UPJOKE
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Why Did the Ebola Patient Cross the Road?

Trick question. There are no roads in Africa.

Why ebola medicine doesn't work in Africa?

Because it can't be taken on empty stomach

Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.

Is it a virus or a free U2 album?

Have you heard my joke about the Ebola outbreak yet?

Eh... Nevermind. You probably won't get it.

Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola?

The Cowboys Stadium.

Because they can't catch anything there.

What does your racist uncle have in common with the Ebola virus?

They both make Thanksgiving dinner uncomfortable for everyone.

Ebola, covid, and monkeypox walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “What is this, some kinda sick joke?”

Corona isn't Trump's fault. Ebola wasn't Obama's. SARS wasn't Bush's.

...and only a handful of cases of herpes was Clinton's.

Ebola, Sars and Covid walk into a bar...

Suddenly all the hotties from Pfizer, Moderna, AstraZeneca, Janssen, Sinovac and Novavax surround Covid.

Ebola asks Sars, "Why is Covid getting all the attention?"

Sars replies, "This is what happens when you go viral."

The Corona virus meets the Ebola virus. They start dating. One thing leads to another and the Corona virus bangs the Ebola virus.

Nine months later the Corolla virus is born.

Why was the Ebola virus joke not as good as the Corona Virus Joke?

Because less people got it.

I once joked about Ebola. Everyone started laughing.

It was contagious.

"Ebola" is trending on Twitter...

...does that mean it's gone viral?

It's probably too soon for Ebola jokes on here...

...but when the time comes, I bet they're gonna be killer.

Rihanna was going to tweet about the Ebola crisis.

Unfortunately Chris Brown beat her.

A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill.

He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. He's negative for COVID, Ebola, Malaria, and pretty much all the recognizable infectious diseases.


The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone...

A man wakes up and finds himself alone in a hospital room.

He has no recollection of how he got there. While pondering his situation, his bedside phone rings, and he answers it.

A doctor on the other end identifies himself, and tells the man: "I have really bad news. You're very sick. After your collapse yesterday, we ordered several tests, and got...

When he was arrested, the mafioso was intent on not ratting anyone out. But he had ebola, so...

...he spilled his guts to the cops.

Ebola Plague

The CDC has confirmed that the recent Ebola outbreak is now the second disease in history to be known as the "black death".

What would you get if the director of Pulp Fiction were to contract Ebola?

A quarantinable Quentin Tarantino.

There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola:

The directions say the medication must be taken with food.

Did yall see the Ebola donation thing that popped up on Face Book the other day?

I clicked not now, because I thought it was some kind of virus.

Save me, Doc

A man just back from a long trip through the tropics starts feeling very unwell. He goes to see his doctor, but passes out in the office and is rushed to hospital for tests.

The man wakes up alone in a private room, feeling awful, wondering what is happening to him. Soon, a phone by his bed r...

ebola jokes

Knock knock
Who's there?
Ebola.
Ebola who?
Ebowl of cereal

First Ebola and now Measles...

Is there ANYTHING hipsters won't bring back!?

Topical Jokes for 10/9

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

In Indiana, a pizza delivery man received a $1,200 tip from college students. College officials applauded the act of charity, until they realized the “pizza” was just a box with $1,200 dollars worth of weed in it.

T...

Mathematicians have found a new, advanced strand of Ebola...

called Hyper-bola


I'm sorry :(

Ebola has mutated!

reports are coming in that the Ebola virus has mutated and become exponentially worse, in light of this mutation the virus will be renamed the Hyperbola Virus

What did they call Ebola before the Internet?

Bola

Why was 6 afraid of 7??

Because 7 had Ebola.

You guys hear about the guy that went bowling in NY after he came back from West Africa?

They say ebola perfect game.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes for April

(didn't post the last batch, so here's all of the recent ones)

4/28
Los Angeles police are looking for a vandal that spraypainted a police horse. The horse didn’t get a good look at the suspect because it was dark, and because the horse has no idea that it’s a cop.

Billionaire Richa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s small, long and will put something in a girl’s body she doesn’t want?

A mosquito carrying ebola.

That’s what my ex-girlfriend called my dick, anyway.

I saw two diseases drinking some soda

It was Hep C and Ebola sharing a Pepsi cola

What did the cop name his guns?

Ebola and Malaria because they kill blacks

Jimmy was not feeling well, so he went to the hospital to get tested ...

Two days later, he received a call to get to the hospital as fast as he could and NOT to have contact with anyone.

Upon arrival, he was ushered to a room where everyone was in HAZMAT suits.

The lead doctor said, "Sir.....I am sorry to inform you that your tests came back, and you are p...

Ebola Fun Fact

Before the internet was invented Ebola was just known as Bola

wakka wakka

Why did Jim die from eating at an Italian restaurant?

Because he asked for 'ebola spaghetti'

What do you call an African who plays 10 pin bowling online?

Ebola.

I quit my job and poured years into it

Thanks to this recent Ebola scare, I can't ever release my online bowling game...

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