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Why cant a penis be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot

What’s 7 and a half inches long, white, and tastes funny?

An expired Zero bar.

I invented a new golf ball that’ll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches...

Whatever you do, do NOT carry them in your back pocket...

What's 7 inches long and hasn't been sucked in 7 years?

Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

we should stop making fun of the Americans for using inches, foot, miles, etc as units of measurements.

it's not like they crashed a rocket into Mars because of this or something... oh wait...

I,m 6 feet 3 inches

But those two measurements are separate.

What's about 12 inches long and hangs between Putin's legs?

Trump's tie.

We're expecting 6-12 inches this weekend.

Depends on how many guys show up.

King George was only 11 inches tall...

...so he was unfit to be a ruler.

3 inches

Weather girl: "and because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we expect about 3 inches of snow, or, as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches.”

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If you had the option of being 3 inches taller or a 3 inch longer dick, what would you choose?

I’d go with the height for sure so I’ll be close to 6’ and I really don’t need a 3.5 inch penis

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Guy wakes up in a hospital room, badly beaten within inches of his life.

The doctor is standing over him and asks him what happened.

He thinks back. “I was golfing with my wife. She shanked her pink ball into a small cow pasture, just beyond the rough. I went to look for it and finally found it in a cow’s butthole.

Last thing I remember is I lifted the tai...

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A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house.

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious ...

What's better than stretching your ear lobe to 3 inches?

A job

What is 18 inches long, black and blue, stiff as a board, and makes women scream?

crib death

Me: Damnit! The forecast shows up to 5 inches of snow!!

Wife: If I don’t complain about a few inches, neither should you.

On my online dating profile it clearly says that I’m 6 foot - 4 inches

So why when I turn up are woman always disappointed that I’m 5’8”

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I'm only a few inches away from having a gigantic cock.

I thought to myself as I stood naked in the prison showers.

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There is this guy who has a 25-inch dick

He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dick smaller because he just can’t please the ladies with it being so big. He hasn’t found a lady yet who likes it and he can’t get any pleasure.

She tells him to go into the woods and he will find a frog. When he finds the frog...

What di you call a snake that is exactly 3.14 inches long

A π-thon

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So there's this fly hovering a few inches above this lake...

(This is a long one but it's good trust me)

So there's this fly hovering few inches above this lake...

There's a fish in the lake thinking to himself "if that fly were to drop a few inches I'd be able to eat the fly".

But there's also a bear on the shore thinking to himself "if...

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A woman looked at my naked body and said, "I thought you told me you had 11 inches?"

I should have explained that I measure from my butthole.

What’s six inches long, two inches wide and drives women wild?

A $100 bill

If the US would switch from inches to meters

We'd have a lengthy discussion

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A salmon is watching a fly hover 6 inches above the pond and thinks to himself, "when that fly drops, I'm going to eat it."

A bear is on the shore and is watching the salmon. The bear thinks to himself, "when that fly drops, the salmon will eat it, and I will eat the salmon."

A hunter is watching the bear and thinks to himself, "when that fly drops, the salmon will eat it, the bear will eat the salmon, and I will...

You only need 2.5 inches to pleasure a woman

Doesn't matter if it's Visa or Mastercard

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A Newlywed Couple Waited for Marriage to Have Sex...

A couple wanted to wait to have sex until the night of their wedding. As the big day got closer the bride tells the groom she has a confession to make.

"I am as flat as a board. I'm sorry, I have been using the best padded bras on the market to make people believe I actually have breasts. I ...

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A man had a 25 inch dick and wanted it smaller. So he visited a witch in the woods. She said if he wants it smaller then he'd have to go further and find the talking frog. Then he must ask the frog to marry him and when the frog says "no" it'll shrink 5 inches.

Once he found it, he says, "Will you marry me?", but the frog says "No".

It shrunk 5 inches and he was amazed but it was still too big. Again he asked, "Will you marry me?"

"NO!", the frog yells. Now it shrunk 5 more inches but he thought 15 inches was still too big. He decided 10 woul...

Scientists have confirmed it only takes 3 1/4 inches to please a woman.

It's true! Just go measure your mastercard.

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The Chinese have developed a new pill that increases the average penis size by 3 inches.

Reports say they will use it to interfere with the upcoming U.S. erections.

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What's 10 inches long, hard as a rock, full of semen and makes all of the ladies scream?

The sock under my bed.

Today we got four inches of snow.

Or as my boyfriend would say...seven inches.

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What’s 10 inches long, 2 inches thick, and starts with a P?

A really good shit

Why are women so bad at parallel parking?

Because men have been trying to convince them that 3 inches is 6 inches since the beginning of time.

My girlfriend told me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt

So I gave her 3 inches 3 times and slapped her on the head.

Lord Nelson was 5ft 6 inches. His statue is 17ft 4 inches.

That’s Horatio of 3:1.

What do you call something that is 6 inches long and goes in your mouth?

A sandwich you idiot.

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My penis might only be 6 inches

But it smells like a foot

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When the fly drops 4 inches

Picture a mountain stream and there is bear that is trying to catch a fish and there is a fly that is buzzing over the stream.

