God: *creates worm* Hey there little buddy!

Worm: Thanks for the “worm” welcome

God: *creates birds*

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Being young and naive falling for the one you believe to be your soulmate and spending so much time and effort to get in a relationship with them and when it finally happens you are happy but your partner isn’t, but they don’t actually show it, and it gets to the point where you are now married and ...

Look, I know she ate a worm but

we are not here to debate de bait deb ate.

My friend told me I could fish better if I took the worm off the hook.

That was debaitable.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and discovering a worm?

Having high voltage electrodes attached to your testicles and being flogged senseless with a knotted rope.

the worm protector of the world

there’s this worm guarding the world, let’s call him Nate. Nate’s amazing. he’s been around for all of time, protecting the lever on a side of a mountain that’s always been “on”. Nate’s never let it switch to “off”, and that’s a good thing.

Nate is famous, as he should be, and although there...

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm.

Am eating an apple with a wormhole in it and remembered my mom telling this joke.

Where is the computer worm?

Idk, it ran-som-ware

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

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A man thought he was a worm.

A man thought he was a worm. And thus he was afraid of chickens, because, well, chickens eat worms. Obviously.

So he went into therapy. After 6 months the therapist managed to convince him that he no longer was a worm.

And as a final test, he needed to face chickens. Upon seeing the ch...

What’s invisible and smells like worms?

A bird fart.

I just opened up a big can of worms.

They just sit there....the worms. Hardly the chaos that’s advertised.

A worm climbs out of a plate of spaghetti and says…

that was one hell of an orgy

A boy and his grandfather are standing on the lawn, and they see a worm struggling to get into a hole in the ground.

“I can get the worm back into the hole,” said the boy.

“Bet you five dollars you can’t,” said Grandpa. “The worm’s too limp and wriggly to fit into that tiny hole.”

The boy runs inside and comes back with a bottle of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it’s stiff and stuffs it into th...

There must be another planet somewhere with worms.

Otherwise why would we call ours “Earth” worms

A worm walks into a bar

The bartender asks him, "how did you do that?"

A man got worms in his stomach

He went to all the doctors available but non could give him the proper treatment so he decided to go to some wise old man , the man told him " simple , go and buy the sweetest watermelon you can buy , cut it in half and sit on it , Naked . So the leader of the worms would go down to taste the waterm...

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A man goes to the doctor and says, "I've got a tapeworm."

"I've been to so many specialists and no one can seem to get rid of it."

The doctor thinks for a few moments and says, "OK, come back next week with a banana and a cookie."

The man is confused but, having been failed by every conventional treatment, goes home and returns a week later w...

The early bird gets the worm

but the second mouse gets the cheese

Anyone remember Worms: Armageddon for the PS1?

What a great game! I think it must be very underrated, though. I always used to tell people at school “I’ve got Worms”, but it would make them distance themselves from me :(

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Why don't worms have balls

Because they don't know how to dance

A grandfather and grandson are taking a walk around the yard after a rainstorm.

Seeing worms all over the sidewalk the grandfather decided to play a little prank on his grandson. "Billy," he says "I'll give you ten dollars if you can take one of those worms and put it back in it's hole."

Thinking this to be impossible, he watched as Billy played around with a worm for a ...

A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. "All right, son." asked the father, "what does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

Worms

Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes:

1st in beer
2nd in wine
3rd in whiskey
4th in mineral water

The next day, the teacher shows the results:

The 1st worm in beer, dead.

The 2nd in wine, dead.

The 3rd in whiskey, dead.

The 4th in ...

What kind of music do worms listen to?

Eh, you've probably never heard of it - it's super underground stuff.

Did you hear about the two early birds who were about to catch the worm?

They got killed by one stone.

It's my cake day and I don't know any new jokes so. Here are some old jokes I use to love as a kid

1. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
Answer = A stick.

2. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Answer = Thunderwear.

3. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Answer = Dill with it.

4. What time is it when the...

A man and his grandson are playing on the front lawn

His grandson sees a worm crawling against the wooden fence and then turns to his grandpa.

"I bet you $5 that I can make that worm fit through a straw"

The grandpa, confused, responds
"I'll take that bet, no way you can fit a worm throw a straw. It's way too limp"

The grandson...

Since a lot of sports are no longer being televised as much, and some matches postponed, I've compensated by watching the birds in my yard compete over worms.

So far Cardinals 6, Blue Jays 3.

What’s a Mexican drinking worm’s favorite book?

Tequila Mockingbird

With no sports on tv, I'm watching birds fight over worms in the yard...

Only time the Orioles have had a winning record.

Today is the anniversary of the Diet of Worms

Another weight loss fad

Two silk worms had a race.

They ended up in a tie.

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Elbow

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drugstore that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose you...

What do you call a wifeless fisherman who can worm a hook in two seconds flat?

