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A fish was watching a fly and thought ‘if that fly drops 6 inches, I’ll jump out of this river, catch it, and have a really nice meal’.

What the fish didn’t know was that there was a bear watching from a distance. The bear thought to himself ‘if that fly drops six inches and that fish jumps out to get it, I’ll catch the fish and have a really nice meal.’

What the bear didn’t know was that there was a hunter eating a sandwich ...

What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives a woman crazy?

Money

Why can’t your nose be 12 inches?

Because then it would be a foot.

Why is a Stormtrooper's height of 5'11" measured in feet and inches?

They use Imperial measurements

What's at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and better if it vibrates?

A toothbrush

What’s 7 and a half inches long, white, and tastes funny?

An expired Zero bar.

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What's 18 inches long

What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole?



My brother-in-law's tie

What do you call a fish that 3.14 inches long?

πrahna

What's black, 12 inches long, 2 inches across, and makes people cry?

A cop's flashlight

I invented a new golf ball that’ll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches.

Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.

What's 7 inches long and hasn't been sucked in 7 years?

Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

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If you had the option of being 3 inches taller or a 3 inch longer dick, what would you choose?

I’d go with the height for sure so I’ll be close to 6’ and I really don’t need a 3.5 inch penis

I,m 6 feet 3 inches

But those two measurements are separate.

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Guy wakes up in a hospital room, badly beaten within inches of his life.

The doctor is standing over him and asks him what happened.

He thinks back. “I was golfing with my wife. She shanked her pink ball into a small cow pasture, just beyond the rough. I went to look for it and finally found it in a cow’s butthole.

Last thing I remember is I lifted the tai...

3 inches

Weather girl: "and because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we expect about 3 inches of snow, or, as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches.”

we should stop making fun of the Americans for using inches, foot, miles, etc as units of measurements.

it's not like they crashed a rocket into Mars because of this or something... oh wait...

King George was only 11 inches tall...

...so he was unfit to be a ruler.

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A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house.

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious ...

We're expecting 6-12 inches this weekend.

Depends on how many guys show up.

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A salmon is watching a fly hover 6 inches above the pond and thinks to himself, "when that fly drops, I'm going to eat it."

A bear is on the shore and is watching the salmon. The bear thinks to himself, "when that fly drops, the salmon will eat it, and I will eat the salmon."

A hunter is watching the bear and thinks to himself, "when that fly drops, the salmon will eat it, the bear will eat the salmon, and I will...

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There is this guy who has a 25-inch dick

He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dick smaller because he just can’t please the ladies with it being so big. He hasn’t found a lady yet who likes it and he can’t get any pleasure.

She tells him to go into the woods and he will find a frog. When he finds the frog...

On my online dating profile it clearly says that I’m 6 foot - 4 inches

So why when I turn up are woman always disappointed that I’m 5’8”

What is 18 inches long, black and blue, stiff as a board, and makes women scream?

crib death

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I'm only a few inches away from having a gigantic cock.

I thought to myself as I stood naked in the prison showers.

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What's 10 inches long, hard as a rock, full of semen and makes all of the ladies scream?

The sock under my bed.

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So there's this fly hovering a few inches above this lake...

(This is a long one but it's good trust me)

So there's this fly hovering few inches above this lake...

There's a fish in the lake thinking to himself "if that fly were to drop a few inches I'd be able to eat the fly".

But there's also a bear on the shore thinking to himself "if...

You only need 2.5 inches to pleasure a woman

Doesn't matter if it's Visa or Mastercard

Me: Damnit! The forecast shows up to 5 inches of snow!!

Wife: If I don’t complain about a few inches, neither should you.

Today we got four inches of snow.

Or as my boyfriend would say...seven inches.

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A woman looked at my naked body and said, "I thought you told me you had 11 inches?"

I should have explained that I measure from my butthole.

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A Newlywed Couple Waited for Marriage to Have Sex...

A couple wanted to wait to have sex until the night of their wedding. As the big day got closer the bride tells the groom she has a confession to make.

"I am as flat as a board. I'm sorry, I have been using the best padded bras on the market to make people believe I actually have breasts. I ...

What's better than stretching your ear lobe to 3 inches?

A job

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The Chinese have developed a new pill that increases the average penis size by 3 inches.

Reports say they will use it to interfere with the upcoming U.S. erections.

Scientists have confirmed it only takes 3 1/4 inches to please a woman.

It's true! Just go measure your mastercard.

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A man had a 25 inch dick and wanted it smaller. So he visited a witch in the woods. She said if he wants it smaller then he'd have to go further and find the talking frog. Then he must ask the frog to marry him and when the frog says "no" it'll shrink 5 inches.

Once he found it, he says, "Will you marry me?", but the frog says "No".

It shrunk 5 inches and he was amazed but it was still too big. Again he asked, "Will you marry me?"

"NO!", the frog yells. Now it shrunk 5 more inches but he thought 15 inches was still too big. He decided 10 woul...

