Why was the Ebola virus joke not as good as the Corona Virus Joke?

Because less people got it.

Save me, Doc

A man just back from a long trip through the tropics starts feeling very unwell. He goes to see his doctor, but passes out in the office and is rushed to hospital for tests.

The man wakes up alone in a private room, feeling awful, wondering what is happening to him. Soon, a phone by his bed r...

Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola?

The Cowboys Stadium.

Because they can't catch anything there.

The Corona virus meets the Ebola virus. They start dating. One thing leads to another and the Corona virus bangs the Ebola virus.

Nine months later the Corolla virus is born.

What would you get if the director of Pulp Fiction were to contract Ebola?

A quarantinable Quentin Tarantino.

Have you heard my joke about the Ebola outbreak yet?

Eh... Nevermind. You probably won't get it.

What does your racist uncle have in common with the Ebola virus?

They both make Thanksgiving dinner uncomfortable for everyone.

Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.

Is it a virus or a free U2 album?

Corona isn't Trump's fault. Ebola wasn't Obama's. SARS wasn't Bush's...

...and only a handful of cases of herpes was Clinton's.

I once joked about Ebola. Everyone started laughing.

It was contagious.

Why Did the Ebola Patient Cross the Road?

Trick question. There are no roads in Africa.

Why ebola medicine doesn't work in Africa?

Because it can't be taken on empty stomach

There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola:

The directions say the medication must be taken with food.

What does coronavirus have for breakfast?

Ebola cereal

"Ebola" is trending on Twitter...

...does that mean it's gone viral?

It's probably too soon for Ebola jokes on here...

...but when the time comes, I bet they're gonna be killer.

Rihanna was going to tweet about the Ebola crisis.

Unfortunately Chris Brown beat her.

When he was arrested, the mafioso was intent on not ratting anyone out. But he had ebola, so...

...he spilled his guts to the cops.

Ebola Plague

The CDC has confirmed that the recent Ebola outbreak is now the second disease in history to be known as the "black death".

Mathematicians have found a new, advanced strand of Ebola...

called Hyper-bola


I'm sorry :(

First Ebola and now Measles...

Is there ANYTHING hipsters won't bring back!?

What did they call Ebola before the Internet?

Bola

Topical Jokes for 10/9

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

In Indiana, a pizza delivery man received a $1,200 tip from college students. College officials applauded the act of charity, until they realized the “pizza” was just a box with $1,200 dollars worth of weed in it.

T...

Ebola Fun Fact

Before the internet was invented Ebola was just known as Bola

wakka wakka

Ebola has mutated!

reports are coming in that the Ebola virus has mutated and become exponentially worse, in light of this mutation the virus will be renamed the Hyperbola Virus

I saw two diseases drinking some soda

It was Hep C and Ebola sharing a Pepsi cola

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s small, long and will put something in a girl’s body she doesn’t want?

A mosquito carrying ebola.

That’s what my ex-girlfriend called my dick, anyway.

A religious woman works in an epidemiology lab...

One day, she sets up two agar plates, and swabs the first with smallpox. Remembering how dangerous her line of work is, she touches the crucifix around her neck and says a quick prayer.

She gets a new pair of gloves, then swabs some Ebola onto the other plate, but not before again tapping her...

Why was 6 afraid of 7??

Because 7 had Ebola.

You guys hear about the guy that went bowling in NY after he came back from West Africa?

They say ebola perfect game.

Why did Jim die from eating at an Italian restaurant?

Because he asked for 'ebola spaghetti'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes for April

(didn't post the last batch, so here's all of the recent ones)

4/28
Los Angeles police are looking for a vandal that spraypainted a police horse. The horse didn’t get a good look at the suspect because it was dark, and because the horse has no idea that it’s a cop.

Billionaire Richa...

Jimmy was not feeling well, so he went to the hospital to get tested ...

Two days later, he received a call to get to the hospital as fast as he could and NOT to have contact with anyone.

Upon arrival, he was ushered to a room where everyone was in HAZMAT suits.

The lead doctor said, "Sir.....I am sorry to inform you that your tests came back, and you are p...

What do you call an African who plays 10 pin bowling online?

Ebola.

I quit my job and poured years into it

Thanks to this recent Ebola scare, I can't ever release my online bowling game...

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