A master-baiter

What’s worse than finding a worm in your Apple?

Being mercilessly beaten over the head by a large mob.

What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?

They get hooked.

How do you open a can of worms?

I dunno, maybe ask the elephant in the room?

You’ll NEVER believe THIS secret of how African fisherman are talking to worms to MAXIMISE their catch!

Sorry, but this is click bait.

Two robins stuffed themselves with worms until they were too fat to fly.

Since the birds couldn’t go anywhere, they decided to just sit and soak up the sun.

Along came a cat, and it ate them.

Licking its paws, the cat said, “I just love baskin’ robins!”
(Apparently yesterday's joke was no good, but I like this one)

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A guy gets a worm parasite...

A guy goes on a mission trip and contracts a gnarly parasite worm. Every doctor tells him he's done for and the worm will starve him to death, but a friend of his who used to go on mission trips tells him about this doctor that has a technique to get rid of the worm, but warns him that the doctor is...

How does a blonde kill a worm?

She burys it.

In science class, 3 worms were places into 3 different jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:

The first worm in alcohol ---dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke --- dead.<...

A little boy is sitting on a porch with his grandpa, watching a worm in the dirt

He says to his grandpa "I'll bet you I can put that worm into that little hole in the ground".

The grandfather laughs him off, and says "nah, the hole is too small, and the worm too wriggly, there's no way to fit it in there".

The little boy smiles widely, and says "wanna bet $5"?
<...

What do you call it when worms take over the world?

Global Worming.

Why did the worm leave the Apple?

Because Noah said to travel in pairs

A Guy Is fed up with his case of intestinal Worms

He decided its about time to have things checked out.


He goes and visits his local doctor, the doctor prescribes him medication.
He heads home and and struggles for weeks, to no avail.


He goes and visits a famous diagnostician, who tells him that the worms have grown f...

What do you call an uncool worm?

Warm!

Worm kid comes home

He sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"

Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."

What does a librarian take fishing?

A good hook!


(Evidently the correct answer is book worm but I liked my answer better!)

Noah was fishing one day off the side of the ark.

Suddenly he looked around and yelled out, "Can someone bring me the *other* worm?"

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Two fisherman were talking: -I can't have sex with my wife

Why?

-Because She has gonorrhea.

So what, fuck Her in the ass.

-I can't because She has diarrhea.

Then ask Her to for a blowjob

-No, because She has phyrrea.

Goddamn dude, so why the hell did You marry Her?

-Because She has worms and You know I like f...

How to kill worm in your stomach

Eat apples for 6 straight days and on the 7th day eat an orange instead , then the worm will come out of your stomach and ask " dude where's my apple???" then you take a baseball bat and beat him to death.

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Damn girl are you the green fish from Spongebob season 2, episode 20: Sandy, Spongebob, and the Worm, at exactly 21:52?

Because I'm gonna eat that ass.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half >!the population of the planet dead thanks to anti-vaxx morons actively working towards deleting herd immunity.!<

Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?

Because he was an early bird

What did the plant say to the worm?

Oooh that tickles

What do you you call a mexican inch worm?

An inch-a-lotta

A guy goes fishing one morning but after a short time runs out of worms.

Just then he sees a cotton-mouth snake in the water with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn’t bite with the frog in his mouth, the guy grabs him right behind the head, takes the frog, and puts the snake in his bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to releas...

How do you tell if a worm is a boy worm or a girl worm?

Tell it a joke - if he laughs it's a boy, and if she laughs it's a girl.

What is Grey Worm’s favorite dessert?

Me Sundae

What does a formal argument and a worm on a hook have in common?

De bate.

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3 men in a desert...

3 men had been crawling through the dry hot desert for 14 days and nights.
They were buggered, had enough.
One of them spotted a tree in the distance. Upon getting closer there was a house.
They jumped up and ran over.
It was the first civilisation they had seen for weeks.
And wh...

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How to get rid of a tape worm

This guy went to the doctor and complained of having a tape worm. The doctor said, "I'm going to put you on a strict diet of 2 hard boiled eggs and a lemon cookie for every meal. Come back in a week."

So that night the guy had 2 hard boiled eggs and a lemon cookie for dinner. The next day for...

Stiffy worm

A grandfather is watching his grandson playing in the yard and asks what is he doing.

The grandson says:

"I'm shoving the worms back into their hole."

"And how can you do it if the worm is all limp and flaccid?"

"It's a secret grandfather!"

"I'll give you 10 bucks ...

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A man was going ice fishing.

He goes out onto the ice, cuts open a hold, and lowers his bait into the hole. 45 minutes pass, and the man has not gotten a nibble. A younger man walks out onto the ice, drills a hole right next to him, lowers his bait, and within a few minutes has hooked a largemouth bass.

The first man is...

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