What do Aids, Syphilis and Chlamydia have in common?

Your mom.

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A man goes home with a woman he met at the bar.

When they get back to her place, she says, "I didn't want to tell you before, but I've got a fetish. I'd love it if you fucked me with your big toe."

The man, an agreeable sort, goes ahead and does it. Has a pretty good time. But a few days later, he notices his toe is red and inflamed, then...

An Imagine Dragons song is like syphilis.

Catchy, but not really good.

What is the Russian word for "syphilis"?

Rotchercrotchoff

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guy goes to the doctor ..

a guy goes to teh doctor .

doc says " well what seems to be the problem?"



guy says " its my elbow doc , its killing me !"



doc says " well a normal visit would have a $50 co-pay , but we have a new machine that can diagnose you just by peeing in a cup and the co-p...

Staying safe

A young woman was walking through the park late one night on her way home. Known to be a risky part of the neighbourhood, she feared the worst when a sinister looking man stopped her in her tracks. The man, while eyeing the handbag she had slung on her side, questioned, "where are you heading lady?"...

Is syphilis forever?

Or is it kinda like... Clap on, Clap off?

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If you’re looking for sympathy...

You’ll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.

A father passing by his sons bedroom was

astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and...

There’s no I in Team.....

.....but there’s two in syphilis

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WWII Army Major walks into the medical wing.

He approaches the first bunk

Major: Why are you here Soldier?

Soldier: Syphilis Sir!

Major: How are they treating it Soldier?

Soldier: 5 minutes a day with a wire brush Sir!

Major: What is your ambition Soldier?

Soldier: To get back to the front lines Sir!<...

The doctor comes in the room and says, "I've got good news and I've got bad news for you."

The bad news is you've got "HAGS".



"HAGS? What's that?"



"That's what we call it when you have herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis all at the same time.



"Doc, that's horrible, what's the good news?"



"There is a special treatment regime for...

I told my wife that I got the Coronavirus from a woman at work. She was really concerned.

Until I told her that I was mistaken, the woman gave me syphilis. Her concern boiled away.

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad.

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really sick. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says, "I have some bad news. You have HAGS."
"What is HAGS" the man asks.
"It's herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis," says the doctor.
"Oh my God," say...

[NSFW]What's green and eats nuts?

Syphilis.

A young boy walks into a brothel dragging a dead frog on a leash behind him

A young boy walks into a brothel dragging a dead frog on a leash behind him. He goes straight up to the pimp and says: "I need a girl for an hour.".

"Haha! You've got to be joking boy, you're just a kid!" replies the pimp.

Boy throws a pack of money onto the table.

Pimp: "Well, ...

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A Man Walks Into the Neigbourhood Bar

He goes in and orders a drink for himself. He notices an attractive lady sitting by herself a couple tables away. Too attractive for someone of his own league, he thinks to himself.

Halfway through too many drinks though, he ends up plucking up enough courage and approaches her. "May I sit do...

An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: "What's your problem, Soldier?"

"Chronic syphilis, Sir", replies the man.

"What treatment are you getting?". "Five minutes with the wire brush, each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man", says the Major.

He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic piles, Sir...

A nun walks into the Mother Superior's office

And says, "We've found a case of Syphilis in the Convent!"

"Oh, good. I was getting tired of the Chablis".

Nurse comes out of doctor's office

Nurse comes out of doctor's office and says:
"Due to new GDPR rules I'm not allowed to call you by names. The patient with syphilis, please come in."

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Even though she was a severe woman, I told my grandmother when my car got stolen...

She said, “if you’re looking for sympathy , you can find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis”

A lady's man goes to the doctor because he's been sick.

After running several tests, the doctor tells the man, "I'm sorry, sir, but you have HAGS."
"HAGS? What is that?" asks the startled man.
"Herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis," replied the doctor.
"What can you do for me, doc? Please, help me!" pleaded the man.
"First, we have to quar...

A man walks up to the pearly gates...

"What brings you here, sir?" asks St. Peter

"An incredibly long and arduous fight with the big C" replied the man.

"The big C?"

"Cancer" said the man, solemly.

"Well we have a space for you in gods kingdom, please enter and enjoy unknown spoils for all eternity" said Pet...

A young soldier writes a letter to his father.

"Dad, I got syphilis"
A week later he receives a response:
"Son, I don't know much about those military decorations but you should wear it with pride"

A married couple go for a physical examination at the hospital...

... a few weeks later, they were asked to go back for the results, so the husband goes in on his way home from work.

"You are in perfect health, sir. However, your wife has a problem, but we're not sure what." the nurse tells the husband, "It's either a bad problem, or a terrible problem - sh...

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Jewish jokes

(Just a few of my favorites)

A man is getting ready to get married to a very Orthodox wife, and he goes to her rabbi for help. He's recently converted and very unfamiliar with Jewish weddings.
"Rabbi, for the wedding, do I sit with my wife?"
"No, the men sit with the men and the women ...

A man proposes to his girlfriend. She has one condition.

Syphilis.

Jimmy was not feeling well, so he went to the hospital to get tested ...

Two days later, he received a call to get to the hospital as fast as he could and NOT to have contact with anyone.

Upon arrival, he was ushered to a room where everyone was in HAZMAT suits.

The lead doctor said, "Sir.....I am sorry to inform you that your tests came back, and you are p...

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A man goes to see a doctor because of an itch 'down there'

When the doctor receives his results from the lab he calls the man in to go over the results. The doc sits him down and tells him "I'm afraid you've contracted Shag."
The patient immediately has a puzzled look on his face. "Shag? What's that?".
Slowly, with a solemn look on his face, the d...

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Can anyone help me remember a joke?

My father used to tell it. It involves 2 Congolese soldiers who decide to sneak out of camp one night. They steal a sergeant's decorations and head to town, pretending to be sergeants, where they meet a French prostitute who gives them syphilis. I don't remember the punchline or anything else about ...

I think the Tuskegee Airmen were incredibly brave...

...not only were they fighter pilots, they all had syphilis!

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