Two antennas fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was incredible!

I just got back from the funeral of my 82 year old neighbour who died after falling off his roof when fixing his TV antenna.

The funeral was sad, but the reception was excellent.

I swear, nothing is made in America anymore.

My new TV says "Built In Antenna," and I don't even know where the hell that is!!!

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Two aliens landed in the desert near a petrol station that was closed for the night.

They approached one of the pumps assuming it was an earthling and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, we come in peace. Take us to your leader.'

The pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien was stumped. The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.' But t...

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The moth with depression

One evening physiotherapist is beginning to count down the minutes until he can close up his practice when his Secretary tells him that he has a walk in client, “well we are still open, so be it” says the physiotherapist “send them in!” The Secretary then gets kind of nervous and reveals that the cl...

An ant, an aunt, an antechamber, an antelope and an antenna walk into a bar.

The barman asks "what is this, an anti-joke?"

The ant replies: "no".

What do you get when you cross a dog and an antenna?

A Golden Receiver.

I wore an antennae to my sister’s wedding the other day

The reception was much better

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If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...



This is an old joke and sadly some of this has come to pass.



If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology li...

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A guy wants to experience some deep soul searching solitude...

He manages to hire an old abandoned sheep station in outback Australia. Tens of thousands of vast empty hectares stretching out to all the horizons.

As soon as the chopper drops him off, flies away and the dust settles, the quiet falls upon him. The distance recedes out endlessly in front of...

What do you call an old bison with 2 antennas?

Bicentennial

I used to think that all radios had an antenna

But now I realise that was just a stereo type

Man, I hate when I buy a TV and it says "Built In Antenna"

I really don't like buying foreign products.

Mini van roll over results in one fatality.

As the older model Ford Aerostar rolled over the driver was ejected. The vehicle then rolled over the driver, piercing him with the exterior mounted antenna. The driver expired before paramedics arrived.

Medical examiner's report states. The driver died of a Van Aerial Disease.

There's an angel stuck in my T.V. antenna...

At least I have immaculate reception.

Two antennae...

One day, Two antennae on opposite sides of the roof meet each other. They get to know one another real well, end up falling in love, and eventually decide to marry. The wedding wasn't anything special, but the reception was amazing!!!

How do ants communicate with each other?

With their antennae of course!

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It seems like nothing is made in America anymore! They keep outsourcing to cheaper and cheaper places.

I just bought a new TV and it said "built in antenna."

I haven't even heard of that shithole country!

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Three guys are sitting in a bar ...

When the first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have an automatic garage door."

The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she has a cellular phone antenna on her car and she doesn't even have a cellular phone."

The ...

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My father ladies and gentlemen...

So, when we were younger we used to run a single line off the back of one of the snowmobiles, put a splitter on her with two lengths of ski rope about 25' long, gear up with helmets and suits, and throw two guys on on those flying saucers, (you know, like the ones on National Lampoon's Vacation) and...

During quarantine - Lonely at home

I am lonely at home quarantined:

Day 1. Oh, that's nice.

Day 3. I read books and rest.

Day 5. I bingwatched "Friends".

Day 7. I talked to the washing machine, but I had worse days.

Day 9. My washing machine is angry. I never had worse days.

Day 11. I'm fine…...

I have a conspiracy theory...

The government is spreading false rumors that aluminum-foil hats protect your brain from being scanned. aluminum foil is actually an antenna that allows them to get a better signal.

Retired Preacher man Sits on his sofa....

And he sees on the news channel there's a massive storm and flash floods coming.. news channel says to evacuate but he's stays put...
The Rain begins and so the flood waters rise.. his sofa starts to float .. so he climbs out onto the window ledge and a rescue boat comes along..

" *Jump ...

Absolutely cannot wait for Brexit.

We make nothing in Britain these days;just noticed on the back of my TV it says ‘Built in Antenna’- this is a country I’ve never even heard of.

One night a guy was walking alone down the street.

When suddenly he feels someone touching him on his back. so he looks back but doesn't see anyone, so he continues walking and yet again he feels the same feeling so he looks back and doesn't see anyone, but he looks a little below and sees a very short alien!

The guy surprised says : wow! are...

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

@&#<#&*@>×>!!*

Two Antennae met on a roof, fell in love, and got married.

The ceremony wasn't that good, but the *reception* was incredible!

^@<#@*@:×>×&@!*!>@

A pastor was filling out paperwork at his desk, wh...

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Japanese Golfer

Was rereading Harry Potter Book 2 and got to the Japanese Golfer joke line. Googled it. Enjoy, r/Jokes.

An American, a German and a Japanese man are golfing one day and, at the 3rd hole, they hear a phone ring. The American excuses himself, puts his left thumb to his ear, his left pinky finge...

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Golf pro returns home

Back in the sixties an Irish golfer makes it big in the USA and becomes a millionaire. Wanting to celebrate his success he arranges for a trip back to his lovely green Isle and since he's also a bit of a braggard, he pays to have his very flashy Buick convertible sent back with him on a ship.
...

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A new STD I had never heard about

Bobby and Ginger were making passionate love in Bobby’s mini van when suddenly Ginger, not at all shy, yelled out ''Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!''

Bobby, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opened the win...

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An Alien ship lands in the city center..

and out come two humanoid male and female aliens, who look pretty much human except they are blue in colour and have antennas where their ears should be.

They are immediately surrounded by a huge crowd, media has set up their booths and world leaders approach them to make contact.

The...

Top 10 worst jokes!

The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.


2.A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."


3.Two peanuts walk into a ba...

The metamorphosis

One day, Franz Kafka's sister goes to wake her brother up only to discover that overnight, he has transformed into a giant hideous bug. Terrified, she calls out "Mother! Mother! Come quick. Look at what has happened to Franz!"

Her mother rushes to her son's bedroom only to see him transforme...

Three business guys are golfing

and in the middle of discussing their various white collar crimes, they hear a cell phone ringing.

The first guy puts his hand up to head and starts talking into it. He explains that he has a mic and antenna built into his hand for a cellphone because he's just that rich.

They hear ano...

So there are 3 scientists in a lab studying flies...

There are 3 scientists in a lab studying flies. The first scientist grabs a fly from the jar, rips off its antennae, and says "Fly, fly!". The fly flies around the room, then lands back on the table. The scientists writes down in his journal: "Fly can fly without antennae"

The next scientist ...

Dealing with Corporate Information Gathering

The other day, I was purchasing a television antenna in a major electronics store and was asked by the cashier for my name.

“Why,” I asked. ‘I don’t need a warranty.”

“I have to have it for our records,” explained the cashier.

Fed up with practice of companies gathering as mu...

The starship Enterprise encountered an alien race...

Kirk asks "What is your method of reproduction?"
A pair of aliens, happy to oblige, touched their antennae together, and soon a bud formed on the side of one. It slowly grew into a small replica of the alien, then fell off and started running around the room.
The aliens ask "How do you...

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