This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A survey said that people that sleep with their pets get less allergies and helps the immune system and they live longer.

Bullshit... I tried sleeping with my goldfish and nearly drowned.

If you have a cold for a long time and your immune system is fighting it then

you are fighting a Cold War.

My immune system is racist

Every time it finds a foreign body it tries to eliminate it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scientists say masturbating improves the immune system.

Use that information at your own wrist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that when you the sperm originally enters the vagina the female immune system tries to destroy it? But later on it helps it get to the egg....

This is the just another example of a woman not being able to make up her mind

Germs boost your immune system

They say that exposure germs boosts your immune system. So to ensure a healthy amount of exposure, a couple times a week I take a sip of some tea that's been sitting out for a few days. I don't plan it.....
But it still happens :(

Boss: How is it that you are always sick on weekdays?

Me: It’s my weekend immune system.

Allergies

Did you know, allergies are your immune system treating a harmless substance as a big threat? To put it another way, it's in my DNA to be overly dramatic about things.

My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”

I said, “It must be my weakened immune system.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Your penis so small....

That when you put it in a girl her immune system tries to fight it.

Alcohol Addiction

My anxiety has been in overdrive since the start of the Pandemic. I feel like I need more and more alcohol everyday.

I am going through at least a liter of the hard stuff everyday.
I start using as soon as I wake up and don't stop until I go to bed each night.

My Dr. says I need t...

An immunologist and a cardiologist are kidnapped...

An immunologist and a cardiologist are kidnapped. The kidnappers threaten to shoot one of them, but promise to spare whoever has made the greater contribution to humanity. The cardiologist says, “Well, I’ve identified drugs that have saved the lives of millions of people.” Impressed, the kidnappers ...

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My body only fights off illness on Saturday and Sunday

I have a weekend immune system

[OC] My kids seem to magically only get sick on school days...and quite a lot of them.

It's like they've got weekend immune systems.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anagram lovers are more likely to get corona if

* exposed to a corona infected person
* they have weak immune system
* asked to spell racoon

A kid talks to his dad about coronavirus

Kid: "Dad, why is coronavirus infecting so many people?"

Dad: *explains the biology of a virus and how it affects the immune system*

Kid: "Dad, I don't get it..."

Dad: "Don't worry son, you'll get it soon enough."

Three expectant mothers are sitting around a table knitting sweaters for their babies to be.

The first mother says "I'm taking folic acid, I want my baby to have a strong immune system". The other mothers nod.


The second mother says "I'm taking calcium supplements, I want my baby to have strong bones". The other mothers nod.


The third mother says "Oh, well I'm taking T...

*Pollen accidentally enters body*

Immune system: What the hell is that?

Pollen: Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-

Immune system: OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!

Pollen: What?! No! We just got lo-

Immune system: OPEN THE FLOODGATES!

Pollen: The what?

Mucus membranes: Sir. All th...

What do Ghandi and Mary Poppins have in common?

Gandhi's political power was born from his ultra modest means - but it came at a price. His feet were in terrible condition due to his insistence on wearing rough leather sandals. Hunger strikes weakened his immune system and he was very prone to illness, but in his moments of weakness, he is said t...

An team of aliens comes to Earth to study the planet.

A group of aliens land on the planet with the intent of studying the planet for scientific purposes. The humans agree to their wishes and allow them to do what they want as long as they don't do any harm or damage. So the aliens create a research site and begin what they came to do.

First the...

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