If the US would switch from inches to meters

We'd have a lengthy discussion

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What’s 10 inches long, 2 inches thick, and starts with a P?

A really good shit

Lord Nelson was 5ft 6 inches. His statue is 17ft 4 inches.

That’s Horatio of 3:1.

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My penis might only be 6 inches

But it smells like a foot

She told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt...

So I banged her twice and hit her in the back of the head with a brick.

Vince Lombardi once said "inches make champions"

My girlfriend likes to remind me that his statement is plural.

Why are women so bad at parallel parking?

Because men have been trying to convince them that 3 inches is 6 inches since the beginning of time.

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Today my wife told me I was about 8 inches.

Away from having a big dick.

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When the fly drops 4 inches

Picture a mountain stream and there is bear that is trying to catch a fish and there is a fly that is buzzing over the stream.

The fish inside the stream is looking up at the fly, and is thinking if this fly would just drop 4 inches then I could jump out of the water and have a snack.
...

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I found a way to make my penis 12 inches.

Fold it in half.

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Scientists say the average size of the male penis has gone down to 5 inches.

This just shows how big the Chinese population is getting.

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A Guy with 25 inch Long penis to God : I can't live with this long penis.. God : Go to that Lake, U will find a Female Frog. Ask her to Marry u, she'll say No & U will Lose 5 inch. He Went & asked the Frog : will u Marry me? Frog : No He Lost 5 inches.

He thought 20 inch is still Long. So he asked again : will u Marry Me? Frog : No He Lost 5 inches More. He thought 15 inch is Great, But 10inches is Ideal So he asked again : will u Marry me? Frog : How many Times do I have to tell u? NO! NO! NO!

I built a fence 6 inches over the property line and my neighbor got right up in my face.

He has real boundary issues.

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A fish watched a fly six inches above the water...

He thought, “if that fly would drop 6 inches I would have lunch.”

A bear was watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, If that fly would drop 6 inches the fish would come up and get the fly, I could reach the fish and have lunch.”

A hunter was watching the bear watching the fish...

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The Pentagon said they had too many generals running around

so they wanted to get rid of some of them. To go about this, they decided to offer $10,000 in severance pay for each inch of their body that they wanted measured. The Air Force general went first. He said he wanted to be measured from the top of his head to his toes. He was 69 inches, so he received...

My girlfriend went to the hair salon and got rid of four inches

She got her hair colored and then dumped me.

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Once there was a man with a 15 inch penis.

He absolutely hated it, because it was too big for any woman to handle. Every time he tried to have sex, he ended up accidentally hurting his partner.

One day he went to the witch at the edge of town and asked her to help him make it smaller. "I cannot do that," said the witch, "But I do know...

In New York City, a fisherman reeled in a 250 pound catfish 6 feet 6 inches long.

I don't get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.

Soccer is the only sport that's not a game of inches.

It's a game of feet.

What do you call a conversion from centimeters to inches?

an erection

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People with a penis length less than 5 inches rate things on a scale of 1-5...

People with a penis length less than 5 inches rate things on a scale of 1-5.

People with a penis length above 5 inches tend to rate things on a scale of 1-10.

1-100 people will get this.

Hey ladies. I'm six foot, four inches.

Unfortunately, those are two different measurements.

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Inches inches inches.

1 inch - Are you fucking kidding?

2 inch - I can't even hold it properly.

3 inch - Never been so unsatisfied in my life.

4 inch - I've had bigger.

5 inch - Good, but not enough!

6 inch - About right.

7 inch - Can't complain.

8 inch - Fucking perfect.<...

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A fly is hovering six inches above a lake.

Under the water, a fish is sizing up the fly. "If that fly would just drop six inches, I could eat it," it thinks.
On the shore of the lake, a bear is eyeing the fish. "If that fly drops six inches, the fish will go for it, and I can catch the fish while it's distracted."
On top of a nearby hi...

My mom called and said she is supppsed to get 5 to 7 inches tonight.

They may even get some snow!

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A fly dropped six inches...

A fly is flying lazily over a river. The fly drops down 6 inches closer to the water.  A fish in the river sees the fly and thinks to himself, “hey that fly just dropped 6 inches, I bet it's now close enough to where I can jump up and eat it!”


There's a bear on the bank of the river, the ...

How many inches can you fit in a sock?

One foot.

The average man in 5 inches long when erect.

I guess I trump that. I'm 5 ft 10.

It may only look like 3.14 inches...

But it will feel like it goes in forever.

Happy Pi day!

Looks like we got about 4 inches of snow last night

Or as my boyfriend calls it... 7.

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Biggest guy I've ever seen

So I was on my way to the bank to ask for a loan. I got into the elevator and it stops on the second floor. As the doors open a huge man ducks down to get into the elevator. I gulp and attempt to ask what floor? A hand the size of a diner plate reaches over and hits the close door button. This gi...

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Harry says to Hermione: "Hey Hermione, guess how I got my dick to be 12 inches?"

Hermione sarcastically responds: "I don't know Harry... Magic?"

Harry: "I folded it in half."

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