UPJOKE

1 Inch Jokes

The average horse weighs 1000lbs and has a 20 inch D. That’s a ratio of 50lbs to 1 inch.

So an average man weighing 200lbs only needs a 4 inch D to be hung like a horse.

Be proud fellas

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A Black Man, a Mexican, and a White Man Got Lost Canoeing.

They reached an island ruled by terrorists. The terrorists wanted to kill the entire crew. However, after seeing the white man, the terrorists had a proposal. If the combined length of the mens' penises measured 1 foot, then the men would be set free. The Black man's dick measured 6 inches. The Whit...

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A genie offered to increase my penis length by 1 inch for every 10 IQ I traded...

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I’m 6 foot 1 inch

And those are two separate measurements;)

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My mate Richard is 7 foot 1 inches.

He's a massive dick.

I reeled in a 6 foot 1 inch catfish

That weighed 280 lbs on Tinder

I'm an adult, and am 5 feet 1 inches

Sounds bad, but made worse by the fact that they are two measurements.

A priest, an alcoholic, and an engineer are sentenced to death.

They are to be killed by the guillotine.

First is the priest. The executioner says "You can go on the guillotine either face up or face down". The priest says "I want to die face up, looking up to the heavens". So the priest lies face up. The executioner releases the blade; the blade falls ra...

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So a black guy and a Latino guy and an Asian guy are all walking together!

A man walks up to them with a knife and says “if your dick sizes don’t add up to 20 inches, then you’re all getting stabbed”. The black guy pulls it out and it’s 12 inches. The Latino guy pulls it out and it’s 7 inches. The Asian guys pulls it out and it’s 1 inch. The man with the knife says “you’re...

"The word of the day is 'contagious'" Said the teacher, "Who can use it in a sentence?"

Little Jenny stood up and said "My dad has a cold and said its contagious"

The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.

Billy stood up and said "Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious"

Happy with Billy's response, the teacher asked for on...

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What do you call a man with a...

...1 inch dick?

Justin.

One day a man walks into a bar and to his amazement, he finds a tiny person playing a tiny piano.

*Stunned the man asked the bartender where he got this amazing person. The*
*bartender replied that inside the closet there is a* genie *that will grant him a single wish.*


*The man* dashed *into the the closet and as the bartender said, there was a genie inside.*


*Wit...

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Yo Mama's so old... and stupid... and fat.

Yo Mama's so old she remembers when Captain Caveman was a lieutenant,

yo Mama's so old, when she went to school history class was just one paragraph.

yo Mama's so stupid, she has a glow in the dark sundial in her garden,

yo Mama's so stupid she went to the Dentist to fix her Blu...

Donald Trump calls Angela Merkel

"Angela", he said, "you need to help me! The biggest condom-factory in the US burnt down last night. We really need 1,000,000 condoms! Could you help us?"

"Sure", Angela said, "shouldn't be that much of a problem."

"The condoms must have the national colors of America. Red, blue and wh...

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Big Chief , Dirty Bum

A Chieftain living in a Tribe makes his way to modern Society to get help from a Doctor as he has been constipated for weeks and hasn't even been able to fartt... Finally gets to the doctor.

Chieftain: "Big Chief , No fart"...

Doctor: "I understand take this very potent 1 inch pill and...

A teacher asks her class to use the word Contagious in a sentence...

Harry says: 'At the End of WW1 there was the spanish flu & it was very contagious'

'That's right', said the teacher



Jessica stands up & says: 'In Europe during the middle ages there was the bubonic plague & it was highly contagious'


'Well Done' notes th...

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A man stops 2 friends and I leaving a bar...

A man stopped 2 of my friends and I as we left a bar one night.

He ran up to us eagerly but quickly pulled a knife out and began threatening us.

He said “If you’re dick sizes don’t add up to 21 inches exactly, I’m going to kill you all right here”

Me, being the leader that I a...

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3 men shipwrecked on desert island

(Beer garden banter joke. Works best when you use yourself and people you know as the protagonists, just replace names and choose the butt of the joke)

3 men get shipwrecked on a desert island.
Their boat ruined they head in-land to find salvation, when out of the trees lunges a huge 7 fo...

In short, this joke will put you on the floor!

It's a 1 inch punch line.

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I am like the Bruce lee of sex. No I am not amazingly handsome and highly skilled and charismatic,

but I will knock the wind out of your body with my 1 inch punch.

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DJ gets Caught Off Guard

A guy calls into a radio station and he says he has a joke for the DJ. The DJ goes, “Alright, let’s hear it.”

The caller asks, “First, are we allowed to say ‘penis’ on the air?”

The DJ says, “It is the specific medical or clinical term so yes, you can use it.”

Caller: “OK, what...

During the cold war

The USSR had an epidemic of unplanned pregnancies, so they unwillfuly asked the US for aid since they dudnt had the technology to produce good condoms. They didn't wanted to look weak so they asked for 1 billion 11 inch condoms. The Americans got their request and didn't wanted to look weak either, ...

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About an inch

The UN is in session and the three major superpowers, the US, Russia, and China are trying to out do each other's achievements.

The US says "we have a missile that could reach any point on Earth with amazing precision and destroy it."

Everyone else starts chattering in disbelief and t...

Guide to trapping an elephant.

Start by digging a hole about 10 meters deep, and 5 meters in diameter.

Then, light a fire down in the center of the pit, a really big fire. Let the fire burn down to just the ashes, and leave it.

Place a pea 1 inch apart from one another, around the entire hole.

So, when the el...

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The Amazon

Three guys were on vacation in the Amazon, when they became separated from their tour group. After stumbling through the forest for hours, they finally stumbled upon an indigenous tribe, all of whom were naked, and statues of penises everywhere. Hoping that they may care for or help them find help, ...

Jim had just turned 21, and wanted to buy a horse for himself

Jim strode into a stable, looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said the owner, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to say "heyhey", and the way to get him to go is ...

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Three men get stranded on an island...

A black man, a white man, and an Asian man. The natives say that they will row them off the island if all of there flasid penis lenths add up to 10in. First the black man walks up and measured out to 5in. The white man walks up and reads 4 inches. The Asian man walks up and reads 1 inch.
The nati...

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Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Kim jong un were driving down the road...

Donald was driving , Barack was in the passenger seat ,and Kim Jong Un was riding in the back seat.

Trump was going 90 miles an hour in a 60 MPH zone.

Trump notices in the rear view mirror a cop was pulling them over.

“I’m gonna need to see your license and registration” said ...

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