guy Is fed up with his case of intestinal Worms

He decided its about time to have things checked out.


He goes and visits his local doctor, the doctor prescribes him medication.
He heads home and and struggles for weeks, to no avail.


He goes and visits a famous diagnostician, who tells him that the worms have grown f...

What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?

They get hooked.

What do you call an uncool worm?

Warm!

What do you call it when worms take over the world?

Global Worming.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half >!the population of the planet dead thanks to anti-vaxx morons actively working towards deleting herd immunity.!<

How does a blonde kill a worm?

She burys it.

Three friends are out fishing, having a competition to see who can catch the biggest fish.

The first guy says “Ill use worms as bait, surely this will catch the largest fish. My dad was a fisherman for all of his life, and taught me all of his tricks to catching the biggest fish. There is no possible way you guys can beat me.”

The second guy bursts out laughing. “You expect to catc...

A grandfather and his young grandson were out walking one morning after a light rain...

They notice an earthworm on the ground having just crawled out of its burrow.

“Tell you what- if you can figure out a way to get that worm back in its hole, I’ll give you $10.”

The kid thinks for a second and tells his grandpa he’ll be right back.

He returns a few minutes lat...

My grandfather promised to take me fishing next week but he had a heart attack this morning.

Even after death he is keeping his promise of collecting worms.

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Teacher decides to illustrate how damaging cigarettes and alcohol are

by doing a demonstration in class. First he puts a live worm in alcohol and worm, after squirming a lot, dies as expected. Then he places another live worm into a jar, blows some cigarette smoke inside before closing it. As expected, worm dies after a few minutes. With demonstration finished, he ask...

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They say when you're nervous, you get butterflies in your stomach.

This really bugged me, so I had a surgeon perform an insect-ion to see if this was true. The results were extremely alarving. What they found in my stomach will moth likely make you feel sqwormish.

Why did the worm leave the Apple?

Because Noah said to travel in pairs

Worm kid comes home

He sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"

Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy gets a worm parasite...

A guy goes on a mission trip and contracts a gnarly parasite worm. Every doctor tells him he's done for and the worm will starve him to death, but a friend of his who used to go on mission trips tells him about this doctor that has a technique to get rid of the worm, but warns him that the doctor is...

A little boy is sitting on a porch with his grandpa, watching a worm in the dirt

He says to his grandpa "I'll bet you I can put that worm into that little hole in the ground".

The grandfather laughs him off, and says "nah, the hole is too small, and the worm too wriggly, there's no way to fit it in there".

The little boy smiles widely, and says "wanna bet $5"?
<...

Four insurance companies are in competition.

One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."


The Second one tries to improve on that with, "Coverage from the womb to the tomb."


Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the sperm to the worm."


The fourth insurance company re...

In science class, 3 worms were places into 3 different jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:

The first worm in alcohol ---dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke --- dead.<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW : He just LOVES to fish!

A couple checks into a seedy motel and asks for the Honeymoon suite. Around 3:30am the groom all decked out completely in fishing gear comes walzing thru the lobby and headed for the door.

Overcome with curiosity the desk clerk stops him and asks, "Aren't you the fellow that just checked in a...

How to kill worm in your stomach

Eat apples for 6 straight days and on the 7th day eat an orange instead , then the worm will come out of your stomach and ask " dude where's my apple???" then you take a baseball bat and beat him to death.

What did the plant say to the worm?

Oooh that tickles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Damn girl are you the green fish from Spongebob season 2, episode 20: Sandy, Spongebob, and the Worm, at exactly 21:52?

Because I'm gonna eat that ass.

What do you you call a mexican inch worm?

An inch-a-lotta

One day a boy was playing in the garden of his house and his grandfather approached him:

Hey, what are you doing? Asked the grandfather.

The boy replied: I'm playing with putting worms back on the ground, Grandpa.

The amazed grandfather asked: but how do you put the worms back? they are all soft ...

It's a secret, but if you give me $ 10 I can tell you.

The g...

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A man walked into his doctor's office...

...complaining that he thinks he might have a tapeworm. The doctor made a physical examination and listened to the symptoms, and concurred with the self-diagnosis.

"I want you to come back tomorrow to start treatment. And bring an apple, and an orange and a Mars Bar" said the doctor.

D...

How do you tell if a worm is a boy worm or a girl worm?

Tell it a joke - if he laughs it's a boy, and if she laughs it's a girl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what is similar between sex, and fishing? It doesn’t matter how deep you go,

it matters how you wiggle the worm.

What does a formal argument and a worm on a hook have in common?

De bate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A honeymoon couple booked into a quiet sea-side hotel.

All the staff exchanged knowing glances. At 3 o' clock on the first morning, the desk clerk noticed the groom heading out laden with fishing gear. Amazed, the clerk asked,

"You're going fishing? Why aren't you making love to your lovely new wife?"

"No way, she's got gonnorhoea."
...

A guy goes fishing one morning but after a short time runs out of worms.

Just then he sees a cotton-mouth snake in the water with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn’t bite with the frog in his mouth, the guy grabs him right behind the head, takes the frog, and puts the snake in his bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to releas...

Stiffy worm

A grandfather is watching his grandson playing in the yard and asks what is he doing.

The grandson says:

"I'm shoving the worms back into their hole."

"And how can you do it if the worm is all limp and flaccid?"

"It's a secret grandfather!"

"I'll give you 10 bucks ...

A Vicar was preaching on the Demon Drink, saying whiskey can kill but water can’t.

To prove it he had a glass of each. He dropped a worm into the water and it wiggled about. He dropped a worm into the whiskey.

Stone dead.

A person at the back jumped up shouting, "I’ll have the whiskey Vicar! I’ve been having trouble with worms all my life”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to get rid of a tape worm

This guy went to the doctor and complained of having a tape worm. The doctor said, "I'm going to put you on a strict diet of 2 hard boiled eggs and a lemon cookie for every meal. Come back in a week."

So that night the guy had 2 hard boiled eggs and a lemon cookie for dinner. The next day for...

Apple software doesn't have bugs.

It has worms.

Sunday Sermon

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars:
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of ch...

I have one of these (Long)

Little boy and little girl were playing in the sandbox when little boy gets an evil grin on his face and proudly displays his sand shovel to the little girl.

“I have one of these,” he exclaims, knowing she has no toys.

Little girl leaves the sandbox, running home crying.

She ret...

Ice fishing

I was in Greenland a few years ago and I wanted to try ice fishing. So I went to the local sporting goods store to purchase everything I would need, an ice saw, fishing pole, line, hooks, and a bucket to hold my catch. I drove out to the ice lake, cut a hole in the ice, and got set up. I had been...

What do you call a kid with worms and an eyepatch?

Names.

Heard from Bo Burnham

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