What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

What’s worse than a worm in your apple

The holocaust

Worms

Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes:

1st in beer
2nd in wine
3rd in whiskey
4th in mineral water

The next day, the teacher shows the results:

The 1st worm in beer, dead.

The 2nd in wine, dead.

The 3rd in whiskey, dead.

The 4th in ...

What does a formal argument and a worm on a hook have in common?

De bate.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes to a doctor because he has a tapeworm

The doctor says: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The patient is confused but does as he’s told.

The next day he shows up with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The doctor proceeds to insert both bananas and the Snickers bar up the man’s ass.

The doctor then says ...

Two silk worms challenged each other to a race.

It ended in a tie

How do you make a glow worm happy?

Cut off its tail, it'll be de-lighted.

What do you call it when worms take over the world?

Global Worming!

Damn girl are you the green fish from Spongebob season 2, episode 20: Sandy, Spongebob, and the Worm, at exactly 21:52?

Because I'm gonna eat that ass.

A little boy is sitting on a porch with his grandpa, watching a worm in the dirt

He says to his grandpa "I'll bet you I can put that worm into that little hole in the ground".

The grandfather laughs him off, and says "nah, the hole is too small, and the worm too wriggly, there's no way to fit it in there".

The little boy smiles widely, and says "wanna bet $5"?
<...

Why did the worm learn judo?

So he could flip the bird





Thanks dad

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy gets a worm parasite...

A guy goes on a mission trip and contracts a gnarly parasite worm. Every doctor tells him he's done for and the worm will starve him to death, but a friend of his who used to go on mission trips tells him about this doctor that has a technique to get rid of the worm, but warns him that the doctor is...

What do you you call a mexican inch worm?

An inch-a-lotta

How to kill worm in your stomach

Eat apples for 6 straight days and on the 7th day eat an orange instead , then the worm will come out of your stomach and ask " dude where's my apple???" then you take a baseball bat and beat him to death.

A worm crawls out of a bowl of spaghetti.

He says, "that was one hell of an orgy!"

How do you tell if a worm is a boy worm or a girl worm?

Tell it a joke - if he laughs it's a boy, and if she laughs it's a girl.

What’s invisible and smells like worms?

Bird farts.

Stiffy worm

A grandfather is watching his grandson playing in the yard and asks what is he doing.

The grandson says:

"I'm shoving the worms back into their hole."

"And how can you do it if the worm is all limp and flaccid?"

"It's a secret grandfather!"

"I'll give you 10 bucks ...

In science class, 3 worms were places into 3 different jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:

The first worm in alcohol ---dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke --- dead.<...

Was out fishing and ran out of worms. Saw a cottonmouth with a frog.

Knowing the snake couldn’t bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket. Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This is a joke my dad told me. He said he originally heard it from his father, who heard it from his father before him.

A man goes to the doctor and says

"Doc, I think I have a tapeworm"

The doctor looks at him and says

"Well, we're all out of medicine for that, but there might be something else I can do for you. Come home, then come back tomorrow with an orange, a Twinkie, and a baseball bat"...

I know she ate a worm

but we are not here to debate de bait deb ate.

A boy and his grandfather are standing on the lawn, and they see a worm struggling to get into a hole in the ground.

“I can get the worm back into the hole,” said the boy.

“Bet you five dollars you can’t,” said Grandpa. “The worm’s too limp and wriggly to fit into that tiny hole.”

The boy runs inside and comes back with a bottle of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it’s stiff and stuffs it into th...

First bird gets the worm, second mouse gets the cheese but the third wife gets

The White House

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the worm say to the caterpillar?

Who did you fuck to get that fur coat?

This Date in History: January 28, 1521. The Diet of Worms begins

and lasts until people get tired of eating worms.

What do you call a kid with worms and an eyepatch?

Names.

Heard from Bo Burnham

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How to get rid of a tape worm

This guy went to the doctor and complained of having a tape worm. The doctor said, "I'm going to put you on a strict diet of 2 hard boiled eggs and a lemon cookie for every meal. Come back in a week."

So that night the guy had 2 hard boiled eggs and a lemon cookie for dinner. The next day for...

A man wanted to teach his sons the evils of alcohol

So he takes out two glasses. Fills one with bourbon and one with water.

He puts A worm in the bourbon and a worm in the water. Worm in the water lives, worm in the bourbon dies.

He turns to his son and say "now what does that teach you about the evils of alcohol?"

His son thou...

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a worm?

Really big holes in your garden.

A little boy and a worm

A young boy is walking along, holding an earth worm, when his grandpa sees him and asks what he's doing with the worm. "I'm gonna stick it back in the ground." The grandpa says "there is no way, I'll bet you $5 you can't." "OK" says the boy and he goes and gets a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm...

What does a worm do in a cornfield?

It goes in one ear and out the other

Starch in your shorts! (Always makes me laugh:3)

Grandpa and Billy were working out in the garden.

Grandpa spies Billy trying to put a worm back into the ground.

"You'll never get that worm back in his hole," said the old man.

Suddenly, Billy had an idea. He ran into the laundry room and came back with a can of spray starch....

Grampa and the worm

One day little Nicky is playing in the garden with some worms that he found in the soft dirt.
Grampa sees him and go over and tells him: "Nicky, I've got a game challenge for you...if you can put that little worm back in his little hole in the dirt without digging in a bigger hole I'll give you 2...

The worm sermon

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of choc...

What is a worm's favorite city in Alabama?

Squirming-ham

Latvian man dies of hunger.

He sees St Peter at Pearly Gate. St Peter give him bread and say, "Struggle over now". Man cry from happy. But, look again! St Peter is really devil, and bread have worm. Struggle continues.

A rabbit and a worm, both blind from birth, run into each other in the forest..

The rabbit hurriedly apologizes stating that he was born blind and never meant to cause any trouble.

The worm quickly responds that he too was born blind and, on top of it all, was abandoned so he did not even know what he was.

Not believing his luck, the rabbit responds that he too d...