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Horizontally Jokes

Americas curve is flattening alright.

Just vertically instead of horizontally.

You can reduce your weight by one simple exercise of shaking your head horizontally.

Do it when you are offered food

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If our ass was split horizontally

It would clap when we run down the stairs

Don't call them "fat"

They are "horizontally challenged"

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An annual weaponry competition is being held.

There is one representative each from every country. Each representative wields the main weapon of sorts from their culture. A fly is released within the range if the representative and they must cut it. The nore precise or beautiful the cut, the more points.

The next competitor goes up, repr...

What's half of 8?

00 if you cut horizontally and 33 if you cut vertically

This time America was the best in flattening the curve

Thay just got confused between horizontally or vertically

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Two blondes solving a crossword

Two blondes are spending some time together, the one is watching TV while the other struggles with one particular crossword question for some time now...
After a while she decides to ask her friend for help..
- Do you know the answer to the clue "Female sex organ"?
-...

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Why are your butt cheeks split up vertically?

If it were horizontally, running down the stairs would sound like someone clapping their hands.

A plane has a horrible accident...

...and is split in half horizontally. Everyone is holding onto the oxygen masks above with their legs dangling in the air.

The captain shouts to the passengers, "We can make it, but the weight's off - at least one person needs to let go or else none of us will make it!"

Willing to die...

What's the difference between a rook and a bishop?

A rook moves horizontally and vertically.
A bishop molests altar boys.

Stupid Overcomplicated euphemism jokes

1.

I’m a transaction manager for a multibillion dollar corporation

I work as a McDonald’s cashier

2.

“Mom there is a burglar in here”

“No kid I’m just an asset reallocation specialist”

3.

“So what do you do for a living?”

“I travel and driv...

Hey Baby are you Rockefeller?

Because I think we should Horizontally Integrate.

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A man goes for a walk in a cemetery after his friend's funeral

Feeling quite sad, a man goes for a walk in a cemetery after his friend's funeral. As he walked between the tombstones he came across an open grave. He walked right up to the edge to see that there was still a coffin inside. What an odd sight he thought to himself - suddenly he heard a thump, follow...

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