The fish inside the stream is looking up at the fly, and is thinking if this fly would just drop 4 inches then I could jump out of the water and have a snack.
...

My girlfriend went to the hair salon and got rid of four inches

She got her hair colored and then dumped me.

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I found a way to make my penis 12 inches.

Fold it in half.

I built a fence 6 inches over the property line and my neighbor got right up in my face.

He has real boundary issues.

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A Guy with 25 inch Long penis to God : I can't live with this long penis.. God : Go to that Lake, U will find a Female Frog. Ask her to Marry u, she'll say No & U will Lose 5 inch. He Went & asked the Frog : will u Marry me? Frog : No He Lost 5 inches.

He thought 20 inch is still Long. So he asked again : will u Marry Me? Frog : No He Lost 5 inches More. He thought 15 inch is Great, But 10inches is Ideal So he asked again : will u Marry me? Frog : How many Times do I have to tell u? NO! NO! NO!

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A fish watched a fly six inches above the water...

He thought, “if that fly would drop 6 inches I would have lunch.”

A bear was watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, If that fly would drop 6 inches the fish would come up and get the fly, I could reach the fish and have lunch.”

A hunter was watching the bear watching the fish...

What's four inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy?

An empty toilet paper roll.

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Today my wife told me I was about 8 inches.

Away from having a big dick.

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The Pentagon said they had too many generals running around

so they wanted to get rid of some of them. To go about this, they decided to offer $10,000 in severance pay for each inch of their body that they wanted measured. The Air Force general went first. He said he wanted to be measured from the top of his head to his toes. He was 69 inches, so he received...

Soccer is the only sport that's not a game of inches.

It's a game of feet.

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Once there was a man with a 15 inch penis.

He absolutely hated it, because it was too big for any woman to handle. Every time he tried to have sex, he ended up accidentally hurting his partner.

One day he went to the witch at the edge of town and asked her to help him make it smaller. "I cannot do that," said the witch, "But I do know...

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People with a penis length less than 5 inches rate things on a scale of 1-5...

People with a penis length less than 5 inches rate things on a scale of 1-5.

People with a penis length above 5 inches tend to rate things on a scale of 1-10.

1-100 people will get this.

Hey ladies. I'm six foot, four inches.

Unfortunately, those are two different measurements.

What do you call a conversion from centimeters to inches?

an erection

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Scientists say the average size of the male penis has gone down to 5 inches.

This just shows how big the Chinese population is getting.

In New York City, a fisherman reeled in a 250 pound catfish 6 feet 6 inches long.

I don't get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.

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Biggest guy I've ever seen

So I was on my way to the bank to ask for a loan. I got into the elevator and it stops on the second floor. As the doors open a huge man ducks down to get into the elevator. I gulp and attempt to ask what floor? A hand the size of a diner plate reaches over and hits the close door button. This gi...

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A fly dropped six inches...

A fly is flying lazily over a river. The fly drops down 6 inches closer to the water.  A fish in the river sees the fly and thinks to himself, “hey that fly just dropped 6 inches, I bet it's now close enough to where I can jump up and eat it!”


There's a bear on the bank of the river, the ...

The average man in 5 inches long when erect.

I guess I trump that. I'm 5 ft 10.

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Inches inches inches.

1 inch - Are you fucking kidding?

2 inch - I can't even hold it properly.

3 inch - Never been so unsatisfied in my life.

4 inch - I've had bigger.

5 inch - Good, but not enough!

6 inch - About right.

7 inch - Can't complain.

8 inch - Fucking perfect.<...

How many inches can you fit in a sock?

One foot.

It may only look like 3.14 inches...

But it will feel like it goes in forever.

Happy Pi day!

My mom called and said she is supppsed to get 5 to 7 inches tonight.

They may even get some snow!

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A fly is hovering six inches above a lake.

Under the water, a fish is sizing up the fly. "If that fly would just drop six inches, I could eat it," it thinks.
On the shore of the lake, a bear is eyeing the fish. "If that fly drops six inches, the fish will go for it, and I can catch the fish while it's distracted."
On top of a nearby hi...

I got a job for British gas the other day. For my first assignment they gave me some blue prints marked in inches. I couldn't understand it at all...

I only read meters.

Looks like we got about 4 inches of snow last night

Or as my boyfriend calls it... 7.

I asked my dad how many inches are in a foot

He said it depends whose foot it is

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Harry says to Hermione: "Hey Hermione, guess how I got my dick to be 12 inches?"

Hermione sarcastically responds: "I don't know Harry... Magic?"

Harry: "I folded it in half."

My grandad says every morning when he measures his allotment it's a couple of inches smaller than the day before.

I think He's slowly losing the plot.

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A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor.

The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt the urge to...

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A woman goes on vacation to Jamaica.

Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love-making she asks him, “What is your name?”
“I can’t tell you,” the black man says.
Every night they meet, and every night she asks him again what his name is, and he always responds the same, he can’t tell her.
On...

I said to her: "Two more inches and I'd be a king"

"Two inches less and you'd be a queen", she